here are the previous entries for the rolyplay blog of heero, if you want faster updates please proceed to: http://heero-yui.diaryland.com/ . or if you are interested in reading other characters blog or interested in applying for a character pleas go to: http://www.crash-down.org/gundam/ . thanks so much for your time. comment please? take care!
09/29/AC 197 [ frustration ]
i did not leave my house today, which was part of my normal weekend routine, before he intruded my life. in fact on this sabbath, the whole day i stayed in my sleep attire, loose cotton pants and a plain white short sleeved t-shirt. alone. quite honestly, i do not know a single person on this godforsaken colony. besides him. i never noticed how isolated i am in till i experienced an ounce of human contact, ironic. in fact ever since he came my sanity has suffered direly. i resent him for that. no matter. i stayed in bed for the majority of the day. scanning my bare room countless times, it is essentially empty. with the exception of the bedding, mattress, box spring, which is pushed to a corner, on the floor. the hidden growing pile of dirty clothes in the closet, the thick layer of dust. i realized, i ceased all attempts at house maintaining chores in the last week.
not to mentioned my stomach ached with hungry. that, which was the final factor that stirred me from my comatose state. i covered the distance between my bed and the refrigerator. upon cracking open the floor, releasing that flood of hollow light that tainted the pallor of my skin. empty. except for the rotting contents of a carton of milk. "fuck." i yelled at the inatimate object, while slamming the door shut. i know now i was frustrated with everything, i hated everything. i faltered, my knees buckled. i when careening into the refrigerator. my cheek slammed against the dirty plastic panel. i kept that position for at least a minute. at an odd angle, my face, my chest pressed up against the doors. suddenly i repelled my body with all my available strength. it sent me stumbling backwards, the small of my back barely missing the corner of the counter. i regained my stepping, then sneered.
i walked past my stacks of books, no, they are more of a pile, a mess. and amidst this unorder, one oddly seemed out of place. i stood over them with contempt, i knelt down, and reached for it. with my fingers loosenly clutching the book, i rose. and turned it upwards. the title, it was the one duo was pawing at, the day before. i cradled the book in my hands and sat down in the chair. i started to read it. a book i had already read, a book i did not particularly like. i believe i got to page one hundred and thirty two when my eyes first darted to the drawer. i resisted. focusing on the small ink blots on the paper. again my eyes shot back to the drawer, i set the book on my lap and reached to pull it open. i may have given his wallet back, but i did not give him back his card nor his photograph. i stared at the items. each one a huge contradiction of each other. his card, obviously, he was sent here, to most likely to act like big brother. but the photograph, taken when we were both fifteen. he had his arm drapped around my shoulder. him. making a display for the camera. i can see the discomfort in those boy's eyes, my eyes two years younger. i suddenly became repulsed by the mere sight of me. why was duo carrying this around. what did this mean to him. just what is his intent?
without a trigger. i grew enraged. i clenched the edges of the book, my knuckles soon grew pale. i rapidly raised it over my head, and in a fluid motion brought my arms forward, instantaneously releasing my grasp, sending it into my other books. which toppled all the high stacks, it made my collection even more of an eye sore. i proceeded into the bathroom, and immersed my features in cool water, brought forth from my hands. my head grew light, my fell back on to the toilet seat. i propped my head against the wall, the water in my hair, running down my face. i briefly leaned my head forward then brought it back into the wall. absently, with an excessive amount of force. the pain seeped into other regions of my body, i closed my eyes. at some point i brought my hand to my crotch, and wove it between the layers of clothes. coaxing the highly susceptible flesh. i never felt comfortable in touching myself. my hand lacks human ease, stimulation is difficult. and also it is hard to fool yourself sometimes. culmination occurred. no clean towels. my cotton pants substituted.
commence. [ 10:48 p.m. ]
09/29/AC 197 [ frustration ]
i did not leave my house today, which was part of my normal weekend routine, before he intruded my life. in fact on this sabbath, the whole day i stayed in my sleep attire, loose cotton pants and a plain white short sleeved t-shirt. alone. quite honestly, i do not know a single person on this godforsaken colony. besides him. i never noticed how isolated i am in till i experienced an ounce of human contact, ironic. in fact ever since he came my sanity has suffered direly. i resent him for that. no matter. i stayed in bed for the majority of the day. scanning my bare room countless times, it is essentially empty. with the exception of the bedding, mattress, box spring, which is pushed to a corner, on the floor. the hidden growing pile of dirty clothes in the closet, the thick layer of dust. i realized, i ceased all attempts at house maintaining chores in the last week.
not to mentioned my stomach ached with hungry. that, which was the final factor that stirred me from my comatose state. i covered the distance between my bed and the refrigerator. upon cracking open the floor, releasing that flood of hollow light that tainted the pallor of my skin. empty. except for the rotting contents of a carton of milk. "fuck." i yelled at the inatimate object, while slamming the door shut. i know now i was frustrated with everything, i hated everything. i faltered, my knees buckled. i when careening into the refrigerator. my cheek slammed against the dirty plastic panel. i kept that position for at least a minute. at an odd angle, my face, my chest pressed up against the doors. suddenly i repelled my body with all my available strength. it sent me stumbling backwards, the small of my back barely missing the corner of the counter. i regained my stepping, then sneered.
i walked past my stacks of books, no, they are more of a pile, a mess. and amidst this unorder, one oddly seemed out of place. i stood over them with contempt, i knelt down, and reached for it. with my fingers loosenly clutching the book, i rose. and turned it upwards. the title, it was the one duo was pawing at, the day before. i cradled the book in my hands and sat down in the chair. i started to read it. a book i had already read, a book i did not particularly like. i believe i got to page one hundred and thirty two when my eyes first darted to the drawer. i resisted. focusing on the small ink blots on the paper. again my eyes shot back to the drawer, i set the book on my lap and reached to pull it open. i may have given his wallet back, but i did not give him back his card nor his photograph. i stared at the items. each one a huge contradiction of each other. his card, obviously, he was sent here, to most likely to act like big brother. but the photograph, taken when we were both fifteen. he had his arm drapped around my shoulder. him. making a display for the camera. i can see the discomfort in those boy's eyes, my eyes two years younger. i suddenly became repulsed by the mere sight of me. why was duo carrying this around. what did this mean to him. just what is his intent?
without a trigger. i grew enraged. i clenched the edges of the book, my knuckles soon grew pale. i rapidly raised it over my head, and in a fluid motion brought my arms forward, instantaneously releasing my grasp, sending it into my other books. which toppled all the high stacks, it made my collection even more of an eye sore. i proceeded into the bathroom, and immersed my features in cool water, brought forth from my hands. my head grew light, my fell back on to the toilet seat. i propped my head against the wall, the water in my hair, running down my face. i briefly leaned my head forward then brought it back into the wall. absently, with an excessive amount of force. the pain seeped into other regions of my body, i closed my eyes. at some point i brought my hand to my crotch, and wove it between the layers of clothes. coaxing the highly susceptible flesh. i never felt comfortable in touching myself. my hand lacks human ease, stimulation is difficult. and also it is hard to fool yourself sometimes. culmination occurred. no clean towels. my cotton pants substituted.
commence. [ 10:48 p.m. ]