Pere Noel
Part 2
Christine's Voice : (From somewhere outside the room) "Oh hel-LO! Merry Christmas! Yes, please do come in!"
Erik : (muttering) "Here we go ..." (Christine enters with Mme Giry and Meg in tow.) "Wait a minute, what's all this?" (sighs) "I knew it. They're here to mock me, aren't they?" (Meg abandons her mother and leaps into Erik's lap.) "Ow ..."
Meg : "Sandy Claus!"
Erik : (In pain) "My kneecaps! I think she shattered my kneecaps!"
Giry : "Go on, Meg. Tell Pere Noel what you want for Christmas." (Meg pulls out a long, long piece of paper and unrolls it, sending it cascading to the floor.)
Meg : *ahem* "I want -"
Erik : "Wait a minute. Meg Giry? You still believe in Santa Claus?"
Meg : (Looking at him with round, innocent Bambi eyes.) "Why shouldn't I?"
Erik : (Sighing) "Meg, you do know who I am, don't you?"
Meg : *Tsk* "Well, of course I do. I know you're not the REAL Sandy Claus, if that's what you mean. You're just one of his special helpers who talks to the kids for him and tells him what they want , cause he's so busy up there at the North Pole and all." (She stares at him, matter-of-factly.)
Erik : (Starts to protest, but then notices Mme Giry and Christine shaking their heads violently and making fervent slashing motions across their throats. He sighs.) "Right. Now then, what do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
Meg : (Looks back at her list) "Well, I want new pointe shoes cause that annoying Little Jammes stole mine, some perfume, a red scarf like Christine has so I can meet a handsome, young Nobleman when I "accidentally" loose it in the ocean, a fur muff, new boots, a pony, a riding outfit to wear when I ride the pony, some scented candles ..." (An hour later) "... an Easy - Bake Oven and bunny slippers." (She looks up from her list to see that Erik has fallen asleep) "You got all that? Sandy Claus?" (She pokes him) "Hey, dude, wake up!"
Erik : (Startled) "Huh? Wha -? I mean, uh, ho ho ha!"
Meg : "Don't you mean 'ho ho ho?'"
Erik : "Yes, of course. I was just, um, testing you ..." *ahem*
Meg : "Whatever." (Jumps down off his lap, rolls up the list, and hands it to him.) "Just don't use FedEx when you ship the stuff, huh? They charge too much." (He stares at her blankly) "So, don't I get a candy cane or something?"
Erik : (Fumbling around in his pockets) "Uh, yes ... yes you do . Just give Santa a minute to (where the heck did she put those things ...?) find them ... Er, Mrs. Claus?"
Christine : (To Mme Giry) "... and then he had the nerve to charge me full price for the bag even though his kid had just tossed his cookies all over my shoes! So I said -"
Erik : "MRS. CLAUS!" (Christine jumps) "Where did you put the candy canes? Little Meg here wants a cavity for Christmas." (Meg smiles sarcastically at him as Christine reaches into a bag and pulls out a candy cane.)
Meg : "Do you have any Wintergreen?"
Erik : "No!" (He grins at her) "Happy holidays!"
Meg : "C'mon Mom, let's go." (To Christine ) "Yeesh, Chris, where'd you dig this Santa up? What is he, like a Prozac 'Before' model or something?"
Christine : "Heh, heh ... how sweet. Merry Christmas!" (They leave) "Geez, Erik, you coulda been a little more patient."
Erik : "Yeah, well YOU coulda been a little more attentive. That girl had a list longer than the Olsen twins'! Didn't you see my subtle hints indicating that maybe you should have gotten her off my lap before I lost any more feeling in my legs? And where are my elves and reindeer?"
Christine : (shrugs) "Beats me. They left for an Egg Nog break about 45 minutes ago. I guess they haven't come back yet." (Voices are heard again outside) "Yikes! More people!"
Erik : "This is gonna be a long day ..." (Just then, Carlotta enters with two little kids following close behind.)
Kids : "Did not! / Did too! / Did not! / Did too! / etc."
Carlotta : "Will you two PLEASE put a lid on it?" (To Christine) "My sister's brats. Is this the line to see Santa?"
Christine : "Yup. Who wants to go first?" (The kids instantly begin fighting again .)
Carlotta : "QUIET!" (They freeze) "Thank you. Now, to spare me at least one migraine today, why don't you both go first?" (They look at each other, shrug, and race up to sit on Erik's lap.)
Erik : *Oof*
Little Girl : "Hey there, Santa! I'm Lucetta, and this here's my brother, Gianni."
Gianni : (Wipes his nose with his hand and extends it to shake) "Put're there."
Erik : "Charmed. Whattya kids want for Christmas?"
Lucetta : "World peace."
Gianni : "Uh-huh. And love."
Erik : "Really? Dang, you kids are a lot easier than my last customer. Great, now get off my lap before you crush my spleen."
Lucetta : "Not so fast. We also want brand new bikes -"
Gianni : "- and a Playstation2 -"
Lucetta : "-and a pony -"
Gianni : "-for each of us -"
Erik : "What IS it with you kids and ponies?"
Gianni : "- and a trip to Disney World -"
Erik : "Hold up a minute there, squirt. Let's not get greedy. What happened to world peace and love?"
Gianni : "Greedy? Squirt!? Why I outta -" (Swears in Italian)
Erik : (Swears back at him in Italian)
Lucetta : (Shocked) "Geez, Santa, d'you kiss your mother with that mouth?"
Erik : (Sadly) "I wish ..."
Carlotta : "Okay! I think we've bothered Santa enough for one day. Let's go before he starts weeping."
Erik : "Just take your candy canes and go." *sniffle* (Wipes a tear from his eye) "I'm taking a break. I gotta call my therapist, I think I'm regressing." (Jumps up from the throne and runs out of the room as Christine waves goodbye to Carlotta, Lucetta and Gianni. Just then, Piangi, Andre, Firmin, and Raoul all stumble in singing "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus")
Christine : (Scolding) "There you guys are! I was beginning to get worried! Where have you been?"
Piangi : "Upstairs." *hiccup*
Raoul : (Slurring) "Yeah, we took the secret passageway into your dressing room and hid behind the mirror. Whenever a dancer came in, we totally freaked 'em out by telling 'em we were the Angel of Music!" (Laughs and tries to slap high fives with Andre, but misses and swipes the air instead, throwing him off balance.)
Christine : "What did you guys do to him?"
Firmin : "Nothin'. We just gave him a little egg nog ..."
Andre : "Don't forget about the peppermint Schnapps."
Piangi : "And the leftover champagne, and the imported beer, and -"
Christine : (Cutting him off) "Whatever. Just get back to work, you've already missed three people! And no more laughing at Erik. Some kid said something about his mother and he got all misty-eyed. I think he's talking with his therapist now."
Andre : "Sure thing." *snicker* (Erik enters, popping pills of several different varieties.)
Erik : "Has anyone seen my Zoloft?" (Voices are again heard outside.)
Christine : *Eeep* "Places, everyone! It sounds like a big crowd this time!" (Everybody assembles themselves as Mme Giry walks into the room.)
Erik : "You again? Don't tell me you brought Veruca Salt back. There can't possibly be something that girl hasn't asked for."
Giry : "Actually, Meg's lying down upstairs, she's had a terrible fright. Apparently when she went into Christine's dressing room, the mirror started talking and saying it was the Angel of Music." (Raoul, Piangi, Firmin, and Andre giggle) "I did, however, bring the rest of the ballet girls." (She turns around) "This way, ladies! Chop, chop!" (She bangs her cane on the floor. The girls instantly begin filing into the room, laughing, talking and throwing balls of the fake snow at each other.)
Erik : "Nadir!" (The Persian shuffles out of the other room wearing reindeer slippers and a bathrobe. His eyes are all misty.)
Persian : *sniff* "Yes?"
Erik : "What's wrong with you?"
Persian : *snirk* "Oh, nothing. Miracle on 34th Street is on, that's all." (Honks into handkerchief)
Erik : "I see. Do you think you could pull yourself together long enough to find me some morphine?"
Christine : "Absolutely not! You take way too much of that stuff as it is! It'll kill you one day if you're not careful. Now put your hat back on and look jolly."
Erik : *Grumble* (Jammes approaches and sits daintily on his lap.) "And what do you want for Christmas, little girl?"
Jammes : "You're not the REAL Santa Claus!"
Erik : "Brilliant, Holmes. Now what do you want?"
Jammes : "Ooh, what's this?" (Grabs the Persian's Christmas gift off a table ) "Cooool! A mistletoe headband!" (Puts it on her head and grins slyly) "Now where's that cute Vicomte?"
Christine : "Say what!?" (Jammes jumps down and begins chasing Raoul, who's still a little tipsy from his recent rendez - vous with a bottle. As a result, he winds up tripping and falling over a lot.)
Erik : *sigh* "Next!" (Laurette [another ballet girl] hops up onto Erik's lap and stares at him. He stares back. After a long pause, she speaks)
Laurette : "Can I have a monkey?"
Erik : "Finally! Someone with an imagination!" (Pats Laurette on the head) "Of course you can, little ... uh, little ... little help?"
Laurette : "Laurette."
Erik : "Right. Laurette. Sorry, Santa's getting old and, um, senile, so it's kind of hard for him to remember everyone's name."
Laurette : "No prob. Same thing happened to Mme Giry."
Giry : "Quiet, you!"
Laurette : "Happy holidays!"
Erik : "You too." (Just then, Meg runs in wearing gloves and a scarf with a pair of ice skates thrown over her shoulder.)
Meg : "Hey guys! Check it out! The whole lake is frozen over! Who wants to go skating?"
Raoul : "Ooh, I do! I do!" (Turns around and races towards the door, running over Jammes in the process. Everyone else except Christine and Erik follow him)
Christine : (After a pause) "Well, uh, take 5 I guess, Erik ..."
Erik : "Sure." (Christine pulls a present out of the Santa bag and starts inching towards the door) "What's that?"
Christine : "Oh, this? Er, nothing ... Just something I was thinking of giving, um, Raoul ..."
Erik : (Squinting at the package) "I didn't know Raoul spelled his name E-R- I-K."
Christine : (Sigh) "Okay, I was going to give it to you, but ... I sorta ... changed my mind ..."
Erik : "Why? What is it?" (She hesitates. He then reaches out and grabs it with the Punjab lasso in less than 3 seconds)
Christine : "What the -?"
Erik : "Heh heh ..." (Unwraps it to reveal a mistletoe headband identical to the Persian's. He begins to laugh.)
Christine : (Stamps foot) "Well, how was I supposed to know Raoul would buy the same thing for that little Persian friend of your's?"
Erik : "No, no, it's really the thought that counts, Christine. Nobody's ever given me a Christmas present before. Thank you."
Christine : (Smiles) "You're welcome." (She turns to go)
Erik : "Wait!" (He puts on the headband and grins shyly) "Just once? For tradition?"
Christine : "Oh, alright." (She walks up to him and gives him a peck on the cheek) "Merry Christmas, Erik."
Erik : (Sighs) "What a holiday!"
Fa la la la la la la la la! May your season be filled with cheer! Warmest wishes,
LaLuna @------
Part 2
Christine's Voice : (From somewhere outside the room) "Oh hel-LO! Merry Christmas! Yes, please do come in!"
Erik : (muttering) "Here we go ..." (Christine enters with Mme Giry and Meg in tow.) "Wait a minute, what's all this?" (sighs) "I knew it. They're here to mock me, aren't they?" (Meg abandons her mother and leaps into Erik's lap.) "Ow ..."
Meg : "Sandy Claus!"
Erik : (In pain) "My kneecaps! I think she shattered my kneecaps!"
Giry : "Go on, Meg. Tell Pere Noel what you want for Christmas." (Meg pulls out a long, long piece of paper and unrolls it, sending it cascading to the floor.)
Meg : *ahem* "I want -"
Erik : "Wait a minute. Meg Giry? You still believe in Santa Claus?"
Meg : (Looking at him with round, innocent Bambi eyes.) "Why shouldn't I?"
Erik : (Sighing) "Meg, you do know who I am, don't you?"
Meg : *Tsk* "Well, of course I do. I know you're not the REAL Sandy Claus, if that's what you mean. You're just one of his special helpers who talks to the kids for him and tells him what they want , cause he's so busy up there at the North Pole and all." (She stares at him, matter-of-factly.)
Erik : (Starts to protest, but then notices Mme Giry and Christine shaking their heads violently and making fervent slashing motions across their throats. He sighs.) "Right. Now then, what do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
Meg : (Looks back at her list) "Well, I want new pointe shoes cause that annoying Little Jammes stole mine, some perfume, a red scarf like Christine has so I can meet a handsome, young Nobleman when I "accidentally" loose it in the ocean, a fur muff, new boots, a pony, a riding outfit to wear when I ride the pony, some scented candles ..." (An hour later) "... an Easy - Bake Oven and bunny slippers." (She looks up from her list to see that Erik has fallen asleep) "You got all that? Sandy Claus?" (She pokes him) "Hey, dude, wake up!"
Erik : (Startled) "Huh? Wha -? I mean, uh, ho ho ha!"
Meg : "Don't you mean 'ho ho ho?'"
Erik : "Yes, of course. I was just, um, testing you ..." *ahem*
Meg : "Whatever." (Jumps down off his lap, rolls up the list, and hands it to him.) "Just don't use FedEx when you ship the stuff, huh? They charge too much." (He stares at her blankly) "So, don't I get a candy cane or something?"
Erik : (Fumbling around in his pockets) "Uh, yes ... yes you do . Just give Santa a minute to (where the heck did she put those things ...?) find them ... Er, Mrs. Claus?"
Christine : (To Mme Giry) "... and then he had the nerve to charge me full price for the bag even though his kid had just tossed his cookies all over my shoes! So I said -"
Erik : "MRS. CLAUS!" (Christine jumps) "Where did you put the candy canes? Little Meg here wants a cavity for Christmas." (Meg smiles sarcastically at him as Christine reaches into a bag and pulls out a candy cane.)
Meg : "Do you have any Wintergreen?"
Erik : "No!" (He grins at her) "Happy holidays!"
Meg : "C'mon Mom, let's go." (To Christine ) "Yeesh, Chris, where'd you dig this Santa up? What is he, like a Prozac 'Before' model or something?"
Christine : "Heh, heh ... how sweet. Merry Christmas!" (They leave) "Geez, Erik, you coulda been a little more patient."
Erik : "Yeah, well YOU coulda been a little more attentive. That girl had a list longer than the Olsen twins'! Didn't you see my subtle hints indicating that maybe you should have gotten her off my lap before I lost any more feeling in my legs? And where are my elves and reindeer?"
Christine : (shrugs) "Beats me. They left for an Egg Nog break about 45 minutes ago. I guess they haven't come back yet." (Voices are heard again outside) "Yikes! More people!"
Erik : "This is gonna be a long day ..." (Just then, Carlotta enters with two little kids following close behind.)
Kids : "Did not! / Did too! / Did not! / Did too! / etc."
Carlotta : "Will you two PLEASE put a lid on it?" (To Christine) "My sister's brats. Is this the line to see Santa?"
Christine : "Yup. Who wants to go first?" (The kids instantly begin fighting again .)
Carlotta : "QUIET!" (They freeze) "Thank you. Now, to spare me at least one migraine today, why don't you both go first?" (They look at each other, shrug, and race up to sit on Erik's lap.)
Erik : *Oof*
Little Girl : "Hey there, Santa! I'm Lucetta, and this here's my brother, Gianni."
Gianni : (Wipes his nose with his hand and extends it to shake) "Put're there."
Erik : "Charmed. Whattya kids want for Christmas?"
Lucetta : "World peace."
Gianni : "Uh-huh. And love."
Erik : "Really? Dang, you kids are a lot easier than my last customer. Great, now get off my lap before you crush my spleen."
Lucetta : "Not so fast. We also want brand new bikes -"
Gianni : "- and a Playstation2 -"
Lucetta : "-and a pony -"
Gianni : "-for each of us -"
Erik : "What IS it with you kids and ponies?"
Gianni : "- and a trip to Disney World -"
Erik : "Hold up a minute there, squirt. Let's not get greedy. What happened to world peace and love?"
Gianni : "Greedy? Squirt!? Why I outta -" (Swears in Italian)
Erik : (Swears back at him in Italian)
Lucetta : (Shocked) "Geez, Santa, d'you kiss your mother with that mouth?"
Erik : (Sadly) "I wish ..."
Carlotta : "Okay! I think we've bothered Santa enough for one day. Let's go before he starts weeping."
Erik : "Just take your candy canes and go." *sniffle* (Wipes a tear from his eye) "I'm taking a break. I gotta call my therapist, I think I'm regressing." (Jumps up from the throne and runs out of the room as Christine waves goodbye to Carlotta, Lucetta and Gianni. Just then, Piangi, Andre, Firmin, and Raoul all stumble in singing "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus")
Christine : (Scolding) "There you guys are! I was beginning to get worried! Where have you been?"
Piangi : "Upstairs." *hiccup*
Raoul : (Slurring) "Yeah, we took the secret passageway into your dressing room and hid behind the mirror. Whenever a dancer came in, we totally freaked 'em out by telling 'em we were the Angel of Music!" (Laughs and tries to slap high fives with Andre, but misses and swipes the air instead, throwing him off balance.)
Christine : "What did you guys do to him?"
Firmin : "Nothin'. We just gave him a little egg nog ..."
Andre : "Don't forget about the peppermint Schnapps."
Piangi : "And the leftover champagne, and the imported beer, and -"
Christine : (Cutting him off) "Whatever. Just get back to work, you've already missed three people! And no more laughing at Erik. Some kid said something about his mother and he got all misty-eyed. I think he's talking with his therapist now."
Andre : "Sure thing." *snicker* (Erik enters, popping pills of several different varieties.)
Erik : "Has anyone seen my Zoloft?" (Voices are again heard outside.)
Christine : *Eeep* "Places, everyone! It sounds like a big crowd this time!" (Everybody assembles themselves as Mme Giry walks into the room.)
Erik : "You again? Don't tell me you brought Veruca Salt back. There can't possibly be something that girl hasn't asked for."
Giry : "Actually, Meg's lying down upstairs, she's had a terrible fright. Apparently when she went into Christine's dressing room, the mirror started talking and saying it was the Angel of Music." (Raoul, Piangi, Firmin, and Andre giggle) "I did, however, bring the rest of the ballet girls." (She turns around) "This way, ladies! Chop, chop!" (She bangs her cane on the floor. The girls instantly begin filing into the room, laughing, talking and throwing balls of the fake snow at each other.)
Erik : "Nadir!" (The Persian shuffles out of the other room wearing reindeer slippers and a bathrobe. His eyes are all misty.)
Persian : *sniff* "Yes?"
Erik : "What's wrong with you?"
Persian : *snirk* "Oh, nothing. Miracle on 34th Street is on, that's all." (Honks into handkerchief)
Erik : "I see. Do you think you could pull yourself together long enough to find me some morphine?"
Christine : "Absolutely not! You take way too much of that stuff as it is! It'll kill you one day if you're not careful. Now put your hat back on and look jolly."
Erik : *Grumble* (Jammes approaches and sits daintily on his lap.) "And what do you want for Christmas, little girl?"
Jammes : "You're not the REAL Santa Claus!"
Erik : "Brilliant, Holmes. Now what do you want?"
Jammes : "Ooh, what's this?" (Grabs the Persian's Christmas gift off a table ) "Cooool! A mistletoe headband!" (Puts it on her head and grins slyly) "Now where's that cute Vicomte?"
Christine : "Say what!?" (Jammes jumps down and begins chasing Raoul, who's still a little tipsy from his recent rendez - vous with a bottle. As a result, he winds up tripping and falling over a lot.)
Erik : *sigh* "Next!" (Laurette [another ballet girl] hops up onto Erik's lap and stares at him. He stares back. After a long pause, she speaks)
Laurette : "Can I have a monkey?"
Erik : "Finally! Someone with an imagination!" (Pats Laurette on the head) "Of course you can, little ... uh, little ... little help?"
Laurette : "Laurette."
Erik : "Right. Laurette. Sorry, Santa's getting old and, um, senile, so it's kind of hard for him to remember everyone's name."
Laurette : "No prob. Same thing happened to Mme Giry."
Giry : "Quiet, you!"
Laurette : "Happy holidays!"
Erik : "You too." (Just then, Meg runs in wearing gloves and a scarf with a pair of ice skates thrown over her shoulder.)
Meg : "Hey guys! Check it out! The whole lake is frozen over! Who wants to go skating?"
Raoul : "Ooh, I do! I do!" (Turns around and races towards the door, running over Jammes in the process. Everyone else except Christine and Erik follow him)
Christine : (After a pause) "Well, uh, take 5 I guess, Erik ..."
Erik : "Sure." (Christine pulls a present out of the Santa bag and starts inching towards the door) "What's that?"
Christine : "Oh, this? Er, nothing ... Just something I was thinking of giving, um, Raoul ..."
Erik : (Squinting at the package) "I didn't know Raoul spelled his name E-R- I-K."
Christine : (Sigh) "Okay, I was going to give it to you, but ... I sorta ... changed my mind ..."
Erik : "Why? What is it?" (She hesitates. He then reaches out and grabs it with the Punjab lasso in less than 3 seconds)
Christine : "What the -?"
Erik : "Heh heh ..." (Unwraps it to reveal a mistletoe headband identical to the Persian's. He begins to laugh.)
Christine : (Stamps foot) "Well, how was I supposed to know Raoul would buy the same thing for that little Persian friend of your's?"
Erik : "No, no, it's really the thought that counts, Christine. Nobody's ever given me a Christmas present before. Thank you."
Christine : (Smiles) "You're welcome." (She turns to go)
Erik : "Wait!" (He puts on the headband and grins shyly) "Just once? For tradition?"
Christine : "Oh, alright." (She walks up to him and gives him a peck on the cheek) "Merry Christmas, Erik."
Erik : (Sighs) "What a holiday!"
Fa la la la la la la la la! May your season be filled with cheer! Warmest wishes,
LaLuna @------