~120 TOW The Wedding Party Part 2~
(Joey and Rachel are still sitting on the bed.)
Rachel: What do you mean low sperm count?
Joey: I mean I only have 900,000 sperm count.
Rachel: And that is low?
Joey: That what Chandler said.
Rachel: How the hell did you find this out?
Joey: Well when you was giving birth to Jenny Chandler and I wanted to kill time.
Rachel: So you took a sperm test for the free porn.
Joey: Yeah.
Rachel: When I was going through the greatest pain in my life.
Joey: You not happy about that?
Rachel: Joey I so happy I cannot have a kid with you. (Starts to cry.) I cannot have a kid with you.
Joey: Damn I will not be able to watch free porn when you having our kid.
~ Opening Credits ~
(A bunch of people is inside Joey and Rachel's house. Monica and Phoebe are talking by the doorway.)
Phoebe: So what do you make if all of these people? (Starts staring at a cute guy.)
Monica: Losers.
Phoebe: Hey do not call my new boyfriend a loser.
Monica: So you like want you see?
Phoebe: I'm already singing it's a small world after all in my head. (Phoebe walks over to the guy. Chandler walks up to Monica.)
Monica: So did you find out when this thing is starting?
Chandler: A couple of minutes. Joey told Rachel about his low sperm count.
Monica: Joey has a low sperm count?
Chandler: Oh I did not tell you? Remember when Joey and I got our sperm tested so we can kill time with the porn.
Monica: Duh? Remember Phoebe and I claim to be cross dressers so we can get the gay porn.
Chandler: Anyway I find those. By the way want did you two put in those cups.
Monica: Chandler get to the point.
Chandler: I found the results of those test and they said he had a low sperm count.
Monica: And with them trying for a baby. Oh I better run upstairs and talk to her.
Chandler: No here they come.
(Ross stands up with a glass of wine.)
Ross: Katie and I will like to thank you all for being here today.
Joey: Wait a minute. Should you guys redo the vows first?
Ross: Your all right. Everyone go into the backyard.
(Everyone walks into the backyard. Rachel comes running back in a few minutes later with Joey following.)
Rachel: Why did they have to go off about having kids together?
Joey: I do not know.
(Ross walks in.)
Ross: Rachel what is up? Do not tell me you upset I married someone else.
Joey: That is not it. About you two going on about kids in the your vows.
Ross: Hey it not my fault Joey has a low sperm count.
Joey: Would you shut up and go back outside.
(Phoebe is talking to the guy outside.)
Phoebe: So Mike you Katie's cousin.
Mike: Yeah I flew out here from New York City.
Phoebe: You live in New York City too?
Mike: Hey I knew I realize you. You are that girl or got arrested last year for throw a brick throw the window that store that sale fur.
Phoebe: Yeah. But I never saw you before. I would have of remember a piece a meat like you. (Rubs his arm.)
(Chandler walks up to them.)
Chandler: So Pheebes how is Dave and the children?
Phoebe: Are you such a loser you doing your ex-wife dirty work for here?
Chandler: Yes I'm. (Extends his hand to Mike.) Loser Bing.
Phoebe: Get out of here!
(Joey walks downstairs. Ross and Katie are standing there.)
Joey: I'm sorry about this but she too upset to hang out down here.
Katie: That ok. I mean after are if I found out Ross had a low sperm count I will likely divorce him. (They both stare at him.) And I'm not happening. I will go hangout outside.
(Katie walks away as Joey and Ross sit on the couch.)
Ross: What are you going to do?
Joey: I don't know. I guess go to see a doctor about it and see want could be done.
Ross: You two can always adopt.
Joey: I do not want to adopt. I want my kid to be my kid. I want it to have my looks and brains, while my looks anyway. Why don't you go back outside with Katie? I just want to be alone.
Ross: Ok.
(Outside Chandler and Monica are watching Mike and Phoebe dance.)
Chandler: Why do you care if she gets married before you do again?
Monica: Because she is Phoebe. She not supposed to get married. When she 80 she suppose to be the old lady who lives alone. You now the one all the kids ring on the door and run away.
Chandler: But that would mean they stop doing that to me.
Monica: But if she not the old maid then I will be.
Chandler: Come on. I tell you want she gets married before you then I will.
Monica: You will marry me?
Chandler: God no. I was going to say I will give you a hug but now I going to point and laugh.
(Ross stops the music and everyone stops dancing.)
Ross: I will like to thank everyone for coming here. But given the news that Joey and Rachel found out I think it best we wrap this up early.
(Everyone starts leaving through the house as Joey and Rachel come downstairs.)
Joey: We hope you guys had fun.
Chandler: Hey do you want to keep test results. (Hands them to him.)
Joey: I guess. (Reads it.) Hey my results are fine. (Flips through pages.) You are the one with the low sperm count.
Chandler: What? (Grabs them.) Oh you right. It says Loser Bing on them.
Rachel: We see you guys in the morning.
Chandler: (Stun.) Yeah. (Walks out slowly.)
Rachel: You want to go upstairs.
Joey: Sure thing.
(They run upstairs. A few second later Phoebe and Mike walk down getting dress.)
Phoebe: What type of host are they when they will not allow you to use their bed for sex.
(At the airport Ross is holding Jenny. Joey holding a bunch of bags, Monica with baby Joey, Katie, and Chandler are standing there as while.)
Ross: I will back in a week Jenny. Ok. (Hands her to Rachel.)
Joey: Why I'm stuck with everyone's bags again.
Monica: Because Phoebe is in the duty free shop with Mike, I have my son, and Chandler is a wimp.
Joey: Well that ok because I have lots a sperm.
(A mother walking by covers her kid ears. Phoebe and Mike walk up.)
Mike: Here let me take Phoebe and Mine bags.
Joey: Thanks. Oh by the way did you get my gum this time?
Phoebe: They are still out.
Joey: You did not even look did you?
Phoebe: No.
(Ross and Katie grab they bags and hands onto the plane.)
Joey: I hope you have sex in the airplane in a real small bathroom and you keep banging your head.
Phoebe: That what I got the hardhat far. (Puts it on. It has a Union logo on it.)
Chandler: (Grabs his and Monica bags from Joey.) We should be going too. (Starts talking to his mid area.) I just wish they were more of us.
(Chandler, Mike, Monica, and Phoebe walk onto the plane.)
Rachel: So you want to go back home and try to make a baby.
Joey: Why go home. We can start right here.
(They start kissing. Someone starts calling Joey's name.)
Joey: What is it? (He turns away. Emily's bridesmaid is standing there with a boy.) Oh hi.
Kelly: It is Kelly, remember?
Joey: Thanks harder. All I remember is you was Emily's bridesmaid and we did it London style. So who is this little guy?
Kelly: Your kid.
(Rachel and Joey look stun.)
Rachel: What?
The End ~201 TOW Joey's Lost Kid~ coming soon.
(Joey and Rachel are still sitting on the bed.)
Rachel: What do you mean low sperm count?
Joey: I mean I only have 900,000 sperm count.
Rachel: And that is low?
Joey: That what Chandler said.
Rachel: How the hell did you find this out?
Joey: Well when you was giving birth to Jenny Chandler and I wanted to kill time.
Rachel: So you took a sperm test for the free porn.
Joey: Yeah.
Rachel: When I was going through the greatest pain in my life.
Joey: You not happy about that?
Rachel: Joey I so happy I cannot have a kid with you. (Starts to cry.) I cannot have a kid with you.
Joey: Damn I will not be able to watch free porn when you having our kid.
~ Opening Credits ~
(A bunch of people is inside Joey and Rachel's house. Monica and Phoebe are talking by the doorway.)
Phoebe: So what do you make if all of these people? (Starts staring at a cute guy.)
Monica: Losers.
Phoebe: Hey do not call my new boyfriend a loser.
Monica: So you like want you see?
Phoebe: I'm already singing it's a small world after all in my head. (Phoebe walks over to the guy. Chandler walks up to Monica.)
Monica: So did you find out when this thing is starting?
Chandler: A couple of minutes. Joey told Rachel about his low sperm count.
Monica: Joey has a low sperm count?
Chandler: Oh I did not tell you? Remember when Joey and I got our sperm tested so we can kill time with the porn.
Monica: Duh? Remember Phoebe and I claim to be cross dressers so we can get the gay porn.
Chandler: Anyway I find those. By the way want did you two put in those cups.
Monica: Chandler get to the point.
Chandler: I found the results of those test and they said he had a low sperm count.
Monica: And with them trying for a baby. Oh I better run upstairs and talk to her.
Chandler: No here they come.
(Ross stands up with a glass of wine.)
Ross: Katie and I will like to thank you all for being here today.
Joey: Wait a minute. Should you guys redo the vows first?
Ross: Your all right. Everyone go into the backyard.
(Everyone walks into the backyard. Rachel comes running back in a few minutes later with Joey following.)
Rachel: Why did they have to go off about having kids together?
Joey: I do not know.
(Ross walks in.)
Ross: Rachel what is up? Do not tell me you upset I married someone else.
Joey: That is not it. About you two going on about kids in the your vows.
Ross: Hey it not my fault Joey has a low sperm count.
Joey: Would you shut up and go back outside.
(Phoebe is talking to the guy outside.)
Phoebe: So Mike you Katie's cousin.
Mike: Yeah I flew out here from New York City.
Phoebe: You live in New York City too?
Mike: Hey I knew I realize you. You are that girl or got arrested last year for throw a brick throw the window that store that sale fur.
Phoebe: Yeah. But I never saw you before. I would have of remember a piece a meat like you. (Rubs his arm.)
(Chandler walks up to them.)
Chandler: So Pheebes how is Dave and the children?
Phoebe: Are you such a loser you doing your ex-wife dirty work for here?
Chandler: Yes I'm. (Extends his hand to Mike.) Loser Bing.
Phoebe: Get out of here!
(Joey walks downstairs. Ross and Katie are standing there.)
Joey: I'm sorry about this but she too upset to hang out down here.
Katie: That ok. I mean after are if I found out Ross had a low sperm count I will likely divorce him. (They both stare at him.) And I'm not happening. I will go hangout outside.
(Katie walks away as Joey and Ross sit on the couch.)
Ross: What are you going to do?
Joey: I don't know. I guess go to see a doctor about it and see want could be done.
Ross: You two can always adopt.
Joey: I do not want to adopt. I want my kid to be my kid. I want it to have my looks and brains, while my looks anyway. Why don't you go back outside with Katie? I just want to be alone.
Ross: Ok.
(Outside Chandler and Monica are watching Mike and Phoebe dance.)
Chandler: Why do you care if she gets married before you do again?
Monica: Because she is Phoebe. She not supposed to get married. When she 80 she suppose to be the old lady who lives alone. You now the one all the kids ring on the door and run away.
Chandler: But that would mean they stop doing that to me.
Monica: But if she not the old maid then I will be.
Chandler: Come on. I tell you want she gets married before you then I will.
Monica: You will marry me?
Chandler: God no. I was going to say I will give you a hug but now I going to point and laugh.
(Ross stops the music and everyone stops dancing.)
Ross: I will like to thank everyone for coming here. But given the news that Joey and Rachel found out I think it best we wrap this up early.
(Everyone starts leaving through the house as Joey and Rachel come downstairs.)
Joey: We hope you guys had fun.
Chandler: Hey do you want to keep test results. (Hands them to him.)
Joey: I guess. (Reads it.) Hey my results are fine. (Flips through pages.) You are the one with the low sperm count.
Chandler: What? (Grabs them.) Oh you right. It says Loser Bing on them.
Rachel: We see you guys in the morning.
Chandler: (Stun.) Yeah. (Walks out slowly.)
Rachel: You want to go upstairs.
Joey: Sure thing.
(They run upstairs. A few second later Phoebe and Mike walk down getting dress.)
Phoebe: What type of host are they when they will not allow you to use their bed for sex.
(At the airport Ross is holding Jenny. Joey holding a bunch of bags, Monica with baby Joey, Katie, and Chandler are standing there as while.)
Ross: I will back in a week Jenny. Ok. (Hands her to Rachel.)
Joey: Why I'm stuck with everyone's bags again.
Monica: Because Phoebe is in the duty free shop with Mike, I have my son, and Chandler is a wimp.
Joey: Well that ok because I have lots a sperm.
(A mother walking by covers her kid ears. Phoebe and Mike walk up.)
Mike: Here let me take Phoebe and Mine bags.
Joey: Thanks. Oh by the way did you get my gum this time?
Phoebe: They are still out.
Joey: You did not even look did you?
Phoebe: No.
(Ross and Katie grab they bags and hands onto the plane.)
Joey: I hope you have sex in the airplane in a real small bathroom and you keep banging your head.
Phoebe: That what I got the hardhat far. (Puts it on. It has a Union logo on it.)
Chandler: (Grabs his and Monica bags from Joey.) We should be going too. (Starts talking to his mid area.) I just wish they were more of us.
(Chandler, Mike, Monica, and Phoebe walk onto the plane.)
Rachel: So you want to go back home and try to make a baby.
Joey: Why go home. We can start right here.
(They start kissing. Someone starts calling Joey's name.)
Joey: What is it? (He turns away. Emily's bridesmaid is standing there with a boy.) Oh hi.
Kelly: It is Kelly, remember?
Joey: Thanks harder. All I remember is you was Emily's bridesmaid and we did it London style. So who is this little guy?
Kelly: Your kid.
(Rachel and Joey look stun.)
Rachel: What?
The End ~201 TOW Joey's Lost Kid~ coming soon.