Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, I'm only borrowing them for a short time & promise to return them as good as new J I'm not making any money from this & no infringement is intended.
Love Has Come
By Melanie-Anne
Part 6 – Fractured
Waking up in Harm's arms was something she could get used to, Mac decided. He was still asleep and as she shifted, he pulled her closer and moaned.
She couldn't help smiling, glad that she'd stayed. Harm was with her, she could get though this, and everything would be okay. It had to be. Speaking to a stranger about what had happened to her wasn't exactly on her list of things she wanted to do, but she didn't think it was a bad idea. If their roles were reversed, she'd be encouraging Harm to do it, although not for a second did she wish that what had happened to her had happened to him instead. Maybe talking about the whole… ordeal would help her remember what had happened, even if she didn't want to know. What she did want to remember was who had been responsible. She had a feeling that if she could just remember enough to see their faces, that she'd remember their names too.
And then they would be found and punished.
And then it would be over.
Right?
"Mmm…good morning." Harm smiled sleepily and stretched.
"You can sleep longer, Harm. It's only 0633."
"I was having the best dream," he mumbled into her neck. "But being awake with you is better."
She laughed and he realized that it was the first time she'd laughed since she'd returned.
"Thank you for staying, Harm."
"Hey, you didn't think it would be that easy to get rid of me, did you?"
"If I'd have had to put up with me, I'd have left long ago."
"Sarah, I'm not going anywhere. You're going to be stuck with me for a long time."
Mac was still plagued with self-doubt, despite Harm's assurances. "Are you sure? I mean…I…it's…they-"
"Sarah, shh."
"You don't even know what they did to me. I don't know what they did! I'm not sure what they did! I'm not sure I even want to know. I remember some things…horrible things-" she broke off, wiping away tears with her sleeve.
"What do you remember?"
"They called me names…and said…and said-"
"Aw, don't cry. Please." It killed him to see her like this. He was angry too. Angry at whoever had hurt her.
Mac shook her head. She couldn't tell him what she had been about to. "I could have told you I wasn't pregnant, Harm," she whispered instead.
"What? What do you mean?"
"Just…just because you're locked up, it doesn't mean that you body stops…stops functioning." Her face contorted as she forced herself to continue. "I…I asked them for tissues or something but they didn't give me anything. They just brought out the hose and laughed at me. And it hurt so much. And they just laughed!"
"What else do you remember?" Harm asked.
"Nothing," she sniffed. "I'm sorry, it's all bits and pieces."
"That's okay." He started rubbing her back, trying to calm her. "I'll phone for an appointment today, okay?"
She gave a tiny nod.
"Good. We'll get through this. I love you."
"You keep saying that!" Mac wailed and covered her face with her hands. "Why? Why would you still want me?"
"I thought we went through this already."
"You deserve better," she said sadly.
"Come with me." Harm got out of bed and pulled her to her feet, then led her to the full-length mirror next to her closet. He stood behind her, his hands on her shoulders. "What do you see?"
Mac held her breath and raised her head, studying the image in the mirror in silence.
"A marine who needs a haircut," she said.
"Look closer. 'Cause what I see is a beautiful, strong woman who had something terrible happen to her, but she survived it and she's going to be okay."
Wow, Mac thought. I wish I could see myself through your eyes.
"I think you should go back to JAG," she said, turning to face him again.
"Mac- What will you do? For my own peace of mind, I don't want to leave you here by yourself. I still get scared that having you back is just a dream."
"Well, I've been thinking. I need to do something with my time or I might just end up losing my mind. So maybe I could go back part-time and see a…see someone near there."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Well, I'll see what the Admiral thinks."
"Okay…so what are you making me for breakfast?"
*
At 1300 that afternoon, Mac and Harm pulled up outside the Center for Multicultural Studies in Falls Church. Mac was nervous and chewed on her nails as Harm searched for parking.
"Harm, wait. I've changed my mind."
He sighed.
"Harm, please, I can't. Please?"
"Sarah, just give it a try. Just once. If it's really that bad, you don't have to come back."
"Okay," she whispered, gripping Harm's hand tightly as they entered the building. The receptionist smiled as they approached her desk.
"Can I help you?" she asked brightly.
"Yes. My name is Harmon Rabb, I called earlier-"
"Oh, yes." Her smile grew wider. "Annelie's expecting you. Take the elevator to the third floor. It's the second door on the right."
"Thanks."
Mac leaned against the wall of the elevator, her head throbbing.
"Hey, we're here," Harm said and her eyes snapped open.
Harm knocked on the door and a woman called, "Come in!"
"Hi, I'm Harmon Rabb. This is Sarah Mackenzie," he said.
"Annelie Marx." She stood to greet them and Harm unconsciously studied her as she walked over to them. She was taller than Mac but still shorter than he was and had dark hair with a touch of gray at her temples.
"You're friends of AJ's, right?"
Harm nodded. "Yeah. We work for him at JAG."
"Ah, so you're navy people?"
"I am. Used to be a pilot but I guess I was meant to be a lawyer."
Annelie laughed. "Is that you or AJ talking?"
Harm shrugged non-committally.
"And you, Sarah?"
"Marine," she said.
"And obviously also a lawyer?"
Mac nodded.
Annelie looked at Harm. He got her message loud and clear.
"Mac, I'm going to go past JAG to see the admiral. I'll be back in an hour to pick you up, okay?"
"Okay."
He kissed her forehead and she jumped back, holding her hand to where his lips had been. She was staring at him with wide eyes.
"Mac, what's wrong? What did I do?"
She moved her lips to speak and for a while no sound came out.
"Sarah?"
"They – one of them – he had a beard."
Harm rubbed his chin, his stubble pricking his fingers. There wasn't that much growth but it had obviously scratched Mac, bringing back that unwanted memory.
"Mac, honey, I'm sorry…."
"Why don't you take a seat, Sarah? Commander, could I speak to you outside?"
Harm nodded. "Please, call me Harm."
"Harm, AJ told me what happened that day he came to visit. I won't lie to you and say I know exactly what she's going through, but I've been involved in this program for many years. It's going to be hard and I can't promise that she'll be the same woman you fell in love or if she'll even recover completely, but she is lucky to have you in her life. Still, you can't apologize for what happened to her."
"What do you mean?"
"Do you feel guilty? That you were somehow responsible for this?"
"I left her. I drove off without-"
"Stop right there. It is not your fault. And if you don't stop blaming yourself, she's going to pick up on that and she'll transfer the blame from someone she can't see to someone she can."
"Me," Harm whispered.
"Yeah."
"Thank you, Mrs. Marx."
She grinned. "Annelie."
Annelie waved him off and walked back into her office. "If I were twenty-five years younger," she said, smiling at Mac. "How long have you two been together?"
"We're not…I mean, we're just friends…well, not just friends but not…a couple."
"Oh." Annelie didn't even try to disguise her surprise. "I thought- Oh, never mind. Which do you prefer, Mac or Sarah?"
Mac shrugged. "Doesn't matter."
"So tell me, what's it like at JAG?"
"It's okay. I haven't been back since…well, you know. How do you know the admiral?"
Annelie's green eyes twinkled as she leaned forward, "I went out with him in high school."
"Really?"
"Really. And then I married his best friend."
Mac smiled, relaxing slightly. She'd missed talking to another woman like this.
*
All eyes turned to Harm when he stepped out of the elevator at JAG. He nodded his greeting and strode towards to the admiral's office. Even though he was in his civvies, his co-workers stood at attention as he passed.
"Uh, sir? How is the colonel?" Harriet asked in a low voice.
"She's doing fine, Harriet. I'll tell her you asked about her."
"She's not home alone, is she?"
"No."
Harm could see that Harriet was dying to ask more. "Tiner, is the Admiral free?" he asked.
"Let me see."
Harm smiled at Harriet who was still lurking in the doorway.
"He'll see you now, sir," Tiner said.
"Thank you."
AJ rose from his seat and walked around his desk so that he stood face to face with Harm.
"At ease," he said, a faint smile on his lips. "It's good to see you, Commander. But I take it you're not ready to come back to work just yet?" He gestured to Harm's civilian attire.
"Uh, no, sir. That's actually what I came to talk to you about."
"Go on."
"Well, Mac and I have spoken and she's decided to go with the counseling. Well, that's if today's session goes alright."
"Where did she decide to go?"
"Uh, the one here in Falls Church." Harm pulled a crumpled brochure from his pocket. He'd picked it up on his way out. "The Program for Survivors of Torture and Severe Trauma," he read, then handed the piece of paper to AJ.
AJ smiled. "You must have met Annelie then. Mac's in good hands."
Harm nodded, wondering how she was doing.
"Does she want to come back?"
"Yeah. Not full-time though. She says she's not ready for court or anything hectic but she's really bored at home. I think it'll be okay. She was really down after finding out that she'd been- you know. But I think it's a good sign that she's talking to someone about it, right?"
AJ nodded.
"I don't think she'll want a huge fuss made over her return. She likes her privacy and you know how the scuttlebutt works-"
"I haven't-"
"I'm not implying-"
"I know. I just want to say I understand."
"Thank you, sir."
"And what about you?"
"I'm returning as well."
"Full-time?"
"Yes, sir."
"I'm glad to hear that."
"There's, uh, one more thing." Harm stared past AJ, out the window.
"Yes?"
"About the issue of, uh, fraternization and, uh, improper conduct," he mumbled.
"Harm, nothing between you and Mac could ever be considered improper," AJ said gently. He had been waiting forever for the two officers to get together. Sometimes the rules had to be bent.
"Thank you, sir."
"Take things one day at a time and let me know when I have to rethink how I assign cases."
What could he mean by that? Harm wondered.
"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." He saluted, turned sharply and had his hand on the doorknob when something occurred to him.
"Uh, sir, you wouldn't happen to have a razor blade lying around, would you?"
*
"Well, now you know all about me," Annelie said. "Tell me about yourself. Who is Sarah Mackenzie?"
Mac frowned. "I lived with my dad for most of my life. My mom left us when I was just a kid and my dad was an alcoholic. I hated him. He never hit me or did anything physical but…you know. So I followed his example and turned to the bottle myself. And then my friend Eddie was killed in a car accident. I was there. We'd all been drinking…."
"What happened after that?"
"My uncle Matt came to my rescue. He got me dried out and helped me get my life back on track. I guess I became a marine because of him." She smiled fondly. "He's in Leavenworth now."
Annelie couldn't help the giggle that burst through her lips. "I'm sorry. Are you serious?"
"Yeah."
"And how does Harm fit into your life?"
A faraway look came into Mac's eyes. "We met in a rose garden. I reminded him of a dead lover and the first time we kissed, I was convinced he was kissing her." She sighed. "I don't remember when I started loving him. But everything's so complicated, especially now. I mean, aside from all of this-" she waved her hands around "-there's the Chain of Command we're in."
"The course of true love never did run smooth," Annelie quoted.
"Tell me about it!" Mac groaned.
"And what was your relationship just before you were abducted?" Annelie prodded.
"Friends. We were – are – best friends."
"Are you happy with that?"
"I thought I was here to talk about the abduction!" Mac snapped.
"I'm getting to that."
"Sorry."
"Well?"
"I don't know."
"Are you angry with him?"
"Why would I be angry with him?" Mac looked at Annelie as if she'd suddenly sprouted another head.
"He couldn't protect you from the men who did this."
"It's not his fault!"
"Then are you angry with yourself?"
"I'm a marine," Mac muttered. "I've been trained to defend myself. I survived Bosnia! They shouldn't have been able to attack me. I should have been able to defend myself…."
Annelie held out a box of Kleenex. Mac took one and wiped her eyes.
"They think I'm weak."
"Who?"
"Everyone."
"No. They don't think that. They're concerned about you because they care for you."
"But…but the admiral knows."
"Knows what?"
"That I was…raped," she whispered.
"So?" Annelie's response surprised Mac. "Do you think that it makes you less of a person?"
Mac swallowed uncomfortably.
"Listen to me, Sarah, you're not weak. You're not half a person. You're a beautiful young woman with your whole life ahead of you and you have a handsome sailor out there who obviously adores you. That's a hell of a lot more than most people have."
"It's still hard," Mac said.
"I know. But my point is that you don't have to do it alone. You have Harm and now you have me."
There was a knock at the door.
"That's probably your sailor now," Annelie said.
"Thank you," Mac said, smiling.
"Hey, ninja girl, you okay?" Harm asked.
Mac nodded. "Yeah." She had to stand on her toes to hug Harm and when she realized he was clean-shaven, she couldn't help grinning.
"I'll see you soon," she said to Annelie, then left the office, her hand clasped tightly in Harm's.