BEGIN PART TWO
(Pheonix, our intrepid hero, is busily preparing for his trip to the grocery atop Mount Malfaisant. Queego is on his shoulder, pretending he can't talk.)
Pheonix: hello, local merchant. I'm going on a trip to Mount Malfaisant.
Merchant: Here. Take some Fluids.
Game: Received 10 "FLUIDS"
Pheonix: What are these?
Merchant: Oh, merely small, cheap, mass-produced items that heal any injury. Also, take some Purifiers. They cure any illness.
Game: Received 5 "PURIFIERS"
Pheonix: Let me get this straight.you have small, cheap items that cure all injuries and sickness? Why do we even have hospitals?
Merchant: (Ignoring him completely.) Also, take some of these.
Game: Received 2 "ANGEL ENTRAILS"
Merchant: These little puppies bring you back from the dead.
Pheonix: You're kidding, right? For about the cost of a hamburger, you can bring someone back to life? What the hell? Why aren't we all immortal?
Merchant: Have a nice day!
(Pheonix walks out, looking disgruntled. Mayaji, looking angry, runs up.)
Mayaji: I can't believe you were going to leave and not say goodbye! How could you!!?
Pheonix: I'm going to a grocery store.
Mayaji: You were going to leave forever.
Pheonix: I'll be back in ten minutes, tops.
Mayaji: I'm going with you! I won't leave you1
Pheonix: But.Mayaji! You're defense and attack are both so low that you'd be more of a liability then anything!
Mayaji: I LOVE YOU PHEONIX!
Game: "Mayaji" Joined your Party! (Triumphant music)
Pheonix: Great.
(Pheonix leaves Idyllysburg, lovestruck Mayaji following behind him. In about four steps, he enters the dark forest. The forest is.dark, with many overlapping shadows that make getting your bearings really stupidly difficult. Music plays that's trying very hard to be ominous)
Mayaji: Oh, Pheonix! Why did you take me to this awful place!?
Pheonix: (indignantly) TAKE you?!
(Screen blurs)
Pheonix: The hell?
Game: HELPLESS BUNNY attacks the party!
(Suddenly, the grandpa appears)
Grandpa: Battle Tutorial!
Pheonix: EH?!
Grandpa: Congratulations! You've had your first Random Encounter!
Pheonix: Umm, yay?
Grandpa: Many creatures in our world are dangerous, and most want to kill you.
Pheonix: It's a bunny.
Grandpa: These creatures will attack you and your party members, and a fight will begin! Look out!
Pheonix: IT'S.A.RABBIT.
Game: HELPLESS BUNNY used BUNNY SMITE!
(Helpless bunny runs up to Mayaji and nibbles on her foot.)
Mayaji: EEK! (Dies)
Grandpa: Now, Pheonix! It's your turn! Pick up your sword, and stick the pointy end into the bunny!
Pheonix: but I like bunnies.
Game: HELPLESS BUNNY used ARMAGEDDON!
(Huge ball of fire crashes through the treetops, smashing into pheonix and crushing most of his body)
Pheonix: ow.pain.
Grandpa: Quickly, pheonix! Use a FLUID!
(With the last of his strength, Pheonix swallows the FLUID. He is instantly healed.)
Pheonix: That is so implausible.
Grandpa: Now attack the bunny!
(Pheonix crushes the bunny with his sword.)
game: VICTORY!
Pheonix: Over a rabbit?
Game: HELPLESS BUNNY yielded 20 gold!
Pheonix: Where did that bunny keep gold? Or do I want to know?
Game: This concludes the Battle Tutorial.
Mayaji: Wow, that was perilous!
Pheonix: Aren't you dead?
Mayaji: Don't be silly! The battle's over! I'm back to one HP!
Pheonix: So, in theory, to bring someone back to life, drag their corspe to a fight and watch the magic?
Mayaji: You're so silly, pheonix!
Pheonix: I don't like this world anymore.
END PART 2
(Pheonix, our intrepid hero, is busily preparing for his trip to the grocery atop Mount Malfaisant. Queego is on his shoulder, pretending he can't talk.)
Pheonix: hello, local merchant. I'm going on a trip to Mount Malfaisant.
Merchant: Here. Take some Fluids.
Game: Received 10 "FLUIDS"
Pheonix: What are these?
Merchant: Oh, merely small, cheap, mass-produced items that heal any injury. Also, take some Purifiers. They cure any illness.
Game: Received 5 "PURIFIERS"
Pheonix: Let me get this straight.you have small, cheap items that cure all injuries and sickness? Why do we even have hospitals?
Merchant: (Ignoring him completely.) Also, take some of these.
Game: Received 2 "ANGEL ENTRAILS"
Merchant: These little puppies bring you back from the dead.
Pheonix: You're kidding, right? For about the cost of a hamburger, you can bring someone back to life? What the hell? Why aren't we all immortal?
Merchant: Have a nice day!
(Pheonix walks out, looking disgruntled. Mayaji, looking angry, runs up.)
Mayaji: I can't believe you were going to leave and not say goodbye! How could you!!?
Pheonix: I'm going to a grocery store.
Mayaji: You were going to leave forever.
Pheonix: I'll be back in ten minutes, tops.
Mayaji: I'm going with you! I won't leave you1
Pheonix: But.Mayaji! You're defense and attack are both so low that you'd be more of a liability then anything!
Mayaji: I LOVE YOU PHEONIX!
Game: "Mayaji" Joined your Party! (Triumphant music)
Pheonix: Great.
(Pheonix leaves Idyllysburg, lovestruck Mayaji following behind him. In about four steps, he enters the dark forest. The forest is.dark, with many overlapping shadows that make getting your bearings really stupidly difficult. Music plays that's trying very hard to be ominous)
Mayaji: Oh, Pheonix! Why did you take me to this awful place!?
Pheonix: (indignantly) TAKE you?!
(Screen blurs)
Pheonix: The hell?
Game: HELPLESS BUNNY attacks the party!
(Suddenly, the grandpa appears)
Grandpa: Battle Tutorial!
Pheonix: EH?!
Grandpa: Congratulations! You've had your first Random Encounter!
Pheonix: Umm, yay?
Grandpa: Many creatures in our world are dangerous, and most want to kill you.
Pheonix: It's a bunny.
Grandpa: These creatures will attack you and your party members, and a fight will begin! Look out!
Pheonix: IT'S.A.RABBIT.
Game: HELPLESS BUNNY used BUNNY SMITE!
(Helpless bunny runs up to Mayaji and nibbles on her foot.)
Mayaji: EEK! (Dies)
Grandpa: Now, Pheonix! It's your turn! Pick up your sword, and stick the pointy end into the bunny!
Pheonix: but I like bunnies.
Game: HELPLESS BUNNY used ARMAGEDDON!
(Huge ball of fire crashes through the treetops, smashing into pheonix and crushing most of his body)
Pheonix: ow.pain.
Grandpa: Quickly, pheonix! Use a FLUID!
(With the last of his strength, Pheonix swallows the FLUID. He is instantly healed.)
Pheonix: That is so implausible.
Grandpa: Now attack the bunny!
(Pheonix crushes the bunny with his sword.)
game: VICTORY!
Pheonix: Over a rabbit?
Game: HELPLESS BUNNY yielded 20 gold!
Pheonix: Where did that bunny keep gold? Or do I want to know?
Game: This concludes the Battle Tutorial.
Mayaji: Wow, that was perilous!
Pheonix: Aren't you dead?
Mayaji: Don't be silly! The battle's over! I'm back to one HP!
Pheonix: So, in theory, to bring someone back to life, drag their corspe to a fight and watch the magic?
Mayaji: You're so silly, pheonix!
Pheonix: I don't like this world anymore.
END PART 2