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09/28/AC 197 [ justification ]
is it just me, or did this school week to be most excessively abundant. the flow of time seemed agonizingly long, depleted to solitary drops. leaving me to over analyze everything and dwell upon my life drenched with regret. today i slept in surprisingly, missing the artificial dawn, i am so enamored with. just before noon approached, i left my home, and retraced my steps to that park. again i carried my binder at my side. this time being conscious of my direction and surroundings, i took note that it takes just under thirty minutes to commute there by foot. i found that same lone maple again, and sat under it's rusting leaves. extracting my paper and writing utensil, the pen stayed poised over the untainted paper, not one fluid motion ensued. the words were not as supple as the time before, i finally retired my attempts. sliding the blank paper back in a loose folder that my binder retained, before my previous writing endeavors. with nothing to do, and the not having the desire to return home so soon, i simply laid back on the ground, softened by the grass between.
here is where i lost track of time. i attempted desperately to recall my beloved melodies by my much admired composers. and replay them in my head, but my thoughts kept drowning out the music. i really do not have to express the irony of staring up, aimlessly, on a colony, so many do it everyday. were one is taught the sky should be, a thin layer of man produced clouds reveals ground above you, buildings' roof tops facing you. surreal almost. sitting up, it was again reinforced that this place was too nostalgic to that incident years past. where that young girl and i held that chance meeting. i wonder if her soul still screams of my foul, that ended her life ... it was getting too much to bare. i left with haste, hands in jacket pocket, managing to secure my binder between my elbow and the side of my body. my eyes were downcast the entire time, if some woman had not carelessly walked into my side, my eyes would have never averted, and never have seen him, coming from the opposite direction.
i quickly resorted to acting like i was never notified of his presence, and proceed to walk forward. "hey buddy boy." not enthused enough to deserve an exclamation mark, but still with amity, and a twinge of emotion i couldn't determine. i mustered a hello, failing to match his tone of kindness, but ceasing my movement, and turning to face him. which was not necessary, because he switched his direction to match mine, and was already walking foward. my first footfalls were rushed in attempts to accelerate to his pace. he inquired into my current condition, i believe i falsely stated fine with disdain, not for the question but the lie i was telling. i countered with the same question. his answer was vague, but hinting that he was good.
with my apartment in sight. "should we work on the project today?"he queried, voice thinly distributed. i looked at him questioningly, wondering why he was so docile on starting it, and more so because he seemed so uninterested in the subject matter. my past already taunted me today, i was not really eager to prod the sore wound any further. but i never offered my consent, or an objection. steadily, we ascented the steps. it was becoming some sort of ritual, climbing the flight of steps. i, always, in the lead, the conversation always ceased, and i never shut the door, he did. he entered more welcomed, than before. not seeking a gesture of approval as he took off his jacket, and tossed in on tiled kitchen counter top. and began to freely scrutinized my apartment. so it was bare, i will give him that.
i switched power to the computer, and as it was going through starting sequences, duo sat himself on floor, a few feet from the desk. it was apparent that he was alreadly growing restless, fidgeting, and looking around erratically. i tried not to take notice and began searching for quotable resources. i heard a shuffle, and as i turned my head, i found that duo had crawled across the floor to my stacked books, scattered, some towers reaching up to two feet. he picked one randomly, and set it before him, apathetically flipping through the pages, mauling it even. i spun the chair, so that my body would be fully facing him. he looked up, grinned. and proceeded to pick up the book by a corner of its hard back cover, dangling it in mid air. a gesture of rejection and disgust, and stated amused with himself, "there's no pictures."
a few minutes later, i asked him, staring at the computer screen, if we were actually partners, because i seemed to be doing all the work. he protested. "you didn't tell me what to do!" i questioned in to why i had to tell him what to do. his response, " like i know what the fuck we are suppose to do!" he laughed, "you were the one paying attention!" i grunted, then asked him to dictate the project's syllabus to me, "okay, okay. i got this. umm ... " he scanned the paper, and began to paraphrase it, "what were the objections of operation meteor, why did the colony citizens initiate such drastic measures, what affect did it have on the world sphere alliance, and did the gundam mobile suits hinder or aid oz ... blah. blah. blah..." he finished and tossed the paper on the floor. his actions caused my blood to run cold. i stared at him in disbelief.
"how can you be so ..."
"apathetic." he finished, and answered with a smile. "what's the loss of one life to me , death." i reminded that thousands of lives perished. he shrugged. i believe my eyes narrowed, and stayed solely upon him, potent with contempt and scorn. i finally turned my chair around coldly, and sighed. dead silence for almost an hour. in till he finally asked if i could turn on music while he read out of the text book, which i complied. he raised an eyebrow as bach's jesus bleibet meine freude emitted from the speakers, and grimaced when so aber christus in euch followed.
"it sounds like the beginning of mass." he uttered softly, in response the chorus of voices.
"i should think you would be used to it." i dully stated in defense of my musical preference. i seemed to brush upon an exposed nerve, because he immediately he silenced, and refused to make eye contact with me. i felt a twinge of guilt, and decided i should not speak any more, further focusing on the task at hand. later, i snuck a glance at him, to notice he was laying down flat, propping his head up on the text book, asleep. i took a double take, to insure i was correct. but this time, i was fixated not on him, but his jacket, beyond where he lay. quickly i looked down at him again, noting that his wallet would probably not be in his back pocket, this jeans were too tight fitting. a mortal dilemma. the urge to rummage through his jacket, tempted me further. i cautiously rolled the chair somewhat from the desk, turning it, so i could remove my legs from under the desk unscathed. i stood, and meticulous placed each foot fall, as i approached the kitchen. looking back at duo one last time, as a precaution, before i sifted through his jacket.
my hand met the leather of his wallet. in the inner left breast pocket. i removed it, then proceeded to open it. a cheesy smile of his meet me, so they did actually give him a license. i pulled on the sides of wallet, not too much money. something caught my eye. a folded photograph, i extended my thumb to guide it upwards, and grabbed it with my other hand. setting the wallet down on counter, i unfolded the photo, something slide down and fell to the floor, before getting a look at the picture, i bend down and picked up what seemed to be a laminated card. an identification card. duo's preventer i.d. card. i knew this was coming, though i willed myself not to believe it, but it still came in my despite. i felt betrayed, i suddenly became so crestfallen. but then my eyes moved from the card to the photo, a picture of duo and i together. i felt numb.
it was at least two hours before he woke. night had fallen. i waited and watched him sleep. his wallet in one hand, and his preventer card in the other. at the first sign he was stirring, i stood over him, my feet on either side of his chest. my hand extending, looming over his head. so as soon as his eyes cracked he saw a mirror image of himself, of that card. his eye lids receded faster and wider then anyone would normally do so. he looked up bewildered, shocked, and maybe even apologetic. i think my glare hardened, i shifted my body and walked back to the chair, and heavily sat down, staring at him intently. he scrabbled to his feet. and even took a step back. my glare never relented.
"how long were you leering at me? " he said nevorously.
"how long have you been a preventer ." i stated dully, directly after his question. he opened his mouth to protest, but i threw the wallet back at him, he caught it, effortlessly. " my beautiful liar. did you think i did not know? " spilled from my lips, it was more of a statement then a question. he remained silent. i smiled widely despite myself, and shook my head. a pause. i suppose to alleviate some tension, or perhaps he was angry i stumbled upon his scheme, he mustered.
"don't you know it's rude to go through people stuff? "
commence. [ 9:55 p.m. ]
09/28/AC 197 [ justification ]
is it just me, or did this school week to be most excessively abundant. the flow of time seemed agonizingly long, depleted to solitary drops. leaving me to over analyze everything and dwell upon my life drenched with regret. today i slept in surprisingly, missing the artificial dawn, i am so enamored with. just before noon approached, i left my home, and retraced my steps to that park. again i carried my binder at my side. this time being conscious of my direction and surroundings, i took note that it takes just under thirty minutes to commute there by foot. i found that same lone maple again, and sat under it's rusting leaves. extracting my paper and writing utensil, the pen stayed poised over the untainted paper, not one fluid motion ensued. the words were not as supple as the time before, i finally retired my attempts. sliding the blank paper back in a loose folder that my binder retained, before my previous writing endeavors. with nothing to do, and the not having the desire to return home so soon, i simply laid back on the ground, softened by the grass between.
here is where i lost track of time. i attempted desperately to recall my beloved melodies by my much admired composers. and replay them in my head, but my thoughts kept drowning out the music. i really do not have to express the irony of staring up, aimlessly, on a colony, so many do it everyday. were one is taught the sky should be, a thin layer of man produced clouds reveals ground above you, buildings' roof tops facing you. surreal almost. sitting up, it was again reinforced that this place was too nostalgic to that incident years past. where that young girl and i held that chance meeting. i wonder if her soul still screams of my foul, that ended her life ... it was getting too much to bare. i left with haste, hands in jacket pocket, managing to secure my binder between my elbow and the side of my body. my eyes were downcast the entire time, if some woman had not carelessly walked into my side, my eyes would have never averted, and never have seen him, coming from the opposite direction.
i quickly resorted to acting like i was never notified of his presence, and proceed to walk forward. "hey buddy boy." not enthused enough to deserve an exclamation mark, but still with amity, and a twinge of emotion i couldn't determine. i mustered a hello, failing to match his tone of kindness, but ceasing my movement, and turning to face him. which was not necessary, because he switched his direction to match mine, and was already walking foward. my first footfalls were rushed in attempts to accelerate to his pace. he inquired into my current condition, i believe i falsely stated fine with disdain, not for the question but the lie i was telling. i countered with the same question. his answer was vague, but hinting that he was good.
with my apartment in sight. "should we work on the project today?"he queried, voice thinly distributed. i looked at him questioningly, wondering why he was so docile on starting it, and more so because he seemed so uninterested in the subject matter. my past already taunted me today, i was not really eager to prod the sore wound any further. but i never offered my consent, or an objection. steadily, we ascented the steps. it was becoming some sort of ritual, climbing the flight of steps. i, always, in the lead, the conversation always ceased, and i never shut the door, he did. he entered more welcomed, than before. not seeking a gesture of approval as he took off his jacket, and tossed in on tiled kitchen counter top. and began to freely scrutinized my apartment. so it was bare, i will give him that.
i switched power to the computer, and as it was going through starting sequences, duo sat himself on floor, a few feet from the desk. it was apparent that he was alreadly growing restless, fidgeting, and looking around erratically. i tried not to take notice and began searching for quotable resources. i heard a shuffle, and as i turned my head, i found that duo had crawled across the floor to my stacked books, scattered, some towers reaching up to two feet. he picked one randomly, and set it before him, apathetically flipping through the pages, mauling it even. i spun the chair, so that my body would be fully facing him. he looked up, grinned. and proceeded to pick up the book by a corner of its hard back cover, dangling it in mid air. a gesture of rejection and disgust, and stated amused with himself, "there's no pictures."
a few minutes later, i asked him, staring at the computer screen, if we were actually partners, because i seemed to be doing all the work. he protested. "you didn't tell me what to do!" i questioned in to why i had to tell him what to do. his response, " like i know what the fuck we are suppose to do!" he laughed, "you were the one paying attention!" i grunted, then asked him to dictate the project's syllabus to me, "okay, okay. i got this. umm ... " he scanned the paper, and began to paraphrase it, "what were the objections of operation meteor, why did the colony citizens initiate such drastic measures, what affect did it have on the world sphere alliance, and did the gundam mobile suits hinder or aid oz ... blah. blah. blah..." he finished and tossed the paper on the floor. his actions caused my blood to run cold. i stared at him in disbelief.
"how can you be so ..."
"apathetic." he finished, and answered with a smile. "what's the loss of one life to me , death." i reminded that thousands of lives perished. he shrugged. i believe my eyes narrowed, and stayed solely upon him, potent with contempt and scorn. i finally turned my chair around coldly, and sighed. dead silence for almost an hour. in till he finally asked if i could turn on music while he read out of the text book, which i complied. he raised an eyebrow as bach's jesus bleibet meine freude emitted from the speakers, and grimaced when so aber christus in euch followed.
"it sounds like the beginning of mass." he uttered softly, in response the chorus of voices.
"i should think you would be used to it." i dully stated in defense of my musical preference. i seemed to brush upon an exposed nerve, because he immediately he silenced, and refused to make eye contact with me. i felt a twinge of guilt, and decided i should not speak any more, further focusing on the task at hand. later, i snuck a glance at him, to notice he was laying down flat, propping his head up on the text book, asleep. i took a double take, to insure i was correct. but this time, i was fixated not on him, but his jacket, beyond where he lay. quickly i looked down at him again, noting that his wallet would probably not be in his back pocket, this jeans were too tight fitting. a mortal dilemma. the urge to rummage through his jacket, tempted me further. i cautiously rolled the chair somewhat from the desk, turning it, so i could remove my legs from under the desk unscathed. i stood, and meticulous placed each foot fall, as i approached the kitchen. looking back at duo one last time, as a precaution, before i sifted through his jacket.
my hand met the leather of his wallet. in the inner left breast pocket. i removed it, then proceeded to open it. a cheesy smile of his meet me, so they did actually give him a license. i pulled on the sides of wallet, not too much money. something caught my eye. a folded photograph, i extended my thumb to guide it upwards, and grabbed it with my other hand. setting the wallet down on counter, i unfolded the photo, something slide down and fell to the floor, before getting a look at the picture, i bend down and picked up what seemed to be a laminated card. an identification card. duo's preventer i.d. card. i knew this was coming, though i willed myself not to believe it, but it still came in my despite. i felt betrayed, i suddenly became so crestfallen. but then my eyes moved from the card to the photo, a picture of duo and i together. i felt numb.
it was at least two hours before he woke. night had fallen. i waited and watched him sleep. his wallet in one hand, and his preventer card in the other. at the first sign he was stirring, i stood over him, my feet on either side of his chest. my hand extending, looming over his head. so as soon as his eyes cracked he saw a mirror image of himself, of that card. his eye lids receded faster and wider then anyone would normally do so. he looked up bewildered, shocked, and maybe even apologetic. i think my glare hardened, i shifted my body and walked back to the chair, and heavily sat down, staring at him intently. he scrabbled to his feet. and even took a step back. my glare never relented.
"how long were you leering at me? " he said nevorously.
"how long have you been a preventer ." i stated dully, directly after his question. he opened his mouth to protest, but i threw the wallet back at him, he caught it, effortlessly. " my beautiful liar. did you think i did not know? " spilled from my lips, it was more of a statement then a question. he remained silent. i smiled widely despite myself, and shook my head. a pause. i suppose to alleviate some tension, or perhaps he was angry i stumbled upon his scheme, he mustered.
"don't you know it's rude to go through people stuff? "
commence. [ 9:55 p.m. ]