(A/N this chapter is quite a bit longer than my others are and a bit more mature too. But that's how it goes. Any way I want to thank everyone for reviewing. If you want me to read your stories and review them too login, or put your penname so I can see them, okay? Thank you soooooo much for your support with my stories (as terrible as they are) and keep it up!

Luv~

~Lily

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned in the books. This includes: Lily, James, Remus, Sirius, Peter, Arabella, Snape, Malfoy, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Filch, and any others I might have forgotten to mention. But I do own all other characters and the plot up to this point.)

Just Another Heartbreak

Chapter 5

Part One: Reminiscing and trying to Forget

The words ran through Lily's head like fire through ice. "And you know whose fault its going to be? Not mine, not any other person's, but yours! See if you're happy knowing that Evans!"

"He's right you know."

"I know."

"You don't let anyone touch you… you have to let go of the past."

"I've tried, but its too much of who I am."

"So change."

Lily continued arguing with herself as she lay in her bed. Everything had seemed fine until she had come to Hogwarts. Coming to Hogwarts made her face the fears of her past. The pain, the cruelty, but most of all the sacredness. When Lily had first received her letter, she thought that by leaving, she would be able to forget the past, but somehow it had lingered with her and dug a hole so deep she couldn't escape. She remembered the first guy…. Garet, he was so sweet. Every girl loved him, yet as much like James as he was, he was different. Garet had told her all that summer how beautiful, she was, and how much he liked her, and yet when the day came when she finally realized she'd loved him, he'd laughed in her face. Alisha had told her a thousand times to get over it, but she had no idea of how it hurt to be laughed at when you've opened your heart and soul to someone. Then there had been Randy, Ryan… they had only wanted her for sex, and she had fallen for them both…. She shuttered to think of how she had almost given in to their pleading, but somehow she had withstood it, and it hurt like hell… Then there was Nick, everything a girl could want, and he chose her. Nevertheless, Lily wondered why he had, hadn't he wanted something from her? The longer they talked the more she started to feel for him, but past experiences told her not to love him, and she didn't… he knew of Garet, and Randy, and Ryan, and he tried to heal the wounds, but just as Lily was doing now, she shut him out, and they had lost contact. Then she'd received her letter. The letter that had changed her life along with so many others'. Lily sighed, then there was Josh, and that was the last time she could open her heart to anyone.

"Lily?" Alisha's voice came through the door.

"Yeah?"

"Can I say something?"

"Not through the door." Even in the most discouraging of situations, Lily didn't lose her wit.

Alisha stepped in carefully, as if she didn't want to disturb anything for fear Lily might lash out at her next, "James told me what happened."

"And?"

"Why won't you let him in? You've put up this shell and you're pushing everyone away."

"You have no idea how much it hurts to have someone laugh." Lily could feel the tears coming to her eyes once more.

"Lily, you have to let someone in. It's the only way you'll ever find someone who won't hurt you."

"It's too big of a risk."

"We all have to take risks."

"This would be one too many for me. You saw what happened with Josh."

"Forget the bloody past Lil! James Potter is in love with no other girl than you! Are you telling me that you won't have him?" Alisha raised her eyebrows at her last remark and headed out of the room, leaving Lily to fall back onto her bed.

~*~*~*~

Lily walked quickly through the corridor, cursing under her breath. If one more person ask if-

"Are you going out with James Potter?"

"NO!" Lily stormed off ever since holidays were over the rumor of her and James' kiss had spread like a wildfire and no one would quit asking Lily that horrid question! Of course, she wasn't going out with James! She'd made sure of that when she'd shut him out of her life, to him she was just the girl who couldn't love anyone. She could feel tears coming to her eyes again, but she wouldn't let the school see her cry. Lily Evans didn't cry in public.

"Lily, there you are. I've been looking for you everywhere."

"And I was doing such a good job of avoiding him."

"And he still found you."

"Pure luck.'

"Maybe he loves you."

"Highly doubt it."

"Yeah James?"

"I wanted to apologize-"

"Why? I was the one acting like a spoiled brat."

"But I didn't have to say what I did. I know what its like."

"You really shouldn't have said that" Both had the same thought.

"So you do, do you? You know what it's like to open your heart to someone who you would have trusted with anything, and have them laugh in your face? Not behind your back, but to your face? Trust me James you have no idea of the pain I have." Lily then tried to walk off, but she found James had placed himself in the way of her retreat.

"What if I said I did?"

"You're a liar then."

"Lily, please. Listen to yourself." He gently lifted her chin and for a moment, she thought he might kiss her, but he continued softer, "This isn't the Lily half the male population is infatuated with."

"Half?" Lily teetered between denial and believing her luck.

"At least." "Me included." The space between them was once more closing. Lily put her hands on his chest to try to stop him and she felt his strong muscles, rippled beneath his clothes, she caught her breath and turned her eyes to meet his, this time she wouldn't back out. And she didn't. His lips again closed over hers and she felt all knowledge slipping from her grasp. This kiss was more passionate than the first, more demanding too. She felt his hands on her waist bringing them closer together, but even then there was too much space.

"God I want you." He whispered.

"James our titles."

"Who the hell cares. Let them find new perfects."

"James. We'll get expelled"

All this was gasped between passionate kisses that took their breath away, even James had no idea what he was doing. Finally, Lily managed to push herself away from the arms that had held her so protectively.

"James, we can't. I can't. Not-" Lily glanced into his eyes and saw the fear that she was sure had resided in hers too, neither wanted to know what it was that propelled them to do what they did. And Lily definitely didn't want to stick around to feel more of it. "I've gotta um… go. Bye." She left him with one last peck on the cheek and practically ran to her dormitory. James on the other hand knew where he needed to be… in bed… preferably with Ashley.

~*~*~*~

Lily tried writing down everything that had happened, but every time she tried, she thought of that kiss and of how much she had wanted to be in his arms forever. She shivered to think that a guy could do this to her again, if she couldn't resist James then how could she ever be sure she wouldn't get hurt again? Lily really needed to talk to someone, but none of her friends understood. Mary didn't have any experience with guys, and Alisha thought she knew everything about guys, and Amanda, well she was Amanda, and ever since JoAnn had invaded their lives nothing was safe with Amanda, Aaron would laugh, Adrianne was too young, Sarah, well maybe she could talk to Sarah, but she didn't want to give her any more problems than she already had.

"Why don't you talk to James?"

"James? You've gotta be kidding."

"Too bad I'm not."

"What would I say?"

"Exactly."

"Exactly what?"

"You have nothing to say, therefore you have nothing to be confused about really."

"Then why am I?"

"I don't know. Maybe you should take a day to step back and just look at yourself."

"Why would that help?"

"Maybe you would see something that you never knew about."

"Besides the fact I talk to myself?"

"Besides that."

"Fine, I'll try it. I guess it can't hurt to try. In truth I can't get more confused than I already am."

"Right."

Lily sighed, glanced at her watch and gathered her books for her next class. Maybe her conscience was right. Maybe she was just confused because she thought she was supposed to be, when in truth she knew exactly why she felt everything she felt. Maybe she wasn't scared of being hurt again, but her mind told her she should be, therefore she was. Lily sighed and opened the door out of her dormitory, tomorrow would reveal everything.

~*~*~*~

And it did. Every time Lily caught herself slipping into the rut she had been in for so long she stepped back to look at herself from the point of view of someone else. Nit only did she notice she was behaving like a bloody idiot, but that she actually was quite pretty. Nevertheless, even this couldn't convince her that she was holding onto pain that had disappeared ages ago, but she did, however, vow to try and forget it, something she didn't easily do. But when Lily Evans put her mind to something, she didn't give up until it was done.

~*~*~*~

Part Two: Surprisingly Unhappy

"Will you go out with my brother?"

Lily was surprised at the tall blonde standing before her, she didn't recognize her, but she instinctively knew whom she was talking about.

"I'm Michelle. My brother is-"

"Robert." Lily finished, "Tell him to ask me himself."

"Alright." With those few words, Lily had begun to face her newest dilemma. She had never really thought about Robert as more than a distant friend, but now he was asking her out. He was cute in his own way, now that she thought about it. He was a year behind her though, and she knew her friends wouldn't be too happy about her dating down, but they'd live. Then came the question of whether or not she'd say yes. Of course, she would. If anything, he'd give her a few days to not worry about the dating scene. She giggled to herself and headed to her next class.

~*~*~*~

"And finally Miss Figg, and Miss Evans." Lily glanced across the dungeon to where the raven-haired girl stood. Lily had admired Arabella since the day she had arrived at Hogwarts, not only was she pretty, but she had ever member of James group worshiping her, everyone that is, except James himself.

"I'm Arabella." The girl came over and introduced herself.

"Lily." The red headed girl replied, something about Arabella made you like her instantly.

"So what are we supposed to do?" The dark haired girl asked, "I didn't catch what potion we were supposed to be making, I had to hex James, and Sirius' cauldron."

"The obeying potion. What did you do to it?" Lily loved the pranks constantly being thrown from Arabella and the Marauders.

"You'll see. Now lets make this potion." Arabella grabbed and onion and started slicing it. Somehow, Lily didn't believe the girl hadn't been listening to the Professor.

"After we add the onions, the potion should be a light purple." Lily read out of their potions book.

"What if its green?" Arabella asked apprehensively.

"He haven't added enough then." Lily read from the book. She was glad her parents had insisted on buying her the copy of her potions book that had remedies for all errors possible.

"What if our potion is a slight orange tint?" James and Sirius asked coming up behind Lily.

"Then- get your own book!" Lily turned around to meet a pair of gorgeous almost black eyes.

"I don't believe we've been introduced." Sirius seemed as stunned as Lily.

"Cut the crap Siri." Arabella cut in, "Lily, this is Sirius, Sirius, this is Lily."

"My pleasure." Sirius grinned. This time it was James who elbowed him in the stomach.

"Shall we be going Padfoot?" James asked raising his eyebrows, but he didn't wait for a reply before dragging Sirius off.

"What was that for?"

"That's Lily." James replied putting emphasis on the word Lily.

"Lily? But- ooooooohhhhhh Lily!" Sirius finally got the picture.

"Finally."

"Finally I get to meet Lily." Sirius grinned broader.

"Shut up. I don't need the whole school knowing."

"Too bad they already do." Lily smiled to herself at the conversation that had just passed between the two boys.

"Lily, you know James doesn't say a word about any other girl but you?" Arabella interrupted her trance.

"Somehow I doubt that. What's the next step?" And with that Lily turned back to their potion and pushed James from the furthest part of her mind.

~*~*~*~

"Lily will you um… will you go out with me?" Lily tried as hard as she could to contain the giggles she had been fighting since Robert had approached her.

"I'd love to." Lily flashed her smile.

"Really?"

"'Course, sorry this was so short but I gotta run to Charms okay?"

"Yeah" Robert was obviously still in shock.

"Bye."

"Bye."

Lily practically sprinted until she was out of earshot, and began laughing hysterically.

"I don't see what's that funny." Sirius said from behind her.

"Neither do I, but I can't stop."

"Did someone but a laughing charm on you?"

"I doubt it, but its possible." Lily's laughter was slowly calming down.

"Are you done?"

"I would think so since I'm not laughing anymore."

"Then would you care to go to Hogsmede with me this weekend?"

Lily bit her lip. She was now Roberts girlfriend, but Sirius Black had just asked her to Hogsmede. "I can't. I have a boyfriend."

"Oh." Sirius replied, a bit deflated.

"But if I didn't I'd love to."

"Is that a yes to your next free weekend?" Sirius never gave up easily on a girl, and he wasn't about to start.

"I suppose so." Lily grinned, "But don't we have to wait for a Hogsmede weekend?"

"Not necessarily. I have my ways of getting there."

"Ah, well, as long as I don't get caught." Lily couldn't resist breaking the rules. It wasn't often that she had the chance, and even less often that she accepted.

"See you then."

"Alright." Lily sighed. Shouldn't she be happy? She had what she wanted. Yet something didn't seem right, and that scared her.

~*~*~*~

(Finally! Lol. I couldn't stop myself today so here's parts one and two in one chapter. Hope you enjoy it.

~Luv

Lily )