Chapter 17 - Watching and Waiting

I've been watching him for days now. When I can't be there, I'm paying someone to watch him. And he hasn't put a foot wrong. I was so sure I'd catch him doing something - anything - that Buffy would hate, but I haven't.

I have to admit, that night in the Magic Box, I was almost convinced. He looked at me, and I almost believed that the reason he came back was to keep Dawn safe. He goes to work. He patrols alone, or with Buffy, or he sits with Dawn while Buffy patrols.

They haven't asked me to sit with Dawn. They haven't asked Willow either. I'm feeling hurt by it, but Willow's more accepting. I've spent a lot of time with Willow lately - when I'm not on Spike watch.

He goes to work, and as far as I know, there hasn't been a single death in the school yet. He goes out some nights, after patrol, and has a few drinks. Sometimes to the Bronze, but only if he thinks he won't meet anyone he knows. Sometimes Willy's or another demon bar. But, as far as I can tell, all he does is drink. There's not even a suggestion that he's meeting someone to plan something.

Tonight I paid off the private investigator I'd hired. He hasn't found out any more than I have. I'm still trying to pay my dad for the wedding that wasn't, and I'm paying the rent on my apartment, and I just can't afford it. I'm not saying I trust Spike, it's just that I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt for now.

The interesting thing is that I know Riley's back in town. I don't think Buffy knows. I do know Spike spoke to him. I didn't hear the conversation, I didn't dare get that close. I don't think he's mentioned it. I wonder what Riley's doing back in Sunnydale. Whatever it is, it didn't seem to be anything to do with Spike.

I'm feeling a bit hurt that he'd come back and not look up old friends. I was his friend, right up to the end. I told her, Buffy, to run after him, to stop him going. It's just, I left it a few seconds to late.

So, as of tonight, I'm going to try to mend some fences. Not with Spike, it's way too soon for that. With Buffy and Dawn. I turn up at their house after work with pizza and every intention of finishing the decorating I started.

Buffy looks pleased to see me and I feel happier than for a while. I hate not being on good terms with my friends. We eat, and I start to go upstairs. With any luck, I'll be finished by the time patrol's over. Buffy says that Giles is coming over to sit with Dawn, and I tell them to let Giles stay at home. I can cover Dawn-sitting and decorating duties at the same time. Buffy looks dubious for a few moments, and I can see the silent Summers communication going on. Somehow, Dawn must have given Buffy a thumbs up, because Buffy agrees. She phones Giles to tell him of the changed arrangements.

Spike comes to the door, ready to go patrolling. I've watched them lately. There's been no sign of a resumption of their earlier activities. No touching, other than in a 'let me help you up' sort of way. She's ready when he arrives, so he doesn't come in, just promises Dawn he'll see her at school the next day. They go off, and Dawn goes back to the TV. I had hoped she'd come and talk to me as I work, but the allure of whatever she's watching is obviously too strong. Then again, she may have agreed to me sitting with her on the assumption that I wouldn't actually be sitting with her.

It takes so little time to finish upstairs that I wonder why I left it unfinished in the first place. The room looks good. Feminine, but not frilly. She's chosen aquamarine colours for the walls, and a darker, almost teal for the carpet. She's going to buy some new furniture, too. She told me she's already saved enough for a new bed, and the rest will be bought as she puts the money aside.

When I've finished, I go downstairs. Dawn doesn't speak when I go in. She's still mad at me. "Dawn," I start, trying to keep the begging tone out of my voice. "Look, Dawn," she turns to face me and the look is barely contained impatience. "I'm sorry about what happened with Spike. Really. I was just trying to keep you and Buffy safe. That's all I care about."

"If you had killed him," she says, coldly, "then according to what Giles and Spike said the other night, I would die."

"I know what they said. And I said I'm sorry. Please, Dawn, friends?"

I know I'm begging. She's a child, and I'm begging. It's not a pretty sight. I think she realises it too, because there's a ghost of a smile on her face when she answers.

"Maybe, but you're going to have to stop having a go at him. He's really upset about the soul and things. He's having to face things from his past, and he doesn't need you adding to that."

"Dawn, I don't like Spike. I never have. Maybe, the best I can do is to ignore him. If that's how it is, that's what I'll do. But, the first time I get any sign that he's hurting anyone I love, the truce is off. I mean it."

She nods, that teenager nod that says, "Yeah, yeah, I know, but I've stopped listening."

Ok, I think. First bridge rebuilt. Still pretty rickety, but built. Buffy? I think she sort of understands. That bridge never burnt all the way through, but it needs serious repair work. Spike? No bridge ever built, and no reason to start one now.

I think about the other night. Seeing Anya. That hurt. It hurt seeing her so together. She's going back to the way she was, except I'm not in her life any more. She's going to fit in running the shop with being a vengeance demon.

Suddenly, I'm surrounded by demons. The woman I loved, no, love, is a demon. One of my best friends is a demon. It's almost like being human is going out of fashion.

I remember my recent chats with Willow. She still feels so bad about what happened. She went crazy with grief and tried to end the world. She thinks she's got as much to be sorry for as Spike. I tried to tell her that's not true, but she just smiled that strange, gentle smile that she uses so often these days. It's as if Tara's taken her usual smile with her, and left her with one that kind of under-powered.

I think about this orb of fire thing. Another threatened apocalypse. Well, we've prevented them before, I guess we'll do it again. But, Dawn's the cure for the next one by the sound of it. Maybe the rest of us won't even be needed.

I hear the front door opening, and I realise Buffy's back. I glance at the time and realise Dawn should be in bed. I look up guiltily as she comes in, Spike reluctantly following. I heard her insisting that he come in. He spots me, and his shoulders square up. I don't even think he knows he's doing it.

"Dawn, what are you doing up?" Buffy asks.

"Buffy, it's Friday night. I can stay up later on a Friday, can't I?"

"A bit later, but …."

"Please. Are you going to make some hot chocolate? 'Cos, I'd really like some."

I hear the wheedling in her voice, and smile to myself when I hear Buffy give in. "Ok, Dawn. Hot chocolate, then bed. You want some?"

The question's addressed at Spike and me. He answers yes, and I do the same. I might not be watching him any more, but that doesn't mean I'm going to turn down opportunities like this.

When she comes back, Buffy tries hard to get a conversation going. The silence is strained, and in the end, I come to her rescue. I'm not much good at coming to her rescue in a cemetery, but this requires words rather than muscle.

"So, how's the job, Spike?"

He looks at me, surprise and caution in his eyes. "It's good," he replies. "Nothing too difficult to deal with so far."

Dawn snorts at this, starting to laugh. "That's so not true. You know you've got half the senior class lining up outside your door wanting to report things to the security officer. They're all, like, swooning. You're going to have to start fighting them off."

"Dawn," Buffy warns.

Dawn looks anything but contrite.

"It's true. Mary Perkins and her cheerleader cronies fall over their feet if they meet him in the corridor. It's because they're not looking where they're going, they're looking at Spike's …"

"Dawn, stop it. You're exaggerating, and you know it."

Spike has been squirming a little while Dawn was speaking. It's almost like he can't decide how to react. There's the old Spike who'd see a bit of female adulation as his due. Then there's the one who feels responsible for Dawn, and he wasn't happy about what she was saying.

I turn the conversation to Buffy, and she tells me a bit about her week. She's remembering something funny that happened, and I'm watching Spike. She's not looking his way, and he can't take his eyes off her. It's hard to watch. I don't know what he feels for Buffy. I mean, demons can't love, can they? But it's strong, whatever it is.

Our drinks are drunk, and we two of the male variety get up to go. Buffy follows us outside, seeing us both into our cars. It's like she doesn't trust us to go home without inflicting bodily harm on each other.

She goes inside when she sees us both safely encased in metal and glass. As I drive away, I spot someone lurking across the road. I know who it is immediately. It's Riley. I just wonder if Spike spotted him too.