June 28th, the end of 4th year.
I've dreaded this day for the entire year. I do not want to go back to the mansion. Father will be there and mother will be there. Oh, how I hate the both of them. I do not even know why I call them mother and father for they have been neither to me.
He abuses me and it is very damaging to one's mind. I find that I will not be able to love and to be loved nor will I be able to touch and be touched. He tells me I am worthless. That I will never amount to anything, but he is wrong. I will be so much better than him.
He always says that he wished I had died the day my mother fell down the stairs with me still inside of her. I've always wondered: did she fall or was she pushed? I wouldn't be surprised if it ended up being the latter.
You know, the only reason she married the bastard is because it was an arranged marriage and her family would disown her had she not have. They tried to force that on me with Pansy. It was all arranged that the day she turned 18 we would begin preparations, but I would not consent. Yes, Pansy was willing but if you had seen her you would turn away in disgust. Don't get me wrong, I am not shallow but there has to be some physical attraction, right? Besides, she isn't much to talk to. Well, I think I'm going to sleep for a little while.
Later…I've been watching the people pass my compartment and they all seem so innocent. So… naïve. So… untouched by the world and by truth. I laugh at them. They are so unknowing.
I feel sorry for them, really I do. You would think that I would feel sorry for myself but I don't. I know what the world is like. How unfair it can be. How painful, cold and cruel. The sad thing is, that I fear that I have lost my soul because nothing fazes me anymore. Except at night when he comes into my room. One never gets used to that. I do not think I can write of that now. Perhaps, I can tell you later but not now.
I think that's all for today because the train just pulled into the station and if he sees this, he will take it and rip it to shreds.
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Disclaimer: Yeah right, you think I'm J.k. Nah that's totally freaky…A/N: So how was that? Did ya like? Kinda angsty though. Well, that's all for now. Please Review, it really helps me write. Thanks! Luv, Gia