Chapter 13
With the sounds of the season playing in the background and a fire crackling in the hearth, Monica sat in her living room, ten days before Christmas, wrapping presents and singing. It was late in the afternoon, and Monica had the house to herself. She finished placing ribbon on a present for Ross, a book he wanted on dinosaurs, and took a second to admire their six-foot Douglas Fir. She loved the smell of pine, and she loved that Chandler had been a part of helping to decorate their tree. She laughed to herself as she recalled she had rearranged his ornaments, just as he'd predicted she would, but only after he had returned to NYU. They had taken pictures of the tree and of the two of them standing in front of it, so she would always have the memory and the photos of what the tree had looked like before she'd fine-tuned it.
Chandler. She sighed as she thought about him.
She missed him. They hadn't seen each other since Thanksgiving weekend. They talked on the phone almost every night, but it wasn't the same as actually spending time with him. The past two weekends she had family obligations because they also celebrated Hanukkah.. This weekend, Chandler had to work on a paper that was due. When she asked him if he was still thinking of leaving NYU, his answer had been yes. He didn't sound particularly happy and that bothered her. She wouldn't admit it to him, but it concerned her that he was planning to leave college. What would he decide to do? Where might he go? What did this possible change mean for them?
Monica forced the questions and the doubts from her mind. They would be seeing each other next weekend. She would concentrate on that. After placing Ross' present under the tree, she pulled out Chandler's gift from the plastic bag and smiled. She planned to take extra special care and time with wrapping his present. Only the best would do for her man. She shivered with pleasure whenever she thought about it. And she thought about it a lot. For the first time, she had a wonderful guy to shop for. She couldn't have been more thrilled or excited. Monica loved what she had bought for Chandler. As she set it on the coffee table and carefully chose the perfect and most meaningful wrapping paper to use, she only hoped Chandler would love it as much she did. She secretly thought he would.
*~*
"Chandler?"
"Yeah?"
"I know you're in the middle of writing your paper, but can I talk to you for a sec?"
"Sure."
Chandler turned his attention from his textbook to his roommate who was sitting on his bed, looking dejected.
"I think I know what this is about," Chandler said. "Carol?"
"Yeah. We had another fight. This isn't worth it. I should be enjoying my relationship with Carol the way you are with Monica."
Chandler had to smile. "I never thought I'd hear you say those words to me."
"Well, it's true, isn't it?" Ross snapped. "You and Monica are having a great time. Carol and me, well, let's just say if we didn't argue, we'd never speak to each other."
"So why don't you cool things with her? It's not like you're engaged or anything."
"I suppose. I do like her, but we're definitely not getting along. Maybe we should take a step back."
"This is truly a red-letter day," Chandler marveled. "I'm giving you relationship advice!"
"Yeah, but don't forget I know about Roxanne. I'm not sure I completely trust you with my sister, but so far, I have to say, you're doing very well."
Chandler rubbed the palms of his hands together as he avoided eye contact with his friend.
"As long as we're talking, there is something I'd like to tell you."
"What?" Ross asked, his gaze narrowing. "Chandler, if you've done something to Monica, I swear I'll..."
"No!" Chandler said, his head snapping up. "It's nothing like that. Nothing. Believe me. This is about me, and a decision I've made."
"What decision?"
"I'm leaving NYU after this semester."
"What?! Why?"
"Because I've realized I don't belong here. I don't care about this stuff, Ross. I'm wasting my time and my mother's money."
"If you don't care, then why are you working so hard to get good grades?"
"Because I can acknowledge I may feel differently in the future and want to come back. I need my record to be spotless."
Ross nodded in understanding. "What will you do?"
"I had a long phone conversation with my mom, and I told her I've decided to leave. She knew I was thinking about it. I told her how I felt when she came to visit me. I hate to admit this, but she's going to pull some strings for me. I'm probably going to work at a publishing house in Manhattan."
"Doing what?"
"Well, since I'm not qualified for anything, I'll probably be sorting and delivering the mail. But, at least, I'll be doing something."
"I can't believe this. Of course, I wish you only the best, but man, I'm gonna miss you."
"I'm going to miss you, too, but I believe I'll still be in the area. We can hook up every once in a while at Central Perk or some other place. We won't lose contact."
"I hope we don't," Ross said, sounding dubious. "What about Monica?"
"She doesn't know yet. We're getting together next weekend. I'll tell her my decision then."
"You're sure this is what you want to do?"
"Yes. I couldn't be more bored or less interested in school. Right now, college life is not for me."
"I'll feel fortunate if I get a roommate who's half as great as you are."
Chandler smiled. "Thanks, man. That means a lot to me. You'll be all right."
Ross nodded and stood. "Well, I guess I can't put off the inevitable any longer. Wish me luck. I'm off to tell Carol I think it would be better if we didn't see each other any more. At least for a while."
"Good luck. Hey, at least you're talking rationally to her. It's better than what I did."
"Yeah. Hopefully, Carol won't leave NYU over this. Or the state. Or the country, for that matter."
"We don't know that Roxanne isn't in California."
"True. But we also don't know that she's not in England or France or Germany or..."
"Shut up and go break things off with Carol."
"Love your concern," Ross said.
"Hey, I have a college to quit. I can't be worrying about your love life."
*~*
"I was hoping you had decided to stay at NYU," Monica said. "But, of course, I respect and support your decision."
"Thank you. I've been wanting to tell you, but I decided to wait so I could tell you in person."
They were sitting in Chandler's dorm room. Ross had gone to Central Perk. Monica and Chandler were supposed to meet up with him, and then Ross was going to drive Monica home since winter break had just started.
"A publishing house. That sounds like it could be interesting."
"I'm hoping it will be. I know I'll be a lowly entry level clerk, but I have to start somewhere, right?"
"Right. When do you start?"
"January 2nd."
"Do you have a place to live?"
"I'm still looking. I hope I find something soon. There's one other decision I've made. I hope you won't be upset with me."
"What is it?"
"I couldn't, in all good conscience, keep the car. My mother gave it to me as a reward for going to NYU. Since I let her down, even though she isn't saying that, I'm returning the car to her when I leave. I feel it's only fair."
"But she's never here. What'll happen to the car?"
"She has a friend here who would love to have it. He's supposed to meet me so I can give him the keys."
"Then, you probably won't be able to see me."
Monica was trying so hard not to put pressure on him, but he had her baffled. He didn't seem happy or relieved. He looked miserable. And now he was giving up the car.
"Maybe not as often," Chandler admitted, stroking her dark tresses, "but I will see you, Monica."
"I just...I thought this was supposed to be a good thing. For you. Why aren't you happy?"
Chandler let his hand rest on Monica's shoulder as he sighed. "This goes back to my childhood. I don't know. Maybe I have wanderlust because I was never settled in one place as a kid after my parents divorced. I just...I have a hard time putting down roots, Monica, and yet it's the one thing I tell myself I want desperately. It's that warring with myself thing again. The very things I think I want, I tell myself I can't have. It's almost like I sabotage myself, so then I can say, 'see, that didn't work out either'."
"Is that what you're doing by giving up the car? Are you starting to not want to see me?"
Chandler placed his hand on Monica's other shoulder and gazed into her worried eyes. "No, Monica, I promise you I'm not doing that. I don't feel I deserve the car. I never did think I deserved it, but I justified it in my mind because I was attending the college of my mother's choice. But now I won't be. I don't want to feel guilty about it."
"Oh."
"I can tell you're upset. I'm sorry, Monica. This is not how I wanted our first meeting in nearly a month to go."
"I had been preparing myself for you to tell me you were leaving. I know it means changes. That's unavoidable. I guess I just didn't prepare myself well enough."
"This doesn't have to ruin our gift exchange, does it?"
"I don't want it to."
"I don't either. Why don't we have the celebration we talked about? Maybe we'll feel better after some eggnog."
"The eggnog is for you. I'm having a diet soda."
"Okay."
Chandler poured himself a glass of eggnog from the carton while Monica popped open a can of soda. They had microwaved some popcorn, and Monica had brought a plate of cookies she baked the previous night for Chandler. She indulged in the popcorn while Chandler munched on a peanut butter cookie.
"This tastes delicious," he told her. "I can't believe you can be around all these goodies with no problem. I can tell you've lost more weight."
Monica smiled. Her first real one since Chandler told her his news. "I reached my Christmas goal. Actually, I surpassed my Christmas goal and my New Year's one. I've lost another eight pounds."
"That's wonderful! Santa is going to have to be very good to you this year."
"Should we exchange gifts?" she asked.
"By all means. I want you to open yours first."
"Okay!"
Monica smiled as Chandler handed her a vibrantly wrapped package of red and green. A giant gold bow sat in the middle. A white envelope was tucked underneath. Monica was about to tear a piece of the paper when Chandler stopped her.
"No, no. First, you have to read the card."
"Of course. Sorry! I'm too anxious."
She pulled off the card and withdrew it from its envelope. A snowy Christmas scene, with glitter, decorated the front of the card. The title, in bold red script, said: "Merry Christmas To My Sweetheart". The card was already Monica's all-time favorite. When she opened it and read what Chandler had written, she loved the card even more.
"My Darling Monica," he wrote. "I can't honestly say I understand everything that's happened between us, but I do know you have had and are having a huge impact on my life. I enjoy everything about you. Our time together has been so special to me, and it's something I'll never forget. I can't pretend I know what the future holds because I don't, but whenever I allow myself to look ahead, you are right there with me. I wish you the sweetest blessings of life, my angel, because you deserve them. Your forever friend, Chandler."
Chandler saw the tears gathering in Monica's eyes and started to kiss them away. She stopped him.
"Don't. Please. I need this release. You don't know what this card, with your beautifully and heartfelt written words, means to me."
Chandler placed his arm around Monica's shoulders and pulled her close. "I think I do," he whispered in her ear.
"You are the sweetest man I've ever known," she said, wiping at her eyes. "You have certainly changed my perception of men."
Chandler smiled. "Is that good or bad?"
"Oh, it's definitely good."
"You've brought this out in me, Monica. I swear I thought I had no feelings left. I felt numb inside. Thanks to your generous spirit, the ice around my heart is starting to melt. A little."
Monica shook her head. "I don't believe that. You never had ice around your heart, Chandler. You just wanted people to think you did."
"Same difference, isn't it?"
"No, not really. You've been looking for love, Chandler. We all are."
"Every time I talk to you, you're wiser. How is that possible?"
Monica grinned. "Did I just reveal another one of those well-kept secrets of yours?"
"Yes, and I insist you stop doing that. Open your present, missy. Right now."
Monica kissed Chandler's cheek. "And you call me bossy."
"Well, you are, but that's beside the point."
Monica nudged him in the ribs. "You haven't gotten your gift yet, mister, so if I were you, I'd be a lot nicer to me."
Chandler laughed. "Yes, ma'am."
Monica finally removed the wrapping paper. Tears filled her eyes once more when she saw the thoughtful gift Chandler had chosen for her.
"Okay, I'm having an emotional day. Sue me."
"Do you like it?"
"Like it? I love it! This is beautiful. Thank you so much!"
She wrapped her arms around Chandler's neck and embraced him. He felt so good in her arms. She never wanted to let him go.
"You talked about those books you were reading, and I saw this one with inspirational quotes. I thought you would like that. Then I thought you could keep track of your daily activities in the calendar part and write your notes as they came to you for your journal in the blank pages."
"It's a wonderful gift. Thank you. I also noticed there's a compartment for photos."
Monica pulled away from Chandler and winked at him.
"I wonder whose picture I will put in there?"
"Probably Kermit the Frog, but hey, I'm okay with that."
Monica punched his bicep. "Ross told you about that, didn't he? He's such a creep."
Chandler laughed outright. "See, this is a good reason for me to be leaving NYU. Now, all of your well-hidden secrets won't come out."
Being reminded of Chandler's decision subdued Monica. Chandler wished he hadn't said anything.
"Now, it's my turn. Where's my gift?"
"Not until I get a kiss," Monica said, holding up a piece of mistletoe above their heads.
Avoidance seemed to be the best course at the moment.
"Kisses are gladly given," Chandler said, already positioning himself to oblige his lady.
When they had satisfied each other, Monica handed Chandler his gift. The first thing he noticed was how neatly she had wrapped it. The second thing he noticed was that she had used wrapping paper that had the word "peace" in it.
"You remembered our conversation," he said, pointing to the word next to a lit candle. "Is the candle in reference to our dinner right here in this room?"
Monica nodded.
"And the blue in the paper is for the water we gazed at while we talked?"
Monica nodded again, pleased he'd caught on to what she had done. She knew most guys would've just ripped the paper off the package without giving it a second thought. But somehow, she knew Chandler would take the time to look at what she had done. And that had been one of the main reasons she had done it. Because he would appreciate it. And she knew he did. He carefully removed the paper, intending to save it. That touched a special chord in her.
He lifted the lid and smiled. "I should've known."
"Well, I have to make you work for your present."
The card sat on top of the gift, which was wrapped with paper that had Christmas trees and ornaments on it.
"I know what those mean," he said. "And I also know you rearranged the tree, so don't try to tell me you didn't."
He kissed the tip of Monica's nose as she grinned.
"Can you believe how many memories we have already?" he asked.
"We're adding to them right now."
"You're right."
He opened the card and had to smile again. A fireplace with a burning flame stared at him.
"Another memory," Monica said.
His card title read: "Merry Christmas to Someone Very Special". He opened the card, read the sentiment, and then focused on Monica's written words.
"My Dearest Chandler," she'd written, "I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you just how much having you in my life has meant to me. I know you told me I need to take credit for what I'm doing, but you have changed my life in so many ways. I feel closer to you than I have to anyone in a very long time. You make me feel special. You make me laugh and you make me smile. You make things easier and better and definitely more fun. You are a very important part of my life. You're my forever friend, but Chandler, you are so much more than that. Be good to yourself. I think we both struggle with that, but maybe together, we can learn to let go of a few things. Just a few. I wish you love, laughter and happiness always, Monica."
"Thank you," Chandler said, after he finished reading the card. "I will keep this always."
He carefully unwrapped the present and added that paper to his collection. He gasped with pleasure when he saw his gift.
"Do you like it?" Monica asked anxiously.
"It's beautiful," Chandler said. "Thank you so much!"
Chandler held a black, leather bound journal in his hands. He began to leaf through the pages and saw that Monica had written him a note on the first page.
"Chandler," he read, "I hope you remember our talk about journal writing. I know you said you write down your thoughts, but I wasn't sure they were all together in one place. I hope you will use this as your thought-gathering place. Journal writing has come to mean so much to me. Maybe it will provide you with a little bit of that peace you're searching for? - Monica"
"I think it will," Chandler said, his voice cracking.
Monica wanted him to look at her, but he said he needed a moment.
"There's one more part to your gift," she told him. "Look in the box."
He checked again and saw a long, thin wrapped box leaning against the side. He unwrapped it and saw that Monica had thoughtfully given him a pen to go along with his journal. When he read the inscription on both sides, he nearly lost it.
"If you can dream it," was inscribed on one side. The other side said, "You can be it."
He finally looked at Monica who smiled at him. It was her turn to kiss away his tears.
"We all have them somewhere in our soul, our mind, or our spirit," she told him, as he nodded wordlessly. "You need to find yours again. Find your dream, Chandler, so you can work to make it come true before it's too late."
With the sounds of the season playing in the background and a fire crackling in the hearth, Monica sat in her living room, ten days before Christmas, wrapping presents and singing. It was late in the afternoon, and Monica had the house to herself. She finished placing ribbon on a present for Ross, a book he wanted on dinosaurs, and took a second to admire their six-foot Douglas Fir. She loved the smell of pine, and she loved that Chandler had been a part of helping to decorate their tree. She laughed to herself as she recalled she had rearranged his ornaments, just as he'd predicted she would, but only after he had returned to NYU. They had taken pictures of the tree and of the two of them standing in front of it, so she would always have the memory and the photos of what the tree had looked like before she'd fine-tuned it.
Chandler. She sighed as she thought about him.
She missed him. They hadn't seen each other since Thanksgiving weekend. They talked on the phone almost every night, but it wasn't the same as actually spending time with him. The past two weekends she had family obligations because they also celebrated Hanukkah.. This weekend, Chandler had to work on a paper that was due. When she asked him if he was still thinking of leaving NYU, his answer had been yes. He didn't sound particularly happy and that bothered her. She wouldn't admit it to him, but it concerned her that he was planning to leave college. What would he decide to do? Where might he go? What did this possible change mean for them?
Monica forced the questions and the doubts from her mind. They would be seeing each other next weekend. She would concentrate on that. After placing Ross' present under the tree, she pulled out Chandler's gift from the plastic bag and smiled. She planned to take extra special care and time with wrapping his present. Only the best would do for her man. She shivered with pleasure whenever she thought about it. And she thought about it a lot. For the first time, she had a wonderful guy to shop for. She couldn't have been more thrilled or excited. Monica loved what she had bought for Chandler. As she set it on the coffee table and carefully chose the perfect and most meaningful wrapping paper to use, she only hoped Chandler would love it as much she did. She secretly thought he would.
*~*
"Chandler?"
"Yeah?"
"I know you're in the middle of writing your paper, but can I talk to you for a sec?"
"Sure."
Chandler turned his attention from his textbook to his roommate who was sitting on his bed, looking dejected.
"I think I know what this is about," Chandler said. "Carol?"
"Yeah. We had another fight. This isn't worth it. I should be enjoying my relationship with Carol the way you are with Monica."
Chandler had to smile. "I never thought I'd hear you say those words to me."
"Well, it's true, isn't it?" Ross snapped. "You and Monica are having a great time. Carol and me, well, let's just say if we didn't argue, we'd never speak to each other."
"So why don't you cool things with her? It's not like you're engaged or anything."
"I suppose. I do like her, but we're definitely not getting along. Maybe we should take a step back."
"This is truly a red-letter day," Chandler marveled. "I'm giving you relationship advice!"
"Yeah, but don't forget I know about Roxanne. I'm not sure I completely trust you with my sister, but so far, I have to say, you're doing very well."
Chandler rubbed the palms of his hands together as he avoided eye contact with his friend.
"As long as we're talking, there is something I'd like to tell you."
"What?" Ross asked, his gaze narrowing. "Chandler, if you've done something to Monica, I swear I'll..."
"No!" Chandler said, his head snapping up. "It's nothing like that. Nothing. Believe me. This is about me, and a decision I've made."
"What decision?"
"I'm leaving NYU after this semester."
"What?! Why?"
"Because I've realized I don't belong here. I don't care about this stuff, Ross. I'm wasting my time and my mother's money."
"If you don't care, then why are you working so hard to get good grades?"
"Because I can acknowledge I may feel differently in the future and want to come back. I need my record to be spotless."
Ross nodded in understanding. "What will you do?"
"I had a long phone conversation with my mom, and I told her I've decided to leave. She knew I was thinking about it. I told her how I felt when she came to visit me. I hate to admit this, but she's going to pull some strings for me. I'm probably going to work at a publishing house in Manhattan."
"Doing what?"
"Well, since I'm not qualified for anything, I'll probably be sorting and delivering the mail. But, at least, I'll be doing something."
"I can't believe this. Of course, I wish you only the best, but man, I'm gonna miss you."
"I'm going to miss you, too, but I believe I'll still be in the area. We can hook up every once in a while at Central Perk or some other place. We won't lose contact."
"I hope we don't," Ross said, sounding dubious. "What about Monica?"
"She doesn't know yet. We're getting together next weekend. I'll tell her my decision then."
"You're sure this is what you want to do?"
"Yes. I couldn't be more bored or less interested in school. Right now, college life is not for me."
"I'll feel fortunate if I get a roommate who's half as great as you are."
Chandler smiled. "Thanks, man. That means a lot to me. You'll be all right."
Ross nodded and stood. "Well, I guess I can't put off the inevitable any longer. Wish me luck. I'm off to tell Carol I think it would be better if we didn't see each other any more. At least for a while."
"Good luck. Hey, at least you're talking rationally to her. It's better than what I did."
"Yeah. Hopefully, Carol won't leave NYU over this. Or the state. Or the country, for that matter."
"We don't know that Roxanne isn't in California."
"True. But we also don't know that she's not in England or France or Germany or..."
"Shut up and go break things off with Carol."
"Love your concern," Ross said.
"Hey, I have a college to quit. I can't be worrying about your love life."
*~*
"I was hoping you had decided to stay at NYU," Monica said. "But, of course, I respect and support your decision."
"Thank you. I've been wanting to tell you, but I decided to wait so I could tell you in person."
They were sitting in Chandler's dorm room. Ross had gone to Central Perk. Monica and Chandler were supposed to meet up with him, and then Ross was going to drive Monica home since winter break had just started.
"A publishing house. That sounds like it could be interesting."
"I'm hoping it will be. I know I'll be a lowly entry level clerk, but I have to start somewhere, right?"
"Right. When do you start?"
"January 2nd."
"Do you have a place to live?"
"I'm still looking. I hope I find something soon. There's one other decision I've made. I hope you won't be upset with me."
"What is it?"
"I couldn't, in all good conscience, keep the car. My mother gave it to me as a reward for going to NYU. Since I let her down, even though she isn't saying that, I'm returning the car to her when I leave. I feel it's only fair."
"But she's never here. What'll happen to the car?"
"She has a friend here who would love to have it. He's supposed to meet me so I can give him the keys."
"Then, you probably won't be able to see me."
Monica was trying so hard not to put pressure on him, but he had her baffled. He didn't seem happy or relieved. He looked miserable. And now he was giving up the car.
"Maybe not as often," Chandler admitted, stroking her dark tresses, "but I will see you, Monica."
"I just...I thought this was supposed to be a good thing. For you. Why aren't you happy?"
Chandler let his hand rest on Monica's shoulder as he sighed. "This goes back to my childhood. I don't know. Maybe I have wanderlust because I was never settled in one place as a kid after my parents divorced. I just...I have a hard time putting down roots, Monica, and yet it's the one thing I tell myself I want desperately. It's that warring with myself thing again. The very things I think I want, I tell myself I can't have. It's almost like I sabotage myself, so then I can say, 'see, that didn't work out either'."
"Is that what you're doing by giving up the car? Are you starting to not want to see me?"
Chandler placed his hand on Monica's other shoulder and gazed into her worried eyes. "No, Monica, I promise you I'm not doing that. I don't feel I deserve the car. I never did think I deserved it, but I justified it in my mind because I was attending the college of my mother's choice. But now I won't be. I don't want to feel guilty about it."
"Oh."
"I can tell you're upset. I'm sorry, Monica. This is not how I wanted our first meeting in nearly a month to go."
"I had been preparing myself for you to tell me you were leaving. I know it means changes. That's unavoidable. I guess I just didn't prepare myself well enough."
"This doesn't have to ruin our gift exchange, does it?"
"I don't want it to."
"I don't either. Why don't we have the celebration we talked about? Maybe we'll feel better after some eggnog."
"The eggnog is for you. I'm having a diet soda."
"Okay."
Chandler poured himself a glass of eggnog from the carton while Monica popped open a can of soda. They had microwaved some popcorn, and Monica had brought a plate of cookies she baked the previous night for Chandler. She indulged in the popcorn while Chandler munched on a peanut butter cookie.
"This tastes delicious," he told her. "I can't believe you can be around all these goodies with no problem. I can tell you've lost more weight."
Monica smiled. Her first real one since Chandler told her his news. "I reached my Christmas goal. Actually, I surpassed my Christmas goal and my New Year's one. I've lost another eight pounds."
"That's wonderful! Santa is going to have to be very good to you this year."
"Should we exchange gifts?" she asked.
"By all means. I want you to open yours first."
"Okay!"
Monica smiled as Chandler handed her a vibrantly wrapped package of red and green. A giant gold bow sat in the middle. A white envelope was tucked underneath. Monica was about to tear a piece of the paper when Chandler stopped her.
"No, no. First, you have to read the card."
"Of course. Sorry! I'm too anxious."
She pulled off the card and withdrew it from its envelope. A snowy Christmas scene, with glitter, decorated the front of the card. The title, in bold red script, said: "Merry Christmas To My Sweetheart". The card was already Monica's all-time favorite. When she opened it and read what Chandler had written, she loved the card even more.
"My Darling Monica," he wrote. "I can't honestly say I understand everything that's happened between us, but I do know you have had and are having a huge impact on my life. I enjoy everything about you. Our time together has been so special to me, and it's something I'll never forget. I can't pretend I know what the future holds because I don't, but whenever I allow myself to look ahead, you are right there with me. I wish you the sweetest blessings of life, my angel, because you deserve them. Your forever friend, Chandler."
Chandler saw the tears gathering in Monica's eyes and started to kiss them away. She stopped him.
"Don't. Please. I need this release. You don't know what this card, with your beautifully and heartfelt written words, means to me."
Chandler placed his arm around Monica's shoulders and pulled her close. "I think I do," he whispered in her ear.
"You are the sweetest man I've ever known," she said, wiping at her eyes. "You have certainly changed my perception of men."
Chandler smiled. "Is that good or bad?"
"Oh, it's definitely good."
"You've brought this out in me, Monica. I swear I thought I had no feelings left. I felt numb inside. Thanks to your generous spirit, the ice around my heart is starting to melt. A little."
Monica shook her head. "I don't believe that. You never had ice around your heart, Chandler. You just wanted people to think you did."
"Same difference, isn't it?"
"No, not really. You've been looking for love, Chandler. We all are."
"Every time I talk to you, you're wiser. How is that possible?"
Monica grinned. "Did I just reveal another one of those well-kept secrets of yours?"
"Yes, and I insist you stop doing that. Open your present, missy. Right now."
Monica kissed Chandler's cheek. "And you call me bossy."
"Well, you are, but that's beside the point."
Monica nudged him in the ribs. "You haven't gotten your gift yet, mister, so if I were you, I'd be a lot nicer to me."
Chandler laughed. "Yes, ma'am."
Monica finally removed the wrapping paper. Tears filled her eyes once more when she saw the thoughtful gift Chandler had chosen for her.
"Okay, I'm having an emotional day. Sue me."
"Do you like it?"
"Like it? I love it! This is beautiful. Thank you so much!"
She wrapped her arms around Chandler's neck and embraced him. He felt so good in her arms. She never wanted to let him go.
"You talked about those books you were reading, and I saw this one with inspirational quotes. I thought you would like that. Then I thought you could keep track of your daily activities in the calendar part and write your notes as they came to you for your journal in the blank pages."
"It's a wonderful gift. Thank you. I also noticed there's a compartment for photos."
Monica pulled away from Chandler and winked at him.
"I wonder whose picture I will put in there?"
"Probably Kermit the Frog, but hey, I'm okay with that."
Monica punched his bicep. "Ross told you about that, didn't he? He's such a creep."
Chandler laughed outright. "See, this is a good reason for me to be leaving NYU. Now, all of your well-hidden secrets won't come out."
Being reminded of Chandler's decision subdued Monica. Chandler wished he hadn't said anything.
"Now, it's my turn. Where's my gift?"
"Not until I get a kiss," Monica said, holding up a piece of mistletoe above their heads.
Avoidance seemed to be the best course at the moment.
"Kisses are gladly given," Chandler said, already positioning himself to oblige his lady.
When they had satisfied each other, Monica handed Chandler his gift. The first thing he noticed was how neatly she had wrapped it. The second thing he noticed was that she had used wrapping paper that had the word "peace" in it.
"You remembered our conversation," he said, pointing to the word next to a lit candle. "Is the candle in reference to our dinner right here in this room?"
Monica nodded.
"And the blue in the paper is for the water we gazed at while we talked?"
Monica nodded again, pleased he'd caught on to what she had done. She knew most guys would've just ripped the paper off the package without giving it a second thought. But somehow, she knew Chandler would take the time to look at what she had done. And that had been one of the main reasons she had done it. Because he would appreciate it. And she knew he did. He carefully removed the paper, intending to save it. That touched a special chord in her.
He lifted the lid and smiled. "I should've known."
"Well, I have to make you work for your present."
The card sat on top of the gift, which was wrapped with paper that had Christmas trees and ornaments on it.
"I know what those mean," he said. "And I also know you rearranged the tree, so don't try to tell me you didn't."
He kissed the tip of Monica's nose as she grinned.
"Can you believe how many memories we have already?" he asked.
"We're adding to them right now."
"You're right."
He opened the card and had to smile again. A fireplace with a burning flame stared at him.
"Another memory," Monica said.
His card title read: "Merry Christmas to Someone Very Special". He opened the card, read the sentiment, and then focused on Monica's written words.
"My Dearest Chandler," she'd written, "I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you just how much having you in my life has meant to me. I know you told me I need to take credit for what I'm doing, but you have changed my life in so many ways. I feel closer to you than I have to anyone in a very long time. You make me feel special. You make me laugh and you make me smile. You make things easier and better and definitely more fun. You are a very important part of my life. You're my forever friend, but Chandler, you are so much more than that. Be good to yourself. I think we both struggle with that, but maybe together, we can learn to let go of a few things. Just a few. I wish you love, laughter and happiness always, Monica."
"Thank you," Chandler said, after he finished reading the card. "I will keep this always."
He carefully unwrapped the present and added that paper to his collection. He gasped with pleasure when he saw his gift.
"Do you like it?" Monica asked anxiously.
"It's beautiful," Chandler said. "Thank you so much!"
Chandler held a black, leather bound journal in his hands. He began to leaf through the pages and saw that Monica had written him a note on the first page.
"Chandler," he read, "I hope you remember our talk about journal writing. I know you said you write down your thoughts, but I wasn't sure they were all together in one place. I hope you will use this as your thought-gathering place. Journal writing has come to mean so much to me. Maybe it will provide you with a little bit of that peace you're searching for? - Monica"
"I think it will," Chandler said, his voice cracking.
Monica wanted him to look at her, but he said he needed a moment.
"There's one more part to your gift," she told him. "Look in the box."
He checked again and saw a long, thin wrapped box leaning against the side. He unwrapped it and saw that Monica had thoughtfully given him a pen to go along with his journal. When he read the inscription on both sides, he nearly lost it.
"If you can dream it," was inscribed on one side. The other side said, "You can be it."
He finally looked at Monica who smiled at him. It was her turn to kiss away his tears.
"We all have them somewhere in our soul, our mind, or our spirit," she told him, as he nodded wordlessly. "You need to find yours again. Find your dream, Chandler, so you can work to make it come true before it's too late."