Disclaimer: X is brought to you by the creative quartet known as Clamp.
As with the clashing of the sparks of the mind, the crystals fall. You
only find out that when you get closer, they're not crystals, but beads
of tears and glass that had once been whole...
Deep inside of you.
by Yui Miyamoto
Chapter 1 - I don't care if you break me...
I grabbed my head in pain. It isn't very good when you wake up with a
splitting headache only to find that it was because of the nightmare
you had just had. And to find out it was real...well, those are the
things that broken dreams are made of.
I sat up in my bed to find myself looking around. "It's another day..." I trailed off as I heard the birds outside of my
window sing some forgotten melody.
Yes, another day...
It was then that I patted the right side of my bed where it was still a
little warm. And I looked at my white pajamas slipping from my
shoulders as the white sheets around me clung to my waist and legs to reveal the imprint of my body.
I was such in a daze...
I wanted to smile. I wanted to cry.
I think I'm losing my mind...
So, I lifted my knee and balanced my elbow on it as my chin sat on the
palm of my hand. "At least my fever was gone," I mumbled to myself.
Chirp, chirp.
chirpchirpchirpchirp.
But, as the birds began to chirp even more numerous than when I had
woken up, I threw my pillow at the window and saw all of the noisy birds fly away. In a fit, I ran to the window and plastered my hands on it like the child I had once been. Looking on with wonder at their flapping wings, my heart began to ache.
Who do you need?
Who do you love?
"Kotori..." I whispered.
I never thought I would say that name ever again.
I didn't even want to think of it. It just made me more hurtful the
more I thought about it.
What was happening here?
Where was I? What I was I doing?
I laughed to myself mockingly, "You're supposed to decide the world's fate, but you can't even pick anything without thinking twice about it."
Then, an image of Fuuma smiling was in front of me.
My friend. "Tomodachi dakara..." he had said so many years ago that it could have been from a different lifetime by now.
And he didn't know what kind of feeling that gave me. I don't think he could have ever understood it.
It was more than any smile I could give. I might even dare to say it
was more than my mother's embrace before she had sacrificed herself to
the tangible and living hell cloaked in flames around her.
That was when Kotori...
Kotori...
Yes, I remember she had jumped into my arms and said she had also
wanted me to become her friend. There was no way I could resist a greeting like that, now could I?
Only a bastard would...
Yeah, when she came up to me on the school rooftop, I couldn't even look at her, huh? I couldn't tell her straight that she shouldn't associate with me.
Instead, she had turned...and crushed from the pain I had caused
her...and there I was bonking my head on the pole like a fool.
Yes, a fool.
For if it weren't for me, she would be here. Right next to me. She
would blush, smile, cry...
I don't care what! Even if she hated me for the rest of her life, I'd
rather have her alive than this!
I have caused her pain...I've caused pain to so many people...
And yet...
Shaking my head, I hesitantly mimed the name, "Fuuma."
If for every person I had not thought of with my carelessness, I was making up for it. Fuuma had been chosen to be my tormentor.
My best friend. One of only two friends early in my life.
My whole life...until now...
I slipped to the ground and hugged my arms as my eyes closed in horror.
The tears fell softly to the floor and there was nothing to stop them.
"It just wasn't fair..." I sobbed.
That was what I wanted to say, but my heart had kept it in for so long. And with that ache, it began to encroach my heart like a disease digging into my thoughts like a drill saying, "Who do you need? Who do you love?..."
When I look at Fuuma, I'm so troubled that I just stand there as if I
want something bad to happen to me. It's like I'm inviting this type of bad situation to occur.
But I wasn't...
How can I make a kekkai? What is there for me to protect?
I can't...
I don't know what to do.
I know I acted very tough in the beginning of this whole ordeal, but
that was just a front. Nothing could ever be the same. I was just
living in denial when I thought that.
You can't escape your fate, you only drown in your dream.
What do I do? What do I pick? Who do I choose?
I can never have what I want. Can I really protect Fuuma and save him
at the same time I kill also?
This makes absolutely no sense to me.
These were the thoughts in my head last night...as with every night,
but it was when the dam inside of me was broken and my water spilled into my hands did I understand what kind of situation I was in and part of the path I was supposed to take.
Everyone looks at me to make a decision. And yes, I know we all
deserve to know what that is...
but they fail to realize that despite being the hand of god or one that
hunts them...
...I am only human.
I am no god.
I am no savior.
What am I to do? Where am I to go? What is my true wish?
What do you really want, Kamui?
At that moment, warm arms wrapped around me. Last night, those hands
had run through my hair to put me to sleep...
I whispered barely, "Subaru..."
Despite everything, you always come at the right moment to keep me in
one piece.
Placing my hands upon his own, I grab onto him firmly as the hot tears
splattered on his arms.
It was then that he hugged me tighter. "I know. I know..." he
murmured softly to my ear. "It's okay..."
When I had gone crazy, he was the one to pull me out of it. I could
never thank him enough for that. Never.
He understood everything I said without me saying it. He had gone
through something similar, only it was a little different.
Then, I lifted up my head backwards as he looked down at me and I
kissed him on the lips.
Who do you need?
This was wrong...
Who do you love?
I shouldn't trust another person.
Who do you need?
I will only hurt Arashi...Sorata...Yuzuriha...
Who do you love?
...Subaru...
And if I don't hurt you...you will eventually end up hurting me.
I lifted up my head more as tears fell down the sides of eyes.
Idon'twantothinkaboutitIdon'wanttothinkaboutitIdon'twanttothinkaboutit...
Then, I blinked my eyes as I stared up at him with his green eyes
staring back at me.
I...trust these eyes...
with my life...
my soul...
my heart.
And I don't care if you do break me...
Not right now.
---
Author's note: It's your fault, amanda-chan!
As with the clashing of the sparks of the mind, the crystals fall. You
only find out that when you get closer, they're not crystals, but beads
of tears and glass that had once been whole...
Deep inside of you.
by Yui Miyamoto
Chapter 1 - I don't care if you break me...
I grabbed my head in pain. It isn't very good when you wake up with a
splitting headache only to find that it was because of the nightmare
you had just had. And to find out it was real...well, those are the
things that broken dreams are made of.
I sat up in my bed to find myself looking around. "It's another day..." I trailed off as I heard the birds outside of my
window sing some forgotten melody.
Yes, another day...
It was then that I patted the right side of my bed where it was still a
little warm. And I looked at my white pajamas slipping from my
shoulders as the white sheets around me clung to my waist and legs to reveal the imprint of my body.
I was such in a daze...
I wanted to smile. I wanted to cry.
I think I'm losing my mind...
So, I lifted my knee and balanced my elbow on it as my chin sat on the
palm of my hand. "At least my fever was gone," I mumbled to myself.
Chirp, chirp.
chirpchirpchirpchirp.
But, as the birds began to chirp even more numerous than when I had
woken up, I threw my pillow at the window and saw all of the noisy birds fly away. In a fit, I ran to the window and plastered my hands on it like the child I had once been. Looking on with wonder at their flapping wings, my heart began to ache.
Who do you need?
Who do you love?
"Kotori..." I whispered.
I never thought I would say that name ever again.
I didn't even want to think of it. It just made me more hurtful the
more I thought about it.
What was happening here?
Where was I? What I was I doing?
I laughed to myself mockingly, "You're supposed to decide the world's fate, but you can't even pick anything without thinking twice about it."
Then, an image of Fuuma smiling was in front of me.
My friend. "Tomodachi dakara..." he had said so many years ago that it could have been from a different lifetime by now.
And he didn't know what kind of feeling that gave me. I don't think he could have ever understood it.
It was more than any smile I could give. I might even dare to say it
was more than my mother's embrace before she had sacrificed herself to
the tangible and living hell cloaked in flames around her.
That was when Kotori...
Kotori...
Yes, I remember she had jumped into my arms and said she had also
wanted me to become her friend. There was no way I could resist a greeting like that, now could I?
Only a bastard would...
Yeah, when she came up to me on the school rooftop, I couldn't even look at her, huh? I couldn't tell her straight that she shouldn't associate with me.
Instead, she had turned...and crushed from the pain I had caused
her...and there I was bonking my head on the pole like a fool.
Yes, a fool.
For if it weren't for me, she would be here. Right next to me. She
would blush, smile, cry...
I don't care what! Even if she hated me for the rest of her life, I'd
rather have her alive than this!
I have caused her pain...I've caused pain to so many people...
And yet...
Shaking my head, I hesitantly mimed the name, "Fuuma."
If for every person I had not thought of with my carelessness, I was making up for it. Fuuma had been chosen to be my tormentor.
My best friend. One of only two friends early in my life.
My whole life...until now...
I slipped to the ground and hugged my arms as my eyes closed in horror.
The tears fell softly to the floor and there was nothing to stop them.
"It just wasn't fair..." I sobbed.
That was what I wanted to say, but my heart had kept it in for so long. And with that ache, it began to encroach my heart like a disease digging into my thoughts like a drill saying, "Who do you need? Who do you love?..."
When I look at Fuuma, I'm so troubled that I just stand there as if I
want something bad to happen to me. It's like I'm inviting this type of bad situation to occur.
But I wasn't...
How can I make a kekkai? What is there for me to protect?
I can't...
I don't know what to do.
I know I acted very tough in the beginning of this whole ordeal, but
that was just a front. Nothing could ever be the same. I was just
living in denial when I thought that.
You can't escape your fate, you only drown in your dream.
What do I do? What do I pick? Who do I choose?
I can never have what I want. Can I really protect Fuuma and save him
at the same time I kill also?
This makes absolutely no sense to me.
These were the thoughts in my head last night...as with every night,
but it was when the dam inside of me was broken and my water spilled into my hands did I understand what kind of situation I was in and part of the path I was supposed to take.
Everyone looks at me to make a decision. And yes, I know we all
deserve to know what that is...
but they fail to realize that despite being the hand of god or one that
hunts them...
...I am only human.
I am no god.
I am no savior.
What am I to do? Where am I to go? What is my true wish?
What do you really want, Kamui?
At that moment, warm arms wrapped around me. Last night, those hands
had run through my hair to put me to sleep...
I whispered barely, "Subaru..."
Despite everything, you always come at the right moment to keep me in
one piece.
Placing my hands upon his own, I grab onto him firmly as the hot tears
splattered on his arms.
It was then that he hugged me tighter. "I know. I know..." he
murmured softly to my ear. "It's okay..."
When I had gone crazy, he was the one to pull me out of it. I could
never thank him enough for that. Never.
He understood everything I said without me saying it. He had gone
through something similar, only it was a little different.
Then, I lifted up my head backwards as he looked down at me and I
kissed him on the lips.
Who do you need?
This was wrong...
Who do you love?
I shouldn't trust another person.
Who do you need?
I will only hurt Arashi...Sorata...Yuzuriha...
Who do you love?
...Subaru...
And if I don't hurt you...you will eventually end up hurting me.
I lifted up my head more as tears fell down the sides of eyes.
Idon'twantothinkaboutitIdon'wanttothinkaboutitIdon'twanttothinkaboutit...
Then, I blinked my eyes as I stared up at him with his green eyes
staring back at me.
I...trust these eyes...
with my life...
my soul...
my heart.
And I don't care if you do break me...
Not right now.
---
Author's note: It's your fault, amanda-chan!