Beware the Iceman
Hellfire Club
"Now Fitzroy you should consider yourself lucky to have gotten off so lightly for your heinous deeds. Now just be a good little gaijin and put on those clothes. No hesitating now or I shall perform some ah yes 'below the belt surgery' with my talons," hissed Yuriko, the menacing gleam in her eyes telling Fitzroy she wasn't bluffing.
Fitzroy gulped nervously remembering how easily those talons had slashed through his beard, unable to tug at his now absent goatee he settled through running his fingers nervously through his once green hair. This had now been dyed black and he was also wearing green contact lenses. Bobby had decided that it was only fair to make the punishment fit the crime and his twisted imagination had come up with the perfect idea. This was to make Fitzroy dress up as Selene and parade about in Times Square. Knowing Trish Tilby she'd probably make another news night special out of the result. Bobby had explained all of this with an evil grin as Martinique selected one of Selene's spare black dresses, naughty underwear and some makeup. Then it had just been a case of getting Jack to hold him down while Yuriko and Mastermind set to work giving him a makeover. The worse bit had been the waxing strips which had Jack and Creed backing nervously out of the room. That was fine with Bobby since he had plans of his own for Creed.
"You know you actually look quite pretty as a woman Trevor, I think this look suits you very well, crooned Martinique holding up a mirror.
Fitzroy gazed at his now heavily made up face; purple lipstick and blue mascara were among the highlights with his hair now in a perm and dyed black. He was wearing a large amount of jewelry, the tiniest of black dresses, long false eyelashes and false black fingernails, tights and high heels. The completed picture was surprisingly attractive and the frightening thing was that the dress actually suited him. Well he had wanted to get a promotion, hopefully to Black King though and not to Black Queen.
Bobby meanwhile was grinning with unholy delight, he knew that Creed would take a little persuading to take part in his plan but he was the only one who remotely resembled Beast. As it was they'd have to make do with a suitable blue dye job, dress him up in those fake blue furs which they'd found in Selene's party things and he'd bear at least a little resemblance to the old bouncing blue Beast. Creed though had refused point blank but Bobby had planned for this. Now with a little help from Jack he had Creed at his mercy. Creed was snarling defiantly but there was fear in his eyes and he was struggling frantically if futilely with his bonds. His feet were at the ready trapped in the stocks and Bobby took sadistic delight in slowly removing the feral's boots and peeling off his socks. Then he took the feather and slowly began tickling the soles of Creed's feet scraping the feather down his soles, across his arches and in between his toes. Bobby had been reading up on Selene's private files on the Inner Circle members and had found a few interesting revelations about Sabretooth. These included that he enjoyed having his sideburns rubbed, that he would do anything for a nice raw juicy steak and that he was extremely ticklish especially his feet. Still this was Creed and he was a tough customer, Bobby had to move on to the hairbrush and even then it was ten minutes before Creed finally begged for mercy.
"Hahahahahahahahahaa, please yer killing me, hohohoho, mercy please, heeeheeeheeeheee, I'll do it," pleaded Creed as tears rolled down his cheeks.
"Good boy and as a reward for being such a good sport you get a nice steak afterwards," said Bobby benignly.
"Why didn't ya say that in the first place bub, I'd have been happy ta oblige fer that," growled Creed.
"I just wanted to see you begging first," said Bobby and his evil smile sent an icy chill into Creed's heart.
The Xavier Institute
Xorn had nearly had a nervous breakdown after the massive influx of patients, around two thirds of the student population seemed to be in need of medical attention suffering either various bruises or other minor injuries from falling out of their chairs in shock, severe nausea or fainting, or sedatives to cope with the severe trauma. As it was Scott, Logan and McCoy had felt the need for yet more alcohol, Blackheart was hiding under a table with his teddy and Emma and Jean had nearly got palpitations with worry at finding the mansion so quiet. It came as a considerable relief when the alarm went off and Cerebra reported intense Hellfire Club activity at Times Square. A good old fashioned brawl with enemy mutants was probably just what was they needed right now.
"That Selene sure has quite an imagination doesn't she," whispered Beak in awe. Then his eyes widened and then shut as he slipped back into unconsciousness as the sedative went to work.
"There that should be everyone, oh what's the matter McCoy?" asked Xorn with a heavy sigh.
"I'd just like some painkillers for my sore ribs, Logan and I must have been hugged for comfort by just about every female in the building except Emma and Jean. Unlike our fantabulous feral I lack a healing factor."
Xorn was happy to fulfill such a simple request and Dark Beast was soon on his way. His yellow eyes blinked in bemusement as his path was barred by Scott Summers. Behind his visor Scott's eyes were set in a stern gaze as he poked a finger into McCoy's furry chest causing the mutant to wince in pain.
"Stars and garters, what do you want Cyclops, oh majestic and monocular leader."
"Well we've got a mission and since you're at least unofficially an X-Man you'll be part of the team. I want to know if you'll be prepared to follow orders," explained Scott in his best authoritarian tone, the one that even worked on Logan occasionally.
"Depends on the order, try me,"
"Put this on," said Scott holding out an X-Men uniform.
"Your wish is my command," purred McCoy taking the uniform and hurrying to his room.
A few minutes later he was admiring his reflection in the mirror. Yes he liked the costume, especially the leather jacket which complemented his fur very nicely and also showed off his muscles. He grinned and proceeded to get out a hairbrush, carefully grooming his sideburns and then tying back his shaggy black hair in a neat ponytail. Yes he might as well look his best now that he was an X-Man. Whistling a tune he sauntered down to the hall where Scott was waiting rather impatiently.
"Wow I never knew you could look so hot," whispered Emma.
"Thank you my dear and you of course look as lovely as ever," said McCoy with a fang filled grin.
"If we've quite finished flirting we have a mission to fulfill people, assuming of course we have Dark Beast's permission," Scott's voice contained just the merest hint of sarcasm.
Times Square
"Ooh Hank you're so wonderful and furry, you're my Black King and I'm going to love you and hug you forever. Oh you're my snuggle bunny, my honey bun and my lovely fuzzy blue darling," simpered Fitzroy in a falsetto squeak.
"Stars and garters, yer my paramour, what the heck kinda word is that fer a frail. Oh sorry, no ya don't need ta get the feather out. Yer my paramour and I'm going ta, look do we have ta use all these fancy hundred dollar words that Hank flings around. They're giving me a freakin headache bub, oh man the things I do fer a steak," snarled Creed quite miserable, the furs were itching and the perfume that Fitzroy had on was making him feel distinctly nauseous.
"Hush now Victor-san, you're doing fine," purred Yuriko rubbing the muttonchops and provoking a little purr from Creed.
He shrugged and grabbing Fitzroy none too gently by the arm proceeded to the next part of Bobby's script. This had then arm in arm dancing in and out of the traffic. They'd already attracted the wanted attention as a television news crew was filming the antics. Doubtlessly it helped that Martinique was working flat out with her illusions and the giant purple cabbages hovering just overhead and the horde of barbarian bunny rabbits couldn't help but draw attention. Bobby was grinning manically now, he was really starting to get into this villain business and he seemed to have a natural flair for it. Certainly he'd mastered the making outlandish plans part although it helped that he was already a master prankster.
"Bobby Drake you are a sick twisted genius, you're ever so cunning and devious and those are the things I admire the most in a man," whispered Marti into his ear.
"Yer really something ya know mate, ya wouldn't think ta look at ya, I mean ya look so young and innocent," there was something akin to admiration in Jack's voice as he gave Bobby a friendly pat on the back.
"Indeed dear boy, who would ever have thought that the Iceman's deceptively innocent boyish charm would conceal a mind nearly as dark and devious as my own," roared a deep if jovial voice.
"Who the heck said that?" muttered Bobby as the sound of polite applause was heard. Glancing upwards he saw McCoy hanging upside down from a lamppost by the toe of his left boot and clapping politely. Dark Beast gave Bobby a friendly grin and winked one yellow eye.
"Wait you're the Dark Beast, so why are you wearing an X-Men uniform. I mean you're supposed to be one of the biggest bad guys on the block. What the heck is going on here?" mumbled Bobby feeling totally bewildered.
"Believe it or not Bobby but with Hank absent well the X-Men wanted a Beast on the team. They invited me to join them and I chose to accept and I'm already very popular with the students. Still when you think about it is it really any stranger than you being a member of the Hellfire Club?"
McCoy leapt down from his perch landing neatly next to Bobby. Putting an arm around Bobby's shoulders he grinned broadly and waved to the approaching Jack and Yuriko assuring them his intentions were entirely benign. Then he started speaking again weaving a beguiling web of honeyed words, drawing the Hellfire Club in, lulling them into a false sense of security so they never even noticed as the X-Men began approaching.
"Oh tell me I'm not seeing this, this is worse than damn news broadcast, I mean tell me Logan did you ever think you would see Creed dressed like that and as for Fitzroy I think I'm going to be sick," Scott said in a voice dangerously close to a whine.
Logan couldn't reply, he'd taken one look at 'Selene' and 'Hank' and now he was on his back, convulsed with helpless laughter and thumping his fist on the ground. Tears were streaming down his face as he literally roared with mirth and if it wasn't for his healing factor he'd have literally died laughing. Creed wouldn't have appreciated the irony that this was the closest he'd come to defeating Logan for years.
"Hmm you know Fitzroy does have nice legs, I never really noticed that when I was with the Hellfire Club. He also looks a lot better now he's shaved off that stupid beard. Still I don't like that shade of lipstick; I'd have gone for a subtle rose myself. What do you think Jean?" asked Emma casting a critical eye over Fitzroy.
Jean couldn't reply though since she'd fainted dead away.
McCoy shrugged and sighed as it looked as though he'd be on his own for awhile. Still maybe a little lecture on the mechanics of quantum singularities would keep the Hellfire Club occupied until the X-Men got back in action. Hell by that time the Inner Circle would probably all be fast asleep or surrendering for fear of any more lecturing.
"I'm the best there is at what I do, apologies to my feral friend of course," whispered McCoy.
Avengers Mansion
"Please forgive us Hank but we'd all been a little concerned with you, we all knew how traumatic your last mutation was and well we were worried it had affected your judgment. I mean we were all shocked, surprised and dismayed to find out that you were the Black King of the Hellfire Club and apparently in love with Selene. Wonder Man actually cried after that news broadcast by Trish Tilby," said Steve Rogers.
"Stars and garters, what has she done now," roared Hank so Captain America played back the video for him.
Afterwards Hank checked himself for gray fur, hmm, his mane was definitely getting grayer and there was a slight tic in his cheek. In desperation he demolished two entire packs of Twinkies and the resulting rush of sugar managed to calm him down. He was going to have a few words with Fitzroy when he next met the man and maybe he'd use him for a scratching post. Still Hank once again explained things to his friends and this time Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four spoke up.
"We knew that you wouldn't sink that low Hank, after all you were one of the best Avengers they're have ever been. Still you have my deepest sympathies for your current predicament and forgive me for saying this but you seem to have a tiger by the tail," said Reed.
"Just don't let Selene hear that as you'll only give her ideas," growled Hank.
He felt a lot better seeing all his old friends again and he was relieved to know why Wonder Man had hugged him so tightly he nearly broke three ribs and then had run from the room in tears. Suddenly a loud shriek was heard from another room and a terrified Nick Fury rushed through followed by Selene. She had been making a major nuisance of herself, apparently intent on flirting with every man in sight even Ben Grimm.
"Selene, I don't think the good Colonel really is interested in you. Besides he's a good friend of Logan's and he's also the head of SHIELD so he's not really a man to mess with. Anyway I might get jealous,"
"Oh I'm sorry Hank, it's just he's so ruggedly handsome, the type that drives me wild. The eye patch is so romantic. I was only offering him a place in my Hellfire Club. After all a new vacancy for Black Rook will soon be open when I'm finished with Fitzroy," purred Selene.
"Frankly ma'am, you're even worse than Viper," growled Nick who was now hiding behind Hank.
Before any further trouble could occur Trish Tilby chose that moment to enter with a news crew having learnt of Hank's presence. Selene hissed with anger and turned towards her hated rival eager to punish the insolent news reporter. Hank quickly grabbed Nick, Reed and Captain America and shoved them into the broom closet before getting in himself and shutting the door.
"It's going to get real ugly real fast. Maybe I ought to call in some of my agents," growled Nick.
"I doubt there would be much they could do in this situation," sighed Captain America.
"Stars and garters, I'd like to apologize most profusely to you God seeing that in all likelihood you and I will soon be seeing a lot more of each other. It'll take a miracle to get out of this without me becoming the bouncing gray Beast. Then I'll look just like the Dark Beast only in feline form," muttered Hank.
"Talking of the Dark Beast, he's apparently joined the X-Men," said Reed Richards.
"Well curse my stars and garters if that doesn't just take the biscuit."
New Orleans
"No save me Essex, don't let him get me," screamed Cassandra Nova.
"Oh this is worse than Apocalypse, help, help," shrieked Sinister.
"Crikey, get a load of these critters," gushed the ever enthusiastic Aussie.
Against the Crocodile Hunter the two had no hope, no hope at all.