~211 TOW Rachel Mom Visits~
(Rachel is sitting on the couch with her feet on the table. Joey is dusting the table.)
Joey: Is this clean enough for you? (Looks upset.)
Rachel: For me, but not for my mom.
Joey: Lift you feet up.
(She lifts her feet and he cleans off the spot. She puts the back on the table.)
Rachel: Did you get the bathroom done?
Joey: Anything but the toilets. (Rachel stares at him.) But I'm a TV star.
Rachel: You do not think my mom will use the toilet?
Joey: Oh god. Now I have image in my head if you mom on the toilet.
Rachel: Just get them clean. I don't forget about the kitchen.
Joey: The kitchen. (Thinks hard.)
Rachel: You have not got the kitchen let?
Joey: Fine. I will call the maid service.
Rachel: No. My mom is from Long Island. She can tell if a maid cleaned.
Joey: Can see tell if a 5 month pregnant women cleaned?
Rachel: Maid it is.
~Opening Credits~
(Katie, Rachel's Mom, Ross, Joey, Ben, Jenny, and Rachel are eating at Ross's house.)
Mom: So you got married again Ross?
Ross: Yes. I introduce you to Katie already.
Mom: (Shakes her head.) Sorry. But I thought you already were married to a Katie.
Ross: No. It is Carol, Emily, Rachel, and now Katie.
Mom: Was there a Susan.
Ross: No. She was "married" to Carol. But they broke up and now Carol dates men.
Rachel: Can we change the subject Mom?
Mom: No we can't.
Ross: Kill me. (Hands Joey a knife.)
Mom: Well how us I'm suppose to tell you Rachel that I'm getting married if I cannot talk about the subject.
Rachel: No kill me Joey.
(Joey keeps looking back and fourth between both of them.)
Joey: Who wants to die first?
Rachel: You are getting married?
Katie: Maybe we should all leave them alone.
Ross: Are you nuts? (Rachel stares at him.) We should all leave the house.
(Everyone but Rachel and her mom leaves.)
Mom: Yeah. Next week out her in L.A.
Rachel: What? How is that supposed to happen?
Mom: First off he is off booking a place right now. He is a rich lawyer.
Rachel: You mean he is in town.
Mom: Yeah. He is going to stay with me at your house. And it is going to be small affair. Your sisters are flying out in a few days and all he inviting is his daughter Elizabeth.
Rachel: What is the guy's name?
Mom: Paul.
Rachel: I know a rich lawyer name Paul with a daughter name Liz.
(Ross comes running in the house.)
Ross: You would not believe who is outside.
Rachel: Elizabeth dad Paul.
Ross: How did you know?
Mom: He is the guy I'm marrying.
Ross: Wow. Hey his daughter Elizabeth is not coming out here is she. That might be weird since I dated her. (Rachel rolls her eyes.) Oh and it going to be so weird for you Rach since you dated and had sex with him.
(Joey, Paul, and Ross are watching TV in Joey's living room.)
Ross: So when is Elizabeth going to be in town?
Paul: Why. You want to date her again?
Ross: No I'm married.
Joey: They have been out buying stuff for the wedding for three hours already. How long does it take?
Ross: I'm afraid of what stupid looking flower girl dress they going to put on her.
Paul: Why do you care want dress she puts Jenny in? Joey is the father.
Ross: No he is.
Paul: What is it with you? Stay away from my baby girl or I will kick your butt.
(There is a knock on the door. Joey stands up.)
Joey: Will you two calm down? (He opens the door. Rachel's sisters and Elizabeth is standing there.) Oh I forgot they were coming.
Jill: Oh hi Joey.
Joey: What are you gals doing here? I thought you would not suppose to come out to next week.
Amy: That is because our Mom does want us to help out on the wedding.
Jill: But we are here to show here.
Paul: Then why are you here early Liz?
Elizabeth: You know I'm afraid to fly alone.
Ross: Hi anyone. So well are you guys are going to stay.
Jill: Here I guess.
Joey: Are you pushing for the hotel suite?
Amy: At the Hollywood Hilton.
Joey: Better than you guys staying here. (Stares at Amy.) I swear you remind me someone else. There was this girl at meet and slept in Buffalo six years ago name Suzy Lane.
Amy: Oh my god that is my fake name I use. And I was in Buffalo six years ago and slept with three or four guys giving that name. But no one name Joey.
Joey: What about Jason or Jacob? Those where two names I were using at the time.
Amy: I think both.
Jill: Rachel is going to love this. Remember before Ross announce he was gay she was so upset that he tried to sleep with me. (Everyone stares at her.) Well that the story going around Long Island.
Joey: So lets get your gals to the hotel.
Jill: I want my own suite.
Joey: Fine if it would shut you up.
(Later Rachel, Her Mom, Jenny, Ross, Joey, Paul, and Katie are eating dinner.)
Mom: So did you get the girls settled into their Hotel room?
Joey: I have seen to it personally.
Mom: Good. I just hope Amy and Jill behave themselves and not chase guys around all week. I mean I heard stories from Jill about Amy using a fake name.
Rachel: Yeah. What was it Suzy Lane. Pretty stupid fake name if you ask me.
(Everyone laughs but Amy.)
Joey: I guess.
Rachel: Hey didn't you once had a fling six years ago in Buffalo with a blond hair girl. Oh my god you two (Points at Joey and Amy.)
Amy: But we totally forgot about it to a couple of hours ago.
Joey: And it was years before we start going out. Besides I use my fake name Jason.
Ross: You see. It like they never had sex together.
Rachel: Like we was on a pre break.
Ross: You can stay that.
(Joey slaps him the back of the head.)
Amy: Look Rach if there is anything I can do to make this up with let me now.
Joey: Come on Rachel it really no big deal.
(Paul, Katie, Jill, and Rachel's mom have left the room. Ross picks up Jenny and leaves the room as while.)
Amy: Yeah. You slept with Ross close to 300 times, or so it he claims.
Rachel: No he really kept count. But yet me ask you two this. If I did not bring up Suzy Lane would of you told me.
Joey: Of course I would.
Amy: (Laughing.) God no. I mean I still have not told you about Chip from High school.
Rachel: That is it. (Rachel puts her fist up. Joey holds her back.) Let me go.
Joey: I cannot believe I'm stopping a catfight, but honey you are pregnant.
Rachel: You right.
Joey: And if I recall she rough.
The End ~212 TOW The Uncomfortable Wedding~
(Rachel is sitting on the couch with her feet on the table. Joey is dusting the table.)
Joey: Is this clean enough for you? (Looks upset.)
Rachel: For me, but not for my mom.
Joey: Lift you feet up.
(She lifts her feet and he cleans off the spot. She puts the back on the table.)
Rachel: Did you get the bathroom done?
Joey: Anything but the toilets. (Rachel stares at him.) But I'm a TV star.
Rachel: You do not think my mom will use the toilet?
Joey: Oh god. Now I have image in my head if you mom on the toilet.
Rachel: Just get them clean. I don't forget about the kitchen.
Joey: The kitchen. (Thinks hard.)
Rachel: You have not got the kitchen let?
Joey: Fine. I will call the maid service.
Rachel: No. My mom is from Long Island. She can tell if a maid cleaned.
Joey: Can see tell if a 5 month pregnant women cleaned?
Rachel: Maid it is.
~Opening Credits~
(Katie, Rachel's Mom, Ross, Joey, Ben, Jenny, and Rachel are eating at Ross's house.)
Mom: So you got married again Ross?
Ross: Yes. I introduce you to Katie already.
Mom: (Shakes her head.) Sorry. But I thought you already were married to a Katie.
Ross: No. It is Carol, Emily, Rachel, and now Katie.
Mom: Was there a Susan.
Ross: No. She was "married" to Carol. But they broke up and now Carol dates men.
Rachel: Can we change the subject Mom?
Mom: No we can't.
Ross: Kill me. (Hands Joey a knife.)
Mom: Well how us I'm suppose to tell you Rachel that I'm getting married if I cannot talk about the subject.
Rachel: No kill me Joey.
(Joey keeps looking back and fourth between both of them.)
Joey: Who wants to die first?
Rachel: You are getting married?
Katie: Maybe we should all leave them alone.
Ross: Are you nuts? (Rachel stares at him.) We should all leave the house.
(Everyone but Rachel and her mom leaves.)
Mom: Yeah. Next week out her in L.A.
Rachel: What? How is that supposed to happen?
Mom: First off he is off booking a place right now. He is a rich lawyer.
Rachel: You mean he is in town.
Mom: Yeah. He is going to stay with me at your house. And it is going to be small affair. Your sisters are flying out in a few days and all he inviting is his daughter Elizabeth.
Rachel: What is the guy's name?
Mom: Paul.
Rachel: I know a rich lawyer name Paul with a daughter name Liz.
(Ross comes running in the house.)
Ross: You would not believe who is outside.
Rachel: Elizabeth dad Paul.
Ross: How did you know?
Mom: He is the guy I'm marrying.
Ross: Wow. Hey his daughter Elizabeth is not coming out here is she. That might be weird since I dated her. (Rachel rolls her eyes.) Oh and it going to be so weird for you Rach since you dated and had sex with him.
(Joey, Paul, and Ross are watching TV in Joey's living room.)
Ross: So when is Elizabeth going to be in town?
Paul: Why. You want to date her again?
Ross: No I'm married.
Joey: They have been out buying stuff for the wedding for three hours already. How long does it take?
Ross: I'm afraid of what stupid looking flower girl dress they going to put on her.
Paul: Why do you care want dress she puts Jenny in? Joey is the father.
Ross: No he is.
Paul: What is it with you? Stay away from my baby girl or I will kick your butt.
(There is a knock on the door. Joey stands up.)
Joey: Will you two calm down? (He opens the door. Rachel's sisters and Elizabeth is standing there.) Oh I forgot they were coming.
Jill: Oh hi Joey.
Joey: What are you gals doing here? I thought you would not suppose to come out to next week.
Amy: That is because our Mom does want us to help out on the wedding.
Jill: But we are here to show here.
Paul: Then why are you here early Liz?
Elizabeth: You know I'm afraid to fly alone.
Ross: Hi anyone. So well are you guys are going to stay.
Jill: Here I guess.
Joey: Are you pushing for the hotel suite?
Amy: At the Hollywood Hilton.
Joey: Better than you guys staying here. (Stares at Amy.) I swear you remind me someone else. There was this girl at meet and slept in Buffalo six years ago name Suzy Lane.
Amy: Oh my god that is my fake name I use. And I was in Buffalo six years ago and slept with three or four guys giving that name. But no one name Joey.
Joey: What about Jason or Jacob? Those where two names I were using at the time.
Amy: I think both.
Jill: Rachel is going to love this. Remember before Ross announce he was gay she was so upset that he tried to sleep with me. (Everyone stares at her.) Well that the story going around Long Island.
Joey: So lets get your gals to the hotel.
Jill: I want my own suite.
Joey: Fine if it would shut you up.
(Later Rachel, Her Mom, Jenny, Ross, Joey, Paul, and Katie are eating dinner.)
Mom: So did you get the girls settled into their Hotel room?
Joey: I have seen to it personally.
Mom: Good. I just hope Amy and Jill behave themselves and not chase guys around all week. I mean I heard stories from Jill about Amy using a fake name.
Rachel: Yeah. What was it Suzy Lane. Pretty stupid fake name if you ask me.
(Everyone laughs but Amy.)
Joey: I guess.
Rachel: Hey didn't you once had a fling six years ago in Buffalo with a blond hair girl. Oh my god you two (Points at Joey and Amy.)
Amy: But we totally forgot about it to a couple of hours ago.
Joey: And it was years before we start going out. Besides I use my fake name Jason.
Ross: You see. It like they never had sex together.
Rachel: Like we was on a pre break.
Ross: You can stay that.
(Joey slaps him the back of the head.)
Amy: Look Rach if there is anything I can do to make this up with let me now.
Joey: Come on Rachel it really no big deal.
(Paul, Katie, Jill, and Rachel's mom have left the room. Ross picks up Jenny and leaves the room as while.)
Amy: Yeah. You slept with Ross close to 300 times, or so it he claims.
Rachel: No he really kept count. But yet me ask you two this. If I did not bring up Suzy Lane would of you told me.
Joey: Of course I would.
Amy: (Laughing.) God no. I mean I still have not told you about Chip from High school.
Rachel: That is it. (Rachel puts her fist up. Joey holds her back.) Let me go.
Joey: I cannot believe I'm stopping a catfight, but honey you are pregnant.
Rachel: You right.
Joey: And if I recall she rough.
The End ~212 TOW The Uncomfortable Wedding~