Disclaimer: X belongs to Clamp.
Deep Inside of You
By Miyamoto Yui
The envelope dropped as gracefully as a kimono falls off the shoulders of a geisha. But to his shaking hands, he didn't even want to open it as if he were scared of a bomb exploding.
Yes, he was sure another secret would be revealed. Just as his aunt had done with the video, he had eyed that envelope in front of him like a snake that would suddenly strike. He was afraid of its venom sucking the life out of him.
After all, there was nothing left, right?
Subaru had left him when he finally had the courage to embrace him. No matter how much he tried to act like he could move on, his heart would cringe inside to tell him the truth he wished to avoid. How could he possibly want to be slapped again in the face?
Everything was just a tornado swirling towards a center that would eventually eat him alive…
What good could possibly come from a note such as this?
In the middle of this moonlit night, he finally picked up the letter his aunt had beautifully written herself with a brush:
"To Kamui."
He had been wrong as he tore it open. Tears filled his eyes as he realized it wasn't his aunt who had given him what was inside.
It was his own mother's writing.
Chapter 19 – One moment in time.
"Hello Tokiko,
You must be so upset with me for not writing for so long. I don't blame you, though. Someone who picks up their stuff, tells their little sister goodbye to go towards their destiny, and leaves just like that isn't the best role model.
So, I know somewhere deep inside your heart, you are frustrated with me. How can I not? You're my closest of kin. I love you as if we had been twins just separated by years.
And now, I even separate us by distance.
But whatever the case, I hope you don't think too badly of me. You will understand when you see him, Tokiko! I gave birth to our baby just a week ago. Oh, you should see him!
I wish you could. He has the most beautiful eyes. I don't think I've ever seen eyes as beautiful eyes as his. Well, maybe I have. But it rivaled that of the green pair I almost bumped into the other day. I'm getting off topic, but yes, I know in some distant corner, they feel his presence.
They know he has arrived.
I know it. I have seen some of them though I quickly passed by so that they wouldn't recognize me.
But you know what was my dilemma when I was tired after giving birth? I didn't know what to name him.
Behind my tired smile, I was so excited. But I calmly replied 'Shirou Kamui.' The nurses thought it was a bit strange and looked at me funny. I didn't care though.
I held him in my arms all the same.
He was my baby. Mine, and mine alone.
I know he will go through many hardships, so I almost regret bringing him into the world full of tears. And it will be filled with more of his own.
The baby sleeping on my bed like an angel is the Kamui, Tokiko. He will be the one who chooses the fate of the Earth.
I'm laughing because I'm happy and crying because I'm sad at the same time. I keep on looking at him and think, "This is the child that chooses Earth's future? He can't even hold his own bottle."
He loves to sleep though. And when he cries, even though the neighbors sometimes get mad at me, I encourage him to.
It tells me he is alive.
And that is what is most important, right? To be alive.
It sounds so out of place for those of us knowing when we are going to die, how, and why. But, all we can do is live for the 'future' that has been given to us.
Kamui…
He will be so mad, frustrated, lonely, sad, and heartbroken when I leave him. And he will become even more upset with me for leaving puzzles for him to fix along the path of his life.
Except…
I want him to know that no matter what happens, there _is_ happiness in life.
You may not have it for a long time. You may never keep it as much as you would want it to last. But it does exist.
Even if I leave him with all the tears and burdens he must carry, tell him again that I love him, Tokiko. Tell him that when Saya and I resigned ourselves to what we must do…
Even you, Tokiko…
That even though I tried so hard to look strong in front of everyone around me with my calm face, I hated it all. I thought it was unfair that I should have to be some sacrificial doll for this family line.
I hated our name for a time. Deep inside of myself, I had hated it all.
But I swallowed all my tears all the same.
I hated smiling knowing when I would die. I was upset when I left you. I got frustrated when the man I loved left me because of this word called 'Fate'.
Destiny? It was a word I never wanted to utter without feeling so much anger inside. And yet, I nodded to it because I had no real choice.
But Kamui…
I would do it all over again for you.
I knew it the first time I held you in my arms and you cried your heart out as if you knew your own destiny already.
There is one moment in everyone's life. You are mine.
Even if it was a short while.
Please tell him Tokiko. Even if he thinks that life is unfair, tell him I know what he is going through.
Tell him I love him with all my heart…
I would never leave you or Kamui, Tokiko. I'll always be with you.
I'm sorry this is short, but I have many matters to attend to, but always remember, you are in my heart. I think of you often, my dear little sister.
Please take good care of yourself and I love you.
And thank you in advance for telling Kamui.
With love and sincerity,
Your sister Tohru
P.S. Here's a picture of my baby Kamui. Your nephew has a beautiful smile, doesn't he?"
It was then that Kamui stared at the letter in disbelief as he took the picture out of the envelope.
There he saw himself in his mother's lap. His left profile faced the camera as his big red eyes looked up to his mother looking down at him as he smiled at her.
On the back, his mother had proudly written, "_My_ baby Kamui with the beautiful eyes."
--
Author's note: No matter what I do to this fic, I always learn more about life. And I always seem to cry along whenever I type these chapters.
I'm just happy that I'm almost finishing this fic, but I've liked making this fic. It was one of the most fulfilling so far. Except, damn! What was I thinking when I told myself I'd do EVERY character? Or at least, most of them.
Deep Inside of You
By Miyamoto Yui
The envelope dropped as gracefully as a kimono falls off the shoulders of a geisha. But to his shaking hands, he didn't even want to open it as if he were scared of a bomb exploding.
Yes, he was sure another secret would be revealed. Just as his aunt had done with the video, he had eyed that envelope in front of him like a snake that would suddenly strike. He was afraid of its venom sucking the life out of him.
After all, there was nothing left, right?
Subaru had left him when he finally had the courage to embrace him. No matter how much he tried to act like he could move on, his heart would cringe inside to tell him the truth he wished to avoid. How could he possibly want to be slapped again in the face?
Everything was just a tornado swirling towards a center that would eventually eat him alive…
What good could possibly come from a note such as this?
In the middle of this moonlit night, he finally picked up the letter his aunt had beautifully written herself with a brush:
"To Kamui."
He had been wrong as he tore it open. Tears filled his eyes as he realized it wasn't his aunt who had given him what was inside.
It was his own mother's writing.
Chapter 19 – One moment in time.
"Hello Tokiko,
You must be so upset with me for not writing for so long. I don't blame you, though. Someone who picks up their stuff, tells their little sister goodbye to go towards their destiny, and leaves just like that isn't the best role model.
So, I know somewhere deep inside your heart, you are frustrated with me. How can I not? You're my closest of kin. I love you as if we had been twins just separated by years.
And now, I even separate us by distance.
But whatever the case, I hope you don't think too badly of me. You will understand when you see him, Tokiko! I gave birth to our baby just a week ago. Oh, you should see him!
I wish you could. He has the most beautiful eyes. I don't think I've ever seen eyes as beautiful eyes as his. Well, maybe I have. But it rivaled that of the green pair I almost bumped into the other day. I'm getting off topic, but yes, I know in some distant corner, they feel his presence.
They know he has arrived.
I know it. I have seen some of them though I quickly passed by so that they wouldn't recognize me.
But you know what was my dilemma when I was tired after giving birth? I didn't know what to name him.
Behind my tired smile, I was so excited. But I calmly replied 'Shirou Kamui.' The nurses thought it was a bit strange and looked at me funny. I didn't care though.
I held him in my arms all the same.
He was my baby. Mine, and mine alone.
I know he will go through many hardships, so I almost regret bringing him into the world full of tears. And it will be filled with more of his own.
The baby sleeping on my bed like an angel is the Kamui, Tokiko. He will be the one who chooses the fate of the Earth.
I'm laughing because I'm happy and crying because I'm sad at the same time. I keep on looking at him and think, "This is the child that chooses Earth's future? He can't even hold his own bottle."
He loves to sleep though. And when he cries, even though the neighbors sometimes get mad at me, I encourage him to.
It tells me he is alive.
And that is what is most important, right? To be alive.
It sounds so out of place for those of us knowing when we are going to die, how, and why. But, all we can do is live for the 'future' that has been given to us.
Kamui…
He will be so mad, frustrated, lonely, sad, and heartbroken when I leave him. And he will become even more upset with me for leaving puzzles for him to fix along the path of his life.
Except…
I want him to know that no matter what happens, there _is_ happiness in life.
You may not have it for a long time. You may never keep it as much as you would want it to last. But it does exist.
Even if I leave him with all the tears and burdens he must carry, tell him again that I love him, Tokiko. Tell him that when Saya and I resigned ourselves to what we must do…
Even you, Tokiko…
That even though I tried so hard to look strong in front of everyone around me with my calm face, I hated it all. I thought it was unfair that I should have to be some sacrificial doll for this family line.
I hated our name for a time. Deep inside of myself, I had hated it all.
But I swallowed all my tears all the same.
I hated smiling knowing when I would die. I was upset when I left you. I got frustrated when the man I loved left me because of this word called 'Fate'.
Destiny? It was a word I never wanted to utter without feeling so much anger inside. And yet, I nodded to it because I had no real choice.
But Kamui…
I would do it all over again for you.
I knew it the first time I held you in my arms and you cried your heart out as if you knew your own destiny already.
There is one moment in everyone's life. You are mine.
Even if it was a short while.
Please tell him Tokiko. Even if he thinks that life is unfair, tell him I know what he is going through.
Tell him I love him with all my heart…
I would never leave you or Kamui, Tokiko. I'll always be with you.
I'm sorry this is short, but I have many matters to attend to, but always remember, you are in my heart. I think of you often, my dear little sister.
Please take good care of yourself and I love you.
And thank you in advance for telling Kamui.
With love and sincerity,
Your sister Tohru
P.S. Here's a picture of my baby Kamui. Your nephew has a beautiful smile, doesn't he?"
It was then that Kamui stared at the letter in disbelief as he took the picture out of the envelope.
There he saw himself in his mother's lap. His left profile faced the camera as his big red eyes looked up to his mother looking down at him as he smiled at her.
On the back, his mother had proudly written, "_My_ baby Kamui with the beautiful eyes."
--
Author's note: No matter what I do to this fic, I always learn more about life. And I always seem to cry along whenever I type these chapters.
I'm just happy that I'm almost finishing this fic, but I've liked making this fic. It was one of the most fulfilling so far. Except, damn! What was I thinking when I told myself I'd do EVERY character? Or at least, most of them.