"What do you think of this, Mr. Matrix?" a tech-binome asked.
"Just Matrix," the renegade replied curtly. He looked over the schematic for his bike as the binome explained, "This would be where the weapons would be held. You see, we could store up to fifty missiles, and —"
Matrix grinned when he saw the truckload of weapons they planned to store. "Alphanumeric. Thanks." He looked to his girlfriend, studying her own bike. "You ready, DrAI?"
"Yep," she answered, turning away — somewhat reluctantly — from the schematic. "What do you think?"
"It's great," Matrix replied. "Good idea."
AndrAIa smiled back as they left the underground labs. "I'll be at our apartment," she said.
"All right. I'll be in the Read Only Room. See you at 1900."
AndrAIa gave him a kiss on the cheek. "See you later, Lover."
* * *
Great, Matrix thought upon seeing Little Enzo in the Read Only Room. The kid and I even think alike. Just pixelacious.
"What are you doing here, Kid?" Matrix demanded.
"Don't call me Kid'!" Enzo snapped.
"Big words from a back-up," Matrix muttered, then wished to take back his words.
"I don't care if I really am a back-up," Enzo shot back, "`cause you're not even Enzo Matrix!"
Matrix gritted his teeth, shaking in a visible effort to stop from doing — or saying — something stupid. "I am Enzo Matrix, and don't you ever say otherwise. I lived through all ten hours as you, and after another twelve I became me. But I'm still Enzo Matrix."
"You don't act like it," Enzo scoffed. "You don't want to be called Enzo, and you don't even want to be with me."
"And why would I?" Matrix asked sarcastically. "Enzo is the pathetic, little weakling who lost that Game and let everyone down."
Enzo felt tears prick his eyes at the hurtful words.
"I want nothing to do with Enzo," Matrix said. "I hate . . . Enzo."
Anger began to brew in Enzo's small chest and spread to every part of his body. There was no way he would put up with all of the insults from himself! "How can you hate me?" Enzo demanded. "We're the same sprite! The same code!"
"We are not the same!" Matrix shouted. "You ruined my life!"
"I didn't! You did!" Enzo screamed. "And besides, I couldn't have ruined your life.' I'm the backup; I don't even remember any of the war!"
Matrix was caught off guard for a nanosecond. He did the only thing he could at that moment.
"Never made it as a wise man," Matrix sang;
"I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'.
Tired of livin' like a blind man;
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feelin."
And this is how you remind me.
"Don't you get it?" he hissed through gritted teeth.
"This is how you remind me
Of what I really am.
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am."
"You can't blame me!" Enzo cried.
"It's not like you to say sorry.
I was waiting on a different story.
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breakin'."
Matrix took several steps toward the smaller sprite. Enzo gulped and backspaced a little.
"I've been wrong," Matrix growled, "I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle.
These five words in my head
Scream Are we having fun yet?'"
He took slow, menacing steps toward Enzo, who turned away and covered his ears, not wanting to hear the words.
"Yet? Yet? Yet?" Matrix mocked. "No, no."
His backup recovered his composure and turned back to face Matrix.
"It's not like you didn't know that," Enzo sneered.
"I can understand how I turned into you."
He continued even more sarcastically, "It must have been so bad,
Cause livin' with me must have right near killed you."
"This is how you remind me
Of what I really am," Matrix shouted.
"This is how you remind me
Of what I really am."
"It's not like you to say sorry," Enzo repeated.
I was waiting on a different story.
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breakin'."
But he got the same answer from Matrix.
"I've been wrong, I've been down.
Been to the bottom of every bottle.
These five words in my head
Scream Are we having fun yet?'
Yet? Yet? Yet? No, no."
Matrix stood still for a nano, contemplating. Then he turned back to Enzo and calmly sang:
"Never made is as a wise man;
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing.
And this is how you remind me.
This is how you remind me."
"You're so selfish!" Enzo screamed; Matrix was taken aback by the small sprite's surprising amount of anger. "You think you're the only one who's bothered by all this? You think I don't dislike you?" He snorted.
"This is how you remind me
Of what I really am.
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am.
It's not like you to say sorry.
I was waiting on a different story.
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breakin'."
Matrix was a little taken aback. He shot back:
"I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle.
These five words in my head
Scream Are we having fun yet?'
"Yet? Yet? Yet? No, no."
Satisfied with having the last word, Matrix turned and readied himself to leave.
"I'm not even sure I'd want to become you," Enzo called after Matrix.
Matrix stared back at his backup in surprise, but his eyes still burned with anger. Enzo sent back an exact replica of Matrix's expression. The renegade swallowed before he could say anything more, and he quickly left the room.
* * *
Matrix stomped from room to room until he reached his and AndrAIa's apartment. AndrAIa was waiting for him in front of the closed door, an expression of sadness on her face. "How do you get yourself into these things?" she asked quietly, and he knew without a doubt that she had heard at least some of his argument with Enzo.
"He goaded me into it," Matrix muttered. "He knows how to push my buttons."
Rather than say the next line they had been carrying on repeatedly in their argument ("He is you"), AndrAIa switched tactics. "Why don't you talk to Dot? Maybe she could resolve some of the conflict between you two."
Matrix sighed. "I want to talk to her — but everything's so different. She's treating me like I'm a stranger; she acts like she doesn't know me, for User's sake."
"I'm sorry, Enzo, but that's probably what she feels," AndrAIa told him. "We've changed; you know that." She clasped his shoulder. "She's probably somewhat afraid, too. But the only way to let her know you're okay is to talk with her."
Matrix nodded and muttered, "You're right." He smiled. "You're always right."
AndrAIa linked her arm in his. "Come on, Enzo. Let's get the conflict with one of your siblings resolved."
* * *
When they reached the Command.com's office, the door was hanging slightly open. They could see Dot sitting at her desk, going through some files on her organizer. "Uh . . . Dot?" Matrix started.
"Yeah?" she asked, lifting her head. "What do you need?"
"We wanted to talk with you," AndrAIa said.
"Sure," Dot said, motioning for them to enter. She came around her desk and leaned against the edge. "What's up?"
AndrAIa sent Matrix an encouraging smile and stepped back slightly; she wanted to let the Matrix siblings work out their problem themselves.
Matrix started bluntly: "You've been avoiding us, Dot. Why?"
Her forehead crinkled slightly at his words. "I haven't been avoiding you," Dot replied; "I just . . . things felt uncomfortable."
"But why haven't you been talking to us?" her brother pressed.
"It . . . doesn't feel right," Dot answered before she had thought fully about the words. "Enzo — what I mean is, you've changed so much. You're different now, both of you." Her last words were barely above a whisper.
"Yeah, we've changed," Matrix echoed, "but that doesn't mean I'm not your brother, right, Dot?" He frowned when Dot shifted her position and glanced away. "Right, Dot?"
She shook her head, the beginnings of tears pricking her eyes. "It's not right. Now, every time I see you, I'm reminded of what happened to you in the Games." Now she turned away, unable to look them in the eyes. "You must hate me."
"Hate you?" Matrix breathed, his face full of disbelief. "Dot, we would never — I would never hate you."
"But Enzo, it's all my fault. I let you go into that Game; I wasn't there to protect you when you lost." Dot swallowed thickly and faced the two sprites.
"You weren't ready for the world outside.
You kept pretending, but you couldn't hide.
I know I said that I'd be standing by your side
But I . . .
"I wish I had said the right words
To lead you through that land.
Wish I had played the mother,
Taken you by the hand.
Wish you had stayed that day
But now that all is done,
Am I standing in the way?
"The cries around you, you had to hear them all.
'Cause you know I wasn't there to take the call.
You could've been lying there, but you had to stand tall.
But I . . .
"I wish I could lay your arms down
And let you rest at last.
Wish I could slay your demons
But now that time has passed.
Wish I could stay your stalwart, standing fast
But I'm standing in the way
I'm just standing in the way."
A sob bubbled up in her throat, and Dot couldn't hold back the tears. Her shoulders bent forward, and her whole body shook with silent sobs.
Wide-eyed with surprise, Matrix stepped forward and awkwardly wrapped his arms around his sister.
"Dot," Matrix whispered. "It's not like that."
She shook her head, trying to dismiss his words, but Matrix grabbed her shoulders and gave her a gentle shake. Dot reluctantly looked into his eyes, her own eyes filled with tears.
"Dot," Matrix repeated. "We don't blame you. It was all my fault —"
"Both our faults," AndrAIa corrected.
"–that we lost that Game and spent twelve hours away from home."
"But I let you go —"
"And look how far we've come because of our time in the Games," AndrAIa said. She and Matrix shared a smile, then they looked back to Dot, who had calmed down a little.
Matrix cleared his throat. "I know that I, I can't believe," he started,
"Just what the past has brought me,
To the man I wanna be.
I know that we have had some times
That we can't forget the struggle `
`Cause we have so far to go."
Smiling at Dot, AndrAIa said,
"I know we've changed but change can be so good.
So let's not forget why it's understood that —"
Together, she and Matrix sang:
"Time, look where we are and what we've been through.
Time, sharing our dreams —"
"Sharing every little bit of life with you," they sang to one another, smiling. Matrix and AndrAIa continued,
"Time, goes on and on everyday, baby.
Time is what it is come what may (come what may)."
Dot stepped up to Matrix and softly sang, "I remember when, Mom used to say
That things are getting better, and you'll soon be on your way."
"Remember those days," Matrix replied,
"When we would sing at the drop of a dime.
Way back when nothing mattered."
"I know we've changed, but change can be so good," AndrAIa reminded them. "So let's not forget why it's understood that —"
AndrAIa and Matrix sang again:
"Time, look where we are and what we've been through.
Time, sharing our dreams —
Sharing every little bit of life with you.
Time goes on and on every day.
Time is what it is, come what may (come what may)."
They turned to Dot and sang,
"So here we are (here we are)
And we'll always stay together.
And through it all you know we owe it all to you, you, you, you
Time goes on and on.
"Time, look where we are and what we've been through.
Time, sharing our dreams —
Sharing every little bit of life with you.
Time goes on and on every day.
Time is what it is, come what may (come what may).
"Time, look where we are and what we've been through.
Time, sharing our dreams —
Sharing every little bit of life with you.
Time goes on and on every day.
Time is what it is, come what may (come what may)."
Dot smiled, feeling relief as a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders. Looking at her brother and AndrAIa, she finished with a smile on her face:
"Time, goes on and on everyday,
Time is what it is
Come what may.
"Come what may."
"Things are pretty strange for us, too," Matrix assured her. "But . . . we can get through it together, right?"
Her confidence reaffirmed, Dot nodded. "We're Matrixes, after all, and Mainframers; we stick together." She sighed, feeling a blissful amount of relief. "You'll always be my brother, Enzo; and AndrAIa, you're like a sister already. Thank you."
* * *
The flame-haired hacker hummed a Southern tune to herself as her fingers danced over the keyboard in an almost casual way. One look at her face, however, showed the concentration she held in maintaining the codes that would shield Mainframe from outside forces.
A red light flashed on the console, alerting Mouse to an incoming message. With half her attention still following the codes around Mainframe, the hacker freed one hand to press a button. The face of a CPU stared back at her. He nodded and said, "Message for Dot Matrix."
"She's not here, so Ah'll take the message," Mouse said.
"All right," the CPU said. "We've lost the signal with the Surfr and the pirates." He continued, not noticing the small gasp that escaped Mouse. "The signal's been wavering as they went out into the Net, but now it's completely disappeared. We have no idea where they've gone."
"Ah'll . . . tell Dot," Mouse said in barely above a whisper.
The CPU nodded, and his image disappeared.
Mouse's hand moved unconsciously, to close the VidWindow and return to shielding for the system. She punched in an automatic code and moved away from the console, walking as if in a trance.
Mouse leaned heavily against the wall and tried to catch her breath. She closed her eyes in anguish.
"When the day is long and the night,
The night is yours alone," she started to sing,
"When you're sure you've had enough of this life,
Well hang on.
Don't let yourself go,
Everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes."
Why did she feel like this? It felt as if her chest were too small for her heart; it constricted painfully. The words she sang hardly helped her through the sorrow that threatened to overwhelm her. Mouse tried again, even though the words sounded false to her own ears; if she stopped singing, she didn't know how else she would react to the grief.
"Sometimes everything is wrong.
Now it's time to sing along.
When your day is night alone,
(hold on, hold on)," she whispered to convince herself.
"If you feel like letting go,
(hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life,
Well hang on."
Filled with a new sense of happiness, Dot left her office; Bob was right, she deserved a break. I'll check on how Mouse is doing with those codes, she decided. If things are good, maybe she can come to the Diner with me.
When Dot entered the War Room, she found her friend leaning against the wall, with her eyes closed and her breath coming fast. Dot's first fear was some sort of disaster, and she hurriedly scanned the room for evidence of attack or destruction. There was nothing to support her worry, though, and she immediately turned to Mouse, who had slid quietly to the floor, her head buried in her arms.
"Mouse? Mouse, what's happened?" Dot asked, dropping to her friend's side. "Mouse, tell me."
Mouse lifted her head. "Theyr'e gone," she replied in a dead-sounding voice. "We lost the signal with Ray and the pirates. The CPUs have no idea if they're hurt, or deleted . . ."
"Oh, Mouse," Dot whispered.
"Everybody hurts.
Take comfort in your friends." Mouse had always been there for her during the war; now Dot felt she had to return the favor.
"Everybody hurts.
Don't throw your hand.
Oh, no.
Don't throw your hand." It was the beginning of everything that could go wrong; but they couldn't lose Mouse, not now.
"If you feel like you're alone,
No, no, no, you are not alone.
"If you're on your own in this life,
The days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on."
Mouse smiled at her friend, thankful for the comfort. She grabbed Dot's hand; the two women closed their eyes, sharing their pain.
"Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries.
And everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes.
So, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on. . . ."
Mouse closed her eyes and let her breathing slow to normal.
Dot rubbed her back reassuringly. "Everybody hurts, Mouse," she whispered. "You are not alone."
* * *
"Matrix?"
The renegade turned and saw Enzo standing at the doorway. He gritted his teeth in frustration and started toward his backup, saying, "Look, Kid . . ."
"I told you, don't call me Kid," Enzo interrupted. He dropped his head and made circles with his left foot on the floor. "I wanted to talk to you after our . . . um, fight . . ."
"What?" Matrix hadn't meant for it to sound that harsh, but he didn't really feel like talking to Enzo now.
Enzo sighed in frustration. His head snapped up, and he said, "Look — I know you hate me, and all. But I think it's cool to have a big me around. So, whatever you feel — I'm okay with having you here, so you could be nicer about it, at least." Finished with his mini-speech, Enzo stared at his older self, watching for his reaction.
Matrix felt the barest stirring of shame at his attitude; yet, he was reminded of a particular dream in which his backup had scolded him, like right now. He swallowed several times, trying to figure out an answer. Finally, he assumed a nonchalant expression and muttered, while staring at the ground, "I'll try. But I'm not making any promises. . . ."
Enzo crossed his arms over his chest. "Fine," he responded.
Enzo Matrix stared at Enzo Matrix. After the staring contest had dragged on for several nanoseconds, Enzo uncrossed his arms and announced, "So . . . we're okay, then."
"All right," Matrix replied curtly, and Enzo knew it was the best he was going to get.
* * *
A blue screen powered by energy jumped up around the Principle Office. The shield remained around the Principle Office for a full millisecond for all the citizens of Mainframe to see before it quietly lowered, leaving the P.O. open again.
"Shields around the Principle Office are fully functional," Mouse announced triumphantly. She stood inside the War Room, the "official" meeting place for all the planning against Daemon, with all the other sprites around her. "And Ship's filled with the firewall starters, ready for whenever we need `em."
"Phase One completed," Phong added with a smile. He looked at the other sprites and the resident virus, and his eyes fell on Matrix and AndrAIa. "We must continue with the planning."
"Yeah," Bob agreed. He took a deep breath. "It's time to go."
Matrix nodded, his eyes flicking to the door that led to the hangars; his and AndrAIa's bikes sat there waiting to be used.
Enzo, standing with Frisket, looked down at the floor. Was Matrix so eager to be away from Mainframe? the little sprite wondered sadly.
"I'll get the portals ready," Bob said — Dot swallowed thickly — then he and Matrix and AndrAIa turned to leave through the doorway — Dot had thought that she had resolved her conflict with Matrix and AndrAIa, but her chest tightened nonetheless --
"You can't," Dot spoke up suddenly. She had meant for her voice to be a strong command, but it came out as a soft, pathetic whisper.
"Dot," Matrix said, giving her an incredulous look, "we have to. We have to do this if we want to defeat Daemon and save the Net."
Who cares about the Net? Dot raged inside.
"What about . . . what about when you get infected?" Dot asked. It was as if the dam that had been blocking her emotions had suddenly opened, and all her worries spilled out. "You can't say that you won't. So, what then? I can't lose you all; you've only just come back, Bob, Enzo. I don't want you risking your lives," she whispered, aware of how selfish she sounded and not caring. She raised her chin and declared,
"I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore
Before you take a swing.
I wonder what are we fighting for
When I say out loud,
I want to get out of this.'
I wonder is there anything
I'm going to miss.
"I wonder how it's going to be
When you don't know me.
How's it going to be.
When you're sure I'm not there
How's it going to be ."
Dot paused and let her words sink in. She looked at Bob and continued to sing, her voice full of passion:
"When there's no one there to talk to
Between you and me.
Cause I don't care.
How's it going to be,
How's it going to be."
What happened to her childhood — or Enzo's, or AndrAIa's? Memories surfaced in Dot's mind. She remembered when Enzo was an innocent child, when she and Bob had progressed from friends to . . . something more. The memories were so many, and so happy; yet so painful when she compared them to all the suffering they had been through, and the battles that were yet to come.
"Where we used to laugh," Dot sang;
"There's a shouting match;
Sharp as a thumbnail scratch." She saw the expression on Matrix's face change, and she could feel that he understood her feelings, at least slightly.
"A silence I can't ignore.
Like the hammock by the
Doorway we spent time in, swings empty.
Don't see lightning like last fall
When it was always about to hit me.
"I wonder how's it going to be
When it goes down." She didn't want to have depressing thoughts, but they were all coming out in an emotional rush.
"How's it going to be
When you're not around.
How's it going to be
When you found out there was nothing
Between you and me.
Cause I don't care.
"How's it going to be.
And how's it going to be
When you don't know me anymore.
And how's it going to be
Want to get myself back in again."
Dot could lose Bob in this war against Daemon; he could be infected and gone from her life forever. Dot had almost lost Bob, in the first war; she had to fight to keep him here.
"How's it going to be
When you don't know me anymore.
How's it going to be,
How's it going to be,
How's it going to be."
"Dot, that won't happen," Bob said. "I won't let it happen, to any of us." He reached for her and was surprised when, after what he had said to her, she still subtly moved away. "You don't have to worry, Dot."
"War can make you like that," she said, the bitterness in her voice startling even her. "Mouse and Phong know what I'm talking about." She began to sing again, expressing all her hurt and worry in simple, harsh terms.
"You live you learn.
You love you learn.
You cry you learn.
You lose you learn.
You bleed you learn.
You scream you learn.
"You grieve you learn.
You choke you learn.
You laugh you learn.
You choose you learn.
You pray you learn.
You ask you learn.
You live you learn."
When she finished, she spread her hands, as if trying to gain their understanding. "I've seen so much — we've all experienced so much pain, and loss. Do we want to start that again?"
"No," AndrAIa answered, staring compassionately at the sprite that had been somewhat of a mother to her when she was younger and who was now like her sister.
"Why do we have to do this?" Enzo asked dejectedly. Dot smiled slightly and wrapped an arm around her brother. "Why can't someone else do it?" Enzo continued.
Dot sighed. "We never said we wanted to, Enzo," she answered, "but we're the only ones who know about Daemon's threat; and at the moment, we're the ones who are most prepared to fight her. We are," she repeated, to convince herself.
AndrAIa smiled sadly and started,
"I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naïve
I'm just out to find
The better part of me."
"I'm more than a bird," Dot sighed. She knew they wouldn't listen to her pleas, but she did know that her friends and family shared her feelings, and she was content to share with them.
"I'm more than a plane.
More than some pretty face beside a train.
And it's not easy to be me."
"Wish that I could cry," Bob sang. Dot started to smile, comforted by the fact that he agreed with her. Bob continued,
"Fall upon my knees.
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see.
"It may sound absurd, but don't be naïve.
Even heroes have the right to bleed."
Matrix urged, "I may be absurd, but won't you conceive
"Even heroes have the right to dream.
And it's not easy to be me."
Mouse eyed the others skeptically. As her eyes passed over the sprites, Dot caught her gaze and held it. Now Mouse found herself the one whose mind was being read. The meaningful look from her friend clearly said, You also know what the pain feels like. Mouse sighed resignedly, and she saw the hint of a smile appear on Dot's face. Mouse leaned against the console and joined in with the song.
"Up, up and away . . . away from me ," she sang wistfully.
"It's all right. . . . You can all sleep sound tonight.
I'm not crazy . . . or anything . . ."
"I can't stand to fly," Hexadecimal spoke up, reprising AndrAIa's verse. Dot wondered how the insane, albeit registered, virus could understand her pain. She kept quiet, however.
"I'm not that naïve.
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees."
Phong gave the virus a glance before turning to the other sprites and declaring,
"I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street.
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me."
"Inside of me," they all echoed. There was a little bit of confusion as to Phong's choice of words, but they all dismissed it as another of his odd sayings. The sprites smiled at one another, sharing in the warm feeling of companionship among them.
"I'm only a man in a funny red sheet . . ."
"I'm only a man looking for a dream . . ."
"I'm only a man in a funny red sheet . . ."
"And it's not easy —"
The final line they all sang together: "It's not easy to be me."
It wasn't easy to be any sprite in Mainframe; they all had their problems, both individual and together. But Mainframe had endured a whole war already; there was no doubt that the system would stick together to fight the Daemon threat and save the Net.
Song List:
"Wonderful," Everclear
"Stuck In a Moment," U2
"The Promise" (snippet), When In Rome
"I'm Like a Bird," Nelly Furtado
"I Want Love," Elton John
"You're Still the One," Shania Twain
"The Promise," When In Rome
"How's It Going to Be" (snippet), Third Eye Blind
"This Is How You Remind Me," Nickelback
"Standing In the Way," Buffy: The Musical
"Time," Backstreet Boys
"Everybody Hurts," REM
"How's It Going To Be," Third Eye Blind
"You Learn," Alanis Morisette
"Superman," Five for Fighting