Jared
Disclaimer:
The following characters belong to CLAMP and are only borrowed for the fanfic.
Author's note:
I'm not really very familiar with Li Yelan, so I apologise if she's out of character. Also, the flashbacks are done in bold for easy reference.
Syaoran flopped down on his bed and closed his eyes. He wanted so much to rest his weary mind, forget everything that had happened. Yet as he forced his eyes shut, the scene which he had hoped to repress flooded his mind.
"I'm really disappointed with you, Syaoran. You know how important the Clow cards are to the clan. How could you take the side of an outsider?"
"Mother... please, I had to help her. She would have failed if I had not stayed to help."
Yelan's face remained impassive. "Then you ought to let her fail. As long as the Clow cards were not transformed, there was a chance for you to get them back. Now that they are Sakura cards, the cards and their power will never belong to the clan! Go and practise your skills. It will take a while before you are allowed on a mission again." She dismissed him, reproach clear in her voice.
Syaoran sighed deeply, turning on his side as he did so. His eyes were still tightly shut, though his hands were balled at his sides. The cruel words echoed again and again in his mind, reminding him of the disgrace that he had brought on himself.
// No, I won't cry, I won't cry, I won't cry... // he chanted, trying to suppress the sadness that threatened to overwhelm him; tears had already gathered in his amber eyes, and it was all he could do to choke back the sob that almost worked free.
// Why did it have to be like that? It's not fair! I only wanted to help. Why must it be like that? Why can't I help Sakura and not disappoint Mother at the same time? Why must I choose between them? //
A single tear finally made its way down his cheek. An impatient hand reached up to brush angrily at the drop which gave away his pain; yet the wet drops continued to fall, faster than he could wipe them away. Finally, Syaoran broke down. He let himself sob silently in the privacy of his room, gulping every so often, his head hidden in the bend of his arms.
After a long while, Syaoran finally managed to regain his composure. The sobs slowed, and air was drawn in painfully. The now visible amber eyes were reflected the sorrow that he still felt. Yet one could note the resolve in his eyes; he had shed enough tears- 11 is far too old for crying.
// Maybe... maybe someday I will be able to reconcile the two. Maybe someday I would not have to choose between the both of them... // A wistful expression rested on his face, his held tilted back slightly.
// Who am I trying to kid? I'll always have to make choices... and there'll always be people who will oppose my decisions. //
// I guess... this is growing up. //