Chapter 13 - The Homecoming

I drive to the airport early. The flight's due in at nine, but I want to be there early just in case.

I've done a lot of thinking since last night. Truth is, I haven't done a lot of sleeping. I just don't understand Buffy and Dawn. One part of me thinks I should go to the police, tell them about Spike. Not about the ex-vampire bit, of course. But the attempted rape bit. Then I remember what Buffy said last night. It's not that I believe it was her fault, it's just that I know she won't back up the story. And, then, I'm just going to look like a troublemaker. No, somehow, I need to get evidence.

The airport's busy, as always. I head to the land-side of immigration, and scan the screens above my head. The flight's due in soon, fifteen minutes early. I can't wait to see Willow again. A few days ago, I thought Willow coming back would be all I'd need to feel happy again. Now, I know I've got to get Willow to help me get rid of Spike.

I spend some time worrying round the problem, until I see a crowd coming through. I know their flight landed a while ago, so I'm scanning to see familiar faces. At last, I spot Giles over the other heads, and I start to wave, still watching for Willow. When I see her, I'm surprised. She looks so pale and tired.

"Willow, Giles!" I shout, running towards them, and wrapping Willow in a hug. She stiffens a little, and I let go, looking into her eyes and trying not to let the hurt show. I turn. "Giles," I say, unsure whether to hug him, but he's just come from England, so he puts out a hand to shake mine.

I chat with Giles about the flight and other inconsequentials as we head to the car. Willow climbs in the back, and Giles comes in the front with me. He gives me the address, which I recognise, and we head off.

Conversation is still difficult. I know, Xander stuck for words, hard to imagine. But even I need something to work on. Willow is silent, and Giles seems serious even for Giles. We arrive, and I help them in with the bags. Willow smiles at me and tells me she needs to sleep. She suggests I come back later, when she's had a chance to rest, and tells me to bring Buffy. I agree, and head out.

I consider going home, but on balance, I decide to go into work. I've got a lot of explaining to do, since I've been away for a few days. The sooner I get that over with, the better chance I have of remaining in the ranks of the employed.

As I leave work that evening, I consider what to do. My routine lately has been to go straight to Revello Drive. I'm not sure how welcome I'm going to be, but then I remember Willow telling me to bring Buffy over later. That's enough to make the decision for me. I drive there, but knock before going in.

Dawn opens the door, and her face drops when she sees me. There's no welcome, she just moves out of the way to let me in. It hurts. I remember when she was younger. Well, I know, she didn't actually exist, but I still remember it. She had a crush on me, and I could do no wrong. I made her smile. Now, all I merit is a scowl.

Dawn disappears upstairs, and I follow my nose into the kitchen. Buffy's putting together a salad, and I smell pizza. She looks over her shoulder as I come in , but doesn't stop what she's doing.

"So, Giles and Willow back?"

"Yeah," I respond, disappointed by my welcome. "Will was tired, so she said to come back later. Asked me to bring you, too."

"That'll be great."

She looks around then, and adds, "Want to stay and eat? There's enough."

"That'd be good," I reply, remembering the recent times I've stayed to eat, without a formal invitation. It makes me feel like a visitor. A few days ago, I felt like family.

We sit down to eat, and the silence is strained. Dawn's ignoring me, and Buffy's looking at her, obviously trying to catch her eye, but Dawn's ignoring her too.

"So, how did they look?" Buffy eventually breaks the silence.

"They looked good. Willow, well, she was a bit pale, tired looking too. Giles was quiet. Even for Giles. He needs some time in sunny California, and he'll be ok."

"So, where did you go?"

It takes me a second to realise she means after … Spike. It seems it happened a while ago.

"I just drove. Nevada? I wasn't heading anyplace in particular. I just had to get away."

She nods, then goes on eating. She looks up again, surprised I've stopped talking. I've got to say it, even though I know it'll cool the atmosphere even more.

"Buffy, you've got to tell the school. If you don't, I'll have to do something. You can't let him work at the school."

It goes down like a lead balloon. Just as I expected. Dawn pushes her chair away from the table, glowers at me, and leaves. Buffy takes a deep breath.

"Just what did you have in mind, Xander? Stake him again? Or were you planning on using a gun like Warren? Or did you think of going to the Principal or the police on your own? 'Cos I'm telling you now, I won't back you up. I was as wrong as Spike was, more so. When I first heard he was coming back, I had my doubts. But I listened to my own instincts for a change, instead of the old 'demon - bad' dogma. Something's happened to him, and I'm waiting until I hear what it is before I decide what to do. But, I don't believe he's a danger to anyone at the school. If I did, do you think I would let Dawn go there? I was willing to trust Dawn to him while we went after Warren. You trusted him while I was gone."

"He was chipped then. He's not now."

"The chip might have started him out, but it's not responsible for how he's been. If it had just been the chip, Spike would have found another way to get at us. Especially you. You've always been having a go at him. He's got a hundred reasons for wanting you out of the way, and even when you went after him with a stake, he did nothing."

"He stopped me. And I didn't stake him. I used a cross bow." I can't help it, even though I know I sound like a petulant child.

Buffy is silent at that. She puts down her fork, and pushes her chair away from the table. She gathers the dishes in silence. I realise I'm going to have to do something, but I'm not going to get any support. Yet.

"So, when do you want to go to Willow's?"

"As soon as I've finished here, if you like." Buffy's voice is cold.

"What about Dawn?"

Buffy just shrugged, then went upstairs. When she returns, she tells me Dawn's not going.

"Because of me? She's missing out on welcoming Will because of me?"

"No," Buffy explains patiently. "She doesn't want to see Willow."

Now I'm really confused. Why wouldn't she want to see Will?

"Why?"

"Dawn just remembers that Willow nearly killed her twice. It's kinda understandable."

I sit down before I fall down. She's willing to trust Spike, scourge of Europe, demon, and attempted rapist of her sister, and she doesn't want to see Willow. I mean, I know Will did some stupid things, but Tara was dead. She's still Willow. I'm shaking my head, and Buffy's watching me. She's put on a jacket, and she's waiting for me.

We head out to my car, and drive to the apartment Giles and Willow are using. We drive in silence, and I'm surprised how tense Buffy seems. I mean, I know we've just had a disagreement, but it looks like it's more than that.

We arrive, and Buffy gets out of the car and walks to the door without waiting for me. Giles answers, and Buffy throws her arms round his neck. I can't remember him having that sort of welcome from her before, and by the look of her, neither can he. I follow them inside, and am pleasantly surprised by how much better Willow's looking. She smiles at me, genuinely glad to see me. She's looking at Buffy, and I can tell she's feeling the distinct lack of warmth there.

We sit down, and Giles asks how things have been. Buffy answers him, and the two are soon chatting about Slayage. She's keeping it simple, not mentioning any of the recent happenings. I get the impression Giles has something on his mind, and I wonder why he doesn't just say it.

I sit beside Willow, and try to chat. I ask her about her time in England, and she answers, but she's quiet. She answers in single words.

"Will, what's wrong?" I ask.

"I've got a lot of thinking to do. I did some awful things, and I need to find a way to put it right. It'll take a while. It's good to know I've still got friends. I wasn't sure…."

"What do you mean, you weren't sure? Of course you've got friends. There's me, and Giles, and Buffy and .."

"Are you sure about Buffy? And Dawn didn't even come. I'm going to have to earn their friendship back."

I shake my head, but she puts a hand on my arm and looks at me. "It's ok, Xander. I understand."

She might, but I don't. I overhear Giles asking Buffy to meet him the next day. He says something about some papers he needs to unpack.

"So, what's up British man? New evil afoot?"

"I came across something, while I was in England, that caused me to reconsider some ancient writings. I don't intend to discuss it now, as I want to be able to refer to some papers which are still packed. We can talk tomorrow."

He turns to Buffy. "Were you planning to patrol tonight?"

"Yeah," she says, quietly. "I think I should. Things were a little more busy last night than recently."

I decide to bring Giles up to date with what Buffy's missed.

"Did you know Spike's back?"

Giles' head snaps up, and Buffy gives me a look that says more than words could.

"What's wrong?" I ask. "Is it a secret?"

"No," Buffy answers. "It's not a secret, but it's not urgent either. I was going to let Giles get over his jetlag before I give him the whole story."

"So," Giles says, "Spike's back. And?"

"And he's chipless. And he's not a vampire any more."

I knew it, that got his attention. To my surprise, Giles doesn't mention the chip. "He's not a vampire? Surely he's not human?"

"Apparently not," Buffy replies. "Don't know the whole story yet. Things are … difficult."

"Understatement there, Buffy. After what he tried to do, I'd say things are more than difficult." I can't help myself, I've got to say it.

Buffy's look is icy, but I've achieved my aim. She's going to have to explain to Giles, and then maybe he can talk some sense into her.

"Spike and I both did some things we regret. That's between us."

I can't let her get away with that.

"It isn't between you two when you're putting kids at Dawn's school at risk - when you're putting Dawn at risk."

Giles can see that things are getting heated, and he holds a hand up for calm. "Buffy, just tell me what you know."

"Well, he left. I think I told you that … before. I don't know what happened to him, but somehow, he came back different. He wrote to me, telling me he was coming back because Dawn was in danger. He's working at the school - Security. He doesn't have a problem with sunlight any more. Wood in the heart no longer results in dustiness. He's warm, and he needs to breathe. His heart beats. But, apparently, he's not human. I haven't spoken to him yet. Dawn has."

"How do you know about the wood in the heart? Did you try to stake him?" Giles seems to be in research mode rather than anything else.

"No, Xander did. Shot him with a cross bow."

Giles looks at me, and I'm not sure what he's thinking. He turns his attention back to Buffy. "Go on."

"Well, I got injured a while ago. Vargas demon and …"

That really got Giles' attention. "Vargas demon? Buffy, you must be mistaken. They're terribly rare. I take it, it didn't bite you."

"It did."

"Buffy, no one's ever survived the bite of a Vargas demon. You must have misidentified it. Its unique combination of anticoagulants and toxin is invariably fatal, and that's true for human, demon, and even Slayers."

"Yeah, so I heard."

"Then how?"

"Spike. We were fighting the thing together, but I did something stupid, and it knocked me out. It took a bite, then Spike managed to kill it. He took me to his flat, and got Clem to bring Dawn over. When I got worse, he did some research, and went to get some blood. I don't know why, but he gave me some human blood to drink, and I got better. Thing is, …"

Buffy pauses then. I wonder what she can say that's worse than what she's already told us.

"Thing is, I met Anya. She told me that, now she's a vengeance demon again, she knows I'm not human. She wasn't sure what I was, but I'm not human. Somehow Spike knew that, and that's how he knew about the blood."

I've heard the words, but the meaning's taking time to sink in. I know I'm spluttering when I speak.

"Buffy! How can you think you're not human? You can't trust Anya. She's a demon. You certainly can't trust Spike. And the blood? There's no way that cured you. Are you sure it really was blood? He's just trying to make it seem like he's the same as you. He'll try anything to get you back into his bed. And Anya'd help him too. Remember what happened. Remember the impromptu porno show we caught."

She ignores me. They all do. Willow hasn't taken any part in the conversation, although she seems to be listening.

Giles continues. "Buffy, this is important. Can you get Spike to come along tomorrow? Some of this might tie up with the information I have. Either way, I'd like to hear what he knows." He is looking serious.

"I can ask," Buffy replies. "I'm not sure he'll want to help." She stops and thinks. "Well, maybe he will. He was around as I patrolled the night I was attacked by the Vargas, and last night too."

"Good," Giles says with a hint of finality. "Can we say eight o'clock at the Magic Box? It won't be ready for opening for some time, but the building's been made safe. Now, I don't want to be rude, but by my internal clock, it's four in the morning, and I need to get some sleep."

Buffy grins at him, and goes to get up.

"Giles," I almost shout. "Have you been listening? Spike's back. He's chipless. He's working at Dawn's school, and he's been feeding blood to Buffy! We've got to do something."

"Xander, Buffy obviously isn't concerned by what you've said, and I trust her judgement. He would hardly have pulled off a major medical miracle in saving Buffy if his intention was to kill her. And I suspect his new, er, condition, may just be important. Go home, and get some sleep. You look like you need it."

Buffy leaves, hugging Giles again as she goes. As an afterthought, she hugs Willow too, but it's not the same. I follow her out, but she tells me she doesn't need a ride.

"I'm going to patrol, and I might as well start here as anywhere. Goodnight Xander."

I consider arguing, but think better of it. I sigh as I unlock the car.

"Xander," she says.

I turn around, hoping for a change of heart.

"I know you care. I know that's why you're saying these things. Please, Xander, trust me. If you can't trust Spike, then trust me. I'll make sure he doesn't hurt Dawn, or anyone at the school. The first sign that he's a danger, and I'll do what I have to. I promise."

I know it's the best I'm going to get. The problem is, I'm not sure I can still trust her. I thought I could. I thought I could trust Anya. But they both … I can't even use the words. Even in my head, it's somehow worse to use the words to describe what happened between Buffy and Anya and Spike. When I remember the sight of what happened in the Magic Box, I feel physically sick. Somehow at night, I dream about what I saw. Funny thing is, more often than not, it's Buffy who's there, screwing a corpse.

I shake my head, driving off the visions in my head. Buffy's waiting for an answer. I can't speak, so I just nod. That seems good enough for her, and she walks away. I get into my car, and head home. I need to come up with a plan. I need evidence to convince Buffy. From now on, Spike's not going to be able to light one of those awful cigarettes of his without me knowing it.