This is a short chapter. When I started this, the shifting points of view seemed like a good idea, but it makes it quite hard to write, and it will inevitably lead to very variable chapter lengths. I mean, some characters just have more to say than others, don't they.
As always, feedback is welcome. I'd particularly like to know if it's clear enough who's thinking each time. Would it help if I put a header at the top of each chapter? I'd rather not, but will if the consensus is that it's needed.
Chapter 3 - A Lesson in Endurance
Sometimes I want to strangle Xander. I mean, I know he means well, but, insensitive? He was the original reason for the word. And he used to accuse Anya of being insensitive! He's been good to us this summer. I know he has, but it's been to his benefit, too. We're all recovering from what happened. I mean, Willow, she let us all down big time. I know she was hurting after Tara, I know that. I mean, I've lost a mom and a sister, I know how it hurts. And I lost Tara too. Stop that. I can't start blubbing now. It's late, and Xander's sitting with me while Buffy's patrolling. I didn't think she was going to patrol tonight. I think she's just using it as a way to get some time alone. She does that sometimes. She's lucky. How can I get away from Xander's inappropriate hilarity? Well, I could go to bed, I suppose, but it's Friday night, and I'm not giving up the chance to stay up late. It's a matter of principle.
I'm not watching the TV. I mean, it's on, and Xander's keeping up a running commentary on the good parts of the movie. I'm trying to understand why things changed today. I mean, I know Buffy's hurting because Spike left. She hasn't told me the details, but I know she treated him badly. I was angry when Xander told me what Spike did to her that night, but she explained she'd done worse.
I was angry at her at first. I mean, this last year, there've been two people I've relied on. There was Tara, and there was Spike. Buffy, well, she's hardly been something I could lean on. I mean, physically, she's been there, but mentally, well, I know, the whole being torn out of heaven's bound to hurt. But I needed her, and she wasn't there for me. Tara and Spike were. Now Tara's gone, and Buffy drove Spike away. I almost hated her at first. Then I started to see how much she was hurting over it. When I saw it, I couldn't hate her any more.
And things were getting better. I mean, she seemed happier. I still saw her phase out sometimes, and I knew she was thinking about him, but, most of the time, she's been fine. Then tonight, she's all out of it again. She's back to the way she was just after he left. I started to wonder if she'd heard something. Maybe got some news that he was dead or something, but she'd tell me that, I know she would. So, maybe she's seen him. Again, I think she'd tell me. I know, I should just ask her, and I expect I will, but not while Xander's around.
Honestly, the look on his face when he hears Spike mentioned. It'd stake him without any help. He hates him so much. He hates the way I love Spike. He hates that Buffy could use his strength. He hates that he got to sleep with Buffy, and he hates that there was that one time with Anya. He can't see that there could be any good in him, because he's a demon. I mean, sure, some demons are evil, most of them even. But some, like Clem, well, they're just good guys. I met some of his friends this summer, and they're ok. And Spike, I know he did some bad things, but that's they way vampires are. They kill people to feed, just like we kill animals. It's the way they are, but he managed to put that behind him. He really cares what happens to me, not because he has to, but just because he cares.
But Xander's been good to us. I know he has, but this whole 'pretend Spike never existed' thing hasn't been good for Buffy. Despite that, she was coping, until this afternoon. I wonder if it's the fact that she's moving on. Maybe a new job, and she's thinking she's leaving him behind somehow.
Oh, she's back. I'm looking closely at her face, looking for signs of tears. I can't see any, and she's spotted me looking, so I pull my eyes back to the TV. Xander bounds up and asks her about patrol. It sounds like it was quiet, the way it's been for weeks now. He's talking to her, as usual, now it's time to go back to his own apartment, he doesn't want to go. He doesn't do well on his own. I wish he could find someone, a human with no demon history. Then, maybe he'd be happy, and let us get on with missing Spike.
I can't take any more of him. I make an effort every time I see him, remembering how I treated him before I knew Spike. But now, I'm tired. I'm tired, and a little scared by the changes I saw In Buffy today. I've lost her once already, and I can't bear for it to happen again. I'm going to the mall with Janice and her mom tomorrow, so I won't see a lot of her. Tomorrow night, maybe we can talk. Except, tomorrow night, it'll be Xander time again. I so wish he'd not be there, just one night.