The next few weeks went by in a blur. I was numb to the world. My partner,
my best friend, was dying and nothing could be done to stop it. We were
left to sit back with you and wait for your time to come. And I hated it. I
hated that you were getting sicker and losing your life and I was merely a
spectator. I mean, you were good for a while. Then it hit you all at once
and you got real sick real fast, signaling the end was near. You did stay
at work for a while on desk duty. But even that was too much for you after
a month or so and you left. After a while I started helping you out at
home. I would come over in the morning and stay with you while the kids
went to school and Fred went to work. Then when they came home I would go
to work and the cycle would continue.
Work was becoming harder and harder. Not just because you weren't there, but because everything reminded me that you weren't there. That you would never be there again. I worked with Gusler temporarily while they looked for a new partner for me. But I swear I will never have another partner Faith. No one could ever replace you.
For the most part, you accepted your illness. I never understood why or how you could. But I didn't question it. It was too painful for me to do so. It did get you one day, however. I remember we were playing cards when you spoke out of the blue.
"I want to go to Emily's pageant tomorrow night." I looked at you.
"Faith, you can't. You're getting worse." I choked out the last part. I hated really talking about it.
"Boz, I have to. I don't know how much longer I have and I want to be there for the kids as long as I can. I mean, I'll never see them graduate high school now, or get married, or hold my grandchildren…" You trailed off as the tears began to fall. I hadn't seen you cry in a while. And I understood your point. And it was your decision. And I did have the following day off because of the pageant. I reached across the table and put my hand on yours.
"Tell you what, if you feel up to it then tomorrow night, once they leave, we can sneak out and you can surprise Emily, ok?" Your eyes twinkled with such gratitude and excitement that I had to smile.
"Ok," you agreed.
The following evening, you helped Em into her costume, wished her luck, and sent her on her way with Fred and Charlie. Fifteen minutes later, we were on our way as well. You chose a spot near the back of the auditorium, not wanting Fred to see you. I had noticed lately when I came over in the morning that he was acting very strange. Well, obviously he's going to act strange, I thought, his wife is dying. But this was different. Something was wrong. I didn't push though. You would tell me if something were bothering you now.
The play was very cute. I remember Emily did great. You were just beaming with pride. Afterwards, I helped you to the front where Emily had just come out to meet Fred and Charlie. Upon seeing you, I thought she was going to explode. As you congratulated your daughter on her performance, Fred pulled me aside.
"What do you think you're doing bringing her here?"
"She wanted to be here for her daughter while she still can. There's no way I'm going to deny her that."
"She's sick Boscorelli."
"She's dying Fred. Let her live while she still can. Just look at her, how much good this must be doing her. And you're telling me that I shouldn't have let her have this?"
With that left to sink in, I went to congratulate Emily. Fred, on the other hand, was ready to leave. He took the kids and said he would meet us at your apartment. So what if he was pissed? You were happy and that's all that mattered to me.
You fell asleep in the car on the way home. You looked so peaceful that I didn't want to wake you when we finally got there so I carefully carried you up to your apartment. If Fred wasn't in a bad mood earlier, then he was definitely over the edge now. I laid you down on your bed, took of your shoes, and covered you up. I was going to just leave without a confrontation but Fred had another idea. He stopped me on my way out the door.
"I don't want you coming over anymore." I didn't expect that one. I knew he was mad, but that was a bit much, even for him.
"What?"
"I said I don't want you coming over to see her again. We don't need your help anymore."
"You're kidding right? She's my best friend and…" He cut me off.
"And she's my wife. She needs her family now, and that's something you'll never be a part of."
With that he went into the bedroom and shut the door, leaving me alone in the living room. So I left, promising myself that I wouldn't let him get to me…he was just upset.
The next morning, I was getting ready to come over when you called.
"Bosco?"
"Hey Faith. I was just getting ready to come over. Is everything ok?"
"No." You started crying.
"Faith?"
"Fred left me."
"What?!?"
He's gone Boz. He's…"
"Stay right there. I'm on my way over."
You were a wreck when I got there. It took some coaxing, but you finally managed to tell me what happened.
"I woke up last night when I heard you and Fred fighting." You started. " He came into the bedroom and I asked him what his problem. He just sat down with his back to me for the longest time. Finally he said that he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't sit around and wait and wonder when he would have to tell the kids that their mother was gone. We talked for a long time and he said that this was it. He gave up. He gave up on me. He gave up on us. Then he packed a few things and said that he would call me so I could arrange some time with the kids."
I sat there dumbfounded. I couldn't believe what you just told me. It just couldn't be. But the pain and hurt in your entire demeanor confirmed it for me. Fred left you at the worst possible time. And even with all the emotions running inside you, I think that deep down you knew that you weren't alone, because I was there. I would always be there for you.
We sat there for a while just staring at the wall. I glanced at the clock which read 2:30.
"Hey, I'm going to call off work and make some coffee and we'll talk ok?"
"Boz you don't have to call off…"you started, but I was already on the phone.
As I made my way towards the kitchen, I turned back to look at you.
"We'll get through this Faith," I whispered. "We'll get through this together.
Work was becoming harder and harder. Not just because you weren't there, but because everything reminded me that you weren't there. That you would never be there again. I worked with Gusler temporarily while they looked for a new partner for me. But I swear I will never have another partner Faith. No one could ever replace you.
For the most part, you accepted your illness. I never understood why or how you could. But I didn't question it. It was too painful for me to do so. It did get you one day, however. I remember we were playing cards when you spoke out of the blue.
"I want to go to Emily's pageant tomorrow night." I looked at you.
"Faith, you can't. You're getting worse." I choked out the last part. I hated really talking about it.
"Boz, I have to. I don't know how much longer I have and I want to be there for the kids as long as I can. I mean, I'll never see them graduate high school now, or get married, or hold my grandchildren…" You trailed off as the tears began to fall. I hadn't seen you cry in a while. And I understood your point. And it was your decision. And I did have the following day off because of the pageant. I reached across the table and put my hand on yours.
"Tell you what, if you feel up to it then tomorrow night, once they leave, we can sneak out and you can surprise Emily, ok?" Your eyes twinkled with such gratitude and excitement that I had to smile.
"Ok," you agreed.
The following evening, you helped Em into her costume, wished her luck, and sent her on her way with Fred and Charlie. Fifteen minutes later, we were on our way as well. You chose a spot near the back of the auditorium, not wanting Fred to see you. I had noticed lately when I came over in the morning that he was acting very strange. Well, obviously he's going to act strange, I thought, his wife is dying. But this was different. Something was wrong. I didn't push though. You would tell me if something were bothering you now.
The play was very cute. I remember Emily did great. You were just beaming with pride. Afterwards, I helped you to the front where Emily had just come out to meet Fred and Charlie. Upon seeing you, I thought she was going to explode. As you congratulated your daughter on her performance, Fred pulled me aside.
"What do you think you're doing bringing her here?"
"She wanted to be here for her daughter while she still can. There's no way I'm going to deny her that."
"She's sick Boscorelli."
"She's dying Fred. Let her live while she still can. Just look at her, how much good this must be doing her. And you're telling me that I shouldn't have let her have this?"
With that left to sink in, I went to congratulate Emily. Fred, on the other hand, was ready to leave. He took the kids and said he would meet us at your apartment. So what if he was pissed? You were happy and that's all that mattered to me.
You fell asleep in the car on the way home. You looked so peaceful that I didn't want to wake you when we finally got there so I carefully carried you up to your apartment. If Fred wasn't in a bad mood earlier, then he was definitely over the edge now. I laid you down on your bed, took of your shoes, and covered you up. I was going to just leave without a confrontation but Fred had another idea. He stopped me on my way out the door.
"I don't want you coming over anymore." I didn't expect that one. I knew he was mad, but that was a bit much, even for him.
"What?"
"I said I don't want you coming over to see her again. We don't need your help anymore."
"You're kidding right? She's my best friend and…" He cut me off.
"And she's my wife. She needs her family now, and that's something you'll never be a part of."
With that he went into the bedroom and shut the door, leaving me alone in the living room. So I left, promising myself that I wouldn't let him get to me…he was just upset.
The next morning, I was getting ready to come over when you called.
"Bosco?"
"Hey Faith. I was just getting ready to come over. Is everything ok?"
"No." You started crying.
"Faith?"
"Fred left me."
"What?!?"
He's gone Boz. He's…"
"Stay right there. I'm on my way over."
You were a wreck when I got there. It took some coaxing, but you finally managed to tell me what happened.
"I woke up last night when I heard you and Fred fighting." You started. " He came into the bedroom and I asked him what his problem. He just sat down with his back to me for the longest time. Finally he said that he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't sit around and wait and wonder when he would have to tell the kids that their mother was gone. We talked for a long time and he said that this was it. He gave up. He gave up on me. He gave up on us. Then he packed a few things and said that he would call me so I could arrange some time with the kids."
I sat there dumbfounded. I couldn't believe what you just told me. It just couldn't be. But the pain and hurt in your entire demeanor confirmed it for me. Fred left you at the worst possible time. And even with all the emotions running inside you, I think that deep down you knew that you weren't alone, because I was there. I would always be there for you.
We sat there for a while just staring at the wall. I glanced at the clock which read 2:30.
"Hey, I'm going to call off work and make some coffee and we'll talk ok?"
"Boz you don't have to call off…"you started, but I was already on the phone.
As I made my way towards the kitchen, I turned back to look at you.
"We'll get through this Faith," I whispered. "We'll get through this together.