Croc Hunter Blues

Australia

"Crikey would you take a look at these gorgeous critters that've just turned up out of nowhere. This is Steve Irwin and have we got a treat for you!"

The middle of a production of a Crocodile Hunter program had not been Selene's intended destination with her spell. Now they were in the zoo surrounded by the wire enclosures holding crocodiles, wallabies and other Australian wildlife, a production crew and an intrepid Australian whose camcorder seemed transfixed by Selene's cleavage.

"Oh stars and garters, I can't think of a worse place where we could have ended up," muttered Hank. Suddenly he was leapt on by Steve who tried unsuccessfully to wrestle him to the ground so that the camera crew could take a closer look at him.

"Blimey, take a load of this gorgeous critter. Now he's a big furry cat guy and that big blonde cat guy must be his mate," gasped Steven breathlessly as Hank tried futilely to dislodge him.

"Oh mental image, not good, urgent need to throw up," gagged Fitzroy.

"Hands off my Black King you annoying little man!" shouted Selene.

A furious Sabretooth came to Hank's rescue, snarling with rage at being thought of as Beast's mate. He grabbed hold of Steve, frightened screams, snarls, ripping and tearing and it was over. Steve was flung into a crocodile enclosure while Creed started chasing some of the camera crew. Lady Deathstrike enraged by a camera trying to peer down her cleavage was busy trashing the rest of the cameras. Selene and Mastermind were going over to see to Hank while Fitzroy was being quietly sick in a corner unaware that he was being filmed.

"Do ya think we ought to ta rescue Steve Irwin mate?" asked Jack.

"Nah, he's even harder to kill than the Wolvster, he'll be fine," said Bobby.

"Now you two seem like nice young men. Would you like to come and join me for a nice cup of tea and some cookies and we can have a bit of a chat?" called Terri Irwin.

Jack and Bobby exchanged glances and then shrugged. Compared to her husband a werewolf and a mutant probably seemed fairly normal. Seeing that Terri was probably the safest company at the moment they decided to take her up on her offer.

Back at the mansion

"Now there really is no need to be afraid my dear demon. After all you said yourself that if Selene wasn't at the Hellfire Club this would be where we were most likely to find her. Now just relax and let me do the talking," soothed McCoy.

"B-but w-what if we m-meet L-l-Logan or J-j-jean or Emma Frost or something," stuttered Blackheart.

"The cologne I'm wearing has the effect on feral's causing them to become placid and peaceful so you have no reason to fear Logan while you're with me. Also it increases my allure to women and Emma is an old friend. Finally we are offering a potential solution to a major problem which should make them benevolent to us,"

Dark Beast sighed as Blackheart quickly used his powers to become temporarily invisible. McCoy strode through the corridors remembering the layout from his previous stay at the mansion. Whistling a tune he paused as he saw he was being watched intently by one of the young male students a fellow with scrawny white feathers and a prominent beak. Racking his brain McCoy realized this must be Hank's personal student Beak.

"Hello I was wondering if you could tell me where Selene is," said McCoy with a good attempt at a friendly grin.

"Oh she had to leave but I hope she comes back. She's so beautiful and it's my teacher she's got a thing for. I just wish she could kiss me."

"So she's not here then. Thank you for your time," McCoy turned to leave when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He growled and turned to glare at Beak.

"Kindly remove your hand from me boy, I have killed men for lesser insolence than yours."

"Please don't kill me; I just wanted to ask if you're related to Hank. You look a lot like him except you're a lot cooler,"

Looking into those eyes McCoy saw open admiration. It was clear that a lot of the students idolized Beast for his strength, agility and intelligence. Beak probably saw the same things in him and it was rather flattering to have an admirer. McCoy patted Beak on the head and favored him with a grin.

"Dear boy you get to live today and perhaps tomorrow."

With that he turned and left followed by the still invisible demon while gazed after the object of his new found hero worshipping.

Crocodile Hunter's lair

Hank was feeling somewhat more relaxed now that he was on his own with just Martinique for company. They had found a nice shady tree to sit under and Hank was watching a lion pacing in its enclosure. He was feeling much the same as the cat, closed in without any means to escape. Having Selene interested in you was like being a fish swimming in a tank with a cat peering in at you.

Selene had seemed quite distraught at her spell going wrong since her intended destination had been the Negative Zone. She had detected outside interference so she had gone to find out what had been causing it. Sabretooth was still tracking down the remaining camera crew while Yuriko and Fitzroy, embarrassed by their conduct had gone off to be alone. Jack and Bobby had last been seen leaving in the company of Terri Irwin while Steve had been carted off on a stretcher.

"You know Hank it's good to finally be alone since there's something I've got to tell you."

"Actually Marti I was thinking the same thing."

They looked into each others eyes and something passed between them. She came over to him staring up into his yellow eyes while he stared right back at her. She smiled taking his paws and leaning close to him while he leant towards her. Their lips met and they kissed once seeming surprised at what they had done so they did it again. Of course it wasn't a romantic kiss since they couldn't possibly see anything in each other but one of friendship and support.

"Stars and garters, I don't believe we just did that."

"Well we did Hank so we'd better make sure Selene doesn't find out."

Somewhere close by

"Come on out, I know you're there and I'm mad. Just come out so that I can kill you alright!"

There was a chuckle and a ghastly looking creature suddenly came into view. Selene gasped in amazement at seeing a woman who was in worse taste than she was. She was wearing similarly revealing clothes to Selene but unlike her she didn't have the figure for it and pink and red was quite a ghastly combination on her. There was far too much makeup and it was obvious from all her wrinkles that she was an old woman.

"Hello Selene I thought we would meet one day. I'm Cassandra Nova and now that Magneto and Apocalypse are no more I am the most powerful mutant alive. Now you are a potential threat to me and since I'm a jealous woman this planet isn't big enough for the both of us sister."

"Those my dear are fighting words!"

"Oh did I hurt your feeling you witch?"

"No a dowdy frump like you could never manage that."

"Why you little bitch!" hissed Cassandra.

"That's it you stepped over the line!" snarled Selene.

At once a furious battle ensued.

Back at the mansion

Logan had just been enjoying a beer when suddenly he caught the faintest stench of brimstone mixed with the smell of fear. That combination could mean only one thing, Blackheart was close by. He could detect another scent as well similar to Hank but subtly different. Growling he unsheathed his claws, thoughts of savage and bloody combat filling his mind. Then those thoughts slowly vanished from his mind as an unfamiliar calm came over him and a smile spread across his hairy face. He crept to the door and swung it open nearly giving McCoy a cardiac arrest and causing him to leap to the ceiling where he hung on for dear life.

"Good ta see ya Dark Beast and ya might as well show yourself Blackheart, I can smell ya from here."

"Please don't kill me I beg of you," whimpered Blackheart.

"Relax I ain't gonna kill ya this time and in fact why don't ya join me fer a drink," said Logan with a friendly grin.

This proved all too much for the demons nerves and he fainted dead away. Dark Beast shook his head sadly and jumped down landing neatly beside Logan. It seemed quite safe now as the feral was obviously feeling tranquil and therefore unlikely to use his claws.

"What are ya doing here fuzz-ball? Nice suit by the way."

"Thank you Logan, I would like to have a talk with you and the delightful Emma Frost if I may."

A short time later he was sharing a cup of tea with Emma while Jean was stroking Logan's sideburn which he didn't seem to mind. In actual fact Logan quite liked the attention, he just didn't like people touching his muttonchops without his permission. Dark Beast quickly explained his attentions, emphasizing that if he became the Black King it would mean his counterpart would no longer suffer Selene's attentions and that she would probably lose interest in the X-Men altogether.

"So you see everyone is a winner in the end Emma and nobody has to get hurt. You know I remember when we first met and I protected you when you needed it the most and you helped me with my memory. I've always been fond of you Emma; in fact you've been like a daughter to me. It's because of this that I'm willing to make this supreme sacrifice and by helping out the X-Men I hope to partially redeem my shameful past. Like you I now find myself regretting my past misdeeds and I want to become a better man."

It was all lies of course but McCoy had a way with words and what he had said about Emma was true. She was smiling at him and he knew she was reliving those fond memories. The cologne as well was helping and finally she nodded.

"Well I must be crazy to be even thinking this but yes I think it's a great idea."

Dark Beast smiled and held out his massive hand. Emma's slender hand was engulfed by it as they shook hands in agreement. With a fond farewell McCoy rose to leave the room feeling very pleased knowing that soon he would have all the power he ever wanted. Never realizing the danger he wandered straight past the female student's dormitory.

Australia

"You're quite right Bobby; this is an excellent cup of tea. Thank you Mrs. Irwin for your splendid hospitality and I must say that it is nice to find a human as tolerant of mutants as you are," said Hank.

"Well actually you are rather cute for a furry blue lion guy. Besides when you've got a husband like mine you tend to long for intelligent civilized company. I mean you get more sense out of the dog than you ever do out of him," sighed Terri.

"How would you like to join the Hellfire Club? We've an opening for a new White Queen," asked Fitzroy.

"Actually I think she's got enough to put up with without inflicting something like that on her," said Bobby.

Fitzroy sighed and then turned to Hank anxious for him to answer his latest burning question.

"Hank are you sure that you're not gay? I mean I keep seeing you and Creed and it's not a pretty picture."

There was a growl and a loud thump as Jack lost his temper and punched Fitzroy in the jaw with all his considerable strength. The poor man fell to the ground out cold, his last conscious thought being relief that Creed hadn't heard him. At least he still had all his internal organs intact.

"Sorry about that mate but yaw can be a little annoying ya know," growled an apologetic Jack.

Hank stood up and went over to the window looking outside at the animals in their enclosures. Sabretooth was now fast asleep curled up underneath a tree while Yuriko was still pursuing the last cameraman who was now cornered up against the alligator enclosure. The man was obviously wondering which would be safer, the alligators or the angry cyborg. If he was sensible he would choose the alligators. Hank sighed and shook his head.

"What's troubling you Black King?" asked Mastermind.

"I'm just wondering what Selene is up to at the moment," said Hank.

Somewhere close by

"My goodness who would have thought that," laughed Selene.

Her fireball had set Cassandra Nova's hair alight and she had torn the wig off to stamp it out. Revealed for the entire world to see was the fact that she was completely bald. The woman looked up at her with a murderous expression.

"You will die by my hand when next we meet Selene," she hissed before disappearing in a huff.

"Well I'll go and tell my darling Hank of my glorious victory. Then to celebrate we'll depart for somewhere a little more romantic with the Inner Circle of course. I think Paris should do very nicely."

Outside the female students dormitories

"Oh stars and garters, someone help me please!" cried a frantic McCoy who was now backed up against a wall. The cologne had proved to have an overwhelming effect on the young female students, they had swarmed out of the dormitory and were now surrounding Dark Beast.

"Well now we've got someone we can drool over," said one of the Stepford Cuckoos.

"He is quite cute and handsome in a sort of psychotic werewolf way," said another.

"Just look at those muscles," said another.

"I just want to stroke that dreamy gray fur, I bet its soft," said Angel.

The students moved closer hands outstretched as they began to gently stroke his fur. Beak popped his head around the corner.

"Don't worry sir I'll save you," he called.

"Actually this is quite nice," replied Dark Beast resigning himself to his fate.

Crocodile Hunters Lair

"Well goodbye ma'am and thank you for the cup of tea and the conversation," called Hank as he was literally dragged away by Selene to join the rest of the gathered Inner Circle.

"Now I'm going to get it right this time and I promise you this Hank, you are going to love it," said Selene.

"Where are we going then?"

"Paris."

Somewhere else

Cassandra Nova was angry and already she was plotting her revenge. Her eyes lighted up with unholy glee as she worked out the best way to get her own back on Selene.

"Yes I will take her precious Black King and make him mine. Hank will never belong to you Selene and I will be the one he loves! Yes revenge will be sweet indeed," she cackled.

Then she shrugged and smiled to herself.

"Besides I can't wait to stroke that soft blue fur."

Hank's troubles had only just begun.