Sweat poured from every pore on his body. Blood pumped through every vein with lightning speed. His heart beat with a fury not known to man. The mattress had proven to be more work than he had anticipated. Of course, he hadn't anticipated a mattress at all. He was hoping to get laid by a sexy woman. Of course, he still thought it was a woman he was making love to. The mattress knew otherwise.
After what seemed like an hour, but was really only 30 seconds, James pulled back up his under-roos, pulled his skirt back down, and lit up a cigarette.
No one knew where he got the cigarette, but not many knew James even existed. And those who did, if they were there, would wonder about more serious things then James smoking origin-less cigarettes. Like why a man in a dress, holding a plank and a gun, was humping a mattress, talking to himself. But no one was there, so it doesn't matter.
"Damn. That's all I have to say. I don't know about you..." He drew a deep, intoxicating mass of smoke from the cigarette, exhaling slowly. "But I was great. On a scale from one to ten, I give myself an eleven. Did you have as much fun as I did?"
Maria sat on the corner of the bed, fully-clothed, yet non-existent. "If you say so."
"Of course you did," he said with a smile. "Quick question. You don't happen to know this PHead guy, do you? I met him earlier, but he took off crying, whining about killing himself or something. The thing is, he took something of mine, and I want it back."
"Oh?" inquired Maria. "And what was it he took?"
"Well, ok. So he didn't really take anything. But he owes me money."
"Oh?" inquired Maria. "And how much does he owe you?"
"Alright. Honestly, I just like making fun of the guy. And I thought if you knew where he lived or something, I could go leave a flaming pile of shit on his door," James stated with a grin.
"Oh?" inquired Maria. "And what would that prove?"
"Listen here bitch, you're pissing me off. One minute you're saying you're not real, and now you sound like a broken record. Is there any way to get you to shutup or go away or something?"
And with a puff of smoke that seemed pointless and over dramatic, she was gone, leaving James with only a confused look on his face.
"Wow," James said to himself. "She must've been a magician!"
Pyramid Head searched around his room frantically. "Where's that damn aspirin?" he asked himself. He went to the bathroom and flung open the cabinets. "Nothing! Damnit!" He ran to the kitchen, found nothing, then ran to the living room. Still finding nothing. 'Well,' he thought, 'There's always plan B.'
James ran back to the Historical Society. Hidden in a hole in the middle of the mattress he had just deflowered, he found a key. Not just any key, but the key to the Historical Society. Which is why he ran back there. Checking his map, he saw that there was an underground prison that would lead to the boat docks. He could use the a boat from the boat docks to cross the lake. Across the lake was the Lakeview Hotel. This pleased James. Things were looking better by the minute.
Things weren't looking good for Pyramid Head. He couldn't find the aspirin bottle for the life of him. And his being drunk didn't help the search. He would have to resort to something he didn't want to resort to. Something that would probably take a while. Something that wasn't pleasant, but would have to be done if he didn't find the aspirin.
After 30 minutes, he didn't find the aspirin.
James looked around his surroundings. It reminded him of his time spent in a place similar to where he stood now. He rubbed a nearby bar, giving it a look of love. Oh how he missed the feel of cold hard steel in his hands. He opened the cell and walked inside. He turned around, closed the cell, and stood with his ass in the air, gripping a bar firmly in each hand. A thousand memories, minus nine-hundred ninety-nine, came flooding back to him.
"Take it Barbara! Take it! You like that, don't ya?! Oh yeah, that's the stuff! Right there! Wait... hold it... I'm going to... Oh, too late.. Thanks babe, you're the best." An image with audio filled James' head. His cell mate, Isaac, had just made James his bitch. Or Barbara rather. He had only been in a year and this was his 500th "adventure" with Isaac. But not his last. James enjoyed his time in prison more than he cared to admit to anyone. Except Isaac, whom he still remained in contact with.
James' mind cleared up and he continued his journey. He made his way through the old creepy haunted jail under the jail. He was determined to be deterred no more. He was on a mission. He elbowed or shot or slapped with his plank (of wood) anything that got in his was. And plenty did.
Pyramid Head was not looking too happy. His lack of aspirin left him only one option. He made his way to his fridge. He slowly opened the door and pulled out a gallon of water. He ripped off the cap and tossed it on the floor. He put the gallon up to his head.
James didn't enjoy this prison as much as the last one. He was all alone, except for the occasional creature blocking his path. But after killing said creatures, he was alone again. Checking his map, he saw that a hatch that lay before him would lead into a labyrinth, which would, in a series of twist, turns, and dead-ends, lead him to the boat docks. Except for one problem. The handle on the hatch was broken. It did not present that much of a problem, for James was a thinker. He could easily figure this one out. He's encountered worse.
Five empty gallon jugs lay on the floor. A thud announced the arrival of a 6th. A whine announced the arrival of a full bladder. The owner of the full bladder, and the source of the whine, was Pyramid Head. He wanted his bladder to be as full as it could get. It was all apart of his plan.
After what seemed like an hour, but was really only 30 seconds, James pulled back up his under-roos, pulled his skirt back down, and lit up a cigarette.
No one knew where he got the cigarette, but not many knew James even existed. And those who did, if they were there, would wonder about more serious things then James smoking origin-less cigarettes. Like why a man in a dress, holding a plank and a gun, was humping a mattress, talking to himself. But no one was there, so it doesn't matter.
"Damn. That's all I have to say. I don't know about you..." He drew a deep, intoxicating mass of smoke from the cigarette, exhaling slowly. "But I was great. On a scale from one to ten, I give myself an eleven. Did you have as much fun as I did?"
Maria sat on the corner of the bed, fully-clothed, yet non-existent. "If you say so."
"Of course you did," he said with a smile. "Quick question. You don't happen to know this PHead guy, do you? I met him earlier, but he took off crying, whining about killing himself or something. The thing is, he took something of mine, and I want it back."
"Oh?" inquired Maria. "And what was it he took?"
"Well, ok. So he didn't really take anything. But he owes me money."
"Oh?" inquired Maria. "And how much does he owe you?"
"Alright. Honestly, I just like making fun of the guy. And I thought if you knew where he lived or something, I could go leave a flaming pile of shit on his door," James stated with a grin.
"Oh?" inquired Maria. "And what would that prove?"
"Listen here bitch, you're pissing me off. One minute you're saying you're not real, and now you sound like a broken record. Is there any way to get you to shutup or go away or something?"
And with a puff of smoke that seemed pointless and over dramatic, she was gone, leaving James with only a confused look on his face.
"Wow," James said to himself. "She must've been a magician!"
Pyramid Head searched around his room frantically. "Where's that damn aspirin?" he asked himself. He went to the bathroom and flung open the cabinets. "Nothing! Damnit!" He ran to the kitchen, found nothing, then ran to the living room. Still finding nothing. 'Well,' he thought, 'There's always plan B.'
James ran back to the Historical Society. Hidden in a hole in the middle of the mattress he had just deflowered, he found a key. Not just any key, but the key to the Historical Society. Which is why he ran back there. Checking his map, he saw that there was an underground prison that would lead to the boat docks. He could use the a boat from the boat docks to cross the lake. Across the lake was the Lakeview Hotel. This pleased James. Things were looking better by the minute.
Things weren't looking good for Pyramid Head. He couldn't find the aspirin bottle for the life of him. And his being drunk didn't help the search. He would have to resort to something he didn't want to resort to. Something that would probably take a while. Something that wasn't pleasant, but would have to be done if he didn't find the aspirin.
After 30 minutes, he didn't find the aspirin.
James looked around his surroundings. It reminded him of his time spent in a place similar to where he stood now. He rubbed a nearby bar, giving it a look of love. Oh how he missed the feel of cold hard steel in his hands. He opened the cell and walked inside. He turned around, closed the cell, and stood with his ass in the air, gripping a bar firmly in each hand. A thousand memories, minus nine-hundred ninety-nine, came flooding back to him.
"Take it Barbara! Take it! You like that, don't ya?! Oh yeah, that's the stuff! Right there! Wait... hold it... I'm going to... Oh, too late.. Thanks babe, you're the best." An image with audio filled James' head. His cell mate, Isaac, had just made James his bitch. Or Barbara rather. He had only been in a year and this was his 500th "adventure" with Isaac. But not his last. James enjoyed his time in prison more than he cared to admit to anyone. Except Isaac, whom he still remained in contact with.
James' mind cleared up and he continued his journey. He made his way through the old creepy haunted jail under the jail. He was determined to be deterred no more. He was on a mission. He elbowed or shot or slapped with his plank (of wood) anything that got in his was. And plenty did.
Pyramid Head was not looking too happy. His lack of aspirin left him only one option. He made his way to his fridge. He slowly opened the door and pulled out a gallon of water. He ripped off the cap and tossed it on the floor. He put the gallon up to his head.
James didn't enjoy this prison as much as the last one. He was all alone, except for the occasional creature blocking his path. But after killing said creatures, he was alone again. Checking his map, he saw that a hatch that lay before him would lead into a labyrinth, which would, in a series of twist, turns, and dead-ends, lead him to the boat docks. Except for one problem. The handle on the hatch was broken. It did not present that much of a problem, for James was a thinker. He could easily figure this one out. He's encountered worse.
Five empty gallon jugs lay on the floor. A thud announced the arrival of a 6th. A whine announced the arrival of a full bladder. The owner of the full bladder, and the source of the whine, was Pyramid Head. He wanted his bladder to be as full as it could get. It was all apart of his plan.