At A Glance
By Samsara
I saw a boy today. I couldn't help but get the feeling that we've met somewhere, sometime long ago. It's been a long time since I've been back here, to my hometown. I left at the end of High School, out of Japan entirely to England for college. That was the first time I'd ever left the country and I became so enthralled with the "new world" I lost touch with what I had left behind. I'm back three years later, back to visit my kid sister and my father. My father isn't as busy as he used to be; he has less work now that he gets near retirement. He's been offered jobs at excavation sites all over the world, and it's likely he'll end up going to one. This coming summer he'll be off to Italy. My sister will probably stay at her friend's house for that year. Sakura, my sister, has grown up quite a bit. Something's changed about her now that she's a freshman in high school. She isn't scared of ghosts or being alone. She actually is the model of maturity at school. Sakura still has that weird little doll though, which she refuses to throw away.
I haven't seen Yuki. He was pretty pissed when I left, and I left him in tears. I don't think he had anyone else as a friend. Sakura tells me he hadn't made any attempts to make any friends after I left. I miss him. And I regret leaving him, especially without telling him. I left on bad terms with him: we'd gotten into a fight and I stormed out in the end. I'd been anxious to see him when I returned to set things straight, and to tell him the truth.
See, when I left, Yuki told me that he loved me. I, being young and stupid, didn't respond. He kept yelling at me to answer him; that he deserved an answer even if it was rejection. And I... walked out.
I can't believe how fucking stupid I was. I didn't realize it until I was far away in England in someone else's arms that I saw how much I needed Yuki. I needed his smell again, I needed to be able to sleep next to him and watch his chest rise up and down in silent slumber. I need his touch or his fingers crawling up my arms or neck to grab my attention. I need him. I need and want everything about him, more than I had ever known or felt. And that is why I am returned. I return to him.
I really do think I know that boy. The one I see looking so forlorn at the sakura trees. His frame is thin, his fingers lay unanimated and pale. His face is sweating, and I think I see him cry. He hasn't moved from that spot for nearly thirty minutes, and I watch him. He doesn't seem to notice me. His eyes are darting up and down the trees, icy pupils glaring at any passersby.
"Yuki?" I whisper. The air catches my voice and carries it to the boy's ear. He turns.
"Hello,"
"Forgive me," I say clearly, not moving an inch.
"For what?" His eyes stare me down: both inquisitive and cold. Yuki is not the same as he used to be.
"Being stupid. Running away from the only person I've ever really cared about. Never writing to you, or calling. Basically being an insensitive jerk," I reply.
Yuki laughs and wipes his eyes. I feel my eyes beginning to well up, his silence disturbing me to tears. What if he doesn't want me anymore? Wouldn't that be a nice end to my stupidity, and good lesson learned?
"I remember coming here with you, to have a picnic or just to study. I never felt alone, because you were always there. After you left, I kept coming back here. I... " Yuki's voice wavered and broke into sobs. I nearly rushed forward, but he regained control and continued.
"I still never felt alone. I don't feel alone. Why? Why is that, after all the things we said to each other? Why do you still care enough to be there for me after you'd been so cruel? I knew after you left I could still call you up for advice or comfort... and I don't know why. Why? Why Touya?"
I can't answer that. I don't know how to. How could I dare take this boy into my arms after my show of cruelty and his great show of friendship and loyalty. Tears start their course down my cheeks. We're both crying, and begging for support. We stay apart.
"I... don't.... I love you Yuki. I love you," it's all I can manage to whisper. I repeat myself, 10, 20, 30, 40 times. I can't even hear my words any more, but I feel my lips moving. He cries more and mouths something to himself.
"I came back to give my love properly to this boy standing before me. Tell me I haven't lost him," I ask him. There are tears shining in my eyes and I can feel them running down my face in a stream. He glances up at me, and suddenly grins. He saunters two feet toward me and whispers,
"I love you, always,"
He doesn't get another foot after saying that before I run towards him and pull him into my arms. His warmth is so delightful, especially in the snow. He laughs, softly at first before growing louder. I join in and pull him as close to me as I can. Neither of us want to let go. It begins to snow around us and I feel his cheek against mine as he covers us with his scarf.
And for five minutes, under that scarf and tucked away from the world, we kiss.
-End-
I saw a boy today. I couldn't help but get the feeling that we've met somewhere, sometime long ago. It's been a long time since I've been back here, to my hometown. I left at the end of High School, out of Japan entirely to England for college. That was the first time I'd ever left the country and I became so enthralled with the "new world" I lost touch with what I had left behind. I'm back three years later, back to visit my kid sister and my father. My father isn't as busy as he used to be; he has less work now that he gets near retirement. He's been offered jobs at excavation sites all over the world, and it's likely he'll end up going to one. This coming summer he'll be off to Italy. My sister will probably stay at her friend's house for that year. Sakura, my sister, has grown up quite a bit. Something's changed about her now that she's a freshman in high school. She isn't scared of ghosts or being alone. She actually is the model of maturity at school. Sakura still has that weird little doll though, which she refuses to throw away.
I haven't seen Yuki. He was pretty pissed when I left, and I left him in tears. I don't think he had anyone else as a friend. Sakura tells me he hadn't made any attempts to make any friends after I left. I miss him. And I regret leaving him, especially without telling him. I left on bad terms with him: we'd gotten into a fight and I stormed out in the end. I'd been anxious to see him when I returned to set things straight, and to tell him the truth.
See, when I left, Yuki told me that he loved me. I, being young and stupid, didn't respond. He kept yelling at me to answer him; that he deserved an answer even if it was rejection. And I... walked out.
I can't believe how fucking stupid I was. I didn't realize it until I was far away in England in someone else's arms that I saw how much I needed Yuki. I needed his smell again, I needed to be able to sleep next to him and watch his chest rise up and down in silent slumber. I need his touch or his fingers crawling up my arms or neck to grab my attention. I need him. I need and want everything about him, more than I had ever known or felt. And that is why I am returned. I return to him.
I really do think I know that boy. The one I see looking so forlorn at the sakura trees. His frame is thin, his fingers lay unanimated and pale. His face is sweating, and I think I see him cry. He hasn't moved from that spot for nearly thirty minutes, and I watch him. He doesn't seem to notice me. His eyes are darting up and down the trees, icy pupils glaring at any passersby.
"Yuki?" I whisper. The air catches my voice and carries it to the boy's ear. He turns.
"Hello,"
"Forgive me," I say clearly, not moving an inch.
"For what?" His eyes stare me down: both inquisitive and cold. Yuki is not the same as he used to be.
"Being stupid. Running away from the only person I've ever really cared about. Never writing to you, or calling. Basically being an insensitive jerk," I reply.
Yuki laughs and wipes his eyes. I feel my eyes beginning to well up, his silence disturbing me to tears. What if he doesn't want me anymore? Wouldn't that be a nice end to my stupidity, and good lesson learned?
"I remember coming here with you, to have a picnic or just to study. I never felt alone, because you were always there. After you left, I kept coming back here. I... " Yuki's voice wavered and broke into sobs. I nearly rushed forward, but he regained control and continued.
"I still never felt alone. I don't feel alone. Why? Why is that, after all the things we said to each other? Why do you still care enough to be there for me after you'd been so cruel? I knew after you left I could still call you up for advice or comfort... and I don't know why. Why? Why Touya?"
I can't answer that. I don't know how to. How could I dare take this boy into my arms after my show of cruelty and his great show of friendship and loyalty. Tears start their course down my cheeks. We're both crying, and begging for support. We stay apart.
"I... don't.... I love you Yuki. I love you," it's all I can manage to whisper. I repeat myself, 10, 20, 30, 40 times. I can't even hear my words any more, but I feel my lips moving. He cries more and mouths something to himself.
"I came back to give my love properly to this boy standing before me. Tell me I haven't lost him," I ask him. There are tears shining in my eyes and I can feel them running down my face in a stream. He glances up at me, and suddenly grins. He saunters two feet toward me and whispers,
"I love you, always,"
He doesn't get another foot after saying that before I run towards him and pull him into my arms. His warmth is so delightful, especially in the snow. He laughs, softly at first before growing louder. I join in and pull him as close to me as I can. Neither of us want to let go. It begins to snow around us and I feel his cheek against mine as he covers us with his scarf.
And for five minutes, under that scarf and tucked away from the world, we kiss.
-End-