Author's note: I just want to thank everyone so much for the wonderful
response. I've been reading and loving stories on this site for a while and
I finally got up enough courage to post one of my own. And now that I have,
I'm going to keep posting, so thank you all again so much!
I've always hated hospitals. I mean, most people do but I've just sat in enough waiting rooms to last me a lifetime. I eventually came to expect it with Ma. We were here all the time because "she slipped" or "she fell." And I came to expect it with work too. Being a cop, you're bound to see the inside of quite a few hospitals in your time. If you're lucky, none of those reasons are because of a fellow officer, especially your partner. But there I sat jumping every time someone walked past, waiting to find out what was wrong with my partner. Sully and Davis stopped by at some point. I think they said something, but I wasn't listening. I just couldn't tear my eyes away from the doorway to the room that held you. Fred was there too. I wasn't sure when he got there, nor did I care. I was just waiting for you to walk out and say that everything was ok, you just got a little dizzy from not eating or something.
After what seemed like an eternity, the doctor finally came out. Fred and I both jumped at this, only Fred didn't seem as anxious as I did. Almost like he was expecting something. Either way, the look on the doctor's dace was not at all encouraging. I remember asking if you were ok, and the doctor hesitating before saying "Yes and no." What the hell did that mean? Either you were ok or you weren't. Before I had a chance to respond, Fred broke in.
"Is it?" he asked.
"Yes," the doctor replied.
"How bad?"
"I'm not going to lie to you. It doesn't look good."
"Hoe long?"
"It's hard to say…"
At this I broke in. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"You don't know?" the doctor asked, surprised.
"No," Fred broke in. "She hasn't told him"
"Told me what?" I demanded. Nothing. "Fred, what the hell is going on?!?"
Neither Fred nor the doctor could look me in the eye. Finally, Fred spoke.
"I think you need to hear it from her, Bosco."
"Hear what?" I was so confused. "What's going on? What's wrong with her?" Nothing. "Can I at least see her?"
The doctor nodded. "I think it would be best while I talk to Fred."
I wanted to protest and know what the doctor was about to tell Fred, but my feet were already running towards your room. I gave a light knock and entered without waiting for a response. You were leaning against the wall staring out the window. I don't think you heard me enter. I watched you for a minute not wanting to startle you, yet dying to know what was wrong. I finally broke the silence.
"Faith?"
You turned to look at me, tears staining your cheeks. I knew right then that it was something big. Bigger than I could've ever imagined. Little did I know the truth that you would soon reveal to me would change everything. You wiped the tears from your eyes and turned back towards the window.
"Oh Boz…" you whispered as the tears once again began to flow. Not knowing what to do, I walked over and put my arm around your shoulders. You shut your eyes as a fresh round of tears threatened to fall. I guided you to the bed, and I remember just sitting there on silence for what seemed like forever. I was really beginning to hate these bouts of silence that had seemed to follow me all of a sudden.
I don't know how long we sat there with your head on my shoulder and my hand rubbing your back. Come to think of it, I don't even know how we ended up like that. But I guess that's not important. What is important is that it managed to calm you down enough that I took the opportunity to finally get to the bottom of things.
"Faith?" I asked. You sat up and looked at me, knowing what was coming while I sat there clueless. "What's wrong?"
You closed your eyes for a minute and I thought you were going to start crying again, but you managed to hold yourself together. You turned to face me and I braced myself for the impact.
"Boz…" you began. Again the tears threatened to fall, and again you pushed them back down. You took a deep breath and continued.
"Boz I'm sick."
I waited for you to continue, but you just sat there looking at me.
"Yeah, I managed to put that much together, Faith. Care to elaborate? You got the flu or something?"
The corners of your mouth turned up a bit, but the faint hint of a smile was gone almost before it appeared. You took my hands in yours at that point and looking down at them, I was scared for what you were about to tell me. You took another deep breath and said the last thing I ever expected or wanted to hear you say.
"Bosco, I have cancer."
My head shot up and I met your gaze. I could feel a lump in my throat and I thought I was going to vomit.
"Cancer?" I finally choked out. You nodded.
"Yes. They found a lump in my breast a few months ago." I'm guessing by your nest words that you saw the hurt and anger in my eyes. "I was going to tell you, but the treatments were going so well that I didn't want to bother you…" You trailed off as my eyes shot at you.
"Bother me? You're seriously ill and you don't tell me because you don't want to bother me?" I cried in pain.
"That's not what I meant Boz…please…" Again, I cut you off.
"Yeah, well if these treatments were working so well ten why are we sitting in a hospital room?" My tome of voice was getting harsher by the minute, but you somehow managed to stay calm with me. But then again, you could always remain calm with me. I still don't know how you did it.
A single tear slid down your cheek as you continued. "A few weeks ago, the treatments suddenly stopped working. The tumor was no longer affected by them." You went ahead and answered my next question before I had a chance to ask it. "Fred and I looked into surgery to remover the tumor, but the doctor who did my consult said that the disease had already entered my bloodstream so surgery was pointless. And since my treatments were no longer working, it's only a matter of time." I looked at you with a blank stare, both not understanding and not accepting.
"So what exactly are you saying here?" The tears that threatened to fall finally did with your next words.
"Bosco, I'm dying."
I have been shot before. I have been beaten pretty badly. I have dealt with a lot of emotional unrest. But I have never felt such a severe pain as I did at that moment.
"No….No…..NO!" I tore away from you and knocked over the hospital tray. "This is not….NO!"
I kicked the bed.
I punched the wall.
Then I can remember screaming as I picked up the chair and repeatedly slammed it against the floor.
I don't know what made me stop, but once I did I looked at your watery eyes and found my way back to the bed through vision blurred by tears waiting to fall.
"No Faith…" You just nodded.
"Yeah."
And with that we both began to cry.
I've always hated hospitals. I mean, most people do but I've just sat in enough waiting rooms to last me a lifetime. I eventually came to expect it with Ma. We were here all the time because "she slipped" or "she fell." And I came to expect it with work too. Being a cop, you're bound to see the inside of quite a few hospitals in your time. If you're lucky, none of those reasons are because of a fellow officer, especially your partner. But there I sat jumping every time someone walked past, waiting to find out what was wrong with my partner. Sully and Davis stopped by at some point. I think they said something, but I wasn't listening. I just couldn't tear my eyes away from the doorway to the room that held you. Fred was there too. I wasn't sure when he got there, nor did I care. I was just waiting for you to walk out and say that everything was ok, you just got a little dizzy from not eating or something.
After what seemed like an eternity, the doctor finally came out. Fred and I both jumped at this, only Fred didn't seem as anxious as I did. Almost like he was expecting something. Either way, the look on the doctor's dace was not at all encouraging. I remember asking if you were ok, and the doctor hesitating before saying "Yes and no." What the hell did that mean? Either you were ok or you weren't. Before I had a chance to respond, Fred broke in.
"Is it?" he asked.
"Yes," the doctor replied.
"How bad?"
"I'm not going to lie to you. It doesn't look good."
"Hoe long?"
"It's hard to say…"
At this I broke in. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"You don't know?" the doctor asked, surprised.
"No," Fred broke in. "She hasn't told him"
"Told me what?" I demanded. Nothing. "Fred, what the hell is going on?!?"
Neither Fred nor the doctor could look me in the eye. Finally, Fred spoke.
"I think you need to hear it from her, Bosco."
"Hear what?" I was so confused. "What's going on? What's wrong with her?" Nothing. "Can I at least see her?"
The doctor nodded. "I think it would be best while I talk to Fred."
I wanted to protest and know what the doctor was about to tell Fred, but my feet were already running towards your room. I gave a light knock and entered without waiting for a response. You were leaning against the wall staring out the window. I don't think you heard me enter. I watched you for a minute not wanting to startle you, yet dying to know what was wrong. I finally broke the silence.
"Faith?"
You turned to look at me, tears staining your cheeks. I knew right then that it was something big. Bigger than I could've ever imagined. Little did I know the truth that you would soon reveal to me would change everything. You wiped the tears from your eyes and turned back towards the window.
"Oh Boz…" you whispered as the tears once again began to flow. Not knowing what to do, I walked over and put my arm around your shoulders. You shut your eyes as a fresh round of tears threatened to fall. I guided you to the bed, and I remember just sitting there on silence for what seemed like forever. I was really beginning to hate these bouts of silence that had seemed to follow me all of a sudden.
I don't know how long we sat there with your head on my shoulder and my hand rubbing your back. Come to think of it, I don't even know how we ended up like that. But I guess that's not important. What is important is that it managed to calm you down enough that I took the opportunity to finally get to the bottom of things.
"Faith?" I asked. You sat up and looked at me, knowing what was coming while I sat there clueless. "What's wrong?"
You closed your eyes for a minute and I thought you were going to start crying again, but you managed to hold yourself together. You turned to face me and I braced myself for the impact.
"Boz…" you began. Again the tears threatened to fall, and again you pushed them back down. You took a deep breath and continued.
"Boz I'm sick."
I waited for you to continue, but you just sat there looking at me.
"Yeah, I managed to put that much together, Faith. Care to elaborate? You got the flu or something?"
The corners of your mouth turned up a bit, but the faint hint of a smile was gone almost before it appeared. You took my hands in yours at that point and looking down at them, I was scared for what you were about to tell me. You took another deep breath and said the last thing I ever expected or wanted to hear you say.
"Bosco, I have cancer."
My head shot up and I met your gaze. I could feel a lump in my throat and I thought I was going to vomit.
"Cancer?" I finally choked out. You nodded.
"Yes. They found a lump in my breast a few months ago." I'm guessing by your nest words that you saw the hurt and anger in my eyes. "I was going to tell you, but the treatments were going so well that I didn't want to bother you…" You trailed off as my eyes shot at you.
"Bother me? You're seriously ill and you don't tell me because you don't want to bother me?" I cried in pain.
"That's not what I meant Boz…please…" Again, I cut you off.
"Yeah, well if these treatments were working so well ten why are we sitting in a hospital room?" My tome of voice was getting harsher by the minute, but you somehow managed to stay calm with me. But then again, you could always remain calm with me. I still don't know how you did it.
A single tear slid down your cheek as you continued. "A few weeks ago, the treatments suddenly stopped working. The tumor was no longer affected by them." You went ahead and answered my next question before I had a chance to ask it. "Fred and I looked into surgery to remover the tumor, but the doctor who did my consult said that the disease had already entered my bloodstream so surgery was pointless. And since my treatments were no longer working, it's only a matter of time." I looked at you with a blank stare, both not understanding and not accepting.
"So what exactly are you saying here?" The tears that threatened to fall finally did with your next words.
"Bosco, I'm dying."
I have been shot before. I have been beaten pretty badly. I have dealt with a lot of emotional unrest. But I have never felt such a severe pain as I did at that moment.
"No….No…..NO!" I tore away from you and knocked over the hospital tray. "This is not….NO!"
I kicked the bed.
I punched the wall.
Then I can remember screaming as I picked up the chair and repeatedly slammed it against the floor.
I don't know what made me stop, but once I did I looked at your watery eyes and found my way back to the bed through vision blurred by tears waiting to fall.
"No Faith…" You just nodded.
"Yeah."
And with that we both began to cry.