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09/23/AC 197 [ aspiration ]
my current situation engenders yet another conflict, i am getting bored. at the same time, though, i obtain an acute trepidation for the continuity of my life being interrupted. friedrich nietzsche stated that boredom is a sign of divinity, loosely based on the biblical fact that god stopped creation on the seventh day. so man, in his image feels dissatisfied at times with his conditions. this enables such a desire from within to believe this is so, that my disfavor for life proves that my mindset is actually above an animal trained to kill. i doubt it though, i just have less minor details to keep me occupied. such as my peers at my school, so intent on applying their lives to frivolous standardized assignments, that in actuality have no purpose at all. i speak with a bias though, they are attempting to aspire to their purpose in life. i have already fulfilled mine. so i do the work only when i have the will. it frustrates a few of my teachers, some even taking me aside, telling me i am that i am squandering away my potential. hah, their grades mean nothing to me.
in fact my only comfort, my only dreams consist of my death. and the obsolete wishing that i met my end during the war. after composing my last entry, the night before, my only disposition was going to bed, but after i shut off my computer, i could not will myself to move. i just sat there idle. with my stereo emitting carl orff's primo vere. a very pensive solemn piece, exalting. my arms went lax, and hung at the side of my chair, fingers barely brushing the wood flooring. my head slumped back, and with listless eyes i stared aimlessly at the ceiling. i envisioned my death, once again. this time so much more vivid. on the edge, still vacillating between life and death. but i soon met the embrace of the fall, the wind caressing ever crevasse of my body, the mock anticipation, and the serenity of it all. and as the chorus swelled for the last time, i opened my eyes and burst out in malice laughter. i don't remember closing my eyes.
commence. [ 8:25 p.m. ]
09/23/AC 197 [ aspiration ]
my current situation engenders yet another conflict, i am getting bored. at the same time, though, i obtain an acute trepidation for the continuity of my life being interrupted. friedrich nietzsche stated that boredom is a sign of divinity, loosely based on the biblical fact that god stopped creation on the seventh day. so man, in his image feels dissatisfied at times with his conditions. this enables such a desire from within to believe this is so, that my disfavor for life proves that my mindset is actually above an animal trained to kill. i doubt it though, i just have less minor details to keep me occupied. such as my peers at my school, so intent on applying their lives to frivolous standardized assignments, that in actuality have no purpose at all. i speak with a bias though, they are attempting to aspire to their purpose in life. i have already fulfilled mine. so i do the work only when i have the will. it frustrates a few of my teachers, some even taking me aside, telling me i am that i am squandering away my potential. hah, their grades mean nothing to me.
in fact my only comfort, my only dreams consist of my death. and the obsolete wishing that i met my end during the war. after composing my last entry, the night before, my only disposition was going to bed, but after i shut off my computer, i could not will myself to move. i just sat there idle. with my stereo emitting carl orff's primo vere. a very pensive solemn piece, exalting. my arms went lax, and hung at the side of my chair, fingers barely brushing the wood flooring. my head slumped back, and with listless eyes i stared aimlessly at the ceiling. i envisioned my death, once again. this time so much more vivid. on the edge, still vacillating between life and death. but i soon met the embrace of the fall, the wind caressing ever crevasse of my body, the mock anticipation, and the serenity of it all. and as the chorus swelled for the last time, i opened my eyes and burst out in malice laughter. i don't remember closing my eyes.
commence. [ 8:25 p.m. ]