Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough
The Queen gave up her crown. A year later the King summons her back to the palace. Will sparks fly? (the title just might be misleading…) I own nothing…..
Okay. Here is the next chapter. Writers block. Or is it lyrics block? Ah well, I had to punch through it, so hang in there…..
The sound of clashing metal rang out through the fall afternoon. Two figures engaged each other in battle, swords moving almost to fast to follow. A lone figure watched the pair closely, unobserved by the fighters.
The faster of the two was a smiling red head, small and quick. The other, large steady and sure. Autumn leaves, picked up by the wind, swirled and danced around the pair as they moved back and forth, thrusting and dodging, each pushing the other to their limit. It seemed they were evenly matched, until the red head's movements became to quick to follow. Suddenly the large man's sword was airborne. Plucking it from the air, the red head's laughter filled the meadow. The pair stood still, watching each other intensely. Even from a distance it was easy to tell there was more than friendship between them.
There were times Gareth of Naxen hated his job, and right now was one of them. Running a hand through his hair, and went to deliver the Queen's Royal Summons.
Four months later:
The sprawling, sparking site of the capital city of Corus was brilliant enough to take ones breath away. A smile touched Alanna's lips as she looked over the city that had been her home for so long. The view of from the palace dais where she stood was exceptional. She could see over the Palace walls into the city itself.
Alanna grinned, she remembering her fist day in Corus. She had been so amazed! Never in her life had she imagined so many people or colors or smells. The day was unforgettable in itself, never mind that she was going to the palace to become a knight, or that she was going to masquerade as a boy to do it, or that she had met George on that day…
The smile faded as Alanna's thoughts turned the former King of Thieves. He hadn't returned with her to Corus. Although Jon had issued a Royal pardon for George, there were many young rogues out looking to make a name for themselves. His return would only mean more trouble for Alanna. She missed him, though. His eyes, his laugh, that smile that still made her stomach turn over. Yes. She missed him. More than she should. Turning her face up to the sun, Alanna closed her eyes.
"You're thinking about him."
I don't wanna lose you,
I don't wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry
Her heart slammed painfully in her chest. Ignoring her sudden lightheadedness, Alanna resisted the urge to turn around. She had not forgotten the sound of Jon's voice. Even if his voice had not haunted her dreams for the last year, she would know it anywhere. Does his know me so well, she wondered, or is it just that obvious?
"Hello to you too." she said dryly, crossing her arms over her chest to conceal her shaking hands.
"You didn't answer me." There was defiantly anger in his voice now. Alanna fought her rising temper. Had she actually been looking forward to seeing him again? They stared at each other of some time, the gap between them almost visible. What was she supposed to say? How dare he be angry at her? Wasn't he the one that left her?
That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door
"Well, it wouldn't be the first time." she said archly.
Jon's hand griped her arm, swinging her around to face him. Their eyes met, both angry and hurt. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. They stood on the dais, staring at each other as the silence stretched out between them. Alanna looked him over, noting he hadn't changed in the time she was away. For an instant Alanna thought she had seen him, but all she could see now was the impassive, haughty, self important expression she called his "King face". Even so, he was heart stopping handsome. The winter wind brought color to his cheeks, causing his blue eyes to shine brilliantly. Had she ever seen anyone more beautiful?
Her anger dissolved suddenly, replaced by sorrow. She knew only to well how trapped one could become by being Royalty. This is Jon, she reminded her self. Her friend, lover, husband, King. She knew him better than anyone else, and she couldn't let him go on in this way. She brought her hand up to cup his cheek. "Where are you, Jon?" she asked. "I know you're in there. You must be."
His eyes softened somewhat, as did his grip on her arm. "Lady--"
"Alanna." she said firmly, realizing that she couldn't remember the last time he had called her by her given name. In the months before she left, they had frostily referred to each other as "Lady" or "Lord".
"Say my name." she demanded softly.
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
He shook her off and backed away, a frown marring his features. Sighing, Alanna folder her arms over her chest. The anger was back, she could see it in his eyes. "You summoned me, Majesty?" she asked softly, ignoring the pain in her chest.
Jon's eyes narrowed in anger. "I did." He walked to the balcony and surveyed the city. The silence returned. It seemed to stand between anything either of them might say. Alanna watched him in those long minutes, heart aching, mind racing. Part of her wishing he would say something, the other relieved that he was ignoring her as he had the last few years of their marriage. Conflicting thoughts and emotions threatened to bring tears to her eyes. Frustrated, Alanna turned to go.
"You left me." Jon accused softly.
Anger surged up to replace Alanna's pain. Why was it always about him? She took a calming breath and turned back to the balcony. "We left each other, Jon."
Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all
He turned at the sound of his name. "Why didn't you come back?" He asked thickly.
Alanna looked at him, eyes hard. "I don't know who the woman who rode out of here a year ago was, but she wasn't me. I didn't leave you, Jon. I lost you. I lost me too. I had to go find me again."
His eyes narrowed dangerously. "You had to go find yourself with George?" he demanded angrily.
"Is that it?" Alanna hissed, rage humming through her. "Is that really it? Your pride's hurt?" Alanna swung around to leave, hot tears burning her eyes. He hadn't cared that she left after all. Didn't miss her or want her back. All he cared about was that she had been with George.
"Alanna!"
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change
The tone of his voice was the only thing that stopped her. It wasn't a demand, but a plead. Was there pain there? And hurt? And guilt? "What?" she whispered.
"I….I didn't want to fight."
She turned on him, trying to rein her temper. "Nor did I."
The silence again. Alanna wanted to scream in frustration. She knew that, as always, she would have to take the first step. "So. What now?"
He laughed softly and there was no mistaking the bitterness in it. "Indeed. What now." His gaze was piercing. "Honestly. I don't know." he sighed. "I just don't know."
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
It hurt. It shouldn't have, but it did. Alanna bit down hard on her lip to stop her tears from falling. Why was her love live so complicated? Why couldn't she just make up her mind? What was she expecting? For Jon to sweep her into his arms and off of her feet? Why was it that she was never sure of herself when it came to her heart?
"Send another summons when ever you figure it out." the words were harsh in her own ears but Alanna didn't care. Turning, she dashed away tears. Her anger threatened to overwhelm her. Anger at him for toying with her this way, angry at herself for letting him.
"Do you love me?" the words were almost to soft to hear.
And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
there beside you where I used to lay
Alanna froze, heart in her throat. Such a simple question. This is what it all came down to, wasn't it? It should be such an easy answer. But it wasn't. Gods help her, it never had been.
The tears fell unchecked. Why didn't she know what to say? Why should she tell him anything? So he could hurt her all over again? Why did she still feel this way? Why did she still cry over him? And why, why with Jon, her husband, right in front of her, did she still think of laughing hazel eyes?
"Damn you." she hissed.
She felt him move to stand behind her, could feel the warmth of his body. Jon turned her around slowly, as if he might break her.
Silence returned as he watched her, his eyes searching,
"You do." he said, voice thick with emotion.
Alanna's eyes narrowed and then closed. "Yes. Damn you." she hissed, tears still falling.
And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know its your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough.
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.
He smiled at her, relief in his eyes. "You'll stay, then."
Her anger returned, hot and furious, at his assumption that everything was fine. Alanna shook him off and walked towards the door. "That doesn't mean I like you." she called over her shoulder. "And it sure as hell doesn't mean I forgive you."
Jon's smile grew even wider. "Fine. I can live with that. All I want is a chance to make it right between us. All I ask is that you give love a chance."
If the moment hadn't been so serious, Alanna would have been charmed by that smile. Would have let her anger and hurt go. But she wouldn't. Not this time. One of them had to be honest. She meet his eyes as she opened the door. "I'll try, Jon. Gods help me, but I can't bring myself not to try. But mark me well, Jon: Sometimes love just isn't enough."
All right, all right, all right! I slaved over it and I'm still not pleased with it. Grr…don't hurt me. I just had to get through this to get to the next part……
The Queen gave up her crown. A year later the King summons her back to the palace. Will sparks fly? (the title just might be misleading…) I own nothing…..
Okay. Here is the next chapter. Writers block. Or is it lyrics block? Ah well, I had to punch through it, so hang in there…..
The sound of clashing metal rang out through the fall afternoon. Two figures engaged each other in battle, swords moving almost to fast to follow. A lone figure watched the pair closely, unobserved by the fighters.
The faster of the two was a smiling red head, small and quick. The other, large steady and sure. Autumn leaves, picked up by the wind, swirled and danced around the pair as they moved back and forth, thrusting and dodging, each pushing the other to their limit. It seemed they were evenly matched, until the red head's movements became to quick to follow. Suddenly the large man's sword was airborne. Plucking it from the air, the red head's laughter filled the meadow. The pair stood still, watching each other intensely. Even from a distance it was easy to tell there was more than friendship between them.
There were times Gareth of Naxen hated his job, and right now was one of them. Running a hand through his hair, and went to deliver the Queen's Royal Summons.
Four months later:
The sprawling, sparking site of the capital city of Corus was brilliant enough to take ones breath away. A smile touched Alanna's lips as she looked over the city that had been her home for so long. The view of from the palace dais where she stood was exceptional. She could see over the Palace walls into the city itself.
Alanna grinned, she remembering her fist day in Corus. She had been so amazed! Never in her life had she imagined so many people or colors or smells. The day was unforgettable in itself, never mind that she was going to the palace to become a knight, or that she was going to masquerade as a boy to do it, or that she had met George on that day…
The smile faded as Alanna's thoughts turned the former King of Thieves. He hadn't returned with her to Corus. Although Jon had issued a Royal pardon for George, there were many young rogues out looking to make a name for themselves. His return would only mean more trouble for Alanna. She missed him, though. His eyes, his laugh, that smile that still made her stomach turn over. Yes. She missed him. More than she should. Turning her face up to the sun, Alanna closed her eyes.
"You're thinking about him."
I don't wanna lose you,
I don't wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry
Her heart slammed painfully in her chest. Ignoring her sudden lightheadedness, Alanna resisted the urge to turn around. She had not forgotten the sound of Jon's voice. Even if his voice had not haunted her dreams for the last year, she would know it anywhere. Does his know me so well, she wondered, or is it just that obvious?
"Hello to you too." she said dryly, crossing her arms over her chest to conceal her shaking hands.
"You didn't answer me." There was defiantly anger in his voice now. Alanna fought her rising temper. Had she actually been looking forward to seeing him again? They stared at each other of some time, the gap between them almost visible. What was she supposed to say? How dare he be angry at her? Wasn't he the one that left her?
That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door
"Well, it wouldn't be the first time." she said archly.
Jon's hand griped her arm, swinging her around to face him. Their eyes met, both angry and hurt. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. They stood on the dais, staring at each other as the silence stretched out between them. Alanna looked him over, noting he hadn't changed in the time she was away. For an instant Alanna thought she had seen him, but all she could see now was the impassive, haughty, self important expression she called his "King face". Even so, he was heart stopping handsome. The winter wind brought color to his cheeks, causing his blue eyes to shine brilliantly. Had she ever seen anyone more beautiful?
Her anger dissolved suddenly, replaced by sorrow. She knew only to well how trapped one could become by being Royalty. This is Jon, she reminded her self. Her friend, lover, husband, King. She knew him better than anyone else, and she couldn't let him go on in this way. She brought her hand up to cup his cheek. "Where are you, Jon?" she asked. "I know you're in there. You must be."
His eyes softened somewhat, as did his grip on her arm. "Lady--"
"Alanna." she said firmly, realizing that she couldn't remember the last time he had called her by her given name. In the months before she left, they had frostily referred to each other as "Lady" or "Lord".
"Say my name." she demanded softly.
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
He shook her off and backed away, a frown marring his features. Sighing, Alanna folder her arms over her chest. The anger was back, she could see it in his eyes. "You summoned me, Majesty?" she asked softly, ignoring the pain in her chest.
Jon's eyes narrowed in anger. "I did." He walked to the balcony and surveyed the city. The silence returned. It seemed to stand between anything either of them might say. Alanna watched him in those long minutes, heart aching, mind racing. Part of her wishing he would say something, the other relieved that he was ignoring her as he had the last few years of their marriage. Conflicting thoughts and emotions threatened to bring tears to her eyes. Frustrated, Alanna turned to go.
"You left me." Jon accused softly.
Anger surged up to replace Alanna's pain. Why was it always about him? She took a calming breath and turned back to the balcony. "We left each other, Jon."
Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all
He turned at the sound of his name. "Why didn't you come back?" He asked thickly.
Alanna looked at him, eyes hard. "I don't know who the woman who rode out of here a year ago was, but she wasn't me. I didn't leave you, Jon. I lost you. I lost me too. I had to go find me again."
His eyes narrowed dangerously. "You had to go find yourself with George?" he demanded angrily.
"Is that it?" Alanna hissed, rage humming through her. "Is that really it? Your pride's hurt?" Alanna swung around to leave, hot tears burning her eyes. He hadn't cared that she left after all. Didn't miss her or want her back. All he cared about was that she had been with George.
"Alanna!"
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change
The tone of his voice was the only thing that stopped her. It wasn't a demand, but a plead. Was there pain there? And hurt? And guilt? "What?" she whispered.
"I….I didn't want to fight."
She turned on him, trying to rein her temper. "Nor did I."
The silence again. Alanna wanted to scream in frustration. She knew that, as always, she would have to take the first step. "So. What now?"
He laughed softly and there was no mistaking the bitterness in it. "Indeed. What now." His gaze was piercing. "Honestly. I don't know." he sighed. "I just don't know."
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
It hurt. It shouldn't have, but it did. Alanna bit down hard on her lip to stop her tears from falling. Why was her love live so complicated? Why couldn't she just make up her mind? What was she expecting? For Jon to sweep her into his arms and off of her feet? Why was it that she was never sure of herself when it came to her heart?
"Send another summons when ever you figure it out." the words were harsh in her own ears but Alanna didn't care. Turning, she dashed away tears. Her anger threatened to overwhelm her. Anger at him for toying with her this way, angry at herself for letting him.
"Do you love me?" the words were almost to soft to hear.
And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
there beside you where I used to lay
Alanna froze, heart in her throat. Such a simple question. This is what it all came down to, wasn't it? It should be such an easy answer. But it wasn't. Gods help her, it never had been.
The tears fell unchecked. Why didn't she know what to say? Why should she tell him anything? So he could hurt her all over again? Why did she still feel this way? Why did she still cry over him? And why, why with Jon, her husband, right in front of her, did she still think of laughing hazel eyes?
"Damn you." she hissed.
She felt him move to stand behind her, could feel the warmth of his body. Jon turned her around slowly, as if he might break her.
Silence returned as he watched her, his eyes searching,
"You do." he said, voice thick with emotion.
Alanna's eyes narrowed and then closed. "Yes. Damn you." she hissed, tears still falling.
And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know its your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough.
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.
He smiled at her, relief in his eyes. "You'll stay, then."
Her anger returned, hot and furious, at his assumption that everything was fine. Alanna shook him off and walked towards the door. "That doesn't mean I like you." she called over her shoulder. "And it sure as hell doesn't mean I forgive you."
Jon's smile grew even wider. "Fine. I can live with that. All I want is a chance to make it right between us. All I ask is that you give love a chance."
If the moment hadn't been so serious, Alanna would have been charmed by that smile. Would have let her anger and hurt go. But she wouldn't. Not this time. One of them had to be honest. She meet his eyes as she opened the door. "I'll try, Jon. Gods help me, but I can't bring myself not to try. But mark me well, Jon: Sometimes love just isn't enough."
All right, all right, all right! I slaved over it and I'm still not pleased with it. Grr…don't hurt me. I just had to get through this to get to the next part……