Sotto wo Onna
Chapter 5: Advertisement
The next week passed by without many events. I accompanied Yamucha when he went grocery shopping, subconsciously urging him closer to the fruits and vegetables section. And, despite his appearance, he an amazing chef. He surprised me one day (after buying the ingredients) with a large platter of homemade dumplings. They /literally/ melted in my mouth, as he promised they would. I begged him to make them everyday, or at least teach me to concoct the little delicacies of heaven.
He shook his head. "Nope. It's a secret recipe." He suddenly shut both of his eyes and shielded his forehead with his hands.
"What are you doing?" I asked, completely puzzled by his actions.
"You can't read minds, can you?"
I grinned wickedly. "When you see me making these exactly the way you do, then you'll have your answer."
He dropped his defenses. "No, really.can you?" I shrugged.
"I guess I could if I tried."
So, for the last while, he's been trying to keep me relaxed enough to /not/ try anything. Guess who's been eating dumplings for three days?
~*~
Care for an account of my grocery-shopping day with Tien? Prepare yourself:
Alright, it started off normally enough: he and I separated for a while, each getting the items on a list we came up with earlier, and agreeing to meet within a half-hour. The half-hour came and went, and we met with our carts full (Tien's laden down with any vegetables he could find, it seemed) and we paid at the register.
Oya Kami-sama, the bagger scared me.
~*~
Oya Kami-sama, those two guys were hot! I put their groceries into bags hoping that samples of DNA would catch on my hands, and wishing I had a cloning device. The shorter one with thick black hair I was more attracted to. Then I realized something odd: the two guys were shopping /together/. I smiled, whispering to my cashiering friend, "Hot, kinky, /gay/ monkey-sex!" She slapped my arm, making me giggle.
The taller, bald one suddenly looked at me carefully, giving me the horrible impression that he could either read minds, or had heard what I said. Neither of which (I assumed) he could have done. The third eye (that didn't bother me as much as the cashier) blinked.
Anyways, I was the one who started up a conversation. "So, have you two seen [insert latest movie here] yet?" I asked them, smiling sweetly. "I heard that it was pretty good."
The one with hair answered, flashing a smile at me. "Naw.haven't had time to catch a movie lately."
I'm positive that I batted my eyes at him. "Well, if you're not busy later, maybe you and I could see it together today. I'm off work in about ten minutes."
The bald one with three eyes solidified. "Can't," the hairy one claimed. "I'm pretty busy."
"You?" I asked the other one. He shook his head and declined politely. I shrugged.
The cashier laughed. "It's probably for the best anyway." She elbowed me in the ribs. "You'd be pretty surprised once you got /this/ one in the sack!"
At this point, their bags were filled, and they had no reason to stay. They paid, blushed at the cashier's last remark, and left. I punched her. "You /cow/! What'd you do /that/ for?!"
She giggled. "Did you see them? You came on too strong.you scared them! The bald guy must've been peeing his pants!"
I /humphed/ and tossed my hair back. "Yeah, well, he wouldn't have been like that once he got to know me."
She shot me a look. "No, I think that /that/ would have made it worse."
~*~
I breathe again once I'm back in Yamucha's capsule house with the doors locked. Something about that one girl bothered me, and not just how forward she was. "Yamucha?" I ask, getting up from the couch to help put the groceries away.
"Mm-hm?"
"Did you notice something /weird/ about that girl? You know.the one with the longer hair?" I pass him a package of ramen. He puts it away, commenting on the price of items that used to be so cheap. .He's purposely changing the subject. "Uh, I asked you a question.."
The corners of his mouth tremor slightly, trying not to break into a direct smile. He shuts a cupboard door, and turns to me. "Tien, do you know what a transvestite is?" I shake my head, compelling him to view me in (what looks to be) shock. "Shojiki ni?" ((*"Honestly?"*)) I nod. /Now/ the smile comes out. "Oya, Kami! Anata wa sento aru seken no aranami kara mamorareta!" (("Dear God! You lead a sheltered life!"))
"Tsumari de nai kohei na," I claim, frustrated. "It's not /my/ fault I don't know all of this!"
He holds his smile in place and says softly: "It's a guy who dresses as a woman.with a /women's/ body-parts, if you know what I mean. Sometimes they have both."
When I remember to inhale, it's in deep, long gasps; I've held my breath for so long. "Ano wa iyana!" ((*"That's disgusting!"*))
He bobs his head vigorously. "Yeah, but some guys do that to themselves, though I don't know why."
I give an inward shudder. "Is that even /legal/?" That makes us both laugh, but he doesn't answer, so I assume it /isn't/ legal. (I'll pray for those guys when they die.) To take my permanently scarred mind from the subject, I singly quietly to myself:
"Yama hansha suru sono taiyo wo akarui,
Netsuretsu na aijo no naka ni watashi no shinzo eien ni.
Hogo kara fukohei ma zaiaku,
Watashi kokyo ni wo yuki watashi wa inokoru."
((A/N: No, no translation for you.if you really wanna know what it means, I may post it in the next chapter! ^^ ))
"That song suits you," Yamucha says suddenly. "Where'd you learn that?"
"Chiaotzu and I made it up. The tune is from an old lullaby someone taught him, and we made up words because he couldn't remember them."
He smiles. "'Protection from in justice and evil'.. I guess, but I think that those two things n particular have a way of finding everyone."
I impulsively have an idea, and fill a glass halfway with water. I hold it out to him. "Is it half-full, or half-empty?"
He grabs the glass from my hand and drinks the entire thing. "Completely empty," he answers. I roll my eyes, making him beam. "But it /was/ half- full." I nod, proceeding to put the rest of the groceries away. "What was /that/ for?"
"I was just wondering whether or not you were a /hikanshugisha/ ((*/pessimist/*))." I shrug. "I thought you weren't."
"You're still worried if I'm going to try to kill myself again, aren't you?" his voice is very low, and when I look up at his face, he's out of it.eyes enameled. He looks as if he's looking out the window for something to grab a hold of; something to pull him back to this planet. "Tien, I hate feeling weak. /I/ didn't try to kill me. /Weakness/ did."
~*~
It /was/ weakness. Weakness is what kept me from getting married.having a stable relationship.with /anyone/. It kept me from even /walking/ in 500 times Earth's gravity, whereas Vegeta was doing push-ups on a single finger in it! My lungs felt like they had collapsed. Breathing was next to impossible. And I'm not even talking about the gravity.
/Trunks/. And the whole process of how he came to be. Oya, Kami! How could she even touch that filthy pig of a person?! /VEGETA/! Not only had he killed Tien, Chiaotzu, Piccolo, and me but he's also rude, spoiled, and- there's not even a word for how I feel. Find something that makes your fingers curl into fists or wrap around someone's neck and twist, and /that's/ the word I'm looking for to explain it.
I check my eyes to see if I've been crying. No, but I'm on the verge of it. "I'm going to bed," I tell Tien, and I saunter into my bedroom, where three hidden bottles of /sake/ are waiting to comfort me.
~*~
I know he's piss drunk at this point. I can smell the alcohol from 10 meters away, even with the door closed. /Let/ him get drunk. He'll fall asleep, wake up with a hangover, and hopefully forget why he became drunk in the first place.
An hour passes and, contrary to the belief among my friends, I /am/ human, and I /do/ get bored. So I find a baseball lodged in the couch and go outside to play.
The game's not as fun without someone to play with, or knowing the rules. So, instead of an authentic baseball game, I train. Apart from being able to duplicate into copies of myself, I am also able to (for a short time) duplicate objects. Within minutes, I've made three new baseballs, and I'm dodging them easily as they attack me. I find myself smiling, as the three become a single ball again. "Well, of /course/ it's easy. I already know where they're going to go because I'm controlling them.'
I only just realize I've been flying. "KUSO!"
I pray to Kami that no one saw me. I land back on the grass.
"Oi! Ojii-san!" ((*"Hey! Mister!"*))
/'Bai no kuso/'! (('*Double-crap!*'))
"Uh, yeah?" I answer, looking at the person who called to me. "Can I help you?"
"You can if you're interested in being in part of our performance," he answers. A yokatta! ((*Thank god!*)) He didn't see me fly!
"Well, I'm not that great of an actor," I tell him.
He smiles. "Maybe that's what you /say/, but I think that you've done a pretty good act of innocence for the past minute!" He winked. "Don't worry, I didn't /see/ anything! Here!"
He hands me a pamphlet, with a lot of colourful visuals and writings. "Uh, arigatou," I tell him as he starts to walk off.
"You may not want to try out, but you may want to come see us any ways! Ja ne!" He waves and heads off to find more actors (I guess).
".Kimyo na.." ((*Weird.*)) I go back inside, as it's getting late any way. I open the pamphlet once I find a good light source:
WANTED: Any willing individuals wishing to fill the minor but important roles in a play (MacBeth) airing in 3 to 4 months. We are looking for Lady MacBeth, King Duncan, the gatekeeper, and one of the three Witches. (Gender- switching may occur in roles.) We are not looking for talent.talent comes in many forms, and we have professional actors willing to work with new actors! What we/ are/ looking for, however, are a strong character, a strong voice, and a strong iron will to achieve and do. (Yes, we are aware of the strength involved.) Also, we're hoping you'll have fun! So.please do!
I smile, and slip the pamphlet under Yamucha's bedroom door, thankful for the angel that gave it to me.
Chapter 5: Advertisement
The next week passed by without many events. I accompanied Yamucha when he went grocery shopping, subconsciously urging him closer to the fruits and vegetables section. And, despite his appearance, he an amazing chef. He surprised me one day (after buying the ingredients) with a large platter of homemade dumplings. They /literally/ melted in my mouth, as he promised they would. I begged him to make them everyday, or at least teach me to concoct the little delicacies of heaven.
He shook his head. "Nope. It's a secret recipe." He suddenly shut both of his eyes and shielded his forehead with his hands.
"What are you doing?" I asked, completely puzzled by his actions.
"You can't read minds, can you?"
I grinned wickedly. "When you see me making these exactly the way you do, then you'll have your answer."
He dropped his defenses. "No, really.can you?" I shrugged.
"I guess I could if I tried."
So, for the last while, he's been trying to keep me relaxed enough to /not/ try anything. Guess who's been eating dumplings for three days?
~*~
Care for an account of my grocery-shopping day with Tien? Prepare yourself:
Alright, it started off normally enough: he and I separated for a while, each getting the items on a list we came up with earlier, and agreeing to meet within a half-hour. The half-hour came and went, and we met with our carts full (Tien's laden down with any vegetables he could find, it seemed) and we paid at the register.
Oya Kami-sama, the bagger scared me.
~*~
Oya Kami-sama, those two guys were hot! I put their groceries into bags hoping that samples of DNA would catch on my hands, and wishing I had a cloning device. The shorter one with thick black hair I was more attracted to. Then I realized something odd: the two guys were shopping /together/. I smiled, whispering to my cashiering friend, "Hot, kinky, /gay/ monkey-sex!" She slapped my arm, making me giggle.
The taller, bald one suddenly looked at me carefully, giving me the horrible impression that he could either read minds, or had heard what I said. Neither of which (I assumed) he could have done. The third eye (that didn't bother me as much as the cashier) blinked.
Anyways, I was the one who started up a conversation. "So, have you two seen [insert latest movie here] yet?" I asked them, smiling sweetly. "I heard that it was pretty good."
The one with hair answered, flashing a smile at me. "Naw.haven't had time to catch a movie lately."
I'm positive that I batted my eyes at him. "Well, if you're not busy later, maybe you and I could see it together today. I'm off work in about ten minutes."
The bald one with three eyes solidified. "Can't," the hairy one claimed. "I'm pretty busy."
"You?" I asked the other one. He shook his head and declined politely. I shrugged.
The cashier laughed. "It's probably for the best anyway." She elbowed me in the ribs. "You'd be pretty surprised once you got /this/ one in the sack!"
At this point, their bags were filled, and they had no reason to stay. They paid, blushed at the cashier's last remark, and left. I punched her. "You /cow/! What'd you do /that/ for?!"
She giggled. "Did you see them? You came on too strong.you scared them! The bald guy must've been peeing his pants!"
I /humphed/ and tossed my hair back. "Yeah, well, he wouldn't have been like that once he got to know me."
She shot me a look. "No, I think that /that/ would have made it worse."
~*~
I breathe again once I'm back in Yamucha's capsule house with the doors locked. Something about that one girl bothered me, and not just how forward she was. "Yamucha?" I ask, getting up from the couch to help put the groceries away.
"Mm-hm?"
"Did you notice something /weird/ about that girl? You know.the one with the longer hair?" I pass him a package of ramen. He puts it away, commenting on the price of items that used to be so cheap. .He's purposely changing the subject. "Uh, I asked you a question.."
The corners of his mouth tremor slightly, trying not to break into a direct smile. He shuts a cupboard door, and turns to me. "Tien, do you know what a transvestite is?" I shake my head, compelling him to view me in (what looks to be) shock. "Shojiki ni?" ((*"Honestly?"*)) I nod. /Now/ the smile comes out. "Oya, Kami! Anata wa sento aru seken no aranami kara mamorareta!" (("Dear God! You lead a sheltered life!"))
"Tsumari de nai kohei na," I claim, frustrated. "It's not /my/ fault I don't know all of this!"
He holds his smile in place and says softly: "It's a guy who dresses as a woman.with a /women's/ body-parts, if you know what I mean. Sometimes they have both."
When I remember to inhale, it's in deep, long gasps; I've held my breath for so long. "Ano wa iyana!" ((*"That's disgusting!"*))
He bobs his head vigorously. "Yeah, but some guys do that to themselves, though I don't know why."
I give an inward shudder. "Is that even /legal/?" That makes us both laugh, but he doesn't answer, so I assume it /isn't/ legal. (I'll pray for those guys when they die.) To take my permanently scarred mind from the subject, I singly quietly to myself:
"Yama hansha suru sono taiyo wo akarui,
Netsuretsu na aijo no naka ni watashi no shinzo eien ni.
Hogo kara fukohei ma zaiaku,
Watashi kokyo ni wo yuki watashi wa inokoru."
((A/N: No, no translation for you.if you really wanna know what it means, I may post it in the next chapter! ^^ ))
"That song suits you," Yamucha says suddenly. "Where'd you learn that?"
"Chiaotzu and I made it up. The tune is from an old lullaby someone taught him, and we made up words because he couldn't remember them."
He smiles. "'Protection from in justice and evil'.. I guess, but I think that those two things n particular have a way of finding everyone."
I impulsively have an idea, and fill a glass halfway with water. I hold it out to him. "Is it half-full, or half-empty?"
He grabs the glass from my hand and drinks the entire thing. "Completely empty," he answers. I roll my eyes, making him beam. "But it /was/ half- full." I nod, proceeding to put the rest of the groceries away. "What was /that/ for?"
"I was just wondering whether or not you were a /hikanshugisha/ ((*/pessimist/*))." I shrug. "I thought you weren't."
"You're still worried if I'm going to try to kill myself again, aren't you?" his voice is very low, and when I look up at his face, he's out of it.eyes enameled. He looks as if he's looking out the window for something to grab a hold of; something to pull him back to this planet. "Tien, I hate feeling weak. /I/ didn't try to kill me. /Weakness/ did."
~*~
It /was/ weakness. Weakness is what kept me from getting married.having a stable relationship.with /anyone/. It kept me from even /walking/ in 500 times Earth's gravity, whereas Vegeta was doing push-ups on a single finger in it! My lungs felt like they had collapsed. Breathing was next to impossible. And I'm not even talking about the gravity.
/Trunks/. And the whole process of how he came to be. Oya, Kami! How could she even touch that filthy pig of a person?! /VEGETA/! Not only had he killed Tien, Chiaotzu, Piccolo, and me but he's also rude, spoiled, and- there's not even a word for how I feel. Find something that makes your fingers curl into fists or wrap around someone's neck and twist, and /that's/ the word I'm looking for to explain it.
I check my eyes to see if I've been crying. No, but I'm on the verge of it. "I'm going to bed," I tell Tien, and I saunter into my bedroom, where three hidden bottles of /sake/ are waiting to comfort me.
~*~
I know he's piss drunk at this point. I can smell the alcohol from 10 meters away, even with the door closed. /Let/ him get drunk. He'll fall asleep, wake up with a hangover, and hopefully forget why he became drunk in the first place.
An hour passes and, contrary to the belief among my friends, I /am/ human, and I /do/ get bored. So I find a baseball lodged in the couch and go outside to play.
The game's not as fun without someone to play with, or knowing the rules. So, instead of an authentic baseball game, I train. Apart from being able to duplicate into copies of myself, I am also able to (for a short time) duplicate objects. Within minutes, I've made three new baseballs, and I'm dodging them easily as they attack me. I find myself smiling, as the three become a single ball again. "Well, of /course/ it's easy. I already know where they're going to go because I'm controlling them.'
I only just realize I've been flying. "KUSO!"
I pray to Kami that no one saw me. I land back on the grass.
"Oi! Ojii-san!" ((*"Hey! Mister!"*))
/'Bai no kuso/'! (('*Double-crap!*'))
"Uh, yeah?" I answer, looking at the person who called to me. "Can I help you?"
"You can if you're interested in being in part of our performance," he answers. A yokatta! ((*Thank god!*)) He didn't see me fly!
"Well, I'm not that great of an actor," I tell him.
He smiles. "Maybe that's what you /say/, but I think that you've done a pretty good act of innocence for the past minute!" He winked. "Don't worry, I didn't /see/ anything! Here!"
He hands me a pamphlet, with a lot of colourful visuals and writings. "Uh, arigatou," I tell him as he starts to walk off.
"You may not want to try out, but you may want to come see us any ways! Ja ne!" He waves and heads off to find more actors (I guess).
".Kimyo na.." ((*Weird.*)) I go back inside, as it's getting late any way. I open the pamphlet once I find a good light source:
WANTED: Any willing individuals wishing to fill the minor but important roles in a play (MacBeth) airing in 3 to 4 months. We are looking for Lady MacBeth, King Duncan, the gatekeeper, and one of the three Witches. (Gender- switching may occur in roles.) We are not looking for talent.talent comes in many forms, and we have professional actors willing to work with new actors! What we/ are/ looking for, however, are a strong character, a strong voice, and a strong iron will to achieve and do. (Yes, we are aware of the strength involved.) Also, we're hoping you'll have fun! So.please do!
I smile, and slip the pamphlet under Yamucha's bedroom door, thankful for the angel that gave it to me.