VI- White
It hurts my eyes. It does not matter how high it is, it just annoys my eyes.
My swords craved for my hands and I could not resist them. Here I am.
I take life the best I can. I raise Nagori-chan the way I know. Maybe I have been doing a good work. But the truth is that I do miss my Misao-chan. Yet she is everywhere.
I had been a misled man, I took right for wrong and burried my essence in a wayward time of my life. I tried to fix my mistakes alone, but I would not get along like that. I was affraid of being misled again, and I drew in a crust of silence, so that nobody could reach me and I could not let anybody down. But this was also wrong, and it was Misao to show me that. It was her to help me burry fear, and like this heal my own wounds.
It was me who learned though.
She tought me how to be a better person. I had tought her how to be a person. Maybe I had tought myself through her. Anyway, the fact is that I would not have left much of my bitterness if it was not for my Misao-chan. Her abscence makes me feel groundless, for I lost, at the same time, my master and my apprendix.
No, I did not get used to it.
I am frightened again. I can not let our Nagori-chan down. The same fright I had felt before. But where is my Misao-chan to help me now? Can I get along without her around?
What am I saying? I did not change. Maybe I have been getting bitter again for loosing her... I do not feel secure. Some of my foundations had been broken and I just feel its effects on people around now. Will I come back to what I used to be?
I do not concentrate on my movements. A white ray of light hides the dummy from my sight. Run... Jump... I am back to my... Cross... Cut... sad and gloomy world... Run... that I had... Jump... experienced before... Cross... Cut... I have to drop out... Run... while there is... Jump... time... Cross, Cut!
A slow attack. Himura had shown me, twenty years ago, on our last battle. I stole my concentration away. It does not come right because there is something that concernes me.
I feel a tug on my trousers. Looking down, I see my daughter gazing me with joyfull astonishment. "Daddy fights so well! My daddy's the best! Will you do that again, daddy? Will you? Please, do that again!" she cheers, jumping and yet tugging my pants. I step back and have the impression to hear a whisper and a chuckle. "Don't be affraid, anata..."
I place my kodachi on the ground and take Nagori in my arms. She draws her face on my shoulder, her small braid whips my face. I giggle. In front of me, over her shoulders, I can not see the dummy. Just the white ray of sun. "What to do now, Kami-sama?" I think in silence. "What to do now, Misao-chan?"
Why am I asking for help? It is up to me now.
White. I close my eyes, but the light surrounds me, so that I see a kind of white screen. White... So pure is this color... Not a blotch, not a bright, no thickness. Looking to it I realise how miserable I am. How misarable are all of us. I realise I have been living my life so waywardly, from my birth up to now. I realise the real colors of my world, covered by the colors Misao tried to paint while she was with me and that I tried to keep when she left me. Useless. It is useless to try to hide. I am sorry, Misao-chan, but all I see is ...
All I can see is the black screen revealing behind the cheerful colors that fade in each sketch of my existence. I lived all my life in black. J'ai fait toute ma vie en noire.
.:Author's Notes:.
Hey there. I hope you enjoyed this one. The end is maybe kind of confuse, but I tried to make it the closest to Aoshi's disturbed mind I could. Yet it had to be understood, so I don't know if it got to the point! Suggestions? Flames (as Torrence use to say)? Please, review! All the chapters you feel like reviewing!
Love, Misao Silent-mode