He made his way back to the door that would lead him to the ecstasy of the pool area. The hallway smelled stronger of stale beer, but at least now the lighting was better. The dress he was wearing came equipped with a flashlight in the front pocket. The light shone around the hallway revealing details James could not see before. A strange liquid, almost like water, was puddled in various spots along the hallway. Roaches and other vermin scurried about, casting strange shadows on the wall. But James was not to be deterred. He pushed the key hard into it's place in the door. He turned it sharply. He thrust open the door. He stopped and stared in amazement. His jaw dropped to the floor.
James was not greeted with what he expected. He was hoping for bikini-clad, big breasted woman to be scattered around the pool. He was hoping to chase some muff around the pool. He was hoping to get laid a million times by a million different woman. This was not the case. The occupants of the pool weren't wearing clothes, but this did not excite James. Not even his pretty new dress could keep a smile on his face. He withdrew his plank from his hiding place under his skirt. He pressed the R2 button to ready his attack. He edged closer to the pool. He swung, 'smack!,' first one down. 'Pow!,' another. 'Whack!,' add a notch.
To James, it would've been more exciting if they would've put up a fight. Instead, they simply stood still and took what was coming to them. The first one was the easiest. They second made an attempt to puke, but was knocked out by a swift pow to the head. The third accepted it's fate, and offered it's head towards James. James was still not happy. If he didn't see some action soon he might go insane.
Professionals think it's a little too late for that.
Much to James' surprise, a shopping cart sat in the middle of the pool. Inside this shopping cart rested a handgun. Inside the handgun was a full clip. 'Better than nothing,' he thought. He picked up the handgun and noticed something glimmering in the bottom of the cart. He picked up what appeared to be a coin with an engraving of a snake on it. "What the hell? Is this Canadian? I can't use this!" he exclaimed, and tossed the coin aside. He checked his map again and noticed that in order to exit these crazy apartments he would have to leap to the next building from an upstairs window and out a blue door. So he made his way back inside, to the second floor, out a fire escape, and into the neighboring apartments. Nothing special awaited him.
After some searching he found one of the things he was looking for. A blue door. Plain as day. Every other door in the place was brown, so it stood out. He tried the handle. "Locked! Jebus...," he stated, but no one heard him.
"Locked?! What now?" He thought for a moment. Then it hit him. "Of course!," he cried. "I'll just use my handgun and blast open the door!" He aimed his gun, fired, and missed. The bullet ricochet off the door and out a nearby window. "Whew, that was close. Good thing it didn't come back towards me." He moved closer to the door and aimed again. He squeezed the trigger and with a flash and a tiny explosion the door knob came flying off, landing somewhere nearby. He smashed into the door, and it burst open, James falling to the floor inside. He wished he hadn't done that.
Of all the problems in the world, alcoholism seems to be less of a problem and more of a disease. Many people suffer from this, yet no one seems to do anything about it. Some try, but to no avail. They join support groups, go to meetings, even try beating their spouses, but nothing works. People enjoy alcohol and it's effects too much to give it up. A prohibition was tried once, but some short time later, it was repelled. In the words of a great man, "Alcohol is the cause of, and solution to all of life's problems."
Waiting on the other side of the blue door was something terrible. Something no one wanted to see. Something so terrifying, so horrible, Hitler himself would leap out of his skin at the sight of it. Something that would, and did, make James pee his pants. Seeing as how he wasn't wearing pants, he peed his dress instead. There, hunched in the corner, sitting on the floor, his back to James, sat Pyramid Head. Lying next to Pyramid Head was a knife that could only be described as great. In Pyramid Head's hand was a beer keg. To one side was a staircase, but it was flooded. The door behind him suddenly locked for no reason, which seemed an impossible feat, seeing as how there was no longer a doorknob on the other side. Pyramid Head sat on the ground, rocking back and forth, drinking from the keg like it was a regular can of beer. Numerous other kegs sat around him. Some empty, some waiting to be drank. He finished the one he was holding, smashed it against his head, crumpling it, and tossed it back towards James, almost hitting him. James let out a squeal as the giant crushed keg soared past his head, hitting the wall with a loud, metallic clang, and falling to the floor with a softer noise of the same properties.
"Keg's don't go squeal," thought Pyramid Head out loud. He turned around and was surprised to see a rather odd sight indeed. There stood a man, wearing a pink dress with flowers, and a fresh urine stain down the front, pointing a gun at his head.
James fired as the beast turned ever so slowly around. The bullet bounced off Pyramid Head's head, and landed on the floor with a ping.
Pyramid Head stood up as fast as his body would let him, which was slower than a one-legged turtle, picked up his great knife, and made his way towards James.
James stood still, overcome by an emotion he had not felt in a while. Something he remembered to be a wonderful emotion. He believed it to be happiness. Or joy. Or laughter. Something like that. Either way, he could stand it no longer. His legs buckled and his mind bubbled. He let out a laugh that sounded more of a little girl's laugh than one of a grown man's. His eyes welled up with tears and his gut started hurting.
Pyramid Head stopped in his tracks, and swayed a little as he stood there.
"What're yous laughing at?"
"Teehee... hee hee hee ho ho ah ha ha ha ha ha... oh, man... you're too much...," chuckled James.
"Listen here buddy, I'm not here for your amusement. So I suggest yous shut your pie hole, unless yous want me to shut it for yous," growled Pyramid Head.
"I... I can't... hehe... I can't help it! It's just... it's just... ha ha... he..."
"Yous find something comical about my appearance do yous?"
"Yes... ha HA HA ha ha ha... you... look... like... he he hehehe... you look like... an IDIOT! You're obviously drunk as hell, you can barely stand, and you're trying to drag this enormous knife around! Ha hahaha... oh, mercy..." He wiped a tear from his eye.
"Who the hell are yous to say anything, you... *hiccup*... you're walking around in a *hiccup* in a dress! And I'm the *hiccup* idiot? I outta chop yer head off for that! *hiccup*"
"Whatever you say... hehe... you whacko! Speaking of dresses, that's a nice apron you have on yourself! Where'd you get it? Tall and Stupid!? Ha, hahahahahahaha.... hahaha..."
"Come 'er yous!" Pyramid Head grabbed James by the throat and lifted him several feet into the air. But the combination of his drunkenness and James' weight forced him to drop James. James landed on the floor with a dull thud, and rolled over laughing. This did not anger Pyramid Head for he was too busy crying. This just wasn't his day.
James on the other hand was having the time of his life. Before him stood one of the drunkest monsters he'd ever seen, and it had the worst fashion taste. Who's ever heard of a giant pyramid head attachment with a butcher's apron in the middle of august. At least James' dress matched his pink socks.
"Aww, what's the matter PHead baby? Is mean Mr. James too heavy for you? That's too bad... Maybe you should lay off the booze!" This sent James into hysterical laughter.
"Quit it... Stop... stop being so mean! I can't take it!" screamed Pyramid Head. He started walking towards the flooded staircase. "I stands it 'till I stands no more! I'm just going to kill my self! Will that make you happy?!"
But James couldn't answer. He was too busy laughing too hard.
"Fine! Yous just... Yous just lay there, enjoy yourself! Have a ball! I don't care! No one will miss me, and that's fine! I'm... I'm going to do it... Don't bother trying to stop me neither!"
James just couldn't pull himself together long enough to make a coherent reply.
"Alright, here I go!" Pyramid Head stepped closer to the water. "This is it. The end. Bye bye *hiccup* cruel world!" He stepped closer. Closer. Closer still. Another five steps and he'd be there. He raised his left foot, moved it forward, then put it on the ground. He started to lift his right foot, but couldn't. It was blocked by his left foot. Pyramid Head hadn't calculated for this, and he came tumbling down to the ground, hard and fast.
This was too much for James. He couldn't stand it. He hadn't laughed this hard since, well, he couldn't remember a time he'd laughed this hard. His sides hurt, he couldn't breathe, and his heart was beating faster than his brain could keep up with.
Pyramid Head did not find this amusing at all. He slowly picked himself up, stumbled to the edge of the staircase, where it met with the water, and walked to the bottom.
James still lay on the floor, rolling around and laughing like there was no tomorrow. Only after he realized he was alone did he finally stop. This was later noted as being twenty minutes after Pyramid Head had attempted to drown himself.
Pyramid Head sat at the bottom of the flooded staircase, hearing James' maniacal laughter above. "Nuts to this," he thought. He spied a door through the murky water and proceeded to open it. The water came flowing out, carrying a soggy Pyramid Head with it.
James stood up and looked around. The flooded stairwell was no longer flooded. He checked his map and noticed that the door at the bottom would lead into the outside world, back onto the main road, past the barricade. He cautiously approached the staircase and made his way down, keeping his eye out for his new friend. The door at the bottom was wide open and the water trailed out that way, so he figured PHead went out it. So he followed.
James was not greeted with what he expected. He was hoping for bikini-clad, big breasted woman to be scattered around the pool. He was hoping to chase some muff around the pool. He was hoping to get laid a million times by a million different woman. This was not the case. The occupants of the pool weren't wearing clothes, but this did not excite James. Not even his pretty new dress could keep a smile on his face. He withdrew his plank from his hiding place under his skirt. He pressed the R2 button to ready his attack. He edged closer to the pool. He swung, 'smack!,' first one down. 'Pow!,' another. 'Whack!,' add a notch.
To James, it would've been more exciting if they would've put up a fight. Instead, they simply stood still and took what was coming to them. The first one was the easiest. They second made an attempt to puke, but was knocked out by a swift pow to the head. The third accepted it's fate, and offered it's head towards James. James was still not happy. If he didn't see some action soon he might go insane.
Professionals think it's a little too late for that.
Much to James' surprise, a shopping cart sat in the middle of the pool. Inside this shopping cart rested a handgun. Inside the handgun was a full clip. 'Better than nothing,' he thought. He picked up the handgun and noticed something glimmering in the bottom of the cart. He picked up what appeared to be a coin with an engraving of a snake on it. "What the hell? Is this Canadian? I can't use this!" he exclaimed, and tossed the coin aside. He checked his map again and noticed that in order to exit these crazy apartments he would have to leap to the next building from an upstairs window and out a blue door. So he made his way back inside, to the second floor, out a fire escape, and into the neighboring apartments. Nothing special awaited him.
After some searching he found one of the things he was looking for. A blue door. Plain as day. Every other door in the place was brown, so it stood out. He tried the handle. "Locked! Jebus...," he stated, but no one heard him.
"Locked?! What now?" He thought for a moment. Then it hit him. "Of course!," he cried. "I'll just use my handgun and blast open the door!" He aimed his gun, fired, and missed. The bullet ricochet off the door and out a nearby window. "Whew, that was close. Good thing it didn't come back towards me." He moved closer to the door and aimed again. He squeezed the trigger and with a flash and a tiny explosion the door knob came flying off, landing somewhere nearby. He smashed into the door, and it burst open, James falling to the floor inside. He wished he hadn't done that.
Of all the problems in the world, alcoholism seems to be less of a problem and more of a disease. Many people suffer from this, yet no one seems to do anything about it. Some try, but to no avail. They join support groups, go to meetings, even try beating their spouses, but nothing works. People enjoy alcohol and it's effects too much to give it up. A prohibition was tried once, but some short time later, it was repelled. In the words of a great man, "Alcohol is the cause of, and solution to all of life's problems."
Waiting on the other side of the blue door was something terrible. Something no one wanted to see. Something so terrifying, so horrible, Hitler himself would leap out of his skin at the sight of it. Something that would, and did, make James pee his pants. Seeing as how he wasn't wearing pants, he peed his dress instead. There, hunched in the corner, sitting on the floor, his back to James, sat Pyramid Head. Lying next to Pyramid Head was a knife that could only be described as great. In Pyramid Head's hand was a beer keg. To one side was a staircase, but it was flooded. The door behind him suddenly locked for no reason, which seemed an impossible feat, seeing as how there was no longer a doorknob on the other side. Pyramid Head sat on the ground, rocking back and forth, drinking from the keg like it was a regular can of beer. Numerous other kegs sat around him. Some empty, some waiting to be drank. He finished the one he was holding, smashed it against his head, crumpling it, and tossed it back towards James, almost hitting him. James let out a squeal as the giant crushed keg soared past his head, hitting the wall with a loud, metallic clang, and falling to the floor with a softer noise of the same properties.
"Keg's don't go squeal," thought Pyramid Head out loud. He turned around and was surprised to see a rather odd sight indeed. There stood a man, wearing a pink dress with flowers, and a fresh urine stain down the front, pointing a gun at his head.
James fired as the beast turned ever so slowly around. The bullet bounced off Pyramid Head's head, and landed on the floor with a ping.
Pyramid Head stood up as fast as his body would let him, which was slower than a one-legged turtle, picked up his great knife, and made his way towards James.
James stood still, overcome by an emotion he had not felt in a while. Something he remembered to be a wonderful emotion. He believed it to be happiness. Or joy. Or laughter. Something like that. Either way, he could stand it no longer. His legs buckled and his mind bubbled. He let out a laugh that sounded more of a little girl's laugh than one of a grown man's. His eyes welled up with tears and his gut started hurting.
Pyramid Head stopped in his tracks, and swayed a little as he stood there.
"What're yous laughing at?"
"Teehee... hee hee hee ho ho ah ha ha ha ha ha... oh, man... you're too much...," chuckled James.
"Listen here buddy, I'm not here for your amusement. So I suggest yous shut your pie hole, unless yous want me to shut it for yous," growled Pyramid Head.
"I... I can't... hehe... I can't help it! It's just... it's just... ha ha... he..."
"Yous find something comical about my appearance do yous?"
"Yes... ha HA HA ha ha ha... you... look... like... he he hehehe... you look like... an IDIOT! You're obviously drunk as hell, you can barely stand, and you're trying to drag this enormous knife around! Ha hahaha... oh, mercy..." He wiped a tear from his eye.
"Who the hell are yous to say anything, you... *hiccup*... you're walking around in a *hiccup* in a dress! And I'm the *hiccup* idiot? I outta chop yer head off for that! *hiccup*"
"Whatever you say... hehe... you whacko! Speaking of dresses, that's a nice apron you have on yourself! Where'd you get it? Tall and Stupid!? Ha, hahahahahahaha.... hahaha..."
"Come 'er yous!" Pyramid Head grabbed James by the throat and lifted him several feet into the air. But the combination of his drunkenness and James' weight forced him to drop James. James landed on the floor with a dull thud, and rolled over laughing. This did not anger Pyramid Head for he was too busy crying. This just wasn't his day.
James on the other hand was having the time of his life. Before him stood one of the drunkest monsters he'd ever seen, and it had the worst fashion taste. Who's ever heard of a giant pyramid head attachment with a butcher's apron in the middle of august. At least James' dress matched his pink socks.
"Aww, what's the matter PHead baby? Is mean Mr. James too heavy for you? That's too bad... Maybe you should lay off the booze!" This sent James into hysterical laughter.
"Quit it... Stop... stop being so mean! I can't take it!" screamed Pyramid Head. He started walking towards the flooded staircase. "I stands it 'till I stands no more! I'm just going to kill my self! Will that make you happy?!"
But James couldn't answer. He was too busy laughing too hard.
"Fine! Yous just... Yous just lay there, enjoy yourself! Have a ball! I don't care! No one will miss me, and that's fine! I'm... I'm going to do it... Don't bother trying to stop me neither!"
James just couldn't pull himself together long enough to make a coherent reply.
"Alright, here I go!" Pyramid Head stepped closer to the water. "This is it. The end. Bye bye *hiccup* cruel world!" He stepped closer. Closer. Closer still. Another five steps and he'd be there. He raised his left foot, moved it forward, then put it on the ground. He started to lift his right foot, but couldn't. It was blocked by his left foot. Pyramid Head hadn't calculated for this, and he came tumbling down to the ground, hard and fast.
This was too much for James. He couldn't stand it. He hadn't laughed this hard since, well, he couldn't remember a time he'd laughed this hard. His sides hurt, he couldn't breathe, and his heart was beating faster than his brain could keep up with.
Pyramid Head did not find this amusing at all. He slowly picked himself up, stumbled to the edge of the staircase, where it met with the water, and walked to the bottom.
James still lay on the floor, rolling around and laughing like there was no tomorrow. Only after he realized he was alone did he finally stop. This was later noted as being twenty minutes after Pyramid Head had attempted to drown himself.
Pyramid Head sat at the bottom of the flooded staircase, hearing James' maniacal laughter above. "Nuts to this," he thought. He spied a door through the murky water and proceeded to open it. The water came flowing out, carrying a soggy Pyramid Head with it.
James stood up and looked around. The flooded stairwell was no longer flooded. He checked his map and noticed that the door at the bottom would lead into the outside world, back onto the main road, past the barricade. He cautiously approached the staircase and made his way down, keeping his eye out for his new friend. The door at the bottom was wide open and the water trailed out that way, so he figured PHead went out it. So he followed.