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09/24/AC 197 [ complication ]
i do not know how to interpret this emotions coercing jaggedly through my thoughts. he just negligently strolled in that classroom, in my life. so blatantly. bastard. i suppose this proves how expendable i am. he did not even have the decency not to direct his stare at me, or not to even attempt to act surprised standing before that room. he knew i would be there. even proceeded to take the unoccupied seat to the side of me, and boldly insinuated that i looked as if i was suffering. numb. i could not look at him, so many thoughts screaming inside my head. i could not function. i am still enduring that, but its severity is diminishing, slowly. without even considering the repercussions i stood amidst the teacher's incoherent scolding of me for lack of participation. and averting my eyes from everyone, i maneuvered my way between the desks and to the door. i was unable to repress my emotions. i feel ashamed, now. i did not notice that i had slammed the door in till i heard booming stir sweep through the empty halls.
much to my better judgment i did not leave after that, i lingered. for him? to see him again ... did i. at lunch i was anything but elusive. he was able to locate me with ease, duo's ambulatory was less that discreet, waltzing through the cafeteria. why does he relish in others attention, just to get a reaction? to justify he is truly alive? foolishness. and again he had to gall to impose himself on me, as if it were nothing, as if i were nothing. i couldn't take his pathetic attempts to invoke me to speak any longer.
"what are you doing here?" i sternly interjected. he didn't seem caught off by the question, but rather dreading its arrival all along. he eluded my question, and before he would initiate a verbose list of half truths, i deterred him, and dully stated, "nevermind." after a pause, he tried again, but denounced it and when the bell diverted his attention, i left.
he stood in this very apartment, within these bare walls. when he followed me home, i offered no objection, and no amity. the phrase, what am i doing, did continuously roll through my thoughts. upon arrival, the only courtesy i showed was that i did not close the door behind me, duo closed it. behind him. it was more then awkward, he has been the only other homo sapien in my apartment other than myself since i began inhabiting this place. he then superficially made note of my books. but i only urged with my question from before. again he paid no heed. before i was even consider my words. "you know, for someone who never lies, you sure run from the truth," i snapped.
infuriated he declared, "if you don't want me here, i'll just leave".
"leave then". the words so simple and just flowed. he hastily left, and slammed the door while proceeding with his exit. i stood there, in dismay, almost. eyes locked on that door. i flinched when a sudden force caused the door to reverberate. an icy chill passed through my spine. i still do not know feel at this moment. but i do know, i feel more empty now, then before duo's arrival.
commence. [ 8:45 p.m. ]
09/24/AC 197 [ complication ]
i do not know how to interpret this emotions coercing jaggedly through my thoughts. he just negligently strolled in that classroom, in my life. so blatantly. bastard. i suppose this proves how expendable i am. he did not even have the decency not to direct his stare at me, or not to even attempt to act surprised standing before that room. he knew i would be there. even proceeded to take the unoccupied seat to the side of me, and boldly insinuated that i looked as if i was suffering. numb. i could not look at him, so many thoughts screaming inside my head. i could not function. i am still enduring that, but its severity is diminishing, slowly. without even considering the repercussions i stood amidst the teacher's incoherent scolding of me for lack of participation. and averting my eyes from everyone, i maneuvered my way between the desks and to the door. i was unable to repress my emotions. i feel ashamed, now. i did not notice that i had slammed the door in till i heard booming stir sweep through the empty halls.
much to my better judgment i did not leave after that, i lingered. for him? to see him again ... did i. at lunch i was anything but elusive. he was able to locate me with ease, duo's ambulatory was less that discreet, waltzing through the cafeteria. why does he relish in others attention, just to get a reaction? to justify he is truly alive? foolishness. and again he had to gall to impose himself on me, as if it were nothing, as if i were nothing. i couldn't take his pathetic attempts to invoke me to speak any longer.
"what are you doing here?" i sternly interjected. he didn't seem caught off by the question, but rather dreading its arrival all along. he eluded my question, and before he would initiate a verbose list of half truths, i deterred him, and dully stated, "nevermind." after a pause, he tried again, but denounced it and when the bell diverted his attention, i left.
he stood in this very apartment, within these bare walls. when he followed me home, i offered no objection, and no amity. the phrase, what am i doing, did continuously roll through my thoughts. upon arrival, the only courtesy i showed was that i did not close the door behind me, duo closed it. behind him. it was more then awkward, he has been the only other homo sapien in my apartment other than myself since i began inhabiting this place. he then superficially made note of my books. but i only urged with my question from before. again he paid no heed. before i was even consider my words. "you know, for someone who never lies, you sure run from the truth," i snapped.
infuriated he declared, "if you don't want me here, i'll just leave".
"leave then". the words so simple and just flowed. he hastily left, and slammed the door while proceeding with his exit. i stood there, in dismay, almost. eyes locked on that door. i flinched when a sudden force caused the door to reverberate. an icy chill passed through my spine. i still do not know feel at this moment. but i do know, i feel more empty now, then before duo's arrival.
commence. [ 8:45 p.m. ]