Chapter Ten

The gentle knock upon the doorframe had Kevin looking up from the tablet he had been studying. When he encountered his wife, who appeared completely disappointed, he grinned softly at her. "I take it Rafe shared the news with you."

"Or the lack there of," Lucy replied in a sullen voice. "I was really hoping the session would trigger something for him. Anything that would remind him of-"

"Alison?" Kevin supplied in an emotionless tone.

Lucy's lips pursed in a saddened pout before she moved inside of the bedroom and closed the door behind her. "Doc, you know I wish nothing but the best for Livvie, but you know as well as I do that Rafe belongs with Alison."

His eyes fell toward the notes he had taken. "So you keep reminding me."

"I want Livvie to be happy, Doc, but she won't find happiness destroying other peoples' lives for her own welfare. She deserves to find someone that loves her like Rafe and Alison love-" Lucy's speech halted when she noticed Kevin ceaseless inspection of the paper in his hands. She frowned at the thought of being ignored, but was intrigued by what had his attention so raptly.

"Care to share with your wife the cause of you blocking out the sound of her voice?"

Kevin looked up then and shook his head, as if removing himself from his daze. "I'm sorry, Lucy. I am listening -- it's just this…"

Moving farther inside the room, Lucy came to stand before Kevin. Her hand tentatively reached out for the tablet he held toward her. "Are you sure you should be sharing this with me? I mean patient/doctor confidentiality and all?"

"Normally," Kevin began on a sigh, "that would be the case. But Lucy nothing is kept from you when it has to deal with your family. These are the notes I took during my session with Rafe."

Her eyes devoured the writing upon the paper as she absently asked, "I thought Rafe didn't remember anything?" She looked up at Kevin then and stared at him in confusion. "This doesn't look like he didn't recall anything. This looks like he remembered something significant."

"I didn't want to talk to Rafe about this until I could work this out in my head first. If this is all so confusing for me, I could only imagine what it would be like for him. I mean how could this all have happened? It just doesn't make sense, Lucy." Kevin immediately noticed his wife's bashful look as she gazed up from the tablet she had taken to reading again. "Lucy," he demanded in a drawn out voice, "what aren't you telling me?"

"Well," she began in a small voice. "Doc, I just can't blurt this information out. There are secrets to be had, promises that need to be kept. I can't very well tell you what I can't tell my cousin."

Kevin's frown grew deeper as he asked, "Which is?"

Lucy sighed as she handed Kevin back his notes and let her hands slap against her sides. "That Rafe is…"

Outside…

"Alison," Rafe said again as he let his eyes take her in. It had felt like an eternity since he had seen her in the church when she professed she would out Livvie as a liar. "What are you -- why, are you here?"

Her hands slid inside of her pants pockets as she felt her feet drawing her closer to Rafe, quickly closing the distance between them. "I came to see Lucy." Alison's blue eyes then slipped toward the Lighthouse terrace doors. "Well, I mean I already have." Her gaze fell back upon Rafe as she murmured, "Actually, I was just about to leave."

When she stepped closer to him his nose filled with her soft scent, which triggered his eyes to close so he could enjoy the sensations rocketing through his body at her closeness. He knew it was just a combination of shampoo and body soap, but it smelled heavenly on her and he knew there was nothing else on earth that could ever compare to it.

"I was about to get into my car and go, but I felt very compelled to come back here." Alison watched as his blue eyes reappeared and she fought to suppress the grin threatening. She still effected him as much as he effected her. It was hard being this close to him and not being able to touch him, feel his skin beneath her fingers, and enjoy the way he touched her as he kissed her. It was hard being without him period.

"Compelled?" Rafe asked, his brain still in a haze caused by the soft scent of Alison surrounding him.

"Yeah," she answered softly, as her fingers reached up and brushed some of her blonde hair behind her ear. "I just had this like overwhelming feeling -- this need to come back here." As her hand fell from her hair, Alison gestured toward the Lighthouse and added, "Not just here, but here … to this very spot. I was wondering if you could tell me why."

Rafe cleared his throat suddenly, wondering what made her say such a thing. Had she overheard his conversation with God? "Me? Why would I be able to tell you?"

"I don't know," she mused softly, her eyes betraying the innocence in her voice held. "It was just a thought." Alison bit her lower lip briefly, as she took in the look upon his face. He appeared conflicted. Like he wanted to be anywhere else than with her, but at the same time there was no other place he'd rather be. "I take it you didn't recall anything from your session with Kevin?"

His brow drew together at her question. "How did you know about that?"

"Lucy told me," she answered and watched Rafe nod his head like he should have known the answer himself. "I hope you don't mind that she did."

Rafe crossed his arms over the expansion of his chest while he braced his feet apart. "No, not really. I know you are as anxious as I am to get my memories back. Though both of us want me to remember the past for different reasons. I want to remember because I want my past back. And you-"

Her head tipped off to the side, as her blue eyes locked with his own. "And I selfishly want you to remember your past with me. I want you to remember the love we shared. I want you to remember all of the promises we made to each other. I want you to recapture everything you lost so you can see what kind of woman you are married to."

His gaze fell away from Alison's and down to the ground as he sighed. "Alison--" his hand drifted to the back of his neck and absently began to massage the tense muscles there "--even if that were to happen, I still have a child with Livvie. A baby that will forever link me to her and I won't abandon him or her nor could I Livvie."

Alison's chin lifted in slight defiance of his words. "I wouldn't expect you to. But you know that I don't think she's pregnant, in fact a lot of people suspect she's not. Has she been to the doctor's since her announcement? Have you sat there with her and made sure of the results? Rafe, you just don't know how good of a liar Livvie is. Then again, you just might since you like believe every word she has ever said to you."

Rafe heard the anger in her voice and he felt his own rise at her dig. "Now, hold on a second-"

She held up her hand to still his words. "No, you hold on." Alison's eyes filled with anger as her body pulsed with her agitation. Why she was suddenly so annoyed, she wasn't quite sure. But now that she was letting Rafe have it, have it he would.

"I've sat idly by and listened to Jack and Jamal tell me over and over how a person can't be lead around by someone else unless they want to be. Of course I kept telling them Livvie tricked you and how she's continually taken advantage of your lack of memory. But now I'm beginning to see what they were talking about. God only knows it's in your nature to like see the best in everyone, but you should see right through her. If you were your old self you would!"

"That's the problem, Alison!" Rafe snapped at her. "I'm not my old self. I'm not the man you were in love with. I'm not the person you and Lucy keep insisting that I am. This is who I am now." His hands flew to his chest and then jabbed at it hard. "Me. What you see is what you get. I'm sorry I can't be this -- this man you remember … because I don't know him. I can't remember the man who loved to see that look of undying love in your eyes every time you look this way. I'm -- I'm just this man. This man who has a wife and a child on the way."

Alison swallowed down the hot tears that threatened to fill her eyes, as she squared her shoulders and straightened her back. "You're right, you aren't the man I fell in love with. You aren't the man who swept into my life, turned it upside down and changed it for the better. Because I used to look into his eyes and know what he was thinking, you know? I knew what every look, every touch, every sigh meant." Her battle to hold back her emotions was lost as a single tear escaped the corner of her eye. "But you -- you I don't know and I'm not sure that I want to know you at all."

With that Rafe watched Alison whirl around and begin to walk away. He knew he should let her go, it was best that this thing between them end. That wasn't the cause though as he watched her leave and everything inside of him screamed to not let her leave and think of him like she was. But he had to because he had a life with Livvie, a life that demand he give his full attention to.

But as he watched her near her car something like realization slammed into him. Not only was she just about to leave the Lighthouse, but she was about to leave him. Panic filled him then. A panic unlike he had ever felt before. A panic that had his feet eating up the distance between himself and Alison. He had to catch her.

Just as she opened her car door and was about to slip inside, Rafe shouted, "Wait!"

That had Alison's head snapping into his direction, her brow furrowed together, but she didn't move to leave. He then reached her side and was about to explain why he stopped, but the setting sun distracted him. It had sunk into the west just perfectly to where it sat just behind Alison, outlining her body in a soft glow -- a glow that seemed to place a shadow over her face.

Rafe's eyes narrowed upon her as his mind searched for a time where he had seen this before. He had seen this before, hadn't he? It sure as hell felt like he had. How could someone forget a picture as angelic as this?

"What do you want, Rafe?" She asked when he hadn't said a word to her, but only stared at her really oddly.

"Don't go, angel," he said softly as he lifted a hand toward her hair that seemed so golden in the fading day's light.

Alison's head shook, not believing her ears. "Did -- did you just called me 'angel'?" When Rafe said nothing, but only continued to look at her, Alison's lips shivered as she tried to fight a hopeful smile. "You did, didn't you?" When his head began to nod his answer, Alison felt a burst of happiness fill her as she asked, "You remember, don't you?!"

~*~