(Just to warn you that if you think Lily should be completely happy go lucky and have no problems, don't read this chapter. Okay? I really like this chapter and I hope you guys do too, so review and tell me. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and please keep it up!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned in the Harry Potter books, J. K. Rowling does.)

Just Another Heartbreak

Chapter 4: Sometimes the only one you want to believe is yourself

It took a moment to figure out what was happening. Was James Potter really kissing her? As their lips parted both blushed. James was the first to find his voice.

"Wanna go get something to eat?"

"No, I have to finish unpacking. You go ahead." Lily grasped for anything to get away from him.

"Ok. See you later." James replied, looking a bit hurt. Lily followed him to the door and locked it behind him, before sinking onto the floor sobbing.

Why did he have to kiss her? Wasn't she having enough of a time getting over josh? The last thing she needed was another jerk to hurt her like the others had. Why didn't he have to go and screw up everything? Why couldn't they just be friends? Why was god so unbelievably cruel?

Lily didn't come out of her room again that night.

~*~*~*~

James was surrounded by crumpled up pieces of paper. Why had he kissed her? Hadn't her fiends told him how many times she'd been hurt and that he shouldn't try anything? Why the hell was he such and idiot? He sighed and tried to write another note.

Lily~

I'm sorry. That's all I can say. I'm sorry for pushing the limits, I'm sorry for being me, and I'm sorry for kissing you. In truth, I'm not sorry for kissing you, but I am sorry for kissing you when I did. Can you forgive me? You may not know it, but your friendship means the world to me.

Your (hopefully) Friend,

James

~*~*~*~

Lily sighed, lay back on her bed, and looked at the note again. She knew he really was sorry, but she didn't know if she could trust him. Too many guys had told her the same thing. She caught her reflection in the mirror and laughed cruelly.

"You little whore! No body would like you if their life depended on it, let alone someone loving you? Are you insane? It could never happen." It was like some other person had replaced Lily. "You're fat, and ugly, and unlovable. You're gonna grow old and live alone wishing that you weren't as ugly as you are so someone could love you, but you'll never get your wish. NEVER" Lily was sobbing again, and she ripped up James's note, throwing it across the room. She was right. No one could ever love her. She was meant to be all alone her whole life. She'd never have the love she was so completely jealous of. She'd never wake up with the smell of her husband beside her, never have children jumping on her when she was sick, never have someone to cry to when she was sad. Never would she be happy.

"Lily? You ok?" James's voice came from the other side of the door, but Lily barely lifted her head to mutter and unlocking charm.

"You can come in." She sighed and laughed again at her reflection.

"Lils, what's wrong?" James slid down onto the bed next to Lily.

'I'm fat, and I'm ugly, and I can't ever be loved." Lily sobbed, not caring if she sounded like she was two years old, it was truly, what she believed.

"You are not." James protested despite Lily shaking her head at him.

"You're just saying that so you can hurt me like all the others." Lily wasn't sure if she was talking about her other boyfriends hurting her, or James hurting the girls he dated, but to tell he truth, she didn't care.

"Look at me." James lifted her chin to their eyes met; "I will never hurt you. Every other jerk in this world may have, but I will never do that to you. EVER. You understand?" James sounded so sure of himself that Lily almost did believe him, but replied.

"I don't know. I want to believe you, but I can't."

"Someday I'll prove to you I'm not lying."

"Yeah right." The cruel sarcasm had crept back into her voice.

"I will. You don't deserve what you've had. You're the best girl I know and you deserve everything in the world, but pain."

"I'm not. You're just saying that so you can be like all the others."

"For god's sake! At least give me a chance Lil! You aren't even giving me a chance to love you! Open your eyes."

"Why should you be any different to me than you were to Sarah? Or Stacy, or Mary, or any other girl whose heart you broke?" Lily hit below the belt, and she knew it, but didn't regret it for a moment.

"That was low. You know why. I'm not answering you when you're like this."

"Truth hurts doesn't it?" Her voice grew crueler every moment.

"Lily-"

"How does it feel to have the tables turned James Potter? Why don't you tell us all, we're dying to know."

"That's it!" James finally lost his cool, "You're right you can't be loved, you're fat, you're ugly! You're going to end up alone! And you know whose fault its going to be? Not mine, not any other person's, but yours! See if you're happy knowing that, Evans!" And with that James slammed the door and headed back to his dormitory while Lily cried herself to sleep.

~*~*~*~

That's where Mary found her the next morning. "Lily you're never gonna be- Lily?"

"Humph" Lily wouldn't move, even for one of her best friends.

"What's wrong?" Mary asked sitting down next to Lily and casting a hopeful glance at her.

"Everything."

"Com'n it can't be that bad."

"It is."

"What happened?"

"James kissed me, and I yelled at him for it, and Josh loves Jo, and she's just using him and Amanda, and I can't be loved by anyone, ever and-" Lily began sobbing again, Mary couldn't believe her eyes, Lily never cried in front of anyone, not even her closest friends.

"That's so completely untrue. Josh broke up with Jo, and do you know why? Because he realized he loves you, and he's completely sad at the idea of how you must feel, and if James kissed you that must mean-"

"That he wants to hurt me like all the others."

"Lily."

"The truth hurts sometimes, and its better if I face it now, not live in some fantasy world where I believe everyone is good. That isn't me, you may think it is, but it isn't."

"For god's sake listen to yourself!"

"I am, and everything I'm saying is true."

"Open your eyes and you'll see it isn't."

"It is."

"Not."

"Is"

"I'm not going to argue with you when you're like this."

"How comforting, that's just what James said before he stormed out." The cruelty was coming out in her voice again.

"I don't blame him." Mary stood up and left too, the second in a day.

~*~*~*~

James sat in the common room bewildered. He had no idea what he had done wrong, she had been sending all the signals, and he has just acted on his instincts, was that so wrong? He sighed. Maybe it was, he could obviously see Lily was hurt, and the last thing she needed was a guy who had the biggest reputation in the school of breaking girls hearts, yet-

"JJJJJJJJJAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" A squeal came from the portrait hole, and James groaned, but faked a smile as a girl jumped into his lap.

"Hey baby, how are you?"

"Perfect now that my James is safe from harm, and here with me."

"How perfect" James replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm, but the girl didn't seem to notice.

"Isn't it though?" James smiled and kissed her, trying to push Lily from even the farthest parts of his mind, yet the harder he tried the more he couldn't help thinking about the way the light shimmered off her hair, the way her eyes sparkled, and how beautiful she was, even when she was yelling at him. He couldn't love her, could he?

~*~*~*~

(A/n okay I is done, a bit longer than usual, but I couldn't find a good place to stop and even this one doesn't seem like the best, but it'll have to do seeing as I need time to think of how I'm going to do what I want to in the next part. Thank you all for your reviews and keep it up please!!!

~Lily)