I got a little carried away when I wrote this chapter. ()-_- It's 100 times
longer than expected, but who says that's a bad thing? *^_~* I've just got
to once again thank all my reviewers and people who e-mailed me, I love you
all to death, you are so sweet to me! *^_^* We're getting real close to the
end of Part I, then I'll take a little break, maybe, to spit out some more
chapters to Part II and then we'll go back to hopefully posting twice a
week. I'm determined to finish this fanfic to the end so I promise that I
won't abandon it! I can't, it's become like my baby! *^_^*
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy IX and sadly never will. It is owned by the fantabulous Squaresoft who I worship and have already built my collage major around in hopes of working there! Also, there is once again a section with pieces from the games script it in. I think I forgot to include the website that has the script online last time, so here's the link. http://www.ffwa.org/ff9/script.html
-Chapter Four-
And Rumor builds.
"They told me that she is 'unstable.'"
"Unstable? What do you mean by that?"
"You know, her mind's going."
They didn't trust her.
"The palace is keeping a close watch on her. they're afraid she'll do something rash."
They couldn't understand.
"Rash?"
But they knew everything.
"Suicide."
~*~*~*~
"Happy Birthday to Me." Garnet sang to her self in a sad, cynical tone. She pulled herself up from her now usual position on the marble balcony. Her hands met her face, attempting to remove the traces of dried tears. Last night she had come upon her decision. Her mind had teased the thoughts in front of her, dangling them, taunting her, willing her to give in. The strength she used to have to push these thoughts aside, over time, had gone. She was left with the space now to entertain the thoughts, to let them grow and fester, let them be blown out of proportion. The obstinacy she had once shown against it, lost out. Rumor had won.
~*~*~*~
"Zidane Tribal was a friend to all that knew him." He wasn't dead to her. "We all loved him for hysterical dispostion and ability to make you feel like you meant the world to him." He meant the world to her. "He was always helping others out, he even gave his life to try and help out another, trying to save his brother. How Zidane could think so innocent and naivly was one of his greatest charms. He believed everyone, deep down, was good." She didn't understand. Why was he always helping people? "We will miss him dearly." He's not dead. One by one each of Zidane's loved ones paid their respects by laying a single rose onto his grave. Garnet held onto hers tightly, grasping on so hard that a thorn broke her skin and a small amount of blood was pooling in her palm. That didn't matter though, she was determined to get through this. She could, she would get through this. Crying was unacceptable, she wouldn't do such a thing in public. Each put down the rose they had, a silence was over the group. Eiko put her's down quickly and ran over to Regent Cid and Lady Hilde. They hugged her, but she didn't cry. 'Why can't I be that strong?' Garnet asked herself. 'Why am I always the one who is so weak?' Freya walked up to the empty grave and couldn't bring herself to put the flower down. The Burmecian woman tipped her hat slightly to hide the tears that were coming fast. Two strong arms wrapped arms her and helped her put the flower down. She turned and looked up at the red-headed man.
"Thank you, Amarant." He kept one arm around her. Garnet looked on with awe. 'I didn't know.' Her face was now pressed into his chest, no one was going to see her cry.
"Are you going to be okay?" He asked the woman crying in his arms, showing an affectionate said that no one else had seen before. Freya continued to cry and he stopped walking, to hold her. 'I want that again." Chocolate eyes began to fill with tears, but she quickly shook them away. Steiner, Beatrix, and Quina lay down their roses. I'm going to be strong.' Ruby, Cinna, Marcus, Blank and Baku all proceed to place their roses on the steadily growing bouquet.
The last one to set down her flower was Garnet. She put it on top of the pile, completing it. Her legs wouldn't move away from the scene, they only stood in place, unmoving, her mind completely blank except for a sole thought.
"He's not dead." She whispered to herself. "He's not." Unconciously, her hands held her stomach, thinking about the events of the weeks past. No one knew of it, it was there and gone before even Garnet herself could process the information clearly. Now, she was understanding what was happening. Her life was going on a dramatic downspiral that could only be solved by one thing, Zidane coming home to her. He wouldn't let all this happen to her. He couldn't be dead. He can't possibly be dead.
"He's not dead." She said a little louder to herself. Ruby walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder.
"Suga, s'everything okay?" Garnet shook Ruby's kind gesture off of her.
"No, everything is not okay!" Garnet stated sternly to whoever was listening. Ruby looked hurt and backed away, afraid of the queen's uncharacteristic outburst. "How can you all just give up like this?" Her fists balled and tightened. "He can't possibly be dead! He wouldn't leave us like this! He wouldn't leave me alone like this!" Angry tears dripped down her face. "He's not dead! We didn't try hard enough to find him. I know that he's not dead. He can't be. He wouldn't do this to me." She just stood there, looking at the ground, feeling all eyes present on her, but she didn't care. She wasn't alone long though, she was quickly pulled into a comforting embrace.
"We all miss him, your highness." Baku let her continue to calm down. "Zidane was like my son, I can't believe that he's gone either but, you know he wouldn't want us to be sad like this." He laughed, despite the situation.
"But it's so hard. I feel like I lost him twice." After this statement, she began crying harder.
"What do you mean?"
"Baku, Zidane and I were going to have a baby." She received many different looks from her friends, most of them indescribable. Baku, for once in his life, became serious. He held Garnet out to look at her.
"You what? How did that happen? Do you realize how young you both are? Did you think about any conciquences?" She looked down at the ground.
"I know we were stupid, we weren't thinking, we weren't careful at all. But I was so happy once I found out. I felt like I still had a part of him with me, like he didn't completely leave me. But I miscarried and now I feel as if I've lost him all over again." She took a large breath in. "He just can't be dead!" She rushed at Baku again, receiving consolance from the man who was nearly her father-in-law. Baku held her, unsure of what else to do in the situation, like a child who needed to be protected.
"It'll be okay." He offered barely excersied kind words. She just cried harder.
~*~*~*~
The voice pierced right down to her very soul. "He's dead, why don't you just accept it." It wrapped around her body.
"I will never accept it." That was a lie. Her one true love, was dead. "If he's not, then why isn't he here with you, right now?" It was suffocating her.
"He's coming back to me. He promised." Garnet's hand traveled instinctively to the ring on her finger.
"Garnet darling, he's dead. He's not coming back." The voice directed her head up to the stars. "He's there now." That fact absorbed into her mind. He was not coming back to her. "You could be with him too." So she would go to him.
"But what about my people" Her mind track flipped over to her other worry. The voice told her.
"They wouldn't care, you know that." The townspeople didn't think that she was a good enough Queen. "I've told them all about you." She knew what people said about her behind her back. "I've told them all your secrets." The things they whispered when they thought she was out of range.
She would see her closest friends once again, to say goodbye. No, she couldn't leave her friends.
"Are they really your friends, Garnet?" The voices' grasp on her became closer. "Or do they just put up with you, because they have to?" They wouldn't be let on about what she was planning, because the might try to stop her. "They wouldn't try to stop you. They would be relieved." She didn't want to be stopped, she wanted. she wanted. Did she know what she wanted? "You belong with Zidane." Unwillingly, tears formed and spilled over her lids. What did she want? The question continued to nag at her. What did she want? The voice told her. "You want to feel whole again." Yes, that's what she wanted. But how? "Zidane made you whole." She loved him, she only wanted to be with him. "Do you want to join him?" Yes.
~*~*~*~
She didn't know how, but she knew when, directly after the performance. She would have to act as normal as possible, if anyone anticipated her actions, it would be all over. It had to be done tonight, before she lost her nerve.
"What the hell am I thinking?!" she exclaimed as she grabbed her head. Why was she thinking this way? What was happening to her sense of reason? Why was she letting 'It' take over her mind? In her frustration, she ran her arms across the top of the rosewood dresser, smashing all of its contents onto the floor. Her legs gave out as she felt herself collapse into tears on the ground. Almost by the will of an unseen force, a small piece of paper floated down and fell onto the ground next to her. She started at it a moment, examining the perfect, but childish, handwriting on the front of the envelope. Her fingers shaking, she opened the letter that she had read countless amounts of times before. She let her eyes take in the words once again, holding more meaning this time than previous ones.
"I'm so stupid." She dropped the letter. "I've already forgotten. Zidane would never forgive me for this." Tilting her head ever so slightly upwards, she muttered a barely audible phrase to a friend that had meant so much to her. The one that reminded her why she had to live. "Thank you, Vivi. for saving me."
~*~*~*~
"I always talked about you Zidane. How you were a very special person to us, because you taught us all how important life is.
"You taught me that life doesn't last forever. That's why we have to help each other and live life to the fullest.
"Even if you say goodbye, you'll always be in our hearts. So, I know we're not alone anymore.
"Why I was born. How I wanted to live. Thanks for giving me time to think.
"To keep doing what you set your heart on. It's a very hard thing to do. We were all so courageous.
"What to do when I felt lonely. That was the only thing you couldn't teach me. But we need to figure out the answer for ourselves.
"I'm so happy I met everyone. I wish we could've gone on more adventures. But I guess we all have to say goodbye someday.
"Everyone. Thank you. Farewell.
"My memories will be part of the sky."
Did you like? I hope so! I may or may not be able to post the next chapter on Monday, I have an Anime Workshop *yatta!* that I'm attending this weekend. I've been looking forward to it since last year when they had the first one, and I'm so excited for it! There's going to be a lot of professors and researchers talking about anime, manga, and Japanese culture, plus the wonderfully fun anime screenings in a theatre! *^____^* Nothing ever beats out watching Furi Kuri *FLCL* in a theatre. Nothing. Since I'm already plugging it enough, I'll give the website for information if you want to go, I'm sure they are still accepting people. It's http://www.mcad.edu/anime and it's in Minneapolis, MN. ::squeals with delight:: I'm just a little excited. ()-_-
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy IX and sadly never will. It is owned by the fantabulous Squaresoft who I worship and have already built my collage major around in hopes of working there! Also, there is once again a section with pieces from the games script it in. I think I forgot to include the website that has the script online last time, so here's the link. http://www.ffwa.org/ff9/script.html
-Chapter Four-
And Rumor builds.
"They told me that she is 'unstable.'"
"Unstable? What do you mean by that?"
"You know, her mind's going."
They didn't trust her.
"The palace is keeping a close watch on her. they're afraid she'll do something rash."
They couldn't understand.
"Rash?"
But they knew everything.
"Suicide."
~*~*~*~
"Happy Birthday to Me." Garnet sang to her self in a sad, cynical tone. She pulled herself up from her now usual position on the marble balcony. Her hands met her face, attempting to remove the traces of dried tears. Last night she had come upon her decision. Her mind had teased the thoughts in front of her, dangling them, taunting her, willing her to give in. The strength she used to have to push these thoughts aside, over time, had gone. She was left with the space now to entertain the thoughts, to let them grow and fester, let them be blown out of proportion. The obstinacy she had once shown against it, lost out. Rumor had won.
~*~*~*~
"Zidane Tribal was a friend to all that knew him." He wasn't dead to her. "We all loved him for hysterical dispostion and ability to make you feel like you meant the world to him." He meant the world to her. "He was always helping others out, he even gave his life to try and help out another, trying to save his brother. How Zidane could think so innocent and naivly was one of his greatest charms. He believed everyone, deep down, was good." She didn't understand. Why was he always helping people? "We will miss him dearly." He's not dead. One by one each of Zidane's loved ones paid their respects by laying a single rose onto his grave. Garnet held onto hers tightly, grasping on so hard that a thorn broke her skin and a small amount of blood was pooling in her palm. That didn't matter though, she was determined to get through this. She could, she would get through this. Crying was unacceptable, she wouldn't do such a thing in public. Each put down the rose they had, a silence was over the group. Eiko put her's down quickly and ran over to Regent Cid and Lady Hilde. They hugged her, but she didn't cry. 'Why can't I be that strong?' Garnet asked herself. 'Why am I always the one who is so weak?' Freya walked up to the empty grave and couldn't bring herself to put the flower down. The Burmecian woman tipped her hat slightly to hide the tears that were coming fast. Two strong arms wrapped arms her and helped her put the flower down. She turned and looked up at the red-headed man.
"Thank you, Amarant." He kept one arm around her. Garnet looked on with awe. 'I didn't know.' Her face was now pressed into his chest, no one was going to see her cry.
"Are you going to be okay?" He asked the woman crying in his arms, showing an affectionate said that no one else had seen before. Freya continued to cry and he stopped walking, to hold her. 'I want that again." Chocolate eyes began to fill with tears, but she quickly shook them away. Steiner, Beatrix, and Quina lay down their roses. I'm going to be strong.' Ruby, Cinna, Marcus, Blank and Baku all proceed to place their roses on the steadily growing bouquet.
The last one to set down her flower was Garnet. She put it on top of the pile, completing it. Her legs wouldn't move away from the scene, they only stood in place, unmoving, her mind completely blank except for a sole thought.
"He's not dead." She whispered to herself. "He's not." Unconciously, her hands held her stomach, thinking about the events of the weeks past. No one knew of it, it was there and gone before even Garnet herself could process the information clearly. Now, she was understanding what was happening. Her life was going on a dramatic downspiral that could only be solved by one thing, Zidane coming home to her. He wouldn't let all this happen to her. He couldn't be dead. He can't possibly be dead.
"He's not dead." She said a little louder to herself. Ruby walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder.
"Suga, s'everything okay?" Garnet shook Ruby's kind gesture off of her.
"No, everything is not okay!" Garnet stated sternly to whoever was listening. Ruby looked hurt and backed away, afraid of the queen's uncharacteristic outburst. "How can you all just give up like this?" Her fists balled and tightened. "He can't possibly be dead! He wouldn't leave us like this! He wouldn't leave me alone like this!" Angry tears dripped down her face. "He's not dead! We didn't try hard enough to find him. I know that he's not dead. He can't be. He wouldn't do this to me." She just stood there, looking at the ground, feeling all eyes present on her, but she didn't care. She wasn't alone long though, she was quickly pulled into a comforting embrace.
"We all miss him, your highness." Baku let her continue to calm down. "Zidane was like my son, I can't believe that he's gone either but, you know he wouldn't want us to be sad like this." He laughed, despite the situation.
"But it's so hard. I feel like I lost him twice." After this statement, she began crying harder.
"What do you mean?"
"Baku, Zidane and I were going to have a baby." She received many different looks from her friends, most of them indescribable. Baku, for once in his life, became serious. He held Garnet out to look at her.
"You what? How did that happen? Do you realize how young you both are? Did you think about any conciquences?" She looked down at the ground.
"I know we were stupid, we weren't thinking, we weren't careful at all. But I was so happy once I found out. I felt like I still had a part of him with me, like he didn't completely leave me. But I miscarried and now I feel as if I've lost him all over again." She took a large breath in. "He just can't be dead!" She rushed at Baku again, receiving consolance from the man who was nearly her father-in-law. Baku held her, unsure of what else to do in the situation, like a child who needed to be protected.
"It'll be okay." He offered barely excersied kind words. She just cried harder.
~*~*~*~
The voice pierced right down to her very soul. "He's dead, why don't you just accept it." It wrapped around her body.
"I will never accept it." That was a lie. Her one true love, was dead. "If he's not, then why isn't he here with you, right now?" It was suffocating her.
"He's coming back to me. He promised." Garnet's hand traveled instinctively to the ring on her finger.
"Garnet darling, he's dead. He's not coming back." The voice directed her head up to the stars. "He's there now." That fact absorbed into her mind. He was not coming back to her. "You could be with him too." So she would go to him.
"But what about my people" Her mind track flipped over to her other worry. The voice told her.
"They wouldn't care, you know that." The townspeople didn't think that she was a good enough Queen. "I've told them all about you." She knew what people said about her behind her back. "I've told them all your secrets." The things they whispered when they thought she was out of range.
She would see her closest friends once again, to say goodbye. No, she couldn't leave her friends.
"Are they really your friends, Garnet?" The voices' grasp on her became closer. "Or do they just put up with you, because they have to?" They wouldn't be let on about what she was planning, because the might try to stop her. "They wouldn't try to stop you. They would be relieved." She didn't want to be stopped, she wanted. she wanted. Did she know what she wanted? "You belong with Zidane." Unwillingly, tears formed and spilled over her lids. What did she want? The question continued to nag at her. What did she want? The voice told her. "You want to feel whole again." Yes, that's what she wanted. But how? "Zidane made you whole." She loved him, she only wanted to be with him. "Do you want to join him?" Yes.
~*~*~*~
She didn't know how, but she knew when, directly after the performance. She would have to act as normal as possible, if anyone anticipated her actions, it would be all over. It had to be done tonight, before she lost her nerve.
"What the hell am I thinking?!" she exclaimed as she grabbed her head. Why was she thinking this way? What was happening to her sense of reason? Why was she letting 'It' take over her mind? In her frustration, she ran her arms across the top of the rosewood dresser, smashing all of its contents onto the floor. Her legs gave out as she felt herself collapse into tears on the ground. Almost by the will of an unseen force, a small piece of paper floated down and fell onto the ground next to her. She started at it a moment, examining the perfect, but childish, handwriting on the front of the envelope. Her fingers shaking, she opened the letter that she had read countless amounts of times before. She let her eyes take in the words once again, holding more meaning this time than previous ones.
"I'm so stupid." She dropped the letter. "I've already forgotten. Zidane would never forgive me for this." Tilting her head ever so slightly upwards, she muttered a barely audible phrase to a friend that had meant so much to her. The one that reminded her why she had to live. "Thank you, Vivi. for saving me."
~*~*~*~
"I always talked about you Zidane. How you were a very special person to us, because you taught us all how important life is.
"You taught me that life doesn't last forever. That's why we have to help each other and live life to the fullest.
"Even if you say goodbye, you'll always be in our hearts. So, I know we're not alone anymore.
"Why I was born. How I wanted to live. Thanks for giving me time to think.
"To keep doing what you set your heart on. It's a very hard thing to do. We were all so courageous.
"What to do when I felt lonely. That was the only thing you couldn't teach me. But we need to figure out the answer for ourselves.
"I'm so happy I met everyone. I wish we could've gone on more adventures. But I guess we all have to say goodbye someday.
"Everyone. Thank you. Farewell.
"My memories will be part of the sky."
Did you like? I hope so! I may or may not be able to post the next chapter on Monday, I have an Anime Workshop *yatta!* that I'm attending this weekend. I've been looking forward to it since last year when they had the first one, and I'm so excited for it! There's going to be a lot of professors and researchers talking about anime, manga, and Japanese culture, plus the wonderfully fun anime screenings in a theatre! *^____^* Nothing ever beats out watching Furi Kuri *FLCL* in a theatre. Nothing. Since I'm already plugging it enough, I'll give the website for information if you want to go, I'm sure they are still accepting people. It's http://www.mcad.edu/anime and it's in Minneapolis, MN. ::squeals with delight:: I'm just a little excited. ()-_-