CHAPTER 2 BAKA FAYE


Ed sat on the couch and sniffed the air. It smells cleaner in here than I remember.

That's because Faye and I are quitting smoking, Jet called from the kitchen.

Hey, that's good. You know cigarettes can give you eyeball worms, right?

Jet looked around the corner.

Seriously. Sometimes eggs on the tobacco leaves survive processing, and you inhale them, and when they hatch in your lungs, they migrate to your eyes and eat their way out.

Jet shuddered and turned back to the wok. Right. Well, um, I guess I don't have to worry anymore, right?

Who knows? The eggs can take up to a month to hatch. You could still be infected.

If you want food, Ed, stop talking about that, Jet growled.

Oh, right. Sorry.

Spike entered the room, closely followed by Faye. They both had looks of satisfaction on their faces.

Where did you go? Ed asked.

Somewhere kids aren't allowed to, Faye answered without missing a beat.

Ed folded her arms, annoyed. I'm not a kid

Hey, let's see what's on TV, Faye said, turning on the monitor. She was greeted by a familiar short fanfare that sounded like it was played on a toy trumpet, and the BIG SHOT logo flashed onto the screen.

Hey, Big Shot! I thought they cancelled it, she said.

A perky, blonde woman in a cowboy hat, vest, and little else popped up on the screen. I have wonderful news for all you bounty-hunters in the solar system! Big Shot has been revived!

Faye sat down on the couch without taking her eyes off the screen. Spike sat next to her.

Thanks to my wonderful—and rich—new husband, Big Shot can go on forever! The view widened to show a blonde man, somewhere in his twenties, dressed in full traditional cowboy gear. The woman stuck to him, and a small pink heart popped out of her head.

The man tilted his cowboy hat and smiled at the camera. Yes, we're the hosts of Big Shot. I'm Andy and this is Melissa. For the first show in the new and improved Big Shot, we've got a big, very special bounty.

Faye glanced at Spike. A vein was popping out on his forehead, and he seemed to be restraining himself. she inquired.

he said, glaring at the screen, which showed a close-up of Andy talking.

Faye mused, remembering Spike's brief feud with Andy, the rich and egotistical true cowboy bounty hunter.

A bounty profile popped up on the screen. It showed a young man, not more than twenty years of age, with straight, uncombed red hair, thick eyebrows, and several facial scars. Faye sat up at the sight of him.

This is Gene Starwind. He stole a very important ship from Space Forces, the friendly folks who run the government outside our Solar System. There's a bounty on him of 45 million Wongs, which converts to about 30 million Woolongs. Space Forces want the ship he stole intact, with none of the crew harmed.

Melissa spoke up. That's right! All bounties must be alive to claim the prize. If he dies, bye-bye, bounty! She shrugged, making an expression of overly-cute sadness.

Wow, he's hot, Ed observed.

That's what I was going to say, Faye muttered.

Jet stuck his head in the room. What's going on? Are you watching Big Shot!?

Yeah. Apparently, it's been brought back. Spike leaned back on the couch and crossed his legs.

Jet looked at him and sighed. It was hard to believe that it was Spike sitting there, just like he used to, but unable to remember who he had been. maybe my food will make him remember,' Jet thought, as he looked down at the wok of kung-pao chicken he was cooking. Okay, so it's not chicken, it's tofubut chicken is hard to get in space. It's not my fault.'

Spike sniffed the air. Are you cooking something, Mr. Black?

Jet twitched. Never in his life had he been called [Mr. Black], and certainly not by Spike.

Mr. Black'? Faye repeated, eyebrows raised.

Well, I DID try to raise him with good manners, Ed said with a shrug.

Whatever it is, it smells good, Spike commented.

Jet blinked a few times in shock. thanks. There should be enough left for you to have seconds, I think He returned to the kitchen. Spike never thought it TASTED good!'

——————


By the way, Spike, Faye said as Jet served dishes of food, Jet and I are quitting smoking.

Spike looked at her and nodded. That's good. It's an unhealthy habit.

Oh, have you quit? she asked.

What? I never started! he exclaimed, looking shocked that she would suggest such a thing.

Faye glanced at Ed, who shrugged. I guess the nicotine addiction wasn't preserved when I restored him.

Spike turned his attention to Ed, mortified.

I guess he doesn't remember thatwhich is good Ed laughed, rubbing the back of her neck.

Here we are. Kung-pao chicken, Jet explained as he sat down with a plate for himself. Ed picked up a pair of chopsticks and gingerly poked at a piece of chicken'.

This looks like some weird chicken she murmured.

It's food. Shut up and eat, Jet said, his mouth half-full.

Spike slowly picked up his plate, put it on his lap, and grabbed a pair of chopsticks. He had a piece of chicken' nearly to his mouth when he chuckled suddenly.

You know, I've never eaten with these things before, but I know how to use them for some reason.

It's your memories. They're not gone, just really repressed. Ed was shoveling food into her mouth in a very un-girlish fashion.

Well, EdI see you've changed Faye commented.

and I grew jugs. Faye almost choked. That's what you were going to say, right?

Coughing, Faye wiped off her mouth. I wasn't

Apparently, not changed that much, Jet said quietly. You still act like the Ed we know.

Why do they call you Ed? Spike asked, looking up.

Same reason they call you Spike, she explained. It's the name they're familiar with.

Do you still refer to yourself in the third person? Faye questioned. I always thought that was kinda cute

Like, Ed wa ima isogashii' [Ed's busy now]? NoI don't. Sorry.

Spike twitched. That voiceso familiarI mean, the way you said Ed wa ima isogashii'

Ed cried triumphantly, pointing at him with a chopstick. Your memories ARE coming back!

Ein walked up to the couch and sat down. I'm not sure why he doesn't call himself Spike. When Duncan Idaho was a ghola in Dune Messiah, he used his former name.

What's he barking about now? Faye asked.

Dang it! I really ought to learn how to speak Human, Ein muttered.

Oh yeahh! I taught Ein some tricks! Ed gushed, then turned to the Corgi still sitting near the couch. Ein, what's one plus two?

Ein barked three times in succession.

See? He can do math! Ed said proudly.

Faye said sarcastically. Can you tell me what sixteen divided by eight is, Ein?

Ein barked twice.

Faye was taken aback. So he doesn't do it just for you.

I told you, he actually knows math! Ed protested. Turning to Ein, she asked, What's twenty-five times two?

Ein appeared to roll his eyes and began barking. The humans kept silent, listening.

When he stopped barking, Faye put her plate down. Ha! I only counted forty-nine!

I counted fifty, Jet said.

Me too, Spike added.

Faye twitched, disgusted. Oh, whatever. She picked up her plate and continued eating.

——————


When they finished eating, Spike leaned back and crossed his hands behind his head. thanks for dinner, Mr. Jet.

What, you actually liked it?!

Spike blinked. Eh? Uh

I, for one, won't comment on the fact that he used tofu instead of chicken, Faye said.

You just did, Ed pointed out.

Da—damatte [Be quiet]! Faye spluttered, glaring.

That was tofu Spike mused.

Yeah. Sorry. It's hard to get meat in space. We haven't had any for weeks, Jet apologised.

I'm polite, so I'll just stop at saying thank you. I was hungry, so I appreciate being fed.

It sucked, didn't it? Just say it, Spike.

Spike looked at the ceiling, slightly embarrassed. don't want to hurt your feelings.

What? Hurt my feelings?! Don't you know who—oh, wait, that's right. You don't.

Spike looked at Jet, an apologetic look on his face. I'm sorry. I know I should remember you, but I just can't.

Ed stood up and stretched. Well, are we going to hunt down that Outlaw-dude? she asked.

Jet questioned.

The one we saw on Big Shot, Faye explained. Apparently, he's in the Toward Star

Toward Star? You mean outside the Solar System!? Jet asked, trying not to yell.

What other Toward Star do you know? Faye inquired, shooting him a sideways glance. Then, turning away, she walked out of the room as Jet pondered the implications of travelling outside the only area of space he had known in his life.