Hiya all - hope you enjoy. I tend to start a story and not finish it so
there probably won't be any extras to this.
ASK GOLLUM - The Weekly Cheese's new Agony Aunt, (ok, well uncle then) Gollum, is here to answer you questions and personal worries. Send any problems to: Gollum's Cave, Misty Mountains, Middle Earth.
Lonely Soul Dear Gollum, Please help me - I need your advice. I have been single for centuries now, and am fed up of spending long and lonely nights alone. However, though desperate to have someone in my life, I find it difficult to form close relationships. I don't know whether it is because I am a large flaming disembodied eyeball, or because I am the source of all evil in this land. Whatever the reason, it seems everyone just cowers away from me. I have tried to use my best deep seductive voice, but to no avail. I call their names (Baggins, Aragorn.etc) but they just shy away. I have tried to give people lavish presents and jewellery, even gold rings, but no one seems interested. I gave presents to nine attractive young men but they resorted to dressing in black, screeching and running round middle Earth after Hobbits. Am I really that unattractive? Please can you help me - I don't know what else I can do. Yours truly, The Dark Lord.
Gollum says: Fissh, nice fisssh my precious. (ED: Get ON with it!) Dirty editor, nasssssssssty Editor! Makes usss help, don'ts they precious! Nassssssty (ED: - I'm warning you....) Ok, ok preciousssss. Smeagol thinks Dark Lord should maybe not try so hard, doesn't he my Precious? Nice fish. Nassty suitors. Maybe Dark Lord better off alone, eh precious? Gollum. Smeagol thinks Dark Lord should give him nice ring, A PRECIOUS! Doesn't he my precious? Yesssssssss, Yesssssssssssss nice present. Nice present for Smeagol! That's what he should do! Gollum. *Editor sighs and gazes skywards* (ED: I suppose that will do. Maybe crazed, deranged, slimy creatures aren't cut out for this kind of work. Thank you Gollum)
*Gollum grins, dances a jig then crawls away to find more fish*
That wasn't very good was it? Please review now. Leslog_sayhello xxx
ASK GOLLUM - The Weekly Cheese's new Agony Aunt, (ok, well uncle then) Gollum, is here to answer you questions and personal worries. Send any problems to: Gollum's Cave, Misty Mountains, Middle Earth.
Lonely Soul Dear Gollum, Please help me - I need your advice. I have been single for centuries now, and am fed up of spending long and lonely nights alone. However, though desperate to have someone in my life, I find it difficult to form close relationships. I don't know whether it is because I am a large flaming disembodied eyeball, or because I am the source of all evil in this land. Whatever the reason, it seems everyone just cowers away from me. I have tried to use my best deep seductive voice, but to no avail. I call their names (Baggins, Aragorn.etc) but they just shy away. I have tried to give people lavish presents and jewellery, even gold rings, but no one seems interested. I gave presents to nine attractive young men but they resorted to dressing in black, screeching and running round middle Earth after Hobbits. Am I really that unattractive? Please can you help me - I don't know what else I can do. Yours truly, The Dark Lord.
Gollum says: Fissh, nice fisssh my precious. (ED: Get ON with it!) Dirty editor, nasssssssssty Editor! Makes usss help, don'ts they precious! Nassssssty (ED: - I'm warning you....) Ok, ok preciousssss. Smeagol thinks Dark Lord should maybe not try so hard, doesn't he my Precious? Nice fish. Nassty suitors. Maybe Dark Lord better off alone, eh precious? Gollum. Smeagol thinks Dark Lord should give him nice ring, A PRECIOUS! Doesn't he my precious? Yesssssssss, Yesssssssssssss nice present. Nice present for Smeagol! That's what he should do! Gollum. *Editor sighs and gazes skywards* (ED: I suppose that will do. Maybe crazed, deranged, slimy creatures aren't cut out for this kind of work. Thank you Gollum)
*Gollum grins, dances a jig then crawls away to find more fish*
That wasn't very good was it? Please review now. Leslog_sayhello xxx