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10/02/AC 197 [ confliction ]
i am locked in my head with what i have done. i inflict pain on every entity i come in contact with. i am tainted. pure poison to their human fragility. just the slightest brush of skin, the saunter of my gaze, being in my mere presence. even more so when i want their embrace, when i want their empathy. that is when things fall apart. people are aware of my faults, their threat, they see it clearly. i see their tender exposure dry. i see it decay, marred and shedding. the laceration manifested. his eyes, i can still see the hollow flickering light glimmer in is eyes, eyes in disarray. stay away. everything is blue. god ... what is this. i am losing complete sense of myself. they flee and recoil when i attempt to draw close. do not leave me alone. he said my name as i left, slamming the door. duo lingered. stay far away from me. what am i? who am i ? i am helplessly left to wonder if duo only was succumbing to orders, or if his intent was more pure.
"heero, you do not have your text book." my things are there.
"mr. yui, where is duo today, is he sick again?" he is where i left him.
"you are expected to complete your assignment, heero! how irresponsible. i expected more from you." i am nothing.
"heero, pay attention!" i can only think of him.
"heero, where is duo?" the instructor asked with a tint of genuine concern.
"he is dead." i declared, no emotion hinted in my words. even with my arms folded on upon my desk, cradling my head, i felt his disgust. his rage. the general shock of the class, their sick fascination.
"get out!" he bellowed though his gritted teeth. lips curling in disdain. i remained motionless. never raising my head. he drove his closed fist onto his polished wood desk. i stood sluggishness. my lentor condescending. i departed. you will not find me here.
our bodies were intertwined, and in blur between sleep and waking consciousness i was in rapture. fading. enfolded in peace, produced by a fellow soldier's body. everything. i was human. why did i feel violated. repulsed. i wanted it. i longed for his touch. bittersweet... i am so fucked up. happiness and peace of mind were never meant for me. in my nothing. he means everything to me.
commence. [ 9:15 p.m. ]
10/02/AC 197 [ confliction ]
i am locked in my head with what i have done. i inflict pain on every entity i come in contact with. i am tainted. pure poison to their human fragility. just the slightest brush of skin, the saunter of my gaze, being in my mere presence. even more so when i want their embrace, when i want their empathy. that is when things fall apart. people are aware of my faults, their threat, they see it clearly. i see their tender exposure dry. i see it decay, marred and shedding. the laceration manifested. his eyes, i can still see the hollow flickering light glimmer in is eyes, eyes in disarray. stay away. everything is blue. god ... what is this. i am losing complete sense of myself. they flee and recoil when i attempt to draw close. do not leave me alone. he said my name as i left, slamming the door. duo lingered. stay far away from me. what am i? who am i ? i am helplessly left to wonder if duo only was succumbing to orders, or if his intent was more pure.
"heero, you do not have your text book." my things are there.
"mr. yui, where is duo today, is he sick again?" he is where i left him.
"you are expected to complete your assignment, heero! how irresponsible. i expected more from you." i am nothing.
"heero, pay attention!" i can only think of him.
"heero, where is duo?" the instructor asked with a tint of genuine concern.
"he is dead." i declared, no emotion hinted in my words. even with my arms folded on upon my desk, cradling my head, i felt his disgust. his rage. the general shock of the class, their sick fascination.
"get out!" he bellowed though his gritted teeth. lips curling in disdain. i remained motionless. never raising my head. he drove his closed fist onto his polished wood desk. i stood sluggishness. my lentor condescending. i departed. you will not find me here.
our bodies were intertwined, and in blur between sleep and waking consciousness i was in rapture. fading. enfolded in peace, produced by a fellow soldier's body. everything. i was human. why did i feel violated. repulsed. i wanted it. i longed for his touch. bittersweet... i am so fucked up. happiness and peace of mind were never meant for me. in my nothing. he means everything to me.
commence. [ 9:15 p.m. ]