Disclaimer: Check for it in chapter 1
A very merry Christmas ½
Chapter 4
Happosai, Akane, and Santa viewpoints]
[December 24: Evening]
[Happosai's viewpoint]
Ah, Christmas. One of my favorite holidays. A time for cheering. A time for gifts. And most of all, a time for.....PANTY RAIDING!
I remember doing this every year. Come to think of it, I do this everyday. However, this year will be different. I won't be doing "any" kind of pilfering this year.
Why, you ask, would I do such a thing? You see, early December, all of the women in Nerima approached me one day, led by Cologne. I think I can explain things better with a flashback. Also, please forgive the occasional rhyming during my story. I'm very excited, and this year brings lots of cheers....see? It's starting already!
[Flashback: Early December]
"Happy." Cologne said to me. "This year, for the last week of December, I want you to leave all the women at peace. That means no touching, pilfering, or perversions of any kind."
"Nothin' doin." I said. "I won't do such a thing!"
"Oh, come on." She continued. "It'll only be a week. Besides, there's something in it for you."
I raised a brow when I heard this. "Which is?"
"On Christmas Eve, every individual female will leave you a gift on their doorstep. They'll be things that you'll like, so don't worry about what's inside."
At this, I cheered in delight. "I" was going to get Christmas gifts that night!
"You got a deal!" I exclaimed.
"Good." She replied. And with that, they left.
This is going to be a very merry Christmas indeed! However, a few seconds later, a realization of horror just dawned on me! No girls! No touching! No panties! No stealing! I'll just die! Oh woe is me! I wept and I wept, until something grand just hit my mind.
"Ranma is half girl! I'll just sponge off of her!"
Oh what jolly days! No bribes of any kind were offered by Ranma, so now I get to have my cake and eat it too! So off to the Tendo's dojo I go! Woo-hoo!
[End flashback]
This last week of December was really great! I splashed, glomped, and pounded Ranko more than I can count! I like to think of Ranma as Ranko whenever he's in female form. Now it is Christmas Eve. Time for me to collect my gifts.
But first, I'll have a little fun. Right now, Ranma is going to come out of the bath any second now. As soon as he opens the door, I'll douse him with cold water, and you know the rest. Here he comes!
So I splashed him with a bucket of cold water. He, now she, was as angry as ever.
"You filthy old lech! Stop bothering me!"
Of course, she would always try to attack me, but to no avail. I would just swiftly dodge, and send Ranko flying, which I just did right now. As soon as she fell, I glomped on her chest. It was so, so soft! Softer than any pillow could ever offer.
She ran around and around, screaming and punching my head. But I will not let go. I like my position right where it is. She finally pried me off, and kicked me through the next room, right onto Akanes lap, who kicked me with greater force out of the window. Don't they know that hurts?! The nerve of them!
Well, as long as I'm outside, I might as well go get my gifts. So I pulled out my bag, which was empty at the moment, and went hopping from doorstep to doorstep, picking up the gifts that were left out for me. Some houses left two presents, while others left four. I'm so glad that Nerima has so many beautiful women!
It took half the night, but I finally picked up each and every gift in sight. I hopped back to the dojo, and ran into my room, but not before splashing Ranma with cold water, and glomping on her butt. She tried to strike me, but I was too quick. I tell you, I would've made a great Saint Nick!....well, maybe not the saint part.
I locked my room and opened my presents. You wouldn't believe all the marvels I received! Many were panties and bras, all covered with the fresh female smell. Others were workout videos and pictures of women in very scantily clad undergarments, except for Nabiki's gift, which were nude pictures of Ranko. I said it before and I'll say it again. I love the Christmas season! I hope it can be like this again next year!
As I was basking in the bliss of my gifts, someone knocked on the door. I opened it. Strangely, it was Ranko, with a grin on her face.
"Merry Christmas, you perverted old lech." She said. "I have a present for you."
I was quickly on my guard, until she did an unexpected thing. She showed off her bare chest, which made me happy at best! I quickly jumped to lunge at those melons, but was kicked in the groin, and that was all I remembered.
[December 25: Morning]
I woke up groggily, with a pain where you'd most expect. How dare that Ranma make a fool out of me! That's okay, although he soon won't be. All of a sudden, I heard several knocks on the front door. Strangely, nobody was answering it though. I looked out the window, and who should I see?...............No, not saint Nick, but someone much better!
I saw Kuno, Kodachi, Shampoo, Ukyo, Ryoga, Mousse, and even Sasuke! They were calling out for Ranma, in both good ways and bad. I hopped to the living room, and saw that everyone hiding, pretending that they weren't there. This was my perfect opportunity for revenge! I went towards the door, and then held the hinge. Genma tried to stop me, but I kicked him in the shins, and then tossed him away. Soun saw this, and was begging for forgiveness.
"Not this time!" I shouted. "Dear Ranma is getting what's coming to him!"
And without a second thought, I opened the door, and jumped out of the way. Everyone stormed in, and ran up to Ranma and Akane, saying how much they love them and hate them, depending on who was talking.
"Hold on you guys!" I said real loud. "Let's pound him later, but first, let's open some more presents!" They agreed to this, and all approached the tree. I figured I'll give him one final breather.
Unfortunately for him, when the girls opened up their gifts, surprisingly, even to me, were lumps of coal for each of them. Well, except for Akane, who didn't open her gift yet.
The girls were very angry that Ranma would give them coal. Of course I knew that it couldn't be him, but I decided to keep silent. After all, this was getting really interesting.
"Ranma!" Shouted Shampoo. "You hurt Shampoo's feelings! It Amazon tradition to hurt you too!"
"Count me in!" exclaimed Ukyo. "I'm surprised at you, Ranma! I thought you were better than this!"
"Coal?" said Kodachi in slight disbelief. "Surely you jest. Nevertheless, you must be punished."
"How dare you, Ranma!" shouted Ryoga. "What did Ukyo ever do to you?!"
At this time, Akane was blushing. She apparently decided to open Ryoga's gift. It was a negligee. Strange. I never thought Ryoga had it in him. I looked at Mousse, the only one who wasn't yelling. He was grinning very evilly. Then, it hit me. "He" was the one who planned all of this! I'll have to thank him one of these days. Maybe some of Shampoo's panties will do.
"But I didn't do any of this!" Ranma tried to explain. "It's the old lech! He's just mad at me!"
"Why don't you take your responsibilities like a man, Ranma?" Mousse said out of the blue. "We all know that you'd lie just to save your own skin."
"You have done unsuitable evil for the last time, Saotome!" Kuno exclaimed in his usual poetic tone. "Your villainy ends here! Let the punishments commence!"
Now, Ranma is quite a strong fighter, but with the girls and the guys fighting him at once, he didn't stand a chance. Genma and Soun were about to intervene, but I glared at them, and they quickly sat back down, bowing their heads on the ground.
"Mom!" Shouted Ranma. "I need a little help here!"
"Sorry, Ranma." Nodoka answered apologetically. "You're a big boy now. I can't be fighting your battles for you anymore. That's all part of becoming a man."
When the beating was over, the guys left, wishing a merry Christmas to Akane, and glaring at Ranma. The girls apologized to Ranma, saying that they shouldn't have acted so harshly, and other stuff that I don't care to remember. The only guy that was still around was Mousse, who was just standing there quietly, not saying a word.
They all backed away from him, while he got up slowly. Fortunately for him, the beatings were light. Kodachi was first to give Ranma her gift. He opened it, and inside was....a necklace?! Both Ranma "and" Kodachi were somewhat confused.
"What happened to the gift that I got you?" she asked out loud. "I don't remember even seeing this."
Ranma just shrugged. I looked over at Mousse, who now had a very worried expression on his face. I looked back at Ukyo, who was now giving her gift to Ranma. He opened it, and it was....a tracking device?! What's going on here?! Fortunately for Ukyo, Ryoga ran in.
"Ukyo!" he shouted. "Wait! I forgot to give you this!" He handed her a gift.
"Thanks, sugar." She said as she opened it.
It was a silver bracelet. It had such a wonderful sparkle to it. How could Ryoga ever get something like that? I looked over at Mousse, who was now grinning again. Well, that answers my question. Ryoga was now opening a gift that Ukyo had just handed to him. I guess she forgot to give it to him or something.
When he opened it, a strange powdery substance shot out from the box. What the heck?! What kind of gift is that?! I looked back at Mousse, who had look of worry in his face. Whatever he had planned must've just backfired. I also looked at Shampoo, whose expression was of pure horror. Whatever was going on sure was something big.
Ryoga was wiping the smoke from his eyes. Ukyo was trying help him, but she accidentally inhaled some of the fumes, and was coughing. When the smoke was gone, Ryoga and Ukyo looked directly at each other. They stayed that way for the longest time. Then, all of a sudden, they broke into a passionate kiss!
I looked back at Shampoo and Mousse, who were muttering intangible words to themselves. Mousse pulled a gift out of his sleeve, opened it, and had a look of horror! I wish I knew what was going on! He sighed, closed the box, and handed it to Shampoo. She accepted the gift, and opened it. Her eyes lit up with delight. She pulled out the gift for all to see.
"Look what Mousse got for Shampoo!" she said excitedly as she was holding up a jeweled bracelet. "Thank you Mousse!" She then hugged him, which made Mousse put a stupid smile on his face. "Now Shampoo have to get Mousse gift." Then she turned back to Ranma. "Here present for Airen."
She gave him the gift, and Ranma opened it. As soon as he opened the box, two darts shot out of it, and struck Ranma. Within seconds, he fell asleep.
"So 'that's' what happened to my gift!" exclaimed Kodachi. "But how did that happen?" She thought for a minute, and then responded. "Oh yeah! It must've got switched with Mousse and Ukyo's gifts when they bumped into me!" Then she picked up Ranma. "Well, it's to my bedroom for us."
However, before she could take another step, Akane clocked her in the head with a mallet. I would've glomped on her then and there, but I still have until New Years before I can do my normal perverted hobbies again! Sometimes life can so unfair! But still, I had a wonderful time.
[Akane's viewpoint: December 24: Evening]
That jerk! That dummy! Why can't he keep his comments to himself?! I know I'm a bad cook, but he doesn't have to say it so rudely! Not only that, but he had to get intimate with Kodachi! I was so angry at him, that this time; I looked the other way when Happosai was tormenting him all day today. I still would've done nothing, except for the fact that he fell on my lap while I was waiting for my new batch of cookies to finish. I kicked the old pervert out of window, and then stormed off into the kitchen.
A few moments later, they were finally finished! I'll show Ranma that I can cook! This time, I followed everything by the book! Only.....I think I put too much of everything. I took out the cookies, and strangely, they had an unusual shape to them. Instead of looking like chocolate chip cookies, they kind of looked like oatmeal cookies with brown spots on them. But that's okay. I'm sure they'll still taste good.
After they cooled, I brought them over to Ranma, who just changed back into a guy again.
"Try some, Ranma." I said to him. He picked up a cookie, smelled it, and responded.
"Well, I hope they taste better than they look." He said.
This made me angry! I resisted the urge to punch his lights out, and let him finish tasting it. However, he wasn't swallowing the bite he took.
"Yes, what do think?" I asked. He didn't respond, but continued to chew. I grew impatient. "You know, you never take this long to swallow other peoples cooking!"
"I would if I could." He answered. "But these things are as hard as rocks. I'm surprised that I was able to take a bite. As far as the taste goes, I've tasted better cardboard."
What?! Cardboard?! How can he be such a jerk?! Without wasting another second, I took the tray away from him, and smacked him in the face with it! "Fine! If that's how you feel about them, you don't have to eat them!" I quickly stormed off into the kitchen.
"Akane, wait!" I heard him. "I didn't mean to say that! It just sorta slipped out! Akane! Come back here!"
[Later in the evening]
I spent the rest of the evening trying to perfect my cookies. I must admit, I was getting better at it. Dad and Mr. Saotome were nice enough to try my cooking, unlike that jerk of a fiancée of mine! After my fifth attempt, both dad and Mr. Saotome disappeared. I asked Mrs. Saotome where they were, and she told me they were in the bathroom. I wonder why?
I shrugged it off as I prepared my sixth attempt. While I was waiting, I heard Happosai come home from his gift collecting. He teased Ranma for a while, and then went into his room. It was then that Ranma, in female form, stormed into the kitchen.
"That perverted old lech!" he shouted. "I'll get him for this!" Then he smelled my cooking. "What's that smell? It smells too good to be your cooking. Is mom baking cookies?"
Can't he give me a little credit?! I tied to kick him, but he dodged. The minute he turned his back, I threw a cup at his head. It hit him, but he didn't fall down. Instead, he turned around, and grinned evilly.
"Thanks, Akane." He said. "That bump on the head gave me just what I need to get even with that old lech."
"Ranma." I said. "I don't think that's a good idea. He's in a good mood right now, and ruining that could be disastrous."
"I don't care!" he said angrily. "That old lech deserves to have his day ruined! Wish me luck, Akane, cause' here I go!"
And with that, he ran upstairs. Within moments, he came back upstairs with a look of triumph in his face.
"So what did you do?" I asked.
"Kicked him in the groin hard enough to knock him out cold."
My eyes widened. "Ranma. He's going to be very angry when he wakes up."
"Yeah, so what? He couldn't possibly do anything to me that he hasn't done already."
I just sighed as he left the room. Nodoka and I just shook our heads.
After some time passed, which was very late at night, the cookies were finished. When they cooled, I tried one. They were pretty good. Ranma should love these now! So I put them in the refrigerator, put a sign that said "property of Akane Tendo", closed the door, and went to bed. The reason for the sign was to keep Mr. Saotome from eating them in the middle of the night.
[December 25: Morning]
I woke up a little late this morning. I heard a pounding on the door. I went downstairs, and saw that the rest of the family was hiding in various parts of the living room, and Happosai was opening the door. It was then that a group of everyone we knew entered. Ranma walked next to me, and I looked around as everyone was crowding us, giving various praises and insults to us.
"So the old lech couldn't do anything to you." I said To Ranma with narrow eyes. "Weren't those your words?"
"Aw, shut up, Akane." He said.
Strange enough, Happosai called everyone to open presents that I don't even remember putting up. Unfortunately for him, when the girls opened up their gifts, surprisingly, even to me, were lumps of coal for each of them. Well, except for me. I decided to wait until everyone was gone before I opened my gift. That way, if he "did" give me a lump of coal, I could beat him with it! The comments given to Ranma by everyone were quite rude, but I couldn't shake off the thought that it couldn't have been him who done this.
"Ranma!" Shouted Shampoo. "You hurt Shampoo's feelings! It Amazon tradition to hurt you too!"
"Count me in!" exclaimed Ukyo. "I'm surprised at you, Ranma! I thought you were better than this!"
"Coal?" said Kodachi in slight disbelief. "Surely you jest. Nevertheless, you must be punished."
"How dare you, Ranma!" shouted Ryoga. "What did Ukyo ever do to you?!"
Oh! That reminds me! I should open Ryoga's gift right now, while he's still here. I opened it, and blushed deeply. A negligee? Why would Ryoga give me this? Maybe he didn't know any better. He wouldn't do something like this on purpose, not like Ranma! Of course, the comments were still flowing.
"But I didn't do any of this!" Ranma tried to explain. "It's the old lech! He's just mad at me!"
"Why don't you take your responsibilities like a man, Ranma?" Mousse said out of the blue. "We all know that you'd lie just to save your own skin."
"You have done unsuitable evil for the last time, Saotome!" Kuno exclaimed in his usual poetic tone. "Your villainy ends here! Let the punishments commence!"
This wouldn't end well for Ranma. Dad and Mr. Saotome tried to intervene, but one glare from Happosai quickly made them go away. What wimps!
"Mom!" Shouted Ranma. "I need a little help here!"
"Sorry, Ranma." Nodoka answered apologetically. "You're a big boy now. I can't be fighting your battles for you anymore. That's all part of becoming a man."
I felt a little sorry for Ranma. I would've helped him, but I wasn't sure if he really did this or not. Besides, it's not like Happosai would let me help, especially after Ranma made him really angry.
When the beating was over, the guys left, and only the girls remained, much to my disappointment. They said they were sorry and stuff, but I won't go into detail, as it is making me sick just thinking about it! The gifts that they gave Ranma were very strange. Why would Kodachi give Ranma a necklace? Isn't that a feminine thing? And why did Ukyo give Ranma a tracking device?
What was even stranger was the gift that Ryoga, after running back, gave Ukyo. That bracelet was very pretty! The event in that cave must've really brought them closer together. But Ukyo's gift was really strange. Why was there a powdery substance in there? Well, whatever it was, both Shampoo and Mousse had horrified looks on their faces.
All of a sudden, after a long silence, Ukyo and Ryoga both kissed each other passionately. Whatever that smoky stuff was, it must've brought out their inner feelings for each other, or something like that.
Anyways, Mousses gift to Shampoo was a jeweled bracelet, which made Shampoo very happy. Way to go, Mousse! You've just brought yourself closer to her heart! After she was done showing it off, she gave Ranma a gift. This was the strangest of them all. Two darts shot out of the box, and knocked Ranma out! After a few seconds, Kodachi cleared up the mix up, and tried to take Ranma to her home. As if I was going to let "that" happen. Before she could take another step, I took my mallet, and knocked her out.
Eventually, everyone left, including Kodachi, who was being carried away by Sasuke, who came back to find his mistress. Ryoga and Ukyo left, holding hands. Shampoo left in utter disappointment, while Mousse comforted her. As for Ranma, I'll just let him sleep for a while.
[Later]
When Ranma finally woke up, I told him everything that went on. Happosai did the same, although it was with laughter, and then he quickly went back into his room to play with his "gifts." I led Ranma to the kitchen, and brought out the cookies.
"Remember those cookies that you said smelled nice?" I asked.
"Yeah, what of them?"
"Well, I cooked them myself. Here, try one." Then I added; "or you'll get another serious beating!"
Ranma sighed. He took a bite of one, and then swallowed it. He took another one, and did the same.
"Hey! These actually taste pretty good." He said. "I'm not feeling sick or anything!"
I was so glad to hear those words! I hugged him tightly, which made him jump slightly, but he didn't protest it. Then I pulled out a gift for him. It wasn't much, but I hope he'll like it. He opened it, and took it out. It was a handmade sweater. I cut my fingers many times to make it.
"Um, nice sweater." Said Ranma as he examined the design. "The picture of the dinosaur looks nice too."
"It's a dolphin!" I said irritably. I stopped myself from saying anything else. "Sorry. I'm not really good at designing. Do you like it?"
"Yeah, it's wearable at least."
Wearable?! What's that supposed to mean?! I tried my best to calm down. Like with the scarf I made for him at that party, it's just his way of paying a compliment. I decided to open my gift. When I did, I was so surprised at what it was. A diamond necklace?! It's so beautiful!
"Thank you Ranma!" I exclaimed as I hugged him. I looked up at his eyes. They looked somewhat confused, but he looked up at the sky, smiled, and looked back at me.
"You're welcome." He said.
We would've probably stayed like this for a long time, had we not seen everyone watching us. We quickly let go.
"Please, don't stop on our account." Said Nabiki. "Continue."
Feeling angry and embarrassed, I rushed in my room. I could hear Ranma running away from his father and mother, who were teasing him about it. Well, one thing's for sure, this will definitely be a Christmas to remember.
[Santa's viewpoint]
[Authors note: I decided to give him a viewpoint so I could give an epilogue for the other characters, since he would know what was going on more than they would. Just letting you know that.]
Well, hello everyone. I bet you're all wondering what happened to everyone on the morning of December 26. Well, here's a brief epilogue, told by yours truly, Saint Nick.
Ranma went back to his normal way of life. You know, fighting with Akane (although less now), fighting his rivals, getting away from his other fiancées, and training. For having to suffer so much, I gave him a fitness set, so he can always have something to train with.
For Akane, whose life also went back to normal, I gave her an easy recipes cookbook.
As for Kodachi, Kuno, Shampoo, Cologne, Nabiki, Genma, and Soun, I gave them each a large lump of coal, much larger than the one Mousse gave to the girls.
As for Mousse, I gave him a pair of glasses that'll make even "him" see well. But, that's only because of the good thing he accidentally did. I still gave him a lump of coal as well.
As for Ukyo, I gave her a universal cookbook, so she can learn to cook something "other" than Okonomiyaki.
As for Ryoga, I gave him a waterproof, electronic compass, so that he can find his way around the world a bit easier.
As for Kasumi, who wasn't even mentioned in this story, I gave her jewelry and other trinkets. She had to be, to say the least, the kindest hearted person in Nerima. A bit oblivious at times, but good nonetheless.
Finally, as for Happosai, he was probably the "worst" person in Nerima who was on my naughty list. For him, not only did I give him coal, but I also sprayed a magical aphrodisiac on him that will only attract obese and unattractive women to him. It'll last for several days before finally wearing off.
Well, I've had fun making deliveries while I was here. Now, it's time to head back to the North Pole, and take it easy until the next Christmas season. Until then, have a very merry Christmas....and a half! Hohohoho!! Sorry about that. I couldn't resist the pun.
THE END
Well, I hoped you enjoyed this. Send feedback to rubynall@hotmail.com
Have a Very Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year! ^_^
~Ryu
A very merry Christmas ½
Chapter 4
Happosai, Akane, and Santa viewpoints]
[December 24: Evening]
[Happosai's viewpoint]
Ah, Christmas. One of my favorite holidays. A time for cheering. A time for gifts. And most of all, a time for.....PANTY RAIDING!
I remember doing this every year. Come to think of it, I do this everyday. However, this year will be different. I won't be doing "any" kind of pilfering this year.
Why, you ask, would I do such a thing? You see, early December, all of the women in Nerima approached me one day, led by Cologne. I think I can explain things better with a flashback. Also, please forgive the occasional rhyming during my story. I'm very excited, and this year brings lots of cheers....see? It's starting already!
[Flashback: Early December]
"Happy." Cologne said to me. "This year, for the last week of December, I want you to leave all the women at peace. That means no touching, pilfering, or perversions of any kind."
"Nothin' doin." I said. "I won't do such a thing!"
"Oh, come on." She continued. "It'll only be a week. Besides, there's something in it for you."
I raised a brow when I heard this. "Which is?"
"On Christmas Eve, every individual female will leave you a gift on their doorstep. They'll be things that you'll like, so don't worry about what's inside."
At this, I cheered in delight. "I" was going to get Christmas gifts that night!
"You got a deal!" I exclaimed.
"Good." She replied. And with that, they left.
This is going to be a very merry Christmas indeed! However, a few seconds later, a realization of horror just dawned on me! No girls! No touching! No panties! No stealing! I'll just die! Oh woe is me! I wept and I wept, until something grand just hit my mind.
"Ranma is half girl! I'll just sponge off of her!"
Oh what jolly days! No bribes of any kind were offered by Ranma, so now I get to have my cake and eat it too! So off to the Tendo's dojo I go! Woo-hoo!
[End flashback]
This last week of December was really great! I splashed, glomped, and pounded Ranko more than I can count! I like to think of Ranma as Ranko whenever he's in female form. Now it is Christmas Eve. Time for me to collect my gifts.
But first, I'll have a little fun. Right now, Ranma is going to come out of the bath any second now. As soon as he opens the door, I'll douse him with cold water, and you know the rest. Here he comes!
So I splashed him with a bucket of cold water. He, now she, was as angry as ever.
"You filthy old lech! Stop bothering me!"
Of course, she would always try to attack me, but to no avail. I would just swiftly dodge, and send Ranko flying, which I just did right now. As soon as she fell, I glomped on her chest. It was so, so soft! Softer than any pillow could ever offer.
She ran around and around, screaming and punching my head. But I will not let go. I like my position right where it is. She finally pried me off, and kicked me through the next room, right onto Akanes lap, who kicked me with greater force out of the window. Don't they know that hurts?! The nerve of them!
Well, as long as I'm outside, I might as well go get my gifts. So I pulled out my bag, which was empty at the moment, and went hopping from doorstep to doorstep, picking up the gifts that were left out for me. Some houses left two presents, while others left four. I'm so glad that Nerima has so many beautiful women!
It took half the night, but I finally picked up each and every gift in sight. I hopped back to the dojo, and ran into my room, but not before splashing Ranma with cold water, and glomping on her butt. She tried to strike me, but I was too quick. I tell you, I would've made a great Saint Nick!....well, maybe not the saint part.
I locked my room and opened my presents. You wouldn't believe all the marvels I received! Many were panties and bras, all covered with the fresh female smell. Others were workout videos and pictures of women in very scantily clad undergarments, except for Nabiki's gift, which were nude pictures of Ranko. I said it before and I'll say it again. I love the Christmas season! I hope it can be like this again next year!
As I was basking in the bliss of my gifts, someone knocked on the door. I opened it. Strangely, it was Ranko, with a grin on her face.
"Merry Christmas, you perverted old lech." She said. "I have a present for you."
I was quickly on my guard, until she did an unexpected thing. She showed off her bare chest, which made me happy at best! I quickly jumped to lunge at those melons, but was kicked in the groin, and that was all I remembered.
[December 25: Morning]
I woke up groggily, with a pain where you'd most expect. How dare that Ranma make a fool out of me! That's okay, although he soon won't be. All of a sudden, I heard several knocks on the front door. Strangely, nobody was answering it though. I looked out the window, and who should I see?...............No, not saint Nick, but someone much better!
I saw Kuno, Kodachi, Shampoo, Ukyo, Ryoga, Mousse, and even Sasuke! They were calling out for Ranma, in both good ways and bad. I hopped to the living room, and saw that everyone hiding, pretending that they weren't there. This was my perfect opportunity for revenge! I went towards the door, and then held the hinge. Genma tried to stop me, but I kicked him in the shins, and then tossed him away. Soun saw this, and was begging for forgiveness.
"Not this time!" I shouted. "Dear Ranma is getting what's coming to him!"
And without a second thought, I opened the door, and jumped out of the way. Everyone stormed in, and ran up to Ranma and Akane, saying how much they love them and hate them, depending on who was talking.
"Hold on you guys!" I said real loud. "Let's pound him later, but first, let's open some more presents!" They agreed to this, and all approached the tree. I figured I'll give him one final breather.
Unfortunately for him, when the girls opened up their gifts, surprisingly, even to me, were lumps of coal for each of them. Well, except for Akane, who didn't open her gift yet.
The girls were very angry that Ranma would give them coal. Of course I knew that it couldn't be him, but I decided to keep silent. After all, this was getting really interesting.
"Ranma!" Shouted Shampoo. "You hurt Shampoo's feelings! It Amazon tradition to hurt you too!"
"Count me in!" exclaimed Ukyo. "I'm surprised at you, Ranma! I thought you were better than this!"
"Coal?" said Kodachi in slight disbelief. "Surely you jest. Nevertheless, you must be punished."
"How dare you, Ranma!" shouted Ryoga. "What did Ukyo ever do to you?!"
At this time, Akane was blushing. She apparently decided to open Ryoga's gift. It was a negligee. Strange. I never thought Ryoga had it in him. I looked at Mousse, the only one who wasn't yelling. He was grinning very evilly. Then, it hit me. "He" was the one who planned all of this! I'll have to thank him one of these days. Maybe some of Shampoo's panties will do.
"But I didn't do any of this!" Ranma tried to explain. "It's the old lech! He's just mad at me!"
"Why don't you take your responsibilities like a man, Ranma?" Mousse said out of the blue. "We all know that you'd lie just to save your own skin."
"You have done unsuitable evil for the last time, Saotome!" Kuno exclaimed in his usual poetic tone. "Your villainy ends here! Let the punishments commence!"
Now, Ranma is quite a strong fighter, but with the girls and the guys fighting him at once, he didn't stand a chance. Genma and Soun were about to intervene, but I glared at them, and they quickly sat back down, bowing their heads on the ground.
"Mom!" Shouted Ranma. "I need a little help here!"
"Sorry, Ranma." Nodoka answered apologetically. "You're a big boy now. I can't be fighting your battles for you anymore. That's all part of becoming a man."
When the beating was over, the guys left, wishing a merry Christmas to Akane, and glaring at Ranma. The girls apologized to Ranma, saying that they shouldn't have acted so harshly, and other stuff that I don't care to remember. The only guy that was still around was Mousse, who was just standing there quietly, not saying a word.
They all backed away from him, while he got up slowly. Fortunately for him, the beatings were light. Kodachi was first to give Ranma her gift. He opened it, and inside was....a necklace?! Both Ranma "and" Kodachi were somewhat confused.
"What happened to the gift that I got you?" she asked out loud. "I don't remember even seeing this."
Ranma just shrugged. I looked over at Mousse, who now had a very worried expression on his face. I looked back at Ukyo, who was now giving her gift to Ranma. He opened it, and it was....a tracking device?! What's going on here?! Fortunately for Ukyo, Ryoga ran in.
"Ukyo!" he shouted. "Wait! I forgot to give you this!" He handed her a gift.
"Thanks, sugar." She said as she opened it.
It was a silver bracelet. It had such a wonderful sparkle to it. How could Ryoga ever get something like that? I looked over at Mousse, who was now grinning again. Well, that answers my question. Ryoga was now opening a gift that Ukyo had just handed to him. I guess she forgot to give it to him or something.
When he opened it, a strange powdery substance shot out from the box. What the heck?! What kind of gift is that?! I looked back at Mousse, who had look of worry in his face. Whatever he had planned must've just backfired. I also looked at Shampoo, whose expression was of pure horror. Whatever was going on sure was something big.
Ryoga was wiping the smoke from his eyes. Ukyo was trying help him, but she accidentally inhaled some of the fumes, and was coughing. When the smoke was gone, Ryoga and Ukyo looked directly at each other. They stayed that way for the longest time. Then, all of a sudden, they broke into a passionate kiss!
I looked back at Shampoo and Mousse, who were muttering intangible words to themselves. Mousse pulled a gift out of his sleeve, opened it, and had a look of horror! I wish I knew what was going on! He sighed, closed the box, and handed it to Shampoo. She accepted the gift, and opened it. Her eyes lit up with delight. She pulled out the gift for all to see.
"Look what Mousse got for Shampoo!" she said excitedly as she was holding up a jeweled bracelet. "Thank you Mousse!" She then hugged him, which made Mousse put a stupid smile on his face. "Now Shampoo have to get Mousse gift." Then she turned back to Ranma. "Here present for Airen."
She gave him the gift, and Ranma opened it. As soon as he opened the box, two darts shot out of it, and struck Ranma. Within seconds, he fell asleep.
"So 'that's' what happened to my gift!" exclaimed Kodachi. "But how did that happen?" She thought for a minute, and then responded. "Oh yeah! It must've got switched with Mousse and Ukyo's gifts when they bumped into me!" Then she picked up Ranma. "Well, it's to my bedroom for us."
However, before she could take another step, Akane clocked her in the head with a mallet. I would've glomped on her then and there, but I still have until New Years before I can do my normal perverted hobbies again! Sometimes life can so unfair! But still, I had a wonderful time.
[Akane's viewpoint: December 24: Evening]
That jerk! That dummy! Why can't he keep his comments to himself?! I know I'm a bad cook, but he doesn't have to say it so rudely! Not only that, but he had to get intimate with Kodachi! I was so angry at him, that this time; I looked the other way when Happosai was tormenting him all day today. I still would've done nothing, except for the fact that he fell on my lap while I was waiting for my new batch of cookies to finish. I kicked the old pervert out of window, and then stormed off into the kitchen.
A few moments later, they were finally finished! I'll show Ranma that I can cook! This time, I followed everything by the book! Only.....I think I put too much of everything. I took out the cookies, and strangely, they had an unusual shape to them. Instead of looking like chocolate chip cookies, they kind of looked like oatmeal cookies with brown spots on them. But that's okay. I'm sure they'll still taste good.
After they cooled, I brought them over to Ranma, who just changed back into a guy again.
"Try some, Ranma." I said to him. He picked up a cookie, smelled it, and responded.
"Well, I hope they taste better than they look." He said.
This made me angry! I resisted the urge to punch his lights out, and let him finish tasting it. However, he wasn't swallowing the bite he took.
"Yes, what do think?" I asked. He didn't respond, but continued to chew. I grew impatient. "You know, you never take this long to swallow other peoples cooking!"
"I would if I could." He answered. "But these things are as hard as rocks. I'm surprised that I was able to take a bite. As far as the taste goes, I've tasted better cardboard."
What?! Cardboard?! How can he be such a jerk?! Without wasting another second, I took the tray away from him, and smacked him in the face with it! "Fine! If that's how you feel about them, you don't have to eat them!" I quickly stormed off into the kitchen.
"Akane, wait!" I heard him. "I didn't mean to say that! It just sorta slipped out! Akane! Come back here!"
[Later in the evening]
I spent the rest of the evening trying to perfect my cookies. I must admit, I was getting better at it. Dad and Mr. Saotome were nice enough to try my cooking, unlike that jerk of a fiancée of mine! After my fifth attempt, both dad and Mr. Saotome disappeared. I asked Mrs. Saotome where they were, and she told me they were in the bathroom. I wonder why?
I shrugged it off as I prepared my sixth attempt. While I was waiting, I heard Happosai come home from his gift collecting. He teased Ranma for a while, and then went into his room. It was then that Ranma, in female form, stormed into the kitchen.
"That perverted old lech!" he shouted. "I'll get him for this!" Then he smelled my cooking. "What's that smell? It smells too good to be your cooking. Is mom baking cookies?"
Can't he give me a little credit?! I tied to kick him, but he dodged. The minute he turned his back, I threw a cup at his head. It hit him, but he didn't fall down. Instead, he turned around, and grinned evilly.
"Thanks, Akane." He said. "That bump on the head gave me just what I need to get even with that old lech."
"Ranma." I said. "I don't think that's a good idea. He's in a good mood right now, and ruining that could be disastrous."
"I don't care!" he said angrily. "That old lech deserves to have his day ruined! Wish me luck, Akane, cause' here I go!"
And with that, he ran upstairs. Within moments, he came back upstairs with a look of triumph in his face.
"So what did you do?" I asked.
"Kicked him in the groin hard enough to knock him out cold."
My eyes widened. "Ranma. He's going to be very angry when he wakes up."
"Yeah, so what? He couldn't possibly do anything to me that he hasn't done already."
I just sighed as he left the room. Nodoka and I just shook our heads.
After some time passed, which was very late at night, the cookies were finished. When they cooled, I tried one. They were pretty good. Ranma should love these now! So I put them in the refrigerator, put a sign that said "property of Akane Tendo", closed the door, and went to bed. The reason for the sign was to keep Mr. Saotome from eating them in the middle of the night.
[December 25: Morning]
I woke up a little late this morning. I heard a pounding on the door. I went downstairs, and saw that the rest of the family was hiding in various parts of the living room, and Happosai was opening the door. It was then that a group of everyone we knew entered. Ranma walked next to me, and I looked around as everyone was crowding us, giving various praises and insults to us.
"So the old lech couldn't do anything to you." I said To Ranma with narrow eyes. "Weren't those your words?"
"Aw, shut up, Akane." He said.
Strange enough, Happosai called everyone to open presents that I don't even remember putting up. Unfortunately for him, when the girls opened up their gifts, surprisingly, even to me, were lumps of coal for each of them. Well, except for me. I decided to wait until everyone was gone before I opened my gift. That way, if he "did" give me a lump of coal, I could beat him with it! The comments given to Ranma by everyone were quite rude, but I couldn't shake off the thought that it couldn't have been him who done this.
"Ranma!" Shouted Shampoo. "You hurt Shampoo's feelings! It Amazon tradition to hurt you too!"
"Count me in!" exclaimed Ukyo. "I'm surprised at you, Ranma! I thought you were better than this!"
"Coal?" said Kodachi in slight disbelief. "Surely you jest. Nevertheless, you must be punished."
"How dare you, Ranma!" shouted Ryoga. "What did Ukyo ever do to you?!"
Oh! That reminds me! I should open Ryoga's gift right now, while he's still here. I opened it, and blushed deeply. A negligee? Why would Ryoga give me this? Maybe he didn't know any better. He wouldn't do something like this on purpose, not like Ranma! Of course, the comments were still flowing.
"But I didn't do any of this!" Ranma tried to explain. "It's the old lech! He's just mad at me!"
"Why don't you take your responsibilities like a man, Ranma?" Mousse said out of the blue. "We all know that you'd lie just to save your own skin."
"You have done unsuitable evil for the last time, Saotome!" Kuno exclaimed in his usual poetic tone. "Your villainy ends here! Let the punishments commence!"
This wouldn't end well for Ranma. Dad and Mr. Saotome tried to intervene, but one glare from Happosai quickly made them go away. What wimps!
"Mom!" Shouted Ranma. "I need a little help here!"
"Sorry, Ranma." Nodoka answered apologetically. "You're a big boy now. I can't be fighting your battles for you anymore. That's all part of becoming a man."
I felt a little sorry for Ranma. I would've helped him, but I wasn't sure if he really did this or not. Besides, it's not like Happosai would let me help, especially after Ranma made him really angry.
When the beating was over, the guys left, and only the girls remained, much to my disappointment. They said they were sorry and stuff, but I won't go into detail, as it is making me sick just thinking about it! The gifts that they gave Ranma were very strange. Why would Kodachi give Ranma a necklace? Isn't that a feminine thing? And why did Ukyo give Ranma a tracking device?
What was even stranger was the gift that Ryoga, after running back, gave Ukyo. That bracelet was very pretty! The event in that cave must've really brought them closer together. But Ukyo's gift was really strange. Why was there a powdery substance in there? Well, whatever it was, both Shampoo and Mousse had horrified looks on their faces.
All of a sudden, after a long silence, Ukyo and Ryoga both kissed each other passionately. Whatever that smoky stuff was, it must've brought out their inner feelings for each other, or something like that.
Anyways, Mousses gift to Shampoo was a jeweled bracelet, which made Shampoo very happy. Way to go, Mousse! You've just brought yourself closer to her heart! After she was done showing it off, she gave Ranma a gift. This was the strangest of them all. Two darts shot out of the box, and knocked Ranma out! After a few seconds, Kodachi cleared up the mix up, and tried to take Ranma to her home. As if I was going to let "that" happen. Before she could take another step, I took my mallet, and knocked her out.
Eventually, everyone left, including Kodachi, who was being carried away by Sasuke, who came back to find his mistress. Ryoga and Ukyo left, holding hands. Shampoo left in utter disappointment, while Mousse comforted her. As for Ranma, I'll just let him sleep for a while.
[Later]
When Ranma finally woke up, I told him everything that went on. Happosai did the same, although it was with laughter, and then he quickly went back into his room to play with his "gifts." I led Ranma to the kitchen, and brought out the cookies.
"Remember those cookies that you said smelled nice?" I asked.
"Yeah, what of them?"
"Well, I cooked them myself. Here, try one." Then I added; "or you'll get another serious beating!"
Ranma sighed. He took a bite of one, and then swallowed it. He took another one, and did the same.
"Hey! These actually taste pretty good." He said. "I'm not feeling sick or anything!"
I was so glad to hear those words! I hugged him tightly, which made him jump slightly, but he didn't protest it. Then I pulled out a gift for him. It wasn't much, but I hope he'll like it. He opened it, and took it out. It was a handmade sweater. I cut my fingers many times to make it.
"Um, nice sweater." Said Ranma as he examined the design. "The picture of the dinosaur looks nice too."
"It's a dolphin!" I said irritably. I stopped myself from saying anything else. "Sorry. I'm not really good at designing. Do you like it?"
"Yeah, it's wearable at least."
Wearable?! What's that supposed to mean?! I tried my best to calm down. Like with the scarf I made for him at that party, it's just his way of paying a compliment. I decided to open my gift. When I did, I was so surprised at what it was. A diamond necklace?! It's so beautiful!
"Thank you Ranma!" I exclaimed as I hugged him. I looked up at his eyes. They looked somewhat confused, but he looked up at the sky, smiled, and looked back at me.
"You're welcome." He said.
We would've probably stayed like this for a long time, had we not seen everyone watching us. We quickly let go.
"Please, don't stop on our account." Said Nabiki. "Continue."
Feeling angry and embarrassed, I rushed in my room. I could hear Ranma running away from his father and mother, who were teasing him about it. Well, one thing's for sure, this will definitely be a Christmas to remember.
[Santa's viewpoint]
[Authors note: I decided to give him a viewpoint so I could give an epilogue for the other characters, since he would know what was going on more than they would. Just letting you know that.]
Well, hello everyone. I bet you're all wondering what happened to everyone on the morning of December 26. Well, here's a brief epilogue, told by yours truly, Saint Nick.
Ranma went back to his normal way of life. You know, fighting with Akane (although less now), fighting his rivals, getting away from his other fiancées, and training. For having to suffer so much, I gave him a fitness set, so he can always have something to train with.
For Akane, whose life also went back to normal, I gave her an easy recipes cookbook.
As for Kodachi, Kuno, Shampoo, Cologne, Nabiki, Genma, and Soun, I gave them each a large lump of coal, much larger than the one Mousse gave to the girls.
As for Mousse, I gave him a pair of glasses that'll make even "him" see well. But, that's only because of the good thing he accidentally did. I still gave him a lump of coal as well.
As for Ukyo, I gave her a universal cookbook, so she can learn to cook something "other" than Okonomiyaki.
As for Ryoga, I gave him a waterproof, electronic compass, so that he can find his way around the world a bit easier.
As for Kasumi, who wasn't even mentioned in this story, I gave her jewelry and other trinkets. She had to be, to say the least, the kindest hearted person in Nerima. A bit oblivious at times, but good nonetheless.
Finally, as for Happosai, he was probably the "worst" person in Nerima who was on my naughty list. For him, not only did I give him coal, but I also sprayed a magical aphrodisiac on him that will only attract obese and unattractive women to him. It'll last for several days before finally wearing off.
Well, I've had fun making deliveries while I was here. Now, it's time to head back to the North Pole, and take it easy until the next Christmas season. Until then, have a very merry Christmas....and a half! Hohohoho!! Sorry about that. I couldn't resist the pun.
THE END
Well, I hoped you enjoyed this. Send feedback to rubynall@hotmail.com
Have a Very Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year! ^_^
~Ryu