here are the previous entries for the rolyplay blog of heero, if you want faster updates please proceed to: http://heero-yui.diaryland.com/ . or if you are interested in reading other characters blog or interested in applying for a character pleas go to: http://www.crash-down.org/gundam/ . thanks so much for your time. leave comments on the blog, please? and thank you to all you have commented! it means so much! take care!
[ note: if you feel i am vague in some parts, its intentional! lol sometimes Heero is just as clueless into what is occurring as you are. still have that desire to know all? i implore you to read the other characters blogs! heh heh ]
10/10/ AC 197 [ confusion ]
this will be my downfall. i never would have thought that my tragic flaw would consist of my inability for human consanguinity. i have such a rancor for this. this overwhelming animosity. what am i supposed to do. all because of him. why are you doing this to me. so detrimental to my sanity. the thin fibers that bound together my manner of existence, they are tightening. lacerating my flesh. when did i become trapped. how could he turn me into this. he does not care. and to think i am stricken when it seems i have hurt him, but when my condition alter from actions, triggered by him, nothing. i foresaw that he was only leading me on, but i never would have thought i would endure so much anguish because of it. still. kinda. i want to.
our stigmatized notoriety at school has amplified, acutely. from the incidents previous, and our loose contact in that establishment. our peers abstaining in all interaction. perhaps duo's sagacious objective is to detain me in this suffocating isolation. i arrived before him to first period. late, his mere attire making a spectacle of himself. flashing me a devil's grin. and passed smoothly before my desk. immortalized in everyone's eyes. rudely exploiting the gum in-between his lips. sitting at the desk aside from me. lacking all etiquette. i observed him briefly, attempting to decipher his thoughts. he turned to me, leering at me balantly. lifting his brow several times, before inflating a large sphere, enabling its sudden burst. i leaned back, for some reason i was aghast. he is mocking me. extracting the gum from his mouth. taunting me. has he toyed with his chewed gum with his fingers. and encircling his finger with it. then pushing it back within his lips. then laughing. laughing at me.
that was the extent of our reciprocal actions for the day. my desire to seek the truth brought me to his car. i almost left, but my body never rose from leaning against his vehicle's door. his steps were hasten when he saw me. we got intogether, not a word spoken. he drove reckless as usual. causing his cd cases to plummet into my lap. i gathered them in an orderly fashion, and secured them under the seat. he smiled at me, eyes off the road. he swerved again. we reached his destination, wholly unharmed. duo maxwell's humble abode. walking up those steps, anxiety smudging my personification. upon entering he passed out of sight, as i looked back, searching for his face. i was disinclined to take a fixated position, but i did so, despite that. awkwardly sitting on the couch, rigid, staring straight forward. abruptly inflicted with all my insecurities. all my doubts of him. i cannot be lead on anymore. i had to reassure myself various times, that i was the victim, while i kindled enough valor to face my vicissitude, imploring to evoke a resolution. i did not even turn to face him when i heard the clatter of footfalls, signifying his reentrance.
"why did they send you?" i attempted to compose the query apathetically. clutching my hand onto the fabric of the couch, obstructing my body from convulsing. no response. "answer me." i spat. enraged. he still did not have the decency to reply. i stood with curt, facing him. my glare's intensity fading some, seeing his blank disposition, but quickly my hostility was reinstated. i balled my fists, and in a hushed utterance, "why keep this up." my voice faltered. the tone being reduced to a child's cry. he lowered his head. eyes half parted. "damn you." the slur rolled off my tongue with such ease.
"who do you think you are to ask such things of me?" he retorted. his question left me stupefied. how could he twist the blame on me. what did i do. bitter resentment filled the void of uncertainty
"who do you think you are barging back into my life?" i repelled at him. in a dry scream. i paused. " they sent you. is all this a charade for the benefit of your assignment? what am i saying, you do not care." i trailed off. finding it difficult to maintain eye contact. i snaked my arms around my chest for support.
"how would you know." his stale tone stated.
"i wouldn't." a simple reply. i was ashamed how my voice was saturated in such a thickness of emotions. he encased his eyes in lids. and in a slow pace began to recoiled into his room. all the hands of hope had withdrawn. if only he had answered. "i should have expected this much from you." i mournfully pronounced. he froze amidst his meager transition.
"stop. just stop. i can't deal with this." i stood there in disbelief as he shut the door behind him. you cannot do this. you cannot do this. you cannot. anger ascended to dangerous heights. and in a fluid motion, i scooped up an empty glass, cradled only seconds in my hand. before repelling it across the room, careening into the wall. its fragments spilling, down on to the carpet. i was turning numb again. i stumbled back on to the couch. and lurched forward, repressing the urge to scream. i brought my hands, enduring tremors, to my face. weaving my fingertips into my hair. my hands tensed. i brought my blunt fingers nails over my features. the pain somehow soothing, somewhat stabilizing my marred emotions. my chest still heaving.
hours lapsed. the irony, i did not move. i waited, i waited for him to put the pieces back together. he did not. it took you to make realize. i staggered to the door. pressing the bulk of my weight against the door, i coaxed it open. his figure lay dormant on those sheets. it sickened me that he could fall into sleep now. i approached the bed. glowering. my arms drawn tightly at my sides. a flicker of homicidal tendencies. briefly musing if he could overpower me if i began to smother him. if his body was listless, there would be no resistance. the tissue stretched over my skull was still radiating with pain. if he does not want me. he can just die.
i slapped my palm to the side of my face. and began to laugh brokenly. what was i thinking. i applied more pressure. my laughing. make it stop. it did not heed. no matter what, the incessant laughter. stop. he was so beautiful. stop. he does not want you. stop. he was only leading you on. i collapsed, my upper body crashed on to the mattress.
he did not stir. help me duo. just. please. nothing. i remained there for too long, my own agony began to bore me. with my head awkwardly resting on the bedding, i raised my hand. sliding it over the comforter. and out of my bitter amusement, i had started batting at his shoe laces. coiling them around my fingers once more before i had the impulse to remove his shoes. it's inexplicable. i lifted my chest off the bed, and on my knees meticulously became to unlace his boots. nudging them off his feet. i was still not appeased. what was i doing. i crawled on the bed. he was on his back, i hovered over him. lost myself control, so compelled. so frail. so pure. so rare. my hands grazed over his over his leather bound thighs. i bit down my lower lip. fingertips brushing over his crotch, then wove between his pants and his tender flesh of his lower abdomen. gently persuading the button free. tugging on the zipper, revealing his mass of black fabric. the opening slit, slightly parted. i pressed myself to complete it. both hands on his hips, lightly grasping the pants, pulling them off. i pushed my fists further into the mattress, so the tension was eased. they rolled off his legs. i threw them to the side. he still did not rouse. i lowered my head over his, my bangs brushing on his forehead. i jerked back suddenly. i must not. i sat back. bringing my knees to my chest. i wanted his attention. i placed my hand on his shoulder and pushed down, with an excessive amount of pressure. he jerked awake, staring at me in blank shock. i laid back, and rolled on my side. not facing him. "you will be the end of me." i declared. he tried to speak. as i closed my eyes, i commanded, " shut up."
i awoke earlier enough. the sky was black. he was still at my side. i forced myself to depart, leaving his warm rature. as false as it was. i stumbled out into the kitchen. i gathered my things. and pulled a pen out from my binder. i rammed my free hand into his jacket's pocket and extracted the picture and his preventer identification card. i set them upon the kitchen counter. and on the back side of the photgraph, i composed. talk to me when you can handle it. and left both items, along with the pen, abandoned on the counter. i left. it is amusing. the truth is awful. but ambiguity only hurts me.
commence. [ 7:06 a.m. ]
[ note: if you feel i am vague in some parts, its intentional! lol sometimes Heero is just as clueless into what is occurring as you are. still have that desire to know all? i implore you to read the other characters blogs! heh heh ]
10/10/ AC 197 [ confusion ]
this will be my downfall. i never would have thought that my tragic flaw would consist of my inability for human consanguinity. i have such a rancor for this. this overwhelming animosity. what am i supposed to do. all because of him. why are you doing this to me. so detrimental to my sanity. the thin fibers that bound together my manner of existence, they are tightening. lacerating my flesh. when did i become trapped. how could he turn me into this. he does not care. and to think i am stricken when it seems i have hurt him, but when my condition alter from actions, triggered by him, nothing. i foresaw that he was only leading me on, but i never would have thought i would endure so much anguish because of it. still. kinda. i want to.
our stigmatized notoriety at school has amplified, acutely. from the incidents previous, and our loose contact in that establishment. our peers abstaining in all interaction. perhaps duo's sagacious objective is to detain me in this suffocating isolation. i arrived before him to first period. late, his mere attire making a spectacle of himself. flashing me a devil's grin. and passed smoothly before my desk. immortalized in everyone's eyes. rudely exploiting the gum in-between his lips. sitting at the desk aside from me. lacking all etiquette. i observed him briefly, attempting to decipher his thoughts. he turned to me, leering at me balantly. lifting his brow several times, before inflating a large sphere, enabling its sudden burst. i leaned back, for some reason i was aghast. he is mocking me. extracting the gum from his mouth. taunting me. has he toyed with his chewed gum with his fingers. and encircling his finger with it. then pushing it back within his lips. then laughing. laughing at me.
that was the extent of our reciprocal actions for the day. my desire to seek the truth brought me to his car. i almost left, but my body never rose from leaning against his vehicle's door. his steps were hasten when he saw me. we got intogether, not a word spoken. he drove reckless as usual. causing his cd cases to plummet into my lap. i gathered them in an orderly fashion, and secured them under the seat. he smiled at me, eyes off the road. he swerved again. we reached his destination, wholly unharmed. duo maxwell's humble abode. walking up those steps, anxiety smudging my personification. upon entering he passed out of sight, as i looked back, searching for his face. i was disinclined to take a fixated position, but i did so, despite that. awkwardly sitting on the couch, rigid, staring straight forward. abruptly inflicted with all my insecurities. all my doubts of him. i cannot be lead on anymore. i had to reassure myself various times, that i was the victim, while i kindled enough valor to face my vicissitude, imploring to evoke a resolution. i did not even turn to face him when i heard the clatter of footfalls, signifying his reentrance.
"why did they send you?" i attempted to compose the query apathetically. clutching my hand onto the fabric of the couch, obstructing my body from convulsing. no response. "answer me." i spat. enraged. he still did not have the decency to reply. i stood with curt, facing him. my glare's intensity fading some, seeing his blank disposition, but quickly my hostility was reinstated. i balled my fists, and in a hushed utterance, "why keep this up." my voice faltered. the tone being reduced to a child's cry. he lowered his head. eyes half parted. "damn you." the slur rolled off my tongue with such ease.
"who do you think you are to ask such things of me?" he retorted. his question left me stupefied. how could he twist the blame on me. what did i do. bitter resentment filled the void of uncertainty
"who do you think you are barging back into my life?" i repelled at him. in a dry scream. i paused. " they sent you. is all this a charade for the benefit of your assignment? what am i saying, you do not care." i trailed off. finding it difficult to maintain eye contact. i snaked my arms around my chest for support.
"how would you know." his stale tone stated.
"i wouldn't." a simple reply. i was ashamed how my voice was saturated in such a thickness of emotions. he encased his eyes in lids. and in a slow pace began to recoiled into his room. all the hands of hope had withdrawn. if only he had answered. "i should have expected this much from you." i mournfully pronounced. he froze amidst his meager transition.
"stop. just stop. i can't deal with this." i stood there in disbelief as he shut the door behind him. you cannot do this. you cannot do this. you cannot. anger ascended to dangerous heights. and in a fluid motion, i scooped up an empty glass, cradled only seconds in my hand. before repelling it across the room, careening into the wall. its fragments spilling, down on to the carpet. i was turning numb again. i stumbled back on to the couch. and lurched forward, repressing the urge to scream. i brought my hands, enduring tremors, to my face. weaving my fingertips into my hair. my hands tensed. i brought my blunt fingers nails over my features. the pain somehow soothing, somewhat stabilizing my marred emotions. my chest still heaving.
hours lapsed. the irony, i did not move. i waited, i waited for him to put the pieces back together. he did not. it took you to make realize. i staggered to the door. pressing the bulk of my weight against the door, i coaxed it open. his figure lay dormant on those sheets. it sickened me that he could fall into sleep now. i approached the bed. glowering. my arms drawn tightly at my sides. a flicker of homicidal tendencies. briefly musing if he could overpower me if i began to smother him. if his body was listless, there would be no resistance. the tissue stretched over my skull was still radiating with pain. if he does not want me. he can just die.
i slapped my palm to the side of my face. and began to laugh brokenly. what was i thinking. i applied more pressure. my laughing. make it stop. it did not heed. no matter what, the incessant laughter. stop. he was so beautiful. stop. he does not want you. stop. he was only leading you on. i collapsed, my upper body crashed on to the mattress.
he did not stir. help me duo. just. please. nothing. i remained there for too long, my own agony began to bore me. with my head awkwardly resting on the bedding, i raised my hand. sliding it over the comforter. and out of my bitter amusement, i had started batting at his shoe laces. coiling them around my fingers once more before i had the impulse to remove his shoes. it's inexplicable. i lifted my chest off the bed, and on my knees meticulously became to unlace his boots. nudging them off his feet. i was still not appeased. what was i doing. i crawled on the bed. he was on his back, i hovered over him. lost myself control, so compelled. so frail. so pure. so rare. my hands grazed over his over his leather bound thighs. i bit down my lower lip. fingertips brushing over his crotch, then wove between his pants and his tender flesh of his lower abdomen. gently persuading the button free. tugging on the zipper, revealing his mass of black fabric. the opening slit, slightly parted. i pressed myself to complete it. both hands on his hips, lightly grasping the pants, pulling them off. i pushed my fists further into the mattress, so the tension was eased. they rolled off his legs. i threw them to the side. he still did not rouse. i lowered my head over his, my bangs brushing on his forehead. i jerked back suddenly. i must not. i sat back. bringing my knees to my chest. i wanted his attention. i placed my hand on his shoulder and pushed down, with an excessive amount of pressure. he jerked awake, staring at me in blank shock. i laid back, and rolled on my side. not facing him. "you will be the end of me." i declared. he tried to speak. as i closed my eyes, i commanded, " shut up."
i awoke earlier enough. the sky was black. he was still at my side. i forced myself to depart, leaving his warm rature. as false as it was. i stumbled out into the kitchen. i gathered my things. and pulled a pen out from my binder. i rammed my free hand into his jacket's pocket and extracted the picture and his preventer identification card. i set them upon the kitchen counter. and on the back side of the photgraph, i composed. talk to me when you can handle it. and left both items, along with the pen, abandoned on the counter. i left. it is amusing. the truth is awful. but ambiguity only hurts me.
commence. [ 7:06 a.m. ]