Disclaimer: I am by no means the type of genius who could create something like Legends of Zelda, which is copyrighted to Nintendo, or something. Some of the characters in here are under their copyright too, and being a mere middle class citizen, I have no desire to infringe upon their materials.
Dawn swept over Castle Island, the capital of and largest island in all of Hyrule. The light swept over the horizon, in bands of blue, pink, orange and even a little green. No cloud floated in the sky, and the trees stood awaiting the high noon. Beneath their branches, the coliseum stood in a clearing, overgrown with vines.
Another stone fell from what had once been the audience's seats, the crash forcing Zelda's eyes open.
"Time to wake up," said Link.
"It's so early," complained Zelda.
"Well, we have to catch a boat," Link explained, "and we have to leave before your father's men catch us. Here, put on these."
Link turned away as Zelda put on the disguise of peasant clothes. "And my husband," she added.
"Hello?" a voice called from outside.
"I guess I spoke too soon," said Zelda, "because that's him!"
"What vile ruffian has taken the princess captive?" called out the voice of an incredibly fruity noble. "I, Airon of Koleokanth, shall smite him!"
Zelda ran outside, Link running after her, and shouted, "I came of my own will, you jerk! Go away!"
"Ah, Zelda, poor Zelda, you needn't say that rubbish! I won't let him touch you!"
"Touch me? Ha! I'd rather him rape me than you touch me with a ten foot pole, you filthy maggot!"
Link considered this for a second, then shrugged off the thought.
The fruity prince drew his sword and pointed it at Link, saying, "What filth have you brainwashed this innocent young woman with? I swear, you will die for it!" He recklessly charged at Link, sword raised. Link drew his own sword.
Airon threw his entire weight into a leaping slash. Link calmly sidestepped, and the prince's blade kissed the grass. With a grunt of rage, the prince whirled to face Link, while slicing with his sword. Link blocked this easily with his shield, countering with a left to right slice that barely missed Airon's neck, then a right to left slice that Airon blocked, sending the stinging sound of clashing metal through the air... the swordfight had begun.
Link would step back each time he blocked one of Airon's pitiful swings, and counter with one of his own. Airon would block that and swing, and the cycle repeated. The prince began to grin, thinking he was gaining ground. Though Link knew full well he could break the cycle by using his shield to block, he played along appearing to tire slowly. He would toy with the prince as a cat toys with a mouse. The prince's ego fired up, his sword twirling with a fruity flourish.
Link was unimpressed, but he patiently waited for a blow with extra force. However, it was the prince that was growing tired (though trying not to make it visible). Frustrated, he finally threw much of his strength into a reckless blow that Link had to struggle to appear subdued by, stumbling backwards a few steps. The prince now charged, using all of his momentum, strength, and weight into what would have been a finishing move. Link simply sidestepped, and when the prince took a single step an instant later, Link swung back his shield to knock his opponent unconscious. Indeed, it connected with a clank and fruity Prince Airon of Koleokanth flopped to the turf like a dead fish dropped by a bear.
Link replaced his sword into its sheath on his back, and walked calmly over to Zelda. "That," he said, "is a perfect example of what not to do in a swordfight." Zelda giggled, and Link helped her onto Epona. The two galloped to the east, towards the port city of Eiatlok.
* * *
Eiatlok was once a great port city that was a stop on a trade route, which spanned the entire Great Archipelago. The Great Archipelago comprised about 4,000 islands of all sizes stretching from the dark continents in the east to the edge of the Boundless Sea in the west. Towards the southern tip was the Kingdom of Termina, where the trade route ended. The trade route then extended northeast toward and almost touching the Dark Continent, slicing through the Y'tikkim desert islands, until it reached the capitol Y'ttikur, which was experiencing an unbearable famine.
The trade route then cut due west through a peaceful but secretive land of odd creatures called the Sacred Gardens. Continuing eastward, it turns northeast once more through what is now the Forbidden Strait, between two warring islands. These islands were once ruled by the Cielic Empire, which was fractured into two factions, the Duchy of the Eastern Cross and the Duchy of the Northern Star. Now as they slaughtered each other mercilessly and blockaded each other constantly, no ships were allowed to pass through this strait. After that, the trade route is suspected to stretch al the way to the Icy Wastes, where a kingdom once existed that was now lost to history.
The Gates of Eiatlok, once of gloriously carved mahogany, were now moldy and unkempt, their joints rusty and unoiled, as good as stuck in place from never being used. Upon walking through these gates, Zelda saw that the city stretched down a long slope to a harbor, where mostly fishing boats and shabby and suspicious frigates were moored. The gravel crackled under her feet and a soft breeze kept blowing her hair into he eyes.
"I have someone to meet in here," said Link, pointing to a run-down and suspicious-looking salon, "Do you want to wait out here, or go in with me?"
"I think I'll go in with you." responded Zelda, "Prince fruitcake is probably hot on our trail by now."
"True," said Link, his eyes in the clouds, "but inside is no royal dining room."
"If I had expected such things I would never have come with you."
Link smiled. "My kind of girl." He muttered under his breath.
Zelda elbowed him playfully as they walked into the saloon, the doors closing behind them blocking a most dreadful sound.
* * *
An entourage of ten Royal Knights filtered through the gate of Eiatlok, followed by six men with brass instruments with purple flags bearing an A on them in scarlet thread. They took up a formation and the six blowers sounded a four-note fanfare for the prince of Koleokanth. Sure enough, in rode a small, quite fruity looking nobleman with dirt smeared all over his robes and mud all over his boots. Several passersby chuckled at this odd sight, and one fell over laughing.
The Prince somehow swallowed his pride and demanded "Has any of you cretins seen a lovely young maiden in peasant clothes pass through this gate?" A few peasants stepped forward. "Point to the direction you saw her walk in." he commanded, his voice cracking on the last syllable. Each peasant was pointing in a different direction. Airon slapped his forehead, thinking, "This could take a while…"
* * *
The saloon was dimly lit, and all around Zelda were vile ruffians the likes of which no princess was likely to look at in their lifetime, or vice versa. However, an entire table of tattooed, scarred, muscular urchins was staring at one straight in the knockers. "Hey boys!" she cooed like a Y'tikkite working-girl. The urchins were about to let loose a slew of catcalls when Link shot them a stare that could reduce a barbarian warlord to a whimpering child. Zelda took his hand and glanced at them, teasing.
"Zelda, you're such a hoe." Link said.
"Oh, I've always wanted to do that." Zelda assured.
"Well blast me blind!" A gruff voice called from a table in the corner to Zelda's left, "The infamous Link with a striking little lass on 'is arm!"
Link turned sharply, letting go of Zelda's hand, and grasping his sword. A man in a blue bandanna with a whale tattooed on his arm sat with a pipe in his brown-stained teeth.
"I never saw ye as the type who liked girls!" he continued.
Link pulled his sword from its sheath, saying "Draw, maggot, and taste steel!"
The man stood up and pulled his own sword and said, "With pleasure, ye barnacle scraper!"
The two approached each other, eyes squinting and readying their swords. Zelda's heart beat painfully as the two men readied their swords and…
Gave each other a big hug?
The man held Link at arms length and said, grinning, "Aye! Link! Me little runt!"
"Captain Scriggs! So glad to see you again!"
The man was indeed about six and a half feet tall, looking like he was about to crush Link into bits, but something warm radiated from him now, like an aura. The two talked like old friends, chatting about recent events.
"Zelda," said Link, "this is Scriggs. We'll be aboard his ship."
"Zelda?" said Scriggs, keeping his voice low, "The Zelda?"
"Yup." Said Link, "The real McCoy."
"But why? How did she get here?"
"She wouldn't give me the pendant until I let her come with me. A real firecracker, that one."
"Aye," said the captain, "I knew I recognized ye. A stowaway princess, that's a pretty pickle to have. The blasted authorities will be all out lookin' for her. Well, we'd better get going."
Link and Zelda followed him out the doors, as Zelda looked back at the burly rapscallions and waved.
No sooner than they opened the door than they heard a familiar and unsettling voice call out. "Where are you going?" It was a high pitched, eloquent, yet vaguely stupid voice.
It was a fruity voice.
"I've searched the entire city for you."
The three travelers, or would-be travelers, turned aroud to see a familiar man on a white horse, flanked by six royal guards, and covered in mud. It was Airon.
"What do you want," Zelda shouted, "You vile piece of refuse!"
"Me?" Airon said, shocked, "Refuse? Those two pugnacious rats who have abducted you are what I would call refuse!"
"Who cares about you?"
Airon's fury turned his pale face red, like an overripe strawberry. "You, young lady, are in HUGE TROUBLE! When your father finds out that you willingly cooperated with your abductors he will chain you to your bed!"
"I am never going back," said Zelda, enraged, "I… and I am never marrying YOU!"
Zelda kissed Link passionately, as Airon jumped off his horse and ran over to yank her away. Scriggs stepped in front of him.
"I cant let ye do this." He said.
"Get away you peasant filth." Airon sputtered, shoving past him. He drew his sword and wrenched her away from the stunned thief. He held the sword to her neck and attempted to take her hostage but Scriggs grabbed Airon's sword arm and twisted it around his back. "Eek!" he screamed, like the fruit he was. Zelda wriggled out of his arms and stood aside as Link walked up to Airon.
"My personal gift to his fruitiness." Link said, and kneed him in the groin.
Airon became a crumpled up piece of paper, wrinkled and crushed, falling on the ground and bouncing. The Knights dismounted and withdrew their swords and shields and readied for combat, their cue taken from the sight of their fallen lord.
Link readied for combat, and grinned at Scriggs as he did the same.
"It's go time."