TBC IF THERE'S SOME PRETTY REVIEW...SORRY THIS CHAPTER SUCKED, CAN'T DO HOPSITAL STUFF AND IT WAS JUST GETTING YOU MORE INTO BOSCO'S MIND
DICLAIMER: I own nothing, NBC and what have you do so no one sue me :)
SUMMARY: Bosco's traumatic flashbacks puts his life in danger...this takes place after Falling but Bosco never went and spoke to Faith. So basically it's still all inside him and keeps getting worse.
SPOLIERS: Up to Falling
NOTES: This is my first fic and I know it sucks. So please review! Could someone please post this at 3rdwatch.net for me coz I can't join up. Thanks in advance
This is for Bee, TWJ, Ness, CCA (my inspiration), Michelle, Paisley & Thumper
This can't be happening to me again, not now, not like this. Not after I've just got my friend Hobart killed. This isn't right. Something isn't right, it feels like I've seen this all before. Like in a dream or something. Hobart didn't deserve to die. It hurts to breathe. Short raspy breaths continue to escape from my mouth. People were on the roof now shouting and pointing. Things were hard. I couldn't reply because I couldn't breathe. I had no idea who was up there, things were still hazy. Everything was hazy. Something was not right. Something told me it wasn't Hobart that had shot himself just now. Something was eating away inside of me trying to tell me this was another panic thing in my mind. It can't be not now. Not when I was so close. I'm so not panicking. Everything is becoming dark. The noise makes my head throb. It's too loud. I can't do anything. I can't move. I can't see. I can't breathe. It hurts...it hurts. People are calling out. Their voices are too loud. Everything is loud, the sound of their shoes against the cement is loud. Their breathing is loud. They don't make sense. They're trying to help me but nobody can help me. Only I can help me. It's getting darker. Not dark. Darkness is big, it covers everything not leaving any trace of light behind. It swallows everything in its path. Not the dark. I continue to choke up more, the breathing is getting harder. Things are supposed to get easier not harder. There's too much noise, too much dark. Too much pain. Everything is a reminder. You can't escape your past, my past is all around me. Hobart is there, dead. The blood seeping from him. The blood on my face it's still warm. It's still on me. Hobarts blood is on me. Breathe...just breathe.
Kim and Alex rushed over to where Davis was standing. The cops seemed a little frightened. At first Kim didn't realise why, sure Bosco was injured but nothing a good night's sleep wouldn't fix. The closer they got the worse it was. Bosco was hyperventilating, he couldn't breathe properly. It could have been from his head injury or something entirely different.
"Bosco...Bosco..." Alex said touching her friend on the arm.
Sully and Faith looked at each other, they had seen something a little like this before, last time. There was no way it could be food poisoning. No way... well at least not this time. It was scary to see Bosco like this. He couldn't breathe and his eyes kept fluttering shut. He had to be ok. The look on his face was strange. It looked like he was lost.
"Is he going to be alright?" Davis asked stepping out of Kim's way.
"Can one of you drive us to Mercy?" Kim asked ignoring Davis' question, she honestly didn't know what to say to him. Davis agreed to drive them and watched on as the girls did their work. They all watched on as Bosco's breathing became worse.
"Bosco! Bosco! You have to calm down! Calm down!" Alex begged as they hurried to the bus. This was too freaky.
"We'll meet you at Mercy." Sully said hurrying towards the RMP with Faith following closely behind him.
It was lighter now. The dark wasn't swallowing me, now I feel safe. Slowly I opened my eyes to see I was in an ambulance with Alex and Kim watching over me. They both smiled when I looked at them. What was going on? Hobart...now I remember. I don't think I'll be the same after this. They need to know he wasn't going to hurt me. Things are still a bit hazy. Memory's a bit fuzzy. Vision's still a bit blurry. Things are spinning, but they have to know. Struggling a little I pull off my mask.
"He wasn't going to hurt me." I say still confused about what was going on. I notice the girls giving me blank looks. Ok how could they not know by now. How could they not know.
"Hobart...he wasn't going to hurt me." I reply before feeling everything going black again. Black. No matter how much black there is I can still always see the red. The blood.
Davis was troubled by Bosco's words. Something must have happened up there. Nah, it would just be the concussion that's making him confused. That's all it is. The concussion...but what about the shortness of breath? There's no explination for that. None at all, not even Alex or Kim had anything to say. Davis shook his head as they arrived at the hospital. What would Yokas and Sul say? Davis followed behind as Bosco was wheeled in. Things were getting weird around here.
Faith and Sully arrived at Mercy and hurried to find Davis.
"Is he ok?" Faith asked urgently.
"He'll be fine after a couple days rest...it was a nasty concussion though...but they haven't said anything else." Davis replied before taking a seat.
"So he'll be ok in a coupla days right?" Faith asked again almost needing reassurance.
"Yeah....." Davis said before trailing off. He didn't know how to say it, or if he should even tell them. Sully could see that his partner was hiding something. Sully gave him a look and Davis bit his lip nervously.
"On the way here he woke up and said something about Hobart not wanting to hurt him." Davis said quickly. He tried to read the other's faces, but couldn't quite pick up the vibes. Faith felt a tingle of worry.
"Would have been from the concussion though." Davis said to his friends. Sully and Faith both nodded in agreement before taking a seat next to Davis. It's going to be a long night.
Everything is red. Everything is covered in blood. It's running across everything. Taking control. Some of it's my blood, some of it's Hobart's and some of it's Ross'. It's just blood. Everything I touch ends up covered in blood. I hate red. I hate blood...I hate feeling so useless. Another memory for my mind to play with, that guy that had died tonight. What he said was true...you can't get rid of the images. Everytime I close my eyes I see the blood, everytime I move I see the blood. It's taken over my entire existence. I don't want anybody to help me because I don't want them to know. Besides this is something I can handle. I can handle it no matter what anybody else thinks. It's so dark....it's too dark. Am I dreaming? Why did I think it was Hobart tonight? It's all in my mind. I could have gotten myself killed because of these damned memories. Everytime it's like I'm reliving them. That's why tongiht it felt so real...except I actually was kind of reliving it. It felt so much like Hobart. The images flashed through my mind so often. Blood....there's blood all around me. I can see myself getting shot, then Ross, then that perp from tonight and finally Hobart. His blood is on me. STOP!
I wake up in a sweat. Anxiously I look around the room and I'm relieved to see there's no one there. This is getting beyond the joke now. The room is small, the window is open. The window's not supposed to be open. At least it's not too dark yet, that's always good. Slowly I try to sit up but my head hurts too much. There's the smell of detergent lingering in the air. Hospitals always smell like soap. The door opens and the doctor from a couple of weeks ago enters looking at me strangely. He knows, it's so obvious he knows.
"How are you feeling? Any dizziness? Any blurriness?" He asks walking towards the bed. As he walks his shoes squeak on the floor. That annoying clown shoe squeaking noise.
"No. I feel fine." I say lying slightly. The doctor gives me a look of sympathy. Great now he's going to lecture me again. Great.
"It appears you had another panic attack as well....I feel I have no other choice but to tell the department." He says staring into my eyes. All different excuses and lies float around in my mind, none of them are good enough. One has to work though.
"They know." I say quickly. The doctor looks at me waiting for me to continue with my story. Think damn it! Think!
"I told them about the last one....and they've got me seeing a therapist now. It's ok...I will tell them." I say trying to sound very convincing. The doctor shrugs his shoulders obviously believing me. Relax.
"Ok but if it happens again...." He begins before trailing off. Now it's too quiet. There's not much noise around here. Silence is too enveloping just like the dark. I see the doctor is speaking to me again so I tune back in.
"...we'll have to keep you in over night for observation and then you'll need a couple days rest, after that you'll be good to go."
Then he leaves, his shoes squeaking on the floor as he goes. The smell of cleaning fluids is starting to bother me. That smell, the cleanliness. All that soap used to wash away the blood and tears. To wash away the reminders of what happened. To wash away the only thing that is left, to wash away the memories. No matter how hard they try or clean it is the memories can't be erased. Well they can't be cleansed from my mind. The blood is still there and with each day it gets thicker.
"Bos?" Faith says from the doorway. Davis and Sully are standing a bit behind her. They all enter the room and look at me as if waiting for me to break down. I won't give them the staisfaction.
"How you feeling?" Sully asks me staring, trying to crack me.
"Fine." I reply struglling to sit up. As much as it hurts my head, I have to do it. To show them all I'm fine.
"Do you remember what happened?"
"No...not really."
"You know it wasn't Hobart right? That happened a long time ago." Sully said as he walked towards my bed. They think I haven't noticed. Ever since they walked in the door they've been eyeing each other giving each other those looks...the looks they give me. It's not the same. Not the same.
"I know it just reminded me of Hobart..."
"I thought you said you didn't remember." Davis said. Damn Davis. Why had I just said that. That's it. I'm done for. The smell is really starting to get to me now. Why do they have to try and cleanse the memories...sometimes you have to remeber. Right now I wish I could forget. Forget everything. Feeling myself getting a bit edgy I take a deep breath. You can do this I tell myself.
"I said I didn't really remember." I replied rolling my eyes at Davis. Sully glanced at Faith, for now they'd have to give him the benefit of the doubt. It had been 3 weeks and he seemed to be fine. He's fine now, whatever was wrong it looks like he is sure over it. Yeah...still need to worry but not as much. Faith smiled at Sully and turned her head back towards Bosco.
"None of the victims were killed...Glen Hosking, the shooter, was the only fatality."
Glen Hosking..Hobart what's the difference? They both died because of me. I couldn't help them...no chance. Davis watched to see if Bosco reacted in any way to the name, but Bosco seemed to ignore. He just kept on staring across the room. Davis sighed louder than he had meant to. Sully shot him a look, Davis looked down a bit embarrassed.
"So what do you remember?" Davis asked trying to distract Sully from staring at him.
"Well I went in to get the jagoff so I checked the first 2 floors and he wasn't there so that basically left the 3rd floor. So I get to the 3rd floor and start looking around...then out of no where I get hit on the head with a gun..next thing I know I'm on the roof." I reply leaving out some unimportant details. Well ok they're important but I can't bring myself to talk about it. It hurts too much to remember. Memories hurt too much. That smell...just let the blood stay so that the memories will fade with time. They haven't faded, just fade. Hosking, Hobart I got them killed. They both took me, the guns against my head. All those words they snarled into my ear, they're all so true. Then it happens again, I'm there again. Hobart has the gun against my head talking to me. There is no one else around....I'm alone with the madman. Then it happens he pretends to shoot me. I try to tell them it's a suicide but they won't listen. Why didn't they listen? Hobart should still be alive...The blood was on my face. It was washed off but I can still feel it. Across the room I can see their mouths moving, they're watching me, I can't speak this isn't happening.
"....before you screw up the lives of everyone who loves you."
Those words keep running through my mind. Each time bringing up more pain. It's ture I screw up everything. Hobart, Ross, Hosking...my family everything is all my fault. It's all my fault. I can see Hobart again twisting my arm. The pain...everything holds too much pain. That noise I can hear the gun go off. There he goes falling to the ground. Falling. It's all falling. The blood's falling.
"Bosco? You ok?" Faith asks snapping me out of my memories. I blink a few times before looking around the room. I can feel sweat running down my face. It happened again. The memories tore me apart. Broke me down. But I'm fine. I'm fine. They're all staring at me strangely.
"I'm really tired..." I say still feeling the intense visions.
"Ok...we'll see you back at work next week." Davis says before clapping me on the leg. I smile and nod as they exit the room. As soon as they leave I can feel myself starting to get worked up. I'm alone in the dark. The window's still open...why is the window open. There's no noise...no light..nothing. I need something to help me sleep. I can't sleep. I can't even sleep at my own apartment. I need bourbon...I can do this. I can rid myself of these memories. It hurts. It hurts.
TBC....IF I GET SOME REVIEWS :) AGAIN SORRY THIS CHAPTER SUCKED Be good
DICLAIMER: I own nothing, NBC and what have you do so no one sue me :)
SUMMARY: Bosco's traumatic flashbacks puts his life in danger...this takes place after Falling but Bosco never went and spoke to Faith. So basically it's still all inside him and keeps getting worse.
SPOLIERS: Up to Falling
NOTES: This is my first fic and I know it sucks. So please review! Could someone please post this at 3rdwatch.net for me coz I can't join up. Thanks in advance
This is for Bee, TWJ, Ness, CCA (my inspiration), Michelle, Paisley & Thumper
This can't be happening to me again, not now, not like this. Not after I've just got my friend Hobart killed. This isn't right. Something isn't right, it feels like I've seen this all before. Like in a dream or something. Hobart didn't deserve to die. It hurts to breathe. Short raspy breaths continue to escape from my mouth. People were on the roof now shouting and pointing. Things were hard. I couldn't reply because I couldn't breathe. I had no idea who was up there, things were still hazy. Everything was hazy. Something was not right. Something told me it wasn't Hobart that had shot himself just now. Something was eating away inside of me trying to tell me this was another panic thing in my mind. It can't be not now. Not when I was so close. I'm so not panicking. Everything is becoming dark. The noise makes my head throb. It's too loud. I can't do anything. I can't move. I can't see. I can't breathe. It hurts...it hurts. People are calling out. Their voices are too loud. Everything is loud, the sound of their shoes against the cement is loud. Their breathing is loud. They don't make sense. They're trying to help me but nobody can help me. Only I can help me. It's getting darker. Not dark. Darkness is big, it covers everything not leaving any trace of light behind. It swallows everything in its path. Not the dark. I continue to choke up more, the breathing is getting harder. Things are supposed to get easier not harder. There's too much noise, too much dark. Too much pain. Everything is a reminder. You can't escape your past, my past is all around me. Hobart is there, dead. The blood seeping from him. The blood on my face it's still warm. It's still on me. Hobarts blood is on me. Breathe...just breathe.
Kim and Alex rushed over to where Davis was standing. The cops seemed a little frightened. At first Kim didn't realise why, sure Bosco was injured but nothing a good night's sleep wouldn't fix. The closer they got the worse it was. Bosco was hyperventilating, he couldn't breathe properly. It could have been from his head injury or something entirely different.
"Bosco...Bosco..." Alex said touching her friend on the arm.
Sully and Faith looked at each other, they had seen something a little like this before, last time. There was no way it could be food poisoning. No way... well at least not this time. It was scary to see Bosco like this. He couldn't breathe and his eyes kept fluttering shut. He had to be ok. The look on his face was strange. It looked like he was lost.
"Is he going to be alright?" Davis asked stepping out of Kim's way.
"Can one of you drive us to Mercy?" Kim asked ignoring Davis' question, she honestly didn't know what to say to him. Davis agreed to drive them and watched on as the girls did their work. They all watched on as Bosco's breathing became worse.
"Bosco! Bosco! You have to calm down! Calm down!" Alex begged as they hurried to the bus. This was too freaky.
"We'll meet you at Mercy." Sully said hurrying towards the RMP with Faith following closely behind him.
It was lighter now. The dark wasn't swallowing me, now I feel safe. Slowly I opened my eyes to see I was in an ambulance with Alex and Kim watching over me. They both smiled when I looked at them. What was going on? Hobart...now I remember. I don't think I'll be the same after this. They need to know he wasn't going to hurt me. Things are still a bit hazy. Memory's a bit fuzzy. Vision's still a bit blurry. Things are spinning, but they have to know. Struggling a little I pull off my mask.
"He wasn't going to hurt me." I say still confused about what was going on. I notice the girls giving me blank looks. Ok how could they not know by now. How could they not know.
"Hobart...he wasn't going to hurt me." I reply before feeling everything going black again. Black. No matter how much black there is I can still always see the red. The blood.
Davis was troubled by Bosco's words. Something must have happened up there. Nah, it would just be the concussion that's making him confused. That's all it is. The concussion...but what about the shortness of breath? There's no explination for that. None at all, not even Alex or Kim had anything to say. Davis shook his head as they arrived at the hospital. What would Yokas and Sul say? Davis followed behind as Bosco was wheeled in. Things were getting weird around here.
Faith and Sully arrived at Mercy and hurried to find Davis.
"Is he ok?" Faith asked urgently.
"He'll be fine after a couple days rest...it was a nasty concussion though...but they haven't said anything else." Davis replied before taking a seat.
"So he'll be ok in a coupla days right?" Faith asked again almost needing reassurance.
"Yeah....." Davis said before trailing off. He didn't know how to say it, or if he should even tell them. Sully could see that his partner was hiding something. Sully gave him a look and Davis bit his lip nervously.
"On the way here he woke up and said something about Hobart not wanting to hurt him." Davis said quickly. He tried to read the other's faces, but couldn't quite pick up the vibes. Faith felt a tingle of worry.
"Would have been from the concussion though." Davis said to his friends. Sully and Faith both nodded in agreement before taking a seat next to Davis. It's going to be a long night.
Everything is red. Everything is covered in blood. It's running across everything. Taking control. Some of it's my blood, some of it's Hobart's and some of it's Ross'. It's just blood. Everything I touch ends up covered in blood. I hate red. I hate blood...I hate feeling so useless. Another memory for my mind to play with, that guy that had died tonight. What he said was true...you can't get rid of the images. Everytime I close my eyes I see the blood, everytime I move I see the blood. It's taken over my entire existence. I don't want anybody to help me because I don't want them to know. Besides this is something I can handle. I can handle it no matter what anybody else thinks. It's so dark....it's too dark. Am I dreaming? Why did I think it was Hobart tonight? It's all in my mind. I could have gotten myself killed because of these damned memories. Everytime it's like I'm reliving them. That's why tongiht it felt so real...except I actually was kind of reliving it. It felt so much like Hobart. The images flashed through my mind so often. Blood....there's blood all around me. I can see myself getting shot, then Ross, then that perp from tonight and finally Hobart. His blood is on me. STOP!
I wake up in a sweat. Anxiously I look around the room and I'm relieved to see there's no one there. This is getting beyond the joke now. The room is small, the window is open. The window's not supposed to be open. At least it's not too dark yet, that's always good. Slowly I try to sit up but my head hurts too much. There's the smell of detergent lingering in the air. Hospitals always smell like soap. The door opens and the doctor from a couple of weeks ago enters looking at me strangely. He knows, it's so obvious he knows.
"How are you feeling? Any dizziness? Any blurriness?" He asks walking towards the bed. As he walks his shoes squeak on the floor. That annoying clown shoe squeaking noise.
"No. I feel fine." I say lying slightly. The doctor gives me a look of sympathy. Great now he's going to lecture me again. Great.
"It appears you had another panic attack as well....I feel I have no other choice but to tell the department." He says staring into my eyes. All different excuses and lies float around in my mind, none of them are good enough. One has to work though.
"They know." I say quickly. The doctor looks at me waiting for me to continue with my story. Think damn it! Think!
"I told them about the last one....and they've got me seeing a therapist now. It's ok...I will tell them." I say trying to sound very convincing. The doctor shrugs his shoulders obviously believing me. Relax.
"Ok but if it happens again...." He begins before trailing off. Now it's too quiet. There's not much noise around here. Silence is too enveloping just like the dark. I see the doctor is speaking to me again so I tune back in.
"...we'll have to keep you in over night for observation and then you'll need a couple days rest, after that you'll be good to go."
Then he leaves, his shoes squeaking on the floor as he goes. The smell of cleaning fluids is starting to bother me. That smell, the cleanliness. All that soap used to wash away the blood and tears. To wash away the reminders of what happened. To wash away the only thing that is left, to wash away the memories. No matter how hard they try or clean it is the memories can't be erased. Well they can't be cleansed from my mind. The blood is still there and with each day it gets thicker.
"Bos?" Faith says from the doorway. Davis and Sully are standing a bit behind her. They all enter the room and look at me as if waiting for me to break down. I won't give them the staisfaction.
"How you feeling?" Sully asks me staring, trying to crack me.
"Fine." I reply struglling to sit up. As much as it hurts my head, I have to do it. To show them all I'm fine.
"Do you remember what happened?"
"No...not really."
"You know it wasn't Hobart right? That happened a long time ago." Sully said as he walked towards my bed. They think I haven't noticed. Ever since they walked in the door they've been eyeing each other giving each other those looks...the looks they give me. It's not the same. Not the same.
"I know it just reminded me of Hobart..."
"I thought you said you didn't remember." Davis said. Damn Davis. Why had I just said that. That's it. I'm done for. The smell is really starting to get to me now. Why do they have to try and cleanse the memories...sometimes you have to remeber. Right now I wish I could forget. Forget everything. Feeling myself getting a bit edgy I take a deep breath. You can do this I tell myself.
"I said I didn't really remember." I replied rolling my eyes at Davis. Sully glanced at Faith, for now they'd have to give him the benefit of the doubt. It had been 3 weeks and he seemed to be fine. He's fine now, whatever was wrong it looks like he is sure over it. Yeah...still need to worry but not as much. Faith smiled at Sully and turned her head back towards Bosco.
"None of the victims were killed...Glen Hosking, the shooter, was the only fatality."
Glen Hosking..Hobart what's the difference? They both died because of me. I couldn't help them...no chance. Davis watched to see if Bosco reacted in any way to the name, but Bosco seemed to ignore. He just kept on staring across the room. Davis sighed louder than he had meant to. Sully shot him a look, Davis looked down a bit embarrassed.
"So what do you remember?" Davis asked trying to distract Sully from staring at him.
"Well I went in to get the jagoff so I checked the first 2 floors and he wasn't there so that basically left the 3rd floor. So I get to the 3rd floor and start looking around...then out of no where I get hit on the head with a gun..next thing I know I'm on the roof." I reply leaving out some unimportant details. Well ok they're important but I can't bring myself to talk about it. It hurts too much to remember. Memories hurt too much. That smell...just let the blood stay so that the memories will fade with time. They haven't faded, just fade. Hosking, Hobart I got them killed. They both took me, the guns against my head. All those words they snarled into my ear, they're all so true. Then it happens again, I'm there again. Hobart has the gun against my head talking to me. There is no one else around....I'm alone with the madman. Then it happens he pretends to shoot me. I try to tell them it's a suicide but they won't listen. Why didn't they listen? Hobart should still be alive...The blood was on my face. It was washed off but I can still feel it. Across the room I can see their mouths moving, they're watching me, I can't speak this isn't happening.
"....before you screw up the lives of everyone who loves you."
Those words keep running through my mind. Each time bringing up more pain. It's ture I screw up everything. Hobart, Ross, Hosking...my family everything is all my fault. It's all my fault. I can see Hobart again twisting my arm. The pain...everything holds too much pain. That noise I can hear the gun go off. There he goes falling to the ground. Falling. It's all falling. The blood's falling.
"Bosco? You ok?" Faith asks snapping me out of my memories. I blink a few times before looking around the room. I can feel sweat running down my face. It happened again. The memories tore me apart. Broke me down. But I'm fine. I'm fine. They're all staring at me strangely.
"I'm really tired..." I say still feeling the intense visions.
"Ok...we'll see you back at work next week." Davis says before clapping me on the leg. I smile and nod as they exit the room. As soon as they leave I can feel myself starting to get worked up. I'm alone in the dark. The window's still open...why is the window open. There's no noise...no light..nothing. I need something to help me sleep. I can't sleep. I can't even sleep at my own apartment. I need bourbon...I can do this. I can rid myself of these memories. It hurts. It hurts.
TBC....IF I GET SOME REVIEWS :) AGAIN SORRY THIS CHAPTER SUCKED Be good