One day, the companions were wandering through….who knows where. Wandering about, with no real reason except SAVING THE WORLD. Because that's what hero's do, damnit.

It was a cloudy day, an air of danger wafting through the trees. Of course, this doesn't affect our addle-brained kinder, who proceeded to drive everyone absolutely insane, i.e. they were ready to kill him.

Everyone was lost in their own thoughts, however speaking aloud. Why? Because you, the readers, can't read minds now can you?

"Laurana seems to have matured…but what about Kitiara? I'm so lost…but it doesn't matter, I'm just a bastard half-elf anyway…boohoo." Tanis muttered, throwing himself a pity-party as a rain-cloud appeared above his head.

"I haven't gotten any nookie lately…and I'm hungry…are you going to eat that Raist? You look pale, want me to carry you?" babbled Caramon, gazing at his smaller twin fondly.

(AN: get those dirty thoughts out of your heads! That's for later.)

"Shut up!" Raistlin barked, then fell over, gasping for air. Raistlin is too intelligent to speak his thoughts out-loud, I mean, did any of the other companions get to go off with the gods to make new worlds? No. Our point remains.

"What's this, can I see? Oh, I'm sorry Flint, is this yours? Well Tanis, be glad I found it for you! No Raistlin, I didn't take your…oh, how did that get there? Just jumped right in! Please let go of my throat Riverwind." Prattled Tasslehoff.

"I'm gonna shag Goldmoon like there's no tomorrow tonight…course there might not be because of the whole evil goddess thing going on…" Riverwind paused and noticed everyone staring at him. "Did I say that out loud?" he blushed.

"In plain common." Sturm added flatly.

Goldmoon flushed, completely out of character, "Oh I love you too, but because I am the chief's daughter…wait…or am I the chief? Where the heck are we in the time line?"

Shut up, that's not important. So then the companions decided to stop for lunch and a small rest, even though they had only gone a whopping two miles. Blame the fucking mage.

Anyway, remember that evil-air thing? Yep. Here it comes.

"I sense danger approaching, an evil of incomparable power so I can scare you all shitless." Wheezed Raistlin, before going back to that gross tea he has.

Just then, out of the trees, two modern figures appeared, bearing pencils and pads. "Hi!" they said in unison.

"Hi." The companions said, completely trusting them already. Except Raistlin, who's hourglass eyes widened in fear and he dove behind the log they were sitting upon.

"What is it Raist?" asked Caramon, stealthily stealing his food in the process.

"You don't know?" the mage hissed, re-emerging. "That's Ironi Numair, that bitch who tortures me in her stories, and Anne, who's only read two hundred pages of the first book!" he fell over coughing again.

"What?" cried Anne, insulted, despite the fact it was true, "I'll have you know it was three hundred fifty pages, thank you very much!"

"Oh," said the rest of the companions, though they still had no clue what the mage was talking about.

Tanis approached, the diplomat of the group, and inquired to two fearsome authors slowly, "What are you here for then?"

"We decided to join the yaoi community!" Numair piped.

"So that means Goldmoon's gotta go, and…you, whoever you are." Anne said, pointing to the elf maiden.

"I'm Laurana," she replied flatly.

"Yeah yeah, I haven't gotten that far." Anne countered, shooing her off.

"What is yaoi?" Caramon inquired as a dunce hat appeared on his head. Raistlin smirked.

Tanis backed away from the authors in fear. "It means…guy on guy relationships!" he squeaked, as it suddenly occurred to him why the females were being chased away. "RUN!" he shouted, bolting. The group scattered.

"Should we go after them?" pondered Numair, absently.

"Nah, we have the electric barrier up. Besides, they won't get too far, see?"

"Hack!" Raistlin fell over face first, meaning Caramon had to come back to get him, resulting in Sturm coming back to help, which meant Tasslehoff came back to see what was happening, so Flint had to come back to get him, and Tanis followed Flint, so Riverwind came back after Tanis. So, because of that one trip-up, they all had to come back.

"Damn mage!" Strum hissed as the group admitted defeat.

Raistlin coughed blood on him in response, Exorcist style.

"Okay," began Tanis, trying to get the authors to change their minds, "Why are you doing a yaoi? You never have before."

"Well, you see, we're making another statement, we tend to do a lot of these. See, many people who write this stuff make the dumbest pairings that make the least amount of sense. Obviously seen in Escaflowne fics," explained Numair.

"DilandauandVan!" coughed Anne, smacking her chest slightly.

"Bless you." Caramon stated politely. Raistlin glared.

"You'll be getting nowhere with these two, my brother, many believe they're lovers."

"JUST FOR THAT YOU MAGE SHIT YOU'RE GONNA BE EVERY MAN'S PLAYTOY!!!" Anne shrieked, raising her fist to pound upon the weak mage.

"Anne, no!" Numair cried, grabbing her arm.

"He called us lovers!"

"It's just his defenses raising, okay, he has no friends, remember?"

"Stupid mage…" growled Anne, sitting back down.

"That's good." Numair turned and glared at Raistlin, then whispered sharply, eyes narrowed, "You're going to die in Hourglass!"

"Speaking of which," Tanis sighed, "what exactly are our…" he shuddered, "pairings?"

"Glad you asked, take it away Numair!"

"Bachelor number one has spent much of his life in Qualinesti! Tall and handsome, in that rugged way, he's grown a beard, why? Because he can, thanks to his human father!"

Tanis scooted away, not liking where this was going one bit…

"Say hello to our half-elf, Tanis, er, Half-Elven!"

"Nooooo…" Tanis sobbed, face in his hands. Raistlin laughed, and then proceeded to hack up a lung, falling off the log.

"Bachelor number two seeks to be a god! Low charisma and bad health, no one likes him at all, except for his twin brother who he supposedly killed in the high tower of sorcery!"

Raistlin pretty much hacked up the other lung at that.

"He's also a weakling that's a prick!" Anne added, glaring at Raistlin.

"You always thought he was alright before," whispered Numair.

"Except now. Him and Sturm…"

"Yeah, he's not my favorite either…"

Sturm narrowed his eyes.

"Well get that stick outta your ass and we'll talk." Numair smiled, backing up.

"Hey, do you want to be in this?" inquired Anne, pointing to the paper, pencil poised. The knight shook his head, he did not want to get involved.

"So what does that mean, huh? Does Tanis and Raistlin have to kiss? Do they gotta run off and get married? Is Raistlin gonna get pregnant…!"

WHACK! The kender went flying, and Raistlin returned the Staff of Magius to its place beside him.

"Oh, just you wait." Anne winked, as Numair laughed maniacally.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Um, note: We are not meaning to insult anyone in particular. Some guy/guy pairing as well done, and kinda make sense. Salute to Michelle Smith! Anyway, this is just dumb parody for fun. We like Tanis, he's one of Anne's favorites, and we know I love Raistlin, that's why we have to abuse them! It's our way of showing love. Um…yeah…we're normally not like this, we write better than this, but…when we get together, all hell breaks loose. Yeah, R&R, please, for good or bad, though I see much bad…but we're gonna continue so know it's futile. Okay, goodbye!