here are the previous entries for the rolyplay blog of heero, if you want faster updates please proceed to: http://heero-yui.diaryland.com/ . or if you are interested in reading other characters blog or interested in applying for a character pleas go to: http://www.crash-down.org/gundam/ . thanks so much for your time. leave comments on the blog, please? and thank you to all you have commented! it means so much! take care!
[ note: if you feel i am vague in some parts, its intentional! lol sometimes Heero is just as clueless into what is occurring as you are. still have that desire to know all? i implore you to read the other characters blogs! heh heh ]
10/11/ AC 197 [ intemperate ]
perhaps some things are better unsaid. he did not attend school. i anticipated that. the entire day, i was anxious. flushed. because with every waking thought, all i could think of was him. i am not apt for this. i suppose i could cast the blame on the omission of human partiality in my youth. but i will not. the sting of his repeated denials waning. i was still affixed in his leather jacket as the last bell's tone gave forth a clear resonant sound. bitter regret. my conviction fluctuating with every breath i inhaled. every single footfall i enabled. make it cease. give me everything. or give me nothing. do not leave me in this intermediate oblivion. my infatuation will not relent. his poetic demeanor, composed in fragments. i am still choking on the taste. still craving more.
the distance feels so near. the recurrence of my steps elapsed past his residence, but at the first intersection between his and mine, i altered my direction, to the left. aimlessly weaving through the impregnate sidewalk. my awareness was dulling. meshing in with all these masses of bodies. only desiring one to be at my side. my eyes averted its downcast course of conduct. minutes later, i was before the glass panes of a book store. i turned to face it the door, obstructing people's path. they converged around me. features devoid of thought. it has been weeks since i had entered. i was in here everyday, before. the female store clerk who i saw with a consistent regularity, beamed when she saw me. i nodded my head, once. i looked for a new section, today. it did not take long to locate. i crouched down, sliding my finger over the edges of the lined rows of books. securing the second to the last. i approached the counter. she smiled again. "thought we'd lost you as a customer?" i politely shook my head, then placed the book next to the register. "well you had me going." she added with a small laugh. she glanced at the book's cover. then looked up at me quickly, raising her eyebrows. my disposition did not waver. i have a keen instinct she will not be so amiable next time. is it so wrong.
i carried on. down this street. a horizontal deposit of manufactured clouds materialized over head. a light spray of water ensued. the jacket repelled the water, formulating into droplets. the light reduced to a silky grey. neon signs illuminating in puddles gathering on the street. my hair soon became saturated. the cold seeping down my exposed skin, imbuing gelidity on to my flesh. i grew tired of trudging through the rain. and took stance under an eve of an establishment. clamors of voices, laughter, and soft driven melodies slow and mad, crept out the door, with each yield to the traffic. why not. it was more appealing then standing alone in the rain.
my entrance was not noticed. all the tables were occupied, i advanced to the polished wood mass, spanning the majority of the length of a wall. i chose a barstool off to the corner. briefly eyeing the muti colored collection of various glass containers. i removed my newly purchased book from the plastic bag, then wadded it in my hand, discarding it on the floor. i only got a few pages before the man pouring and producing the drinks walked over to me. "a little young aren't we?" he stated with a condescending smirk playing on his lips. i looked up, lowering my book somewhat.
"indeed." i acquiesced. he laughed excessively at my lack of denial.
"okay. okay. i'll let you stay in here, only to get out of the rain. but you have to buy something." i raised my eyebrow at the blatant contradiction. he chuckled heartily. he waited. i pointed randomly at a bottle, he readily spilled it into a petite glass. i commenced reading again, while sipping at the tonic halfheartedly. the bourbon coaxing my throat. relishing in the fermented malt. the entanglements of people around me, intoxicating. i feasted on the novel and quenched my rendered thoughts, he akept refilling my glass. the music within the available accommodation grew more hostile, my senses were reeling. eyes scanning the printed scrawl. i was dumbfounded when a slender arm encircled my shoulder, pushing her breasts into my back. i tensed, and angled my face to view this woman.
"you seem lonely." she whispered in my ear. her palm making circular motions on my upper right arm. my mouth went slightly ajar, and i looked at her in pure perplexity. i leaned away from her slightly. the words simply came. no question.
"i think i am a homosexual" i stated somberly, slightly slurring my words. she recoiled, and glared at me. i spun the barstool to face her, then reproduced my book. displaying the cover clearly: coming out right: a handbook for the gay male beginner by william hansen. i burst out into laughter. falling out of my chair. she gathered me off the floor. and even wished me good luck with "that". followed by the realization of how young i was.
my amusement with everything was abound. the alcohol coercing through my veins, my inhibitions non existence my body was now cold emerged in the elements, my cheeks smeared with scarlet. stumbling down the streets. leading me where i should not be venturing. i pounded on the door with a closed fist. the response was delayed, but i heard the door being unbolted. it went ajar, i saw a glimmer of his eyes through the crack. widen. the door was abruptly being shut, but i rushed it. forcing my way through. he was uneasy in shuting it. he did not turn to face me.
"what are you doing here?" he asked, his back to me.
" actually ... i don't know?" i stammered. and scrunched my brow in contemplation. "oh. wait" i withdrew the book from the inner breast pocket and threw it on the couch, while i struggled to maintain a steady stance. he timidly approached the piece of furniture. he sat down heavily, and scooped it in his hands. turning it upright, he looked bewindlered. my hand groped my face, as i paced throughout his living room. " i think about you constantly ..." i pronounced indistinctly. i paused resting my fingers on the slope of my brow. while ceasing my motions. " i am usually not this bold. but i would kill to call you mine, and i am usually not this bold..." i angled my body, his expression was stricken. my thought was obstructed. "has anyone told you that you are beautiful?" he averted his eyes from me. i began to walk aimlessly again "i do not even know if i care what your intentions were ... or are. i only know that ... " i made a strenuous effort to finish. but i heard him speak my name. i did not heed though. " i need to feel your touch." i suddenly grew embarrassed and went silent. again my name. i walked towards him, the coffee table met my shin. i fell foward. legs, strewn out on the low table, chest on his legs. face nestled in his crotch. i did not move, he was tense. i nudged my face against his genitals. he shot up, i slid off his lap and crashed onto the floor. the alcohol numbed the pain.
i was sprawled out on the floor when i heard his footsteps initiate his departure. i crawled up onto my knees, and lunged for his leg. you cannot leave. i yelled out that i was sorry. he paused. i scrambled to my feet omitting all grace. we were standing close. my breath became rushed. he took a step back, i took one foward. his back was up against the wall. i infringed his space further, our bodies brushed together. i brought his wrist up over his head my palm restraining into soild mass. and i leaned forward , pressing my lips against his. he did not comply at first, but seconds lapsed and his lips nudged up slightly. i attempted to carry it sloppily further, but as soon as i opened my mouth his head jerked up. my lips smearing down his chin. his warm breath caressed my features. i leaned closer.
"duo ... I ..." my head grew light. and i collapsed into him. but he did not obstruct my fall. i landed on the floor.
commence. [ 9:37 a.m. ]
[ note: if you feel i am vague in some parts, its intentional! lol sometimes Heero is just as clueless into what is occurring as you are. still have that desire to know all? i implore you to read the other characters blogs! heh heh ]
10/11/ AC 197 [ intemperate ]
perhaps some things are better unsaid. he did not attend school. i anticipated that. the entire day, i was anxious. flushed. because with every waking thought, all i could think of was him. i am not apt for this. i suppose i could cast the blame on the omission of human partiality in my youth. but i will not. the sting of his repeated denials waning. i was still affixed in his leather jacket as the last bell's tone gave forth a clear resonant sound. bitter regret. my conviction fluctuating with every breath i inhaled. every single footfall i enabled. make it cease. give me everything. or give me nothing. do not leave me in this intermediate oblivion. my infatuation will not relent. his poetic demeanor, composed in fragments. i am still choking on the taste. still craving more.
the distance feels so near. the recurrence of my steps elapsed past his residence, but at the first intersection between his and mine, i altered my direction, to the left. aimlessly weaving through the impregnate sidewalk. my awareness was dulling. meshing in with all these masses of bodies. only desiring one to be at my side. my eyes averted its downcast course of conduct. minutes later, i was before the glass panes of a book store. i turned to face it the door, obstructing people's path. they converged around me. features devoid of thought. it has been weeks since i had entered. i was in here everyday, before. the female store clerk who i saw with a consistent regularity, beamed when she saw me. i nodded my head, once. i looked for a new section, today. it did not take long to locate. i crouched down, sliding my finger over the edges of the lined rows of books. securing the second to the last. i approached the counter. she smiled again. "thought we'd lost you as a customer?" i politely shook my head, then placed the book next to the register. "well you had me going." she added with a small laugh. she glanced at the book's cover. then looked up at me quickly, raising her eyebrows. my disposition did not waver. i have a keen instinct she will not be so amiable next time. is it so wrong.
i carried on. down this street. a horizontal deposit of manufactured clouds materialized over head. a light spray of water ensued. the jacket repelled the water, formulating into droplets. the light reduced to a silky grey. neon signs illuminating in puddles gathering on the street. my hair soon became saturated. the cold seeping down my exposed skin, imbuing gelidity on to my flesh. i grew tired of trudging through the rain. and took stance under an eve of an establishment. clamors of voices, laughter, and soft driven melodies slow and mad, crept out the door, with each yield to the traffic. why not. it was more appealing then standing alone in the rain.
my entrance was not noticed. all the tables were occupied, i advanced to the polished wood mass, spanning the majority of the length of a wall. i chose a barstool off to the corner. briefly eyeing the muti colored collection of various glass containers. i removed my newly purchased book from the plastic bag, then wadded it in my hand, discarding it on the floor. i only got a few pages before the man pouring and producing the drinks walked over to me. "a little young aren't we?" he stated with a condescending smirk playing on his lips. i looked up, lowering my book somewhat.
"indeed." i acquiesced. he laughed excessively at my lack of denial.
"okay. okay. i'll let you stay in here, only to get out of the rain. but you have to buy something." i raised my eyebrow at the blatant contradiction. he chuckled heartily. he waited. i pointed randomly at a bottle, he readily spilled it into a petite glass. i commenced reading again, while sipping at the tonic halfheartedly. the bourbon coaxing my throat. relishing in the fermented malt. the entanglements of people around me, intoxicating. i feasted on the novel and quenched my rendered thoughts, he akept refilling my glass. the music within the available accommodation grew more hostile, my senses were reeling. eyes scanning the printed scrawl. i was dumbfounded when a slender arm encircled my shoulder, pushing her breasts into my back. i tensed, and angled my face to view this woman.
"you seem lonely." she whispered in my ear. her palm making circular motions on my upper right arm. my mouth went slightly ajar, and i looked at her in pure perplexity. i leaned away from her slightly. the words simply came. no question.
"i think i am a homosexual" i stated somberly, slightly slurring my words. she recoiled, and glared at me. i spun the barstool to face her, then reproduced my book. displaying the cover clearly: coming out right: a handbook for the gay male beginner by william hansen. i burst out into laughter. falling out of my chair. she gathered me off the floor. and even wished me good luck with "that". followed by the realization of how young i was.
my amusement with everything was abound. the alcohol coercing through my veins, my inhibitions non existence my body was now cold emerged in the elements, my cheeks smeared with scarlet. stumbling down the streets. leading me where i should not be venturing. i pounded on the door with a closed fist. the response was delayed, but i heard the door being unbolted. it went ajar, i saw a glimmer of his eyes through the crack. widen. the door was abruptly being shut, but i rushed it. forcing my way through. he was uneasy in shuting it. he did not turn to face me.
"what are you doing here?" he asked, his back to me.
" actually ... i don't know?" i stammered. and scrunched my brow in contemplation. "oh. wait" i withdrew the book from the inner breast pocket and threw it on the couch, while i struggled to maintain a steady stance. he timidly approached the piece of furniture. he sat down heavily, and scooped it in his hands. turning it upright, he looked bewindlered. my hand groped my face, as i paced throughout his living room. " i think about you constantly ..." i pronounced indistinctly. i paused resting my fingers on the slope of my brow. while ceasing my motions. " i am usually not this bold. but i would kill to call you mine, and i am usually not this bold..." i angled my body, his expression was stricken. my thought was obstructed. "has anyone told you that you are beautiful?" he averted his eyes from me. i began to walk aimlessly again "i do not even know if i care what your intentions were ... or are. i only know that ... " i made a strenuous effort to finish. but i heard him speak my name. i did not heed though. " i need to feel your touch." i suddenly grew embarrassed and went silent. again my name. i walked towards him, the coffee table met my shin. i fell foward. legs, strewn out on the low table, chest on his legs. face nestled in his crotch. i did not move, he was tense. i nudged my face against his genitals. he shot up, i slid off his lap and crashed onto the floor. the alcohol numbed the pain.
i was sprawled out on the floor when i heard his footsteps initiate his departure. i crawled up onto my knees, and lunged for his leg. you cannot leave. i yelled out that i was sorry. he paused. i scrambled to my feet omitting all grace. we were standing close. my breath became rushed. he took a step back, i took one foward. his back was up against the wall. i infringed his space further, our bodies brushed together. i brought his wrist up over his head my palm restraining into soild mass. and i leaned forward , pressing my lips against his. he did not comply at first, but seconds lapsed and his lips nudged up slightly. i attempted to carry it sloppily further, but as soon as i opened my mouth his head jerked up. my lips smearing down his chin. his warm breath caressed my features. i leaned closer.
"duo ... I ..." my head grew light. and i collapsed into him. but he did not obstruct my fall. i landed on the floor.
commence. [ 9:37 a.m. ]