Disclaimer: I have not seen either LoTR, and I know this is a travesty.
Please forgive me. However, I do want to, and it's because of the blonde
elf man with the bow and arrow. I did know his name once upon a time, but
I forget it ever other minute. Please don't take this seriously at all
because I think its impossible to do so. This is just me writing a poem
for lack of things to do, and it amused me and most of my friends so I
decided to share.
---
An Ode to Cute Elf Guy
O ye cute elf guy with the first name of Orlando
How victorious thou art with the slaying of ogres
And the combing of thy hair like a supermodel
Truly glory and all things gloriful are yours
A paragon of doing things and stuff
Thou art even higher than the holy microwaveable ramen.
O that ye never feel the need to feel lazy!
Thy strength is like that of a thousand non-cute-elf-guys
But thou conquers all with the sound of thy voice
Such as the sweet sound of Gackt
Thy adventures deem thee worthy to be dipped in maple filling
And cooked as surely as Nakago roasted Tamahome in stir-fry
O that millions of screaming girls follow ye screen to screen
And yet you retain sanity is a sign indeed
Ye are the true king of Quaker Oats
Oats quake before your beauty
That at long last their cousins can be turned into Ethiopian macaroni & cheese
Which I lovingly cook in the toaster at work
To give, honoringly, to the fry cook that guards your dressing room door
So that ye may eat of my unworthy food.
And perhaps bring it with you on your long and treacherous trips
Knowing I think of you.
'excusar mon retard' you will say, slaughtering the hordes in your way
So you may make it home safe again
O ye cute elf guy with the first name of Orlando.
---
An Ode to Cute Elf Guy
O ye cute elf guy with the first name of Orlando
How victorious thou art with the slaying of ogres
And the combing of thy hair like a supermodel
Truly glory and all things gloriful are yours
A paragon of doing things and stuff
Thou art even higher than the holy microwaveable ramen.
O that ye never feel the need to feel lazy!
Thy strength is like that of a thousand non-cute-elf-guys
But thou conquers all with the sound of thy voice
Such as the sweet sound of Gackt
Thy adventures deem thee worthy to be dipped in maple filling
And cooked as surely as Nakago roasted Tamahome in stir-fry
O that millions of screaming girls follow ye screen to screen
And yet you retain sanity is a sign indeed
Ye are the true king of Quaker Oats
Oats quake before your beauty
That at long last their cousins can be turned into Ethiopian macaroni & cheese
Which I lovingly cook in the toaster at work
To give, honoringly, to the fry cook that guards your dressing room door
So that ye may eat of my unworthy food.
And perhaps bring it with you on your long and treacherous trips
Knowing I think of you.
'excusar mon retard' you will say, slaughtering the hordes in your way
So you may make it home safe again
O ye cute elf guy with the first name of Orlando.