Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. (Only Megami Nemutteiruno from the last chapter.) They're Clamp's.
Deep Inside of You
by Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 6 - No words.
My body weakly hugged his as my arms draped on his lap. My eyes vacantly looked out before me as I leaned my head on the back my hands.
I could feel there was something different...
The dark Kamui's eyes were holding their look of arrogance that were confident in their stride across the room. But there was a faint feeling of...defeat? I do not know how to articulate this type of thing.
Being so enclosed, how does one know anything beyond the walls of water? I read somewhere that water in dreams meant that you were swimming through your emotions depending on what happened to that water.
But I do not dream. I just close my eyes to darkness and wake to something close to human existence.
Then what would you count me as? I lived in water. Was I a fish more than a human? Yes, I could say that I was swimming around with no particular purpose.
My grandfather says I will help in the end of the world...I was important for that.
But that makes me no better than any deadly weapon in the Earth. Only, I held a human body. Maybe that was more dangerous, isn't it?
It was then that the dark Kamui placed his hand on the top of my head and I felt a soft murmur within myself. It felt like a soft buzz. Something like one of the machines in my grandfather's company.
He then ran his fingers through my hair and I found myself closing my eyes at the dull pleasure it gave me. It felt tingly like the bubbles that ran through the contours of my body when I slept in my bed of running water.
It was a prison ironically with the substance that kept so many things alive. Was I counted as such? I wonder.
No use in thinking over something as menial as that so I block it from my memory.
"What is it, Nataku? You've been quiet for some time now," the dark Kamui asked with his voice almost purring like that of a coy cat.
After a minute or two of silence, I found myself saying softly, "Different."
"What do you mean?" the dark Kamui ran his fingers through my hair even more carefully than before.
"I..." I tried to say, but since I could not feel anything to justify what I wanted to convey, it was no use and so I became even more silent.
My eyes fell to the ground and I looked everywhere on the floor trying to find the words I couldn't even think of.
The dark Kamui then took my chin into his index finger and his thumb. Looking at me, he smiled with something that reminded me of compassion...
"Father..." I mumbled before I even thought of the word.
The words...make me recollect of a melody he sang long ago...
"There are as many dreams
as there are stars.
Pick one with all your might
and hold it as long as you can.
And when the time comes,
you'll eventually let it go.
I may not always be here,
but when you see that star,
I'm always with you.
I'll always be with you.
Because you are my star.
I will always hold you tight."
Half in a trance, I finally heard the dark Kamui look at me as if...
as if...
I don't know the word.
Why are there things that I can't say? Why is it that every time I think I should do something, there is something I can never say no matter how much it is at the tip of my tongue.
"You're singing," he said in a low tone.
Was I?
I couldn't even hear myself. I guess it was done so softly...
I sometimes cannot recognize my own voice. I rarely talk, but I always look around and observe what is going around me.
These humans go about their business as if there is something important to do, but they know very well they're lying to themselves. That's how I stare nonchalantly at them whenever I am in my water underworld. That enclosed place I was supposed to call home.
That cold structure...
With those eyes glancing back at me with nothing in them. I looked at myself in the same way...
"There you are," the dark Kamui said as if he had the sweet voice of my father.
Blinking my eyes at him, I suddenly remembered the last happy memory of my Father:
We had been playing hide and seek. And my father had acted like I would never find him until I cried so hard that he laughed and said he would never do that again. He said it was a joke, but I had taken it so seriously.
He convinced me that he would never make me think he could disappear. And not forever...
But he had.
Deep inside of me...
I was hiding all this time.
The little girl inside of me was still crying from the cruel joke. So numb inside, I couldn't cry anymore. I didn't want to feel anything anymore.
If I could runaway, that would be fine with me.
And so I forgot...
I forgot that I too was human.
At that moment, the dark Kamui leaned forward and kissed my forehead.
As I remained looking at the dark Kamui in shock, a single droplet of water came from my eyes and he caught it quickly in the palm of his hand. Then, he kissed that also.
Still gazing into those eyes, I now understand. I understand my true wish.
It was not to see my father at all.
For he would always be with me...in this body of mine...forever.
It's not whether I could talk, smell, feel, touch, and see. I don't have to do anything.
Deep in the shadows of humanity, in the darkness of your heart,
something more powerful stirred in silence...
There really are no words in this world.
There is no need for them.
Not anymore...
--
Author's note: I tried my best to keep it detatched yet to be strong in a silent way. I hope that it came out this way.
Deep Inside of You
by Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 6 - No words.
My body weakly hugged his as my arms draped on his lap. My eyes vacantly looked out before me as I leaned my head on the back my hands.
I could feel there was something different...
The dark Kamui's eyes were holding their look of arrogance that were confident in their stride across the room. But there was a faint feeling of...defeat? I do not know how to articulate this type of thing.
Being so enclosed, how does one know anything beyond the walls of water? I read somewhere that water in dreams meant that you were swimming through your emotions depending on what happened to that water.
But I do not dream. I just close my eyes to darkness and wake to something close to human existence.
Then what would you count me as? I lived in water. Was I a fish more than a human? Yes, I could say that I was swimming around with no particular purpose.
My grandfather says I will help in the end of the world...I was important for that.
But that makes me no better than any deadly weapon in the Earth. Only, I held a human body. Maybe that was more dangerous, isn't it?
It was then that the dark Kamui placed his hand on the top of my head and I felt a soft murmur within myself. It felt like a soft buzz. Something like one of the machines in my grandfather's company.
He then ran his fingers through my hair and I found myself closing my eyes at the dull pleasure it gave me. It felt tingly like the bubbles that ran through the contours of my body when I slept in my bed of running water.
It was a prison ironically with the substance that kept so many things alive. Was I counted as such? I wonder.
No use in thinking over something as menial as that so I block it from my memory.
"What is it, Nataku? You've been quiet for some time now," the dark Kamui asked with his voice almost purring like that of a coy cat.
After a minute or two of silence, I found myself saying softly, "Different."
"What do you mean?" the dark Kamui ran his fingers through my hair even more carefully than before.
"I..." I tried to say, but since I could not feel anything to justify what I wanted to convey, it was no use and so I became even more silent.
My eyes fell to the ground and I looked everywhere on the floor trying to find the words I couldn't even think of.
The dark Kamui then took my chin into his index finger and his thumb. Looking at me, he smiled with something that reminded me of compassion...
"Father..." I mumbled before I even thought of the word.
The words...make me recollect of a melody he sang long ago...
"There are as many dreams
as there are stars.
Pick one with all your might
and hold it as long as you can.
And when the time comes,
you'll eventually let it go.
I may not always be here,
but when you see that star,
I'm always with you.
I'll always be with you.
Because you are my star.
I will always hold you tight."
Half in a trance, I finally heard the dark Kamui look at me as if...
as if...
I don't know the word.
Why are there things that I can't say? Why is it that every time I think I should do something, there is something I can never say no matter how much it is at the tip of my tongue.
"You're singing," he said in a low tone.
Was I?
I couldn't even hear myself. I guess it was done so softly...
I sometimes cannot recognize my own voice. I rarely talk, but I always look around and observe what is going around me.
These humans go about their business as if there is something important to do, but they know very well they're lying to themselves. That's how I stare nonchalantly at them whenever I am in my water underworld. That enclosed place I was supposed to call home.
That cold structure...
With those eyes glancing back at me with nothing in them. I looked at myself in the same way...
"There you are," the dark Kamui said as if he had the sweet voice of my father.
Blinking my eyes at him, I suddenly remembered the last happy memory of my Father:
We had been playing hide and seek. And my father had acted like I would never find him until I cried so hard that he laughed and said he would never do that again. He said it was a joke, but I had taken it so seriously.
He convinced me that he would never make me think he could disappear. And not forever...
But he had.
Deep inside of me...
I was hiding all this time.
The little girl inside of me was still crying from the cruel joke. So numb inside, I couldn't cry anymore. I didn't want to feel anything anymore.
If I could runaway, that would be fine with me.
And so I forgot...
I forgot that I too was human.
At that moment, the dark Kamui leaned forward and kissed my forehead.
As I remained looking at the dark Kamui in shock, a single droplet of water came from my eyes and he caught it quickly in the palm of his hand. Then, he kissed that also.
Still gazing into those eyes, I now understand. I understand my true wish.
It was not to see my father at all.
For he would always be with me...in this body of mine...forever.
It's not whether I could talk, smell, feel, touch, and see. I don't have to do anything.
Deep in the shadows of humanity, in the darkness of your heart,
something more powerful stirred in silence...
There really are no words in this world.
There is no need for them.
Not anymore...
--
Author's note: I tried my best to keep it detatched yet to be strong in a silent way. I hope that it came out this way.