~209 TOW The Christmas Without The Whole Gang~
(Joey and Ross are sitting on the couch at Joey's house. Joey looks upset.)
Joey: I cannot believe we are not all going to be together for Christmas. I understand why Monica cannot come. But Phoebe going to France with her boyfriend Mike and Chandler being afraid of flying out here alone is too much.
Ross: It is going to be ok Joey.
Joey: Yeah because I got even.
Ross: How did you get even with them?
Joey: I drop the blue package with their gifts in them. Man anything broke.
Ross: But Joey the blue package had my gifts in them.
Joey: I know. This way I get even with them but still am seen in a good light.
Ross: You know you could of just drop you package and blame it on the post office. They would of likely got money for the broken stuff.
Joey: But mail fraud. It is lying. (Ross rolls his eyes.) Besides they do not need any more nerdy stuff from you. In fact I'm helping you out.
~Opening Credits~
(Joey, Rachel, Katie, Jenny, and Ross are sitting around opening Christmas gifts.)
Joey: (Looking at the poster Ross gave him.) Oh this is great. I can hang out down in the basement.
Rachel: (Looking at some earrings she got.) Thanks Joey. And you were just going to give me a book.
Joey: How did you know that? (Stares at Ross.)
Ross: You trick me.
Joey: I knew you could not keep you mouth shut.
(Rachel gets up.)
Rachel: I'm going to get the cookies.
(Rachel walks into the kitchen.)
Joey: Hey thanks Katie for telling me he told you.
(Ross stares at her.)
Katie: Hey at least you return your gift and got something else. (Points to a rocking chair.)
Ross: You said you wanted a rocking chair.
Katie: To give to my grandma.
(Rachel walks out of the kitchen with a tray of cookies. Joey grabs on and starts to eat.)
Joey: (Splits it out.) No good.
Rachel: But I followed the recipe Monica gave me.
Joey: I wish she were here so she can make them.
Ross: Maybe she gave you some for your gift. (Hand Joey a package. He opens it.)
Joey: No it just some porn DVDs.
Rachel: Why would Monica get you porn?
Joey: Because he give her it too. It a little thing we do.
Rachel: Oh thank god. I got a little worried when I found that gay porn in your dresser. I was worried it was yours or Chand. (Starts to cry.) Chandler is not here to make jokes about.
(Jenny starts playing with her tricycle.)
Ross: Come on Jenny. You can ride that in the front yawn.
Katie: I will go with you.
Ross: Hey remember that time we taught Phoebe how to ride a bike. Man I miss Phoebe.
Katie: Maybe will put the skulls she gave Jenny on the tricycle to remember here.
Ross: Ok.
(Jenny, Katie, and Ross go out into the front yawn.)
Rachel: (Starts kissing Joey.) Maybe I can give you another gift now.
Joey: Unless it someone from New York I don't want it.
(Ross is at Carol's apartment. Ben is showing off his new gifts.)
Ben: Can you believe I got all this money? I mean 500 bucks from Uncle Joey.
Ross: Joey gave you 500 bucks.
Carol: (Walking out of the kitchen.) It is ok Ross. He told me how 500 is the least he spends on someone. I mean he brought me this 2000-dollar chair.
Ross: What? He only got me a 500-dollar book.
Carol: And how much did you spend on him?
Ross: 24.95. (Shakes his head.) That is not even the point.
Carol: And that 4000-dollar he got Jenny.
Ross: That thing cost 4000 dollars? I need to go talk to him about this.
(Ross leaves.)
Ben: I did not even thank him for the new X-Box game.
(Rachel and Joey are eating lunch when Ross walks into the kitchen.)
Ross: Joey I need to talk with you right know.
Rachel: So you just walking into our house know without knocking.
Ross: I knock. Jenny let me in.
Rachel: She not supposed to do that. (Gets up and walks into the living room.)
Joey: Did she really open the door?
Ross: No. I just want to talk with you alone.
Joey: This is not about sex is it? I'm sick of getting you trips.
Ross: When I ask you how to use the tire pump that is not code for anything us.
Joey: Got you. (Winks at him.)
Ross: I'm talking about all the money you spent on your Christmas gifts. I mean you cannot make anymore than a 200,000 dollars a year.
Joey: I do not want to talk about this. And it is higher.
Ross: 400,000? (Joey shakes no.) 500,000.
Joey: Seven figures.
Ross: A year.
Joey: An episode.
Ross: An episode! That means you make at least 24 millions a year.
Joey: 30 million a year. And wait to the syndicate deal kicks in. I'm on the second highest rated show. And after the prom video show the first week of Feb watch out you CSI bastards.
Ross: Man and Rachel have you guys still living here?
Joey: She does not know.
Ross: What?
Joey: Look I know it may seem weird.
Ross: Weird. Yeah that is one way to expend that you keep your millions from your wife.
Joey: It not I plan on leaving her with it or anything. It just I do not want to become a snob. See I figure if we move into a big Hollywood house and have butlers and maids we will became to big for our friends.
Ross: So she never asks you how much you make?
Joey: I just say enough to live here. Which is true.
Ross: You know in some strange way you just explain this to me so it does not sound so bad.
Joey: So you will not tell Rachel.
Ross: As long as you buy lunch for now on.
Joey: Sure thing. Why do I care? I have millions.
(Rachel walks back into the room.)
Rachel: I have to give Jenny a time out. She claimed not to open the door for you. I do not want here to grow up thinking lying is ok.
Joey: That is a good lesson for here.
Ross: Yes. And also to always be open with people. (Joey kicks him from under the time.) Then again they may have a very good reason not to be open and honest with someone.
(The phone rings. Joey picks it up.)
Joey: Oh hi Ms. I cannot make it to New York. Well I'm glad baby Joey threw up on you. Yeah I like you porn too Monica.
Rachel: What a great gift to exchange on the birth of Christ.
Ross: Well it better then ties.
Rachel: You parents gave you ties again this year?
Ross: Ten years straight.
Joey: Sure Rachel is right here.
Rachel: (Gets the phone from Joey.) Yes Monica.
(Leaves the room.)
Ross: Well I should be going. I promise Katie I am home in about ten minutes and I do not have millions in the bank to smooth it over with.
(Ross leaves. Rachel comes back in the room.)
Rachel: Oh Joey you would not believe want Monica just told me. It is the funniest thing.
Joey: I do not fill like another Phoebe got arrest story.
Rachel: No not that. She read an article about how much the stars of Friends Like Us make.
Joey: (Very scared.) Well you know those tabloids. Full of lies.
Rachel: It was EW magazine.
Joey: Really.
Rachel: Why did you not going to make 30 million dollars this year.
Joey: Surprise. It another Christmas gift.
Rachel: Get out.
Joey: Ok I leave you alone to get over the shock.
Rachel: No. I mean get out of the house.
Joey: What?
Rachel: I say leave now. I do not even want to look at you.
Joey: But?
Rachel: I'm going upstairs. I will be back down in five minutes. You better be out of here.
(Rachel leaves the room crying. Joey just sits their looking stun.)
The End ~210 TOW Joey Moves in with Ross~ Coming Soon.
(Joey and Ross are sitting on the couch at Joey's house. Joey looks upset.)
Joey: I cannot believe we are not all going to be together for Christmas. I understand why Monica cannot come. But Phoebe going to France with her boyfriend Mike and Chandler being afraid of flying out here alone is too much.
Ross: It is going to be ok Joey.
Joey: Yeah because I got even.
Ross: How did you get even with them?
Joey: I drop the blue package with their gifts in them. Man anything broke.
Ross: But Joey the blue package had my gifts in them.
Joey: I know. This way I get even with them but still am seen in a good light.
Ross: You know you could of just drop you package and blame it on the post office. They would of likely got money for the broken stuff.
Joey: But mail fraud. It is lying. (Ross rolls his eyes.) Besides they do not need any more nerdy stuff from you. In fact I'm helping you out.
~Opening Credits~
(Joey, Rachel, Katie, Jenny, and Ross are sitting around opening Christmas gifts.)
Joey: (Looking at the poster Ross gave him.) Oh this is great. I can hang out down in the basement.
Rachel: (Looking at some earrings she got.) Thanks Joey. And you were just going to give me a book.
Joey: How did you know that? (Stares at Ross.)
Ross: You trick me.
Joey: I knew you could not keep you mouth shut.
(Rachel gets up.)
Rachel: I'm going to get the cookies.
(Rachel walks into the kitchen.)
Joey: Hey thanks Katie for telling me he told you.
(Ross stares at her.)
Katie: Hey at least you return your gift and got something else. (Points to a rocking chair.)
Ross: You said you wanted a rocking chair.
Katie: To give to my grandma.
(Rachel walks out of the kitchen with a tray of cookies. Joey grabs on and starts to eat.)
Joey: (Splits it out.) No good.
Rachel: But I followed the recipe Monica gave me.
Joey: I wish she were here so she can make them.
Ross: Maybe she gave you some for your gift. (Hand Joey a package. He opens it.)
Joey: No it just some porn DVDs.
Rachel: Why would Monica get you porn?
Joey: Because he give her it too. It a little thing we do.
Rachel: Oh thank god. I got a little worried when I found that gay porn in your dresser. I was worried it was yours or Chand. (Starts to cry.) Chandler is not here to make jokes about.
(Jenny starts playing with her tricycle.)
Ross: Come on Jenny. You can ride that in the front yawn.
Katie: I will go with you.
Ross: Hey remember that time we taught Phoebe how to ride a bike. Man I miss Phoebe.
Katie: Maybe will put the skulls she gave Jenny on the tricycle to remember here.
Ross: Ok.
(Jenny, Katie, and Ross go out into the front yawn.)
Rachel: (Starts kissing Joey.) Maybe I can give you another gift now.
Joey: Unless it someone from New York I don't want it.
(Ross is at Carol's apartment. Ben is showing off his new gifts.)
Ben: Can you believe I got all this money? I mean 500 bucks from Uncle Joey.
Ross: Joey gave you 500 bucks.
Carol: (Walking out of the kitchen.) It is ok Ross. He told me how 500 is the least he spends on someone. I mean he brought me this 2000-dollar chair.
Ross: What? He only got me a 500-dollar book.
Carol: And how much did you spend on him?
Ross: 24.95. (Shakes his head.) That is not even the point.
Carol: And that 4000-dollar he got Jenny.
Ross: That thing cost 4000 dollars? I need to go talk to him about this.
(Ross leaves.)
Ben: I did not even thank him for the new X-Box game.
(Rachel and Joey are eating lunch when Ross walks into the kitchen.)
Ross: Joey I need to talk with you right know.
Rachel: So you just walking into our house know without knocking.
Ross: I knock. Jenny let me in.
Rachel: She not supposed to do that. (Gets up and walks into the living room.)
Joey: Did she really open the door?
Ross: No. I just want to talk with you alone.
Joey: This is not about sex is it? I'm sick of getting you trips.
Ross: When I ask you how to use the tire pump that is not code for anything us.
Joey: Got you. (Winks at him.)
Ross: I'm talking about all the money you spent on your Christmas gifts. I mean you cannot make anymore than a 200,000 dollars a year.
Joey: I do not want to talk about this. And it is higher.
Ross: 400,000? (Joey shakes no.) 500,000.
Joey: Seven figures.
Ross: A year.
Joey: An episode.
Ross: An episode! That means you make at least 24 millions a year.
Joey: 30 million a year. And wait to the syndicate deal kicks in. I'm on the second highest rated show. And after the prom video show the first week of Feb watch out you CSI bastards.
Ross: Man and Rachel have you guys still living here?
Joey: She does not know.
Ross: What?
Joey: Look I know it may seem weird.
Ross: Weird. Yeah that is one way to expend that you keep your millions from your wife.
Joey: It not I plan on leaving her with it or anything. It just I do not want to become a snob. See I figure if we move into a big Hollywood house and have butlers and maids we will became to big for our friends.
Ross: So she never asks you how much you make?
Joey: I just say enough to live here. Which is true.
Ross: You know in some strange way you just explain this to me so it does not sound so bad.
Joey: So you will not tell Rachel.
Ross: As long as you buy lunch for now on.
Joey: Sure thing. Why do I care? I have millions.
(Rachel walks back into the room.)
Rachel: I have to give Jenny a time out. She claimed not to open the door for you. I do not want here to grow up thinking lying is ok.
Joey: That is a good lesson for here.
Ross: Yes. And also to always be open with people. (Joey kicks him from under the time.) Then again they may have a very good reason not to be open and honest with someone.
(The phone rings. Joey picks it up.)
Joey: Oh hi Ms. I cannot make it to New York. Well I'm glad baby Joey threw up on you. Yeah I like you porn too Monica.
Rachel: What a great gift to exchange on the birth of Christ.
Ross: Well it better then ties.
Rachel: You parents gave you ties again this year?
Ross: Ten years straight.
Joey: Sure Rachel is right here.
Rachel: (Gets the phone from Joey.) Yes Monica.
(Leaves the room.)
Ross: Well I should be going. I promise Katie I am home in about ten minutes and I do not have millions in the bank to smooth it over with.
(Ross leaves. Rachel comes back in the room.)
Rachel: Oh Joey you would not believe want Monica just told me. It is the funniest thing.
Joey: I do not fill like another Phoebe got arrest story.
Rachel: No not that. She read an article about how much the stars of Friends Like Us make.
Joey: (Very scared.) Well you know those tabloids. Full of lies.
Rachel: It was EW magazine.
Joey: Really.
Rachel: Why did you not going to make 30 million dollars this year.
Joey: Surprise. It another Christmas gift.
Rachel: Get out.
Joey: Ok I leave you alone to get over the shock.
Rachel: No. I mean get out of the house.
Joey: What?
Rachel: I say leave now. I do not even want to look at you.
Joey: But?
Rachel: I'm going upstairs. I will be back down in five minutes. You better be out of here.
(Rachel leaves the room crying. Joey just sits their looking stun.)
The End ~210 TOW Joey Moves in with Ross~ Coming Soon.