Disclaimer: Haven't done one of these yet… (thus we don't own Dragonlance).

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"No no no no no!" finished Sturm after yelling at the authors for ten minutes. The other companions sat around the fire with pity clearly written on their faces. Tanis, however, was trying to hide a smug satisfied smile since it was no longer him being forced to do this.

"For once I agree with the knight," rasped Raistlin from his spot on the outskirts of the group, being the reject that he is, his hourglass eyes glinting evilly.

"Aww, look, they are already getting along!" cooed Anne while folding her hands gaily.

"Damn mage," barked Sturm glaring over into the shadows where the mage inhabited.

"Question," started Caramon raising his hand, looking at the others for support, his dunce hat tilted jauntily to the right. "Raistlin's already gone, why's he going again?"

"He pissed off Annie for one," sighed Numair looking away from the knight. "What? Do you want to take his place?"

Caramon shook his head vigorously while tilting his special dunce hat over his eyes.

"Thanks brother," hissed Raistlin glaring at Caramon with the heat of a thousand suns.

"No no no no no!" Sturm started once more while looking over at the shadows where Raistlin was coughing again.

Numair tilted her head to the side staring at the knight's face. "How do you get your moustache like that?"

Anne groaned, slapped Numair upside the head, and pushed her out of the way. "Okay, let's get rolling with this chapter based off of romance novels."

"Romance novel?" Riverwind inquired, terror seeping into his eyes.

"Yes my uneducated barbarian," Anne stated, ignoring Riverwind's glare, "Where at first our chosen pair hate each other, but then slowly gain each other's trust until love blooms between them…"

"Using the slimmest, tragic horrible life-altering-past-yet-I-am-a-woman-I-am-strongest woman available and the most muscular I-am-manly-but-have-enough-feminine-emotional-capabilities-to-make-the-woman-like-himest man!" Numair proclaimed loudly in one breath.

"And it's the best sex they've ever had!" Anne stated dramatically, shaking her fist.

The companions looked at each other in terror.

"Wait, Annie?" Numair pondered, scratching her head.

"Yes Stinky?"

"I don't know how romances work, I've read a few back-flaps and laughed but…"

"Hmmm…well I've read two that my other friend loaned me…unless you count the ones I read in Japan 'cause those had some sex…"

"If we're talking about sex then I've read several."

"Numair, you skank."

The companions saw their chance. "RUN!!!" Tanis shouted, and the group scattered.

Anne looked over her shoulder carelessly. "They're doing it again."

Numair looked up and shrugged. "Will wonders never cease."

The companions all dove for the woods. Raistlin hacked again, tripped over the log and rolled several feet, using colorful adjectives all the way. Caramon whirled on his heels and came back. Looking up, he saw no one else had bothered this time. Let those two suffer on their own. In the distance, Caramon could hear that the others had finally reached the barrier.

ZAP!

"Ai!"

"I suppose we have to go get them now." Numair sighed.

"Too far…you go get them."

"Fine…Wait, I've got it." Numair scribbled something down on the pad of paper and POP the companions sat around the fire again.

"We can't escape!" Flint yelled, slamming his fist against the log.

"We're happy to see you too. Anyway, back to the story…" Anne began.

"I will not degrate myself with…that mage!"

"You hurt his feelings," Anne pouted, "kiss and make up!"

"He has feelings?" Riverwind muttered to Tanis who shrugged, equally surprised.

"Aw, come on guys," Numair said, crouching down and looking into the glaring mage's hourglass eyes, "Raistlin has sex appeal…" tilting her head to the side, Numair peered closely, eyes narrowing, "…somewhere in there…"

Raistlin spat blood on Numair.

"Okay, let's set up the scene now!" Anne declared waving, horror of horrors, a full page of script in the air, complete with doodles.

"No!" Sturm shouted, sitting down into one of his depression fits.

"Come on Sturm, you've got to listen to us ladies." Anne teased, poking him.

"I don't know about you," the knight growled, pointing to Numair, "but that is not a……what in the name of…!?"

"What?"

"She was a he a minute ago!"

"Really?" Anne turned and glared at Numair, "Stop it! You're confusing them! Don't worry," she continued, patting Sturm on the arm, who flinched at the touch, "Numair's going through puberty. Hopefully she'll decide by the end."

"What is it?"

"I dunno. Let's commence! The basic plot is that our heroine is sold as a slave to a mean, course…'and unrefined! But now he's dear, and so unsure….'" Anne then broke into song. Numair continued for her.

"But our heroine uses her wit, charm, and beauty to bring him to good side of the sex life! Of course, she wants it and blah blah blah. So we've chosen some vital parts but the rest of you will have to go and…gather wood…"

"But we already did!" Tas piped up.

"That's nice. Okay, Sturm is our mean and course and 'unrefined…!" Numair broke into song. Anne took over.

"He's our mean cour—" she stopped, not wanting to go down that road again, "evil master dude. Raistlin our brave, beautiful, femme fatal…"

Tasslehoff laughed outright at Raistlin for that. We all know Raist doesn't like to be laughed at.

SWAT! "Ayeeeee!"

"Our fearsome slave-trader bad guy dude is Tanis…"

"Why?" the half-elf demanded, standing up from his spot on the log. He didn't want to be near Raistlin anymore.

"Because you're Annie's favorite character!" Numair declared, grinning from ear-to-ear. Tanis shot a death-glare in Anne's direction.

"Caramon is Sturm gimpy, weak brother that's there for moral support for them both…"

Raistlin laughed while Caramon looked dejected.

"And Tasslehoff, a hood ornament."

"Yippee!" Tasslehoff exclaimed from his current position of hanging upside-down from a tree.

"Places!" the authors declared, passing around papers and kicking the un-needed characters out into the woods. They went all too willingly, the remaining characters looking longingly after them.

Tanis scanned his paper, rolled his eyes, and began ever so unenthusiastically. "Ha, you'll sell for quite a penny, you pretty lady you." He gagged.

Numair bounded over with a pink bow and began to attempt to tie it in the mage's white hair.

"Back! Back you demon spawn from the Abyss!" Raistlin snarled, swinging his staff in an arch, keeping Numair at bay. Numair, angry, threw the bow at him. Raistlin, assured, lowered the staff, heaving. Numair took the opportunity. Diving for the bow, Numair lunged, trying to get the bow in his hair. Raistlin began slapping Numair away. The two commenced to girl-fight.

"Back down mage, I've had plenty of practice with Annie!" Numair declared, puffing up her scrawny chest and standing up on tiptoes, slapping faster.

Anne sighed. Looking over, she saw Caramon begin to get to his feet, a warning growl resounding in his throat.

"Oh shit…" Both Anne and Numair both knew the wrath of brothers, specifically Anne's five elder brothers. Quick-thinking, Anne grabbed her notepad and scribbled down quickly. Caramon found himself tied to a tree. "It's okay Car-chan, we won't hurt him. He can take care of himself…"

Turning, Anne saw Raistlin, a pink ribbon tied in a knot on his head, bitch-slap Numair rather severely.

"See?"

A few minutes later, they were finally organized. After promising Sturm there would be no severe sexual escapades, they got him to swear to go along with their little game…

"Remember Raistina," Sturm muttered, not really acting all that well, "you belong to me now, I will get you for the murder of my brother."

Raistlin stood there in silence, brooding. Numair elbowed him, glancing over her shoulder at Caramon. Having done little other than cliché acting, the big warrior had calmed down and was now working on trying to get himself free.

Raistlin growled then continued. "Oh Sturmdymion, I am so sad. But killing your brother was fun."

"Raistlin!"

Anne rolled her eyes. "Blah blah blah, the oppression, growing attraction, blah blah blah…"

The other companions arrived and dumped a few twigs onto the huge pile of kindling that had formed. "There isn't any more." Flint stated, crossing his arms angrily.

"Fine, you can watch but be quiet." Numair instructed.

"Anyway," Anne said, "let's get to the meat of the action! Sex scene!"

The authors did not notice Riverwind pulling out a knife and begin to cut Caramon loose.

"What!?" Sturm cried, "You promised!"

"Yes we did. Nothing kinky, don't worry. Alright Sturmdymion, mount him!"

Raistlin hacked, doubling over onto the ground in a severe coughing fit.

"Look! He's willing!"

"No!" Sturm shouted, horrified to his very honor-bound being.

"Fine," Numair hissed, holding up the notepad, "time to get drastic."

Everyone turned to watch Numair, including Anne. Numair scribbled something down and, with a cry of shock and anger, Sturm knelt over Raistlin unwillingly with the power of the Writer behind his actions and reached for Raistlin's robe…

BAM!!!

Thud

Thudthudthud!

Caramon had escaped his bonds in time to punch Numair in the face, sending her sprawling across camp. He whirled upon Anne, eyes aflame and resembling his twin for a moment.

"Um…I had nothing to do with that…"

Caramon snorted like an angry bull having spotted red.

"Uh…I'll be going now…Bye!"

Zoom! Anne disappeared, running like hell, though her voice wafted back to the companions through the trees.

"We'll be back next chapter!!!!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

17/12/2002: Well, that was interesting. It's a school night and we're up at 10:16 writing this (and one of us has to wake up at 5 AM… not that she is bitter…). All for our adoring public (both notice no one reading this).

Apology Corner:

Raistlin: Do you sense a theme? Yeah, sorry.

Sturm: Not only for this, but your slightly OOC-ness… although we are pretty sure you would panic like that if you had to sleep with Raistlin…

----------------------

BLOOPER!!

(for last chapter, thought it would be funny)

"How are we going to do that one?" groaned Numair. "Come on, think of something you've never seen, sexy hot elves, a naked woman!" Still nothing. "Damn, he's good."

SMACK.

Raistlin's head jerked as a bright red spot appeared where Anne had slapped him.

"There we go!" giggled Anne, patting herself on the back.

"ROAR!!!!!!" out of the trees burst Caramon, fury burning in his very essence that they had dared to strike his twin.

Yelping, Anne bolted. "Eep! Numair! Protect me!!!" Using her soccer skills Anne ran as though the ball were coming to her: away.

Numair was pushed aside as Caramon charged past after Anne's blood. Raistlin, Tanis, and Numair sat around glancing nervously at each other when they heard a BAM followed by a girly scream out in the woods.

------------------

See ya next time! Remember to hit that button down there that says "Review," There's a good person. ^_^