Legend of the Victory Beyond The Final Trigger Quest Fantasy XV...THE
OPENING
(Opening Cinema ensues)
(A shape, formless, appears before an altar. On the altar is a giant Badger, surrounded by flames.)
Formless Mass of Evil (FME): My lord...it is almost complete...
(Nothing happens, except that the flames flare up. The ghastly chittering of an enourmous, flaming badger can be heard)
FME: No, I haven't fetched the groceries yet. But the time of your awakening is at hand!
(Chitter chitter)
FME: There's no need to be obscene.
(Chitter chitter)
FME: Yes master, I did eliminate that pesky dragon.
(Chitter chitter)
FME: No..not dead. I turned it into a lemur, or something of that nature.
(CHITTER CHITTER?!?)
FME: Oh, please. Like a bushbaby can destroy our vast evil? The odds of that happening are about the same as the odds as a callow youth on a quest for revenge after the brutal destruction of his home town travelling the world and getting progressively stronger and toppling your entire empire in one stroke!
(Chitter chitter)
FME: Burn a peasent village? All right.
(Ironic music sting)
(Chitter chitter)
FME: And make sure to leave at least a few survivors to tell any potential heros what happened?
(Ironic music generator goes into overload, begins to play "It's Raining Men" and explodes)
FME: It shall be done.
(Image fades)
(Camera comes up to a quaint cottage in a flower strewn meadow. It is in the quaint, peasent of Idyllisburg. Puppy's romp, children play with toys, and unicorns graze peacefully behind the ruins of a fourteenth century French monastary as sunlight glints off the dew, dappling sunlight light jewels across the meadow. Tradesmen, such as blacksmiths, and merchants pliy their trade, singing and dancing while somehow still working. Mothers, all of whom are white, beautiful, and under thirty-five, take care of the many, many babies that swarm along the ground of the meadow, and washing clothes. Our Hero, Pheonix, walks out of the cottage, surveying his wonderful hometown with a smile on his face)
(Mayaji walks up)
Mayji: I love you. Sleep with me.
Pheonix: I like men. Go away.
Mayaji: You're so insensitive! I think I'll run away to a place where you can easily find me and recruit me on some stupid side quest! (Runs away sobbing...hides behind a sprig of clover)
Pheonix: Durr, I'm male. I'll insensitively ignore the woes of a possible female side romance.
(Pheonix's elderly grandfather, meaning he's about forty, walks out)
Grandfather: Pheonix, I need you to fetch some milk from the grocery store.
Pheonix: What kind of pointless beginning fetch quest is that?
Grandfather: You know, the grocery store on the top of Mount Malfaisant, the mountain which is right in the middle of a huge forest filled with trolls with ubelevably low HP?
Pheonix: There's one down the street. *Points to it*
Grandfather: Don't give me lip, boy! To Mount Malfaisant! Heres a weapon to defend yourself with. *Hands him a huge broadsword*
Pheonix: But I've never used one! It weighs more than I do! *Picks it up and begins to perform incredibly complicated and completely implasible sword techniques with it* See?
Grandfather: And here's a random magical plot device. *Hands it to him*
(the plot device sparkles evilly as ivisible chorus sings ominous gregorian chants)
Pheonix: Grandfather, this looks a little on the unbelievably evil side. I'm going to fetch milk. Why do I need an artifact with all the power of the underworld at it's command?
Grandfather: Do not question the mighty wizard!
Pheonix: You're a wizard?
Grandfather: What? No. Shut up. *Small pixie appears behind his head* No, dont be silly. The apocalypse isn't for weeks now. *Pixie dissapears* And take my pet Bushbaby Queego.
Pheonix: You don't have a pet bushbaby.
Grandfather: SILENCE! *Lightning flash* Here's queego. He certainly isn't any kind of magical creature bespelled to look like a bushbaby.
Pheonix: *Looks at it suspiciously* Can you talk?
Queego: No. Don't be silly. I'm a bush baby.
Pheonix: Okay then!
Grandfather: Go, Pheonix! Go forth and begin your magical, four-disk spanning adventure!
Pheonix: I thought I was fetching milk from a rather inconveniently placed grocery?
Grandfather: *Misty eyed* If only your father wasn't a souless pawn of evil...he'd be so proud.
Pheonix: WHAT?!
Grandfather: *Walks away*
END PART 1
(A shape, formless, appears before an altar. On the altar is a giant Badger, surrounded by flames.)
Formless Mass of Evil (FME): My lord...it is almost complete...
(Nothing happens, except that the flames flare up. The ghastly chittering of an enourmous, flaming badger can be heard)
FME: No, I haven't fetched the groceries yet. But the time of your awakening is at hand!
(Chitter chitter)
FME: There's no need to be obscene.
(Chitter chitter)
FME: Yes master, I did eliminate that pesky dragon.
(Chitter chitter)
FME: No..not dead. I turned it into a lemur, or something of that nature.
(CHITTER CHITTER?!?)
FME: Oh, please. Like a bushbaby can destroy our vast evil? The odds of that happening are about the same as the odds as a callow youth on a quest for revenge after the brutal destruction of his home town travelling the world and getting progressively stronger and toppling your entire empire in one stroke!
(Chitter chitter)
FME: Burn a peasent village? All right.
(Ironic music sting)
(Chitter chitter)
FME: And make sure to leave at least a few survivors to tell any potential heros what happened?
(Ironic music generator goes into overload, begins to play "It's Raining Men" and explodes)
FME: It shall be done.
(Image fades)
(Camera comes up to a quaint cottage in a flower strewn meadow. It is in the quaint, peasent of Idyllisburg. Puppy's romp, children play with toys, and unicorns graze peacefully behind the ruins of a fourteenth century French monastary as sunlight glints off the dew, dappling sunlight light jewels across the meadow. Tradesmen, such as blacksmiths, and merchants pliy their trade, singing and dancing while somehow still working. Mothers, all of whom are white, beautiful, and under thirty-five, take care of the many, many babies that swarm along the ground of the meadow, and washing clothes. Our Hero, Pheonix, walks out of the cottage, surveying his wonderful hometown with a smile on his face)
(Mayaji walks up)
Mayji: I love you. Sleep with me.
Pheonix: I like men. Go away.
Mayaji: You're so insensitive! I think I'll run away to a place where you can easily find me and recruit me on some stupid side quest! (Runs away sobbing...hides behind a sprig of clover)
Pheonix: Durr, I'm male. I'll insensitively ignore the woes of a possible female side romance.
(Pheonix's elderly grandfather, meaning he's about forty, walks out)
Grandfather: Pheonix, I need you to fetch some milk from the grocery store.
Pheonix: What kind of pointless beginning fetch quest is that?
Grandfather: You know, the grocery store on the top of Mount Malfaisant, the mountain which is right in the middle of a huge forest filled with trolls with ubelevably low HP?
Pheonix: There's one down the street. *Points to it*
Grandfather: Don't give me lip, boy! To Mount Malfaisant! Heres a weapon to defend yourself with. *Hands him a huge broadsword*
Pheonix: But I've never used one! It weighs more than I do! *Picks it up and begins to perform incredibly complicated and completely implasible sword techniques with it* See?
Grandfather: And here's a random magical plot device. *Hands it to him*
(the plot device sparkles evilly as ivisible chorus sings ominous gregorian chants)
Pheonix: Grandfather, this looks a little on the unbelievably evil side. I'm going to fetch milk. Why do I need an artifact with all the power of the underworld at it's command?
Grandfather: Do not question the mighty wizard!
Pheonix: You're a wizard?
Grandfather: What? No. Shut up. *Small pixie appears behind his head* No, dont be silly. The apocalypse isn't for weeks now. *Pixie dissapears* And take my pet Bushbaby Queego.
Pheonix: You don't have a pet bushbaby.
Grandfather: SILENCE! *Lightning flash* Here's queego. He certainly isn't any kind of magical creature bespelled to look like a bushbaby.
Pheonix: *Looks at it suspiciously* Can you talk?
Queego: No. Don't be silly. I'm a bush baby.
Pheonix: Okay then!
Grandfather: Go, Pheonix! Go forth and begin your magical, four-disk spanning adventure!
Pheonix: I thought I was fetching milk from a rather inconveniently placed grocery?
Grandfather: *Misty eyed* If only your father wasn't a souless pawn of evil...he'd be so proud.
Pheonix: WHAT?!
Grandfather: *Walks away*
END PART 1