Chapter 3 -- Logan Broods Some More


That's what he'd thought back then, anyway, but now it seemed he had been right the first time. Logan revved his engine, speeding up. He remembered how they'd parted, how wrong it felt. But he had to do it.


Now I know why I hide my love from you somedays

No I don't mind keeping this bottled inside me


It's not like he had a choice, after all. He had to be the strong one, like he always had been. She was just a girl, she didn't know what she really wanted. Let her find someone her own age, someone without baggage from the past, someone without phantoms to chase. It would resolve itself in time. By the time he got back, she'd probably have forgotten all about it, would have some new boyfriend to introduce to him as though he was her father. It had happened before. The attention flattered him, that was all it was. He was just reflecting her feelings.


You came along and tore this wall down around me

Looks like you found me...


And what the hell was wrong with him, anyway? Wondering and daydreaming like a damn fool kid. Wasn't he too mature for this? No matter what he did, his thoughts were always returning to her, how she looked, what her voice sounded like, what she smelled like, how she looked at and through him and into his soul like she knew him so well, so intimately. Not all dreamy-eyed, but a knowing gaze, as if no matter what happened, what he said, she was saying, "I understand."

He admired her; she was one of his best students. She took to his lessons as though she already knew them, that she just had to be reminded. And she worked hard; he had no doubt of her capabilities. He liked that about her; he felt like she could fight beside him and hold her own, that she was capable of watching his back. As close as he'd get to an equal.

I sound like Rogue, don't I? Logan realized. Rogue was always holding herself back from Remy, refusing his love even though it was the thing she wanted most. And why? Because she was afraid, worried about complications and trouble. Logan had always wondered why. After all love, true love, could withstand such things. And here he was acting the same way. Stop fighting it and be honest with yourself, he told himself. Enough logic, enough worries. Follow your instincts. How do you really feel about her? He glanced at a road sign as he sped past. He was almost back to Westchester. When he got back, he'd talk to her, and be honest with her. Even if we can't be together, she should know how I feel. I owe her that at least. Hell, she was honest with me, wasn't she?


It's too bad, it's stupid

Too late, so wrong, so long

It's too bad we had no time to rewind

Let's walk, let's talk


He knew that their last parting had hurt her, though she took care not to show it. She knew how he felt about her; what she had said was true. She was right about his sudden disappearances too.


You left without saying good-bye.


Rogue had often joked that the only way to squeeze a good-bye out of him was to catch him as he was going out the door. He knew that it upset Raven too, not because she wanted some gushy farewell, but because she knew that one of these times he may not be coming back, and that she'd be one of those people sobbing, "I never got to say good-bye." He'd never forgive himself for doing that to her.

----


"Hey Logan!" Kitty greeted him as he came through the door. "How was your trip?"

"Fine. Listen, have ya seen Raven around? I need to talk to her," he asked.

Kitty seemed confused. "Didn't she tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"She's at college."

"What?" Logan replied, stunned.

"You know, that art place she was talking about going to. I can't believe she didn't tell you."


You left without saying good-bye

Although I'm sure you tried


He had no idea what that good-bye of hers had meant. Kitty continued, "Yeah, she left a week or so after you did. That's really weird; I thought she said she told you." Clever little bird, he thought as he made his way through the mansion and back to his room. Very clever, Bloodraven. I should have expected it; you're a sharp one after all. Well you've made your point. He went in his room, shut the door, and sat down on the bed, remembering their conversation. Now he didn't know what to do.


It's too bad, it's stupid

Too late, so wrong, so long

It's too bad we had no time to rewind

Let's walk, let's talk


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