"Who wants to date a movie star?"
By C. R. Bryars (Princess Esther of Hyrule)
Disclaimer: I don't own Giovanni (The hot Rocket Boss), Butch (What's he
doing on here?), James (Huh?), or Tracey (the incompetent idiot drawer.
:P). I own Alex Quebec (Get it? Quebec, Trebec? Oh, never mind.:P) and
Esther (No duh!) Here are the characters:
Alex Quebec: 45, horn-rimmed glasses, graying hair, about 5'5" (I checked with my Probe Language Arts teacher, who's met Trebec before. He's not very tall.).
Ms. Esther Caligenia Bryars: 21, long, hip-length black hair, big, but soft violet eyes, about 6'2", thin (size 1½), long eyelashes, wears opal pendant around neck ALL the time, very intelligent, very beautiful, very nice, and is gifted with long-suffering (patience).
Giovanni John Rocket: 22, short brown hair, black eyes, likes the color guard's-red (a red-orange color), about 6'3", very cunning, very clever, very intelligent, sly, and VERY HOT!! (hee-hee)
Butch: Yeah, Ol' frog-voice! Teal hair, about 23-ish.that's it.
James: About 20, purple/lavender hair, um.green eyes, I think.pretty much a wimp.
Tracey Sketchit (BOO!!!): Black hair. That's all I know (that's 'cause I HATE HIM!!!!!!). Okay, let me explain this: This was originally a play for my Probe Language Arts class. I just added some characters to this version. Enjoy!!
ALERT: THIS FAN FIC MAY BE HARMFUL TO YOUR MENTAL SANITY! PLEASE HOLD ON TIGHT AND ENJOY THE RIDE!! Setting: Some game-show stage (8:00 p.m.)
(Alex walks on-stage)
Alex: Hello, and welcome to another exciting game of "Who wants to date a movie star?"
(crowd cheers)
Alex: I'm Alex Quebec, your host!
(silence)
Alex: Um.well, anyway, let's meet the movie star!
(crowd cheers)
Alex: Born in Lexington, Kentucky, she has won over 5 academy awards & 3 Oscars! She has also starred with Mel Gibson, Pierce Brosnan, and Brad Pitt. Please Welcome, Ms. Esther Bryars!
(Crowd cheers LOUDLY as Esther walks onstage; several whistles are also heard from the stage area)
Esther: Um.hi, ya'll! (blows kiss to guys in the audience; guys in audience all swoon; she then walks over to her seat)
Alex: (a bit flustered) Now, let's meet the contestants!
(crowd cheers as first podium lights up, similar to Weakest Link)
Butch: I'm Butch, I'm 23, and I'm from Celadon City, Kanto.
(James comes running in)
James: What do you mean, Botch?! I'm supposed to be on this show!
Butch: Well, you aren't anymore, so tough!
James: AUTHOR!
(Yes?)
James: Erase him and put me on, please!
(Why?)
James: 'Cause I was who married Esther in the first draft of your character, not Giovanni!
Esther: O_O I got married to him in the first draft of your character draft?!
(If I recall correctly, I think so.)
Esther: (faints)
(Esther?)
Esther: x_x
(Are you okay?)
Esther: x_x
(Guess I have to resort to desperate measures.[throws water on Esther, completely soaking her])
Esther: *coughheywhatwasthatfor?cough*
(you fainted)
Esther: Yeah, because of the shock! And now, thanks to you *coughIgottagochangeclothescough*.
(Okay, we'll wait for you.)
Esther: Gee, thanks a *coughlotcough*.
(Don't mention it.)
(5 minutes later.Esther comes back)
Esther: All right, you may continue (wrings hair out)
(All right.)
(nothing happens.)
(Hey, dude at the keyboard!)
Princess Esther of Hyrule: *_* Huh, huh? What, what?
(Stop snoozing and start typing!)
PEH: Okay, okay.chill out! (types stuff out)
(that's better)
James: hey, whatta 'bout me?
(Oh, okay, I'll erase Butch.)
Butch: No, wait!
(Sorry to do this to you, but, alas, I must. *Grabs the eraser of doom.*)
Butch: Wait a minute, before you erase me.
(Uggh.What?)
Butch: What's the Eraser of Doom?
(The eraser of doom is the portal to the Realm Of No Reyurn.)
Butch: Reyurn??
(Sorry, I meant 'Return'.)
Butch: Oh.
(Anyway, the Eraser of Doom is the Portal to the Realm of no Return, which is where characters I hate, such as Delia and Tracey, not to mention the Twerps, go to once I erase them, and they are never in another one of my Fan Fics ever again! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)
Butch: Wait, AHH! NO, YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!
(Why not? Give me ONE good reason I shouldn't, Kermit the Frog.)
Butch: Kermit?
(Yeah, Kermit, Frog-voice.)
Butch: Ya' know, I could contact the Bureau of Abused Villains (B.A.V.) about this.
(Quit yapping, you incompetent idiot.)
Butch: But.
(SHUT UP!! Now, where did I put the Eraser of Doom (E.o.D.).?)
Butch: Thank goodness she can't find it.
(Ah, here it is! *grins evilly*)
Butch: No, please have mercy!
(Why?)
Butch: Cause.cause, I'm really Giovanni in disguise! Yeah! I'm you love boat incognito!
(Uh-huh. Right, and I'm Danny Devito. And it's dreamboat, you idiot, not love boat.)
Butch: Whatever.
(Well, that doesn't work 'cause He's a contestant.)
Butch: He is?
(Yeah, now goodbye! *erases Butch*)
Butch: Nooooooooooooooo.
(Okay, James, have at it.)
James: Um.I'm James Morgan, I'm 20, and I'm from.um.I don't wanna talk about it.
(Would it happen to concern a certain female, named Jessibe.)
James: NO! (calms down a bit) DON'T EVER SAY THAT NAME!!
Contestant not revealed yet: Oh, please.you're pathetic. Uggh.
(ANYWAY!.NEXT!)
(next podium lights up.)
Tracey: I'm Tracey Sketchit, I'm.uh.23, and I'm from the Orange Islands!
(Tracey ducks as everyone, except Tracey fans, which are few and far between, throws broken bottles, popcorn buckets, tomatoes.you name it, they throw it!)
TCL (The Crimson Lugia): Even chainsaws?
(Yes, TCL, even chainsaws.)
TCL: That are plugged in and the blade is moving?
(Yep, even those.)
TCL: O_O Ooooo..(Throws it at Tracey, but it misses and tears up the curtain behind Tracey instead.) Awww..
(Don't worry, TCL. *Hands TCL a bottle marked "Poison! X_X Do not drink!" * Put some of this in Tracey's martini after the show, and he'll be dead before you can say, "I-love-Giovanni-and-he-loves-me.We're-married-,have-2- kids-,and-live-in-Viridan-City.")
TCL: O_o why would I want to say that, and why does it rhyme?
('Cause I made it up, and 'cause it does, okay.)
TCL: Okay. (sneaks off to his dressing room.)
(CONTINUE!)
(Next podium light up.)
Giovanni: I'm a Giovanni John Rocket, I'm 22, and I'm from Viridian City!
(Anything else you'd like to add for good measure?)
Giovanni: But of course! TEAM ROCKET SHALL RULE THE WORLD!!! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
(ANYTHING ELSE?)
Giovanni: No, I cannot think of anything else.
(Ahem.our little agreement.)
Giovanni: O_o, I have to say that in public?
(Yes.)
Giovanni: Forget it.
(All right. It seems the E.o.D. is going to get some much needed exercise after all.^_^)
Giovanni: O_O You wouldn't.
(I would.)
Giovanni: You wouldn't!
(Try me, hottie!)
Giovanni: -_-;;;Okay, here goes.(takes deep breath) IlovePrincessstherofHyrulemorethananythingelseintheworld.
(Huh? I don't think they understood you. Try it again.)
Giovanni: -_-;;;;; ILOVEPRINCESSESTHEROFHYRULEMORETHANANYTHINGELSEINTHEWORLD.
(Can't understand you, love? Slower and more fluent.)
Giovanni: -_-;;;;;;;;;;; Oh, gosh. Ok, here goes.I LOVE PRINCESS ESTHER OF HYRULE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD. There, that better, your majesty?
(Yes, much better. Thank you.)
Giovanni: Thank heavens that's over.(sees Esther) O_O Oh..a vision of loveliness!
(Esther giggles)
Esther:.
(Ahem.ESTHER GIGGLES!)
Esther: Oh, I didn't hear you before.(giggles)
(Thank you.)
Esther: You're quite welcome.
Giovanni: Can we just say I won and I get to go out with you automatically?
(No.)
Giovanni: Aw.why not?
Esther: It's not fair for the others.
Giovanni: ;_; Awww, come on, baby, don't break my heart.
(WHERE'D THAT COME FROM????)
Giovanni: Um.(a bit flustered) the stupid, insane author of this darn Fan Fiction...
PEH: Well, I don't consider stupid to be a complement, but insane sure is one! ^_^
Giovanni: O_o.Okay.
Esther: Ooooo..I like him. He's hot AND funny (giggles as she bats her eyes at Giovanni).
Giovanni: ^_^, Oooooo.man, she's hot.
Esther: Thank you.^_^
Alex: Um.guys.
Giovanni and Esther: WHAT?!
Alex: We gotta get on with the chapter.
Giovanni and Esther: -_- awww.
Alex: Ms. Esther, please sit where you were.
Esther: (grumbles as she sits back down)
Alex: Okay, you three know the rules.correct?
(They nod)
Alex: Okay, here are the categories: "It's all Greek to me", "Literature", and "Stock Symbols." Giovanni, you were the one selected randomly, so you get to go first.
Giovanni: Okay, um.Stocks symbols for.100.
Alex: All right; KO
James: (buzzes in) What is.Kroger?
Alex: No.
Tracey: (buzzes in) That was a stupid answer.
James: Hey, you couldn't do any better!
(Tracey and James start arguing.)
Alex: hey, you two, chill!
Tracey and James: grumble, grumble, grumble.
Giovanni: (buzzes in) What is the Coca-Cola Company?
Alex: You are correct.
Giovanni: Symbols for 200.
Alex: ANF
Tracey: (buzzes in) Can I buy a vowel?
James: (buzzes in.) DOH!
Alex: Um.no.(to the author) was that in the script?
(Um.no.oh well. This is an insanity Fic, so we don't need a script. *Tosses script*)
Alex: O_O;;;; Oh boy.(to Tracey) um.no, wrong game show.
Tracey: Oh.
Giovanni: (buzzes in) What is Abercrombie and Fitch?
Alex: Correct.
Giovanni: Stock symbols for 300.
Tracey: (A/N: Okay, instead of 'buzzes in', it's now *beep*. So.*Beep*) BANK!
Alex: Um.wrong show.again.
Tracey: (matter-of-factly) Right, I knew that.
James: Sure, dumb*ss.
Tracey: O_O DID YOU JUST CALL ME A DUMB*SS??
James: Yeah, so what if I did, shrimp?
Tracey: Grr.Now you're going to get it, you SOB (Son of a you-know-what ()! (Lunges at James)
(O_O Oooo.this is getting exciting! *Settles down with some popcorn.*)
Alex: (sweatdrops) -_-;;; Uh.guys?
Tracey and James: (Are now in the process of pulling one another's hair out.) WHAT?!?!
Alex: STOP FIGHTING!
(They don't stop fighting.)
Audience: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
(Jerry Springer walks onstage and pushes Tracey and James away from each other)
Jerry: All right, you two! Break it up; break it up!
Giovanni: O_O Jerry.
Esther: O_O Springer?
Both: What the h*ll is going on here!?
(That's what I'd like to know.)
Esther: O_O But you're the almighty author of this fic.
(That's right, I am.)
Giovanni: Then why don't you know what's going on?!
(Well, I kinda didn't finish the script.()
Giovanni: O_O What do you mean?
(Well, I stopped at your line, 'Stock symbols for 300.' And EVERYBODY knows what happens when an insane author doesn't finish her script and writes the fic anyway.)
Esther: You mean?? *gasps as she realizes what has happened.* Oh, the horror!
Giovanni: What, sweetie?
(Esther whispers something to him, which makes his eyes widen.)
Giovanni: Her whispering makes my eyes widen?
(No. What she's whispering to you makes your eyes widen.)
Giovanni: Oh. Thank you for clarifying.
(You're welcome, hottie. Hee-hee)
Giovanni: -_-;;; I hate it when she calls me that.
(Why, hottie?)
Giovanni: Grr.waitaminute! We're getting off track here! Let's go back to the whispering part.
(Why?)
Esther: 'Cause he said, that's why!
(Sooooo.)
Giovanni: I'll give you a month's supply of baklava.(waves HUGE package of baklava in front of author tantalizingly.)
(All right, you've convinced me! *grabs baklava.* MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
Giovanni: Um.why don't you try a new laugh?
(Why?)
Giovanni: 'cause you're copying my style, that's why.
(Soooo..)
Giovanni: Get a new laugh.
(Like.what?)
Giovanni: Like this: FWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! See?
(Okay, I'll try.)
Giovanni: ^_^ okay, now where were we.???
(We were going back to the whispering part.)
Giovanni: Ok.
(Rewind.okay, stop! Okay, here we go. We're back at my line.)
(Well, I stopped at your line, 'Stock symbols for 300.' And EVERYBODY knows what happens when an insane author doesn't finish her script and writes the fic anyway.)
Esther: You mean?? *gasps as she realizes what has happened.* Oh, the horror!
Giovanni: What, sweetie?
(Esther whispers something to him, which makes his eyes widen.)
Giovanni: OH, NO!!
Esther: Oh yes.
Giovanni: O_O YOU DON'T MEAN.
Esther: Yes. I do.
Giovanni: O_O NO!!!!!!! THE HORROR OF IT ALL!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Esther: Yes, ~_~ (plays funeral march) she has gone insane.
(Well, no duh!)
Esther: Wait-a-minute! Why are we talking about that???
(um.I honestly have no clue.)
Esther: Figures. Anyway, back to the action!
(PEH: Yes, let's get this over with. My fingers are getting numb in the real world!)
(Shut up, Cassandra.)
(PEH: O_O HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME??)
('cause I'm you.)
(PEH: Oh, yeah, right.)
Esther: -_-;;;;; Just get on with it so I can go on the freakin' date! Sheesh.why'd I let my agent talk me into this??
(Okay, okay! I'll go to that part again. rewinding.STOP!)
Jerry: All right, you two! Break it up; break it up!
Alex: Hey, what are you doing on MY show?!?!
Esther: Actually, it's mine, since I'm trying to get a date, and it'd better be with the hottie in the Guard's-red (a red-orange color.) suit.
Giovanni: ^_~
Esther: *sighs*
Alex: Whatever, lovebirds. (turns to Jerry.) You, off my show, now!
Jerry: No.
Alex: I'm warning you.OFF!
Jerry: NO!
Alex: STEVE! (Steve walks onstage)
Steve: Yeah?
Alex: Throw him out!
Steve: O_o okay.(Picks up Jerry, throws him over his shoulder, and carries him offstage)
Jerry: Hey, hands off! I could fire you for this, you know! Lemme go! (for some odd reason, you can still hear his yelling when they're 5 blocks away.)
Jerry: (In distance) Hands off! Put me down!
Alex: AUTHOR!
(Oy Vay (Yiddish: roughly translated, it means, "Oh brother.") What do you want now?)
Alex: Erase them, please!
(Oh, okay. *grabs E.o.D.* MWHAHA-I mean, uh.FWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! *Erases Steve and Jerry* that better?)
Alex: Yes. Let's continue.
(Okay.)
Alex: Umm.you picked "stock symbols" for 300, right?
Giovanni: Yes.
Alex: HDI
Giovanni: *Beep* what is Harley-Davidson, Inc.?
Alex: Correct.
Giovanni: stock for 400.
Alex: HKF
James: *Beep* what is Hardees?
Alex: No.
Giovanni: *Beep* what is Hancock Fabrics Inc.?
Alex: Yes.
Giovanni: stock for 1000
Alex: SLB
Tracey: *beep* what is Scientific Atlanta, Inc.?
Alex: No.
James: *beep* what is the Sprint Corp.?
Alex: Nooo.
Giovanni: *beep* what is.Schlumberger, Inc.?
Alex: (blinks in disbelief.) Yes.
Esther: Oooo.I just love a man who knows his stocks.^_^
Giovanni: (does victory sign) Victory.
(Suddenly, Butch comes back onstage)
Butch: I WANT MY SPOT BACK!
(NO! *Erases him* My, the E.o.D is getting a lot of exercise today. ^_^)
Alex: Ahem... select a category.
Giovanni: Oh, ah.literature, 100.
Alex: Okay in this category, name the author: The Hobbit.
James: *beep* Who is J.K. Rowling?
Alex: No.
Tracey: *beep* Who is C.S. Lewis?
Alex: No.
James: C.S. Lewis?! You're nuts!
Tracey: I am not!
(they start fighting again)
Giovanni: Um.*beep* may I answer?
Alex: Oh, for the love of Pete, yes!
Giovanni: Who is John Ronald Reuel Tolkien?
Alex: Who?
Giovanni: -_- *sighs* who is J.R.R. Tolkien?
Alex: Yes.
Esther: Finally, a man.
Alex: SHUT UP!!
Esther: Fine then, I'll just leave and this show can get all the bad ratings it wants.
Alex: O_O I mean, our contestants need to concentrate, and so they need silence.
Esther: That's better.
Giovanni: Literature, 200
Alex: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
James: *beep* who is J.K. Rowling?
Alex: Finally, yes!
James: literature for 1,000
Alex: The Screwtape letters.
Tracey: *beep* May I ask the audience?
Alex: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Tracey: well, scr*w you.
Alex: Hey, no more cussing!
Tracey: whatever.
James: um.um.
Alex: ANYBODY?!
Giovanni: *beep* Who is Clive Staples Lewis?
Alex: *sighs* You mean C.S. Lewis?
Giovanni: Didn't I just say that?
Alex: Yes. It's correct.
Giovanni: It's all Greek to me for 300
Alex: The 15th letter of the Greek alphabet
James: *beep* What is Beta?
Alex: No.
Giovanni: *beep*
Alex: Yes, oh master of the board for over 30 questions now?
Giovanni: What is.*counts quickly* Omicron?
Alex: Yes. Sheesh, this guy's good.
Giovanni: Greek for 1,000.
Alex: In the myth, Apollo fell in love with this girl and gifted her with prophecy. When she rejected his love, however, he made it where no one would believe her. *silence for 2 seconds, then.*
Giovanni: *beep* Who is.Cassandra?
Alex: Yes. *beeper sounds* Oh, it seems it's the end of the round. Giovanni is WAY in the lead with 4400 points, and James with 200 points, and Tracey with nothing at all. After the break, we'll have our final round with this as the category: "Video games." We'll be right back.
(applause from audience)
Need help with your homework? Do you lack wisdom? If so, call Giovanni's wisdom help line. Ask him a question, and get the right answers! Call now at 1-GET-SMA-RT67. That's 1-800-968-5267. Call now! *coughFreeforoneminute,thenallcallspastoneminuteare50bucksaminutecough*
Alex: Welcome back. Here's our category: "Video Games." And here's the clue: "This Japanese head video game designer created the Donkey Kong games, the Star Fox series, and the Metroid games." 30 seconds, good luck.
Esther: Yeah, go Giovanni! *whistles*
Giovanni: o^_^o (he's blushing.)
(Jeopardy Theme plays)
(all three contestants scribble something down.)
(music ends)
Alex: okay, Tracey, you are in last place, so what'd you put down?
Tracey 's board: J.K. Rowling; 300
Alex: I'm sorry. That's incorrect, and you're now at negative-300. All right, now what did James put down?
James's board: Who is Iwata-san?
Alex: No, he's the creator of the Kirby games. Your wager? 199. That puts you at 1 point. Okay, Giovanni?
Giovanni's board: 0044;?otamyiM uregihS si ohW
Alex: Huh?
Giovanni: What? *checks board* Oops, silly me! *blushes as he turns board right side up.*
Giovanni's Board: Who is Shigeru Miyamato? ; 4400
Alex: Correct, and you have doubled your score, making you the lucky winner!
(crowd cheers loudly)
Giovanni: ^_^ Victory once again.
Esther: *walks over to him and tugs on his arm* Come on, Vanni! Let's go get some dinner, my treat!
Giovanni: No, I'll pay for it!
Esther: You can pay for the next one! Come on! (they walk off-stage)
(backstage, they run into TCL, BookGirl2003, PyroVulpix, and LcCorp2.)
Esther: Hey, ya'll!
TCL: Hey, Esther. So, looks like Gio one, huh?
Giovanni: By a WIDE margin!
LcCorp2: How wide?
Giovanni: 8, 600 points.
TCL: O_O Whoa.
(suddenly, I appear onstage.)
PEH (Princess Esther of Hyrule; me): Did ya', did ya'?
TCL: Yep! ^_^ Once Tracey drinks the Martini, he'll kill over like, like.I don't know, something!
PEH: I bet!! Hee-hee-hee. He didn't get A SINGLE question right!
TCL: Hee-hee! ^_^ (chomps on cookies)
Esther: Hey, um.Vanni? Shouldn't we get going?
Giovanni: Yeah, I guess so. Nice meeting you all! (Esther and Giovanni wave to all the authors as they leave)
Tracey fan entering Tracey's dressing room: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another Tracey fan: What is it?
First Tracey fan: Tracey's dead!!!!!!!!
2nd one: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
TCL: -_-; uh-oh, I think it's time to amscray.
PEH: Yeah.before they find out who it is.(All the authors run out of the building.)
Jerry: And now it's time for our 'Final Thought'. Our final thought for today is: "Whoever has the most points, gets the babe!" Good night, everybody (but Tracey)!
Epilogue: Esther and Giovanni continued dating, fell in love, got married. 3 months after the wedding, Esther found out she was pregnant.
Giovanni quit his position as the Team Rocket boss, and became a writer.
They had identical twins 9 months later; their names were Caligenia ('Daughter of Beauty') and Giovanna. Esther got pregnant again and had a boy 8 months later. His name was Giovanni, Jr.
Jesse and James got married, quit Team Rocket, and had a couple of kids together.
Cassidy was erased in pity that she and Butch couldn't be together. They got married in the Realm of no Return. They had a boy by the name of Ganondorf. (hmmm.could this be the plot for future stories?)
Domino and Mondo got hitched.
Prof. Oak and Delia finally told Ash his father was Prof. Oak and got married.
Ash and Misty got married.
Alex accidentally drank some of Tracey's poison scotch, keeled over, and died.
A.N. McCormick hated Princess Esther of Hyrule for the rest of her life.
Princess Esther of Hyrule (Cassandra) got married to her friend, Matthew Bates.
AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!! Well, except for Tracey and Alex! ^_^
Author: How did you all like it????
Read and Review!!!!!!
NEXT CHAPTER, COMING SOON, TO A SCREEN NEAR YOU!!!
Alex Quebec: 45, horn-rimmed glasses, graying hair, about 5'5" (I checked with my Probe Language Arts teacher, who's met Trebec before. He's not very tall.).
Ms. Esther Caligenia Bryars: 21, long, hip-length black hair, big, but soft violet eyes, about 6'2", thin (size 1½), long eyelashes, wears opal pendant around neck ALL the time, very intelligent, very beautiful, very nice, and is gifted with long-suffering (patience).
Giovanni John Rocket: 22, short brown hair, black eyes, likes the color guard's-red (a red-orange color), about 6'3", very cunning, very clever, very intelligent, sly, and VERY HOT!! (hee-hee)
Butch: Yeah, Ol' frog-voice! Teal hair, about 23-ish.that's it.
James: About 20, purple/lavender hair, um.green eyes, I think.pretty much a wimp.
Tracey Sketchit (BOO!!!): Black hair. That's all I know (that's 'cause I HATE HIM!!!!!!). Okay, let me explain this: This was originally a play for my Probe Language Arts class. I just added some characters to this version. Enjoy!!
ALERT: THIS FAN FIC MAY BE HARMFUL TO YOUR MENTAL SANITY! PLEASE HOLD ON TIGHT AND ENJOY THE RIDE!! Setting: Some game-show stage (8:00 p.m.)
(Alex walks on-stage)
Alex: Hello, and welcome to another exciting game of "Who wants to date a movie star?"
(crowd cheers)
Alex: I'm Alex Quebec, your host!
(silence)
Alex: Um.well, anyway, let's meet the movie star!
(crowd cheers)
Alex: Born in Lexington, Kentucky, she has won over 5 academy awards & 3 Oscars! She has also starred with Mel Gibson, Pierce Brosnan, and Brad Pitt. Please Welcome, Ms. Esther Bryars!
(Crowd cheers LOUDLY as Esther walks onstage; several whistles are also heard from the stage area)
Esther: Um.hi, ya'll! (blows kiss to guys in the audience; guys in audience all swoon; she then walks over to her seat)
Alex: (a bit flustered) Now, let's meet the contestants!
(crowd cheers as first podium lights up, similar to Weakest Link)
Butch: I'm Butch, I'm 23, and I'm from Celadon City, Kanto.
(James comes running in)
James: What do you mean, Botch?! I'm supposed to be on this show!
Butch: Well, you aren't anymore, so tough!
James: AUTHOR!
(Yes?)
James: Erase him and put me on, please!
(Why?)
James: 'Cause I was who married Esther in the first draft of your character, not Giovanni!
Esther: O_O I got married to him in the first draft of your character draft?!
(If I recall correctly, I think so.)
Esther: (faints)
(Esther?)
Esther: x_x
(Are you okay?)
Esther: x_x
(Guess I have to resort to desperate measures.[throws water on Esther, completely soaking her])
Esther: *coughheywhatwasthatfor?cough*
(you fainted)
Esther: Yeah, because of the shock! And now, thanks to you *coughIgottagochangeclothescough*.
(Okay, we'll wait for you.)
Esther: Gee, thanks a *coughlotcough*.
(Don't mention it.)
(5 minutes later.Esther comes back)
Esther: All right, you may continue (wrings hair out)
(All right.)
(nothing happens.)
(Hey, dude at the keyboard!)
Princess Esther of Hyrule: *_* Huh, huh? What, what?
(Stop snoozing and start typing!)
PEH: Okay, okay.chill out! (types stuff out)
(that's better)
James: hey, whatta 'bout me?
(Oh, okay, I'll erase Butch.)
Butch: No, wait!
(Sorry to do this to you, but, alas, I must. *Grabs the eraser of doom.*)
Butch: Wait a minute, before you erase me.
(Uggh.What?)
Butch: What's the Eraser of Doom?
(The eraser of doom is the portal to the Realm Of No Reyurn.)
Butch: Reyurn??
(Sorry, I meant 'Return'.)
Butch: Oh.
(Anyway, the Eraser of Doom is the Portal to the Realm of no Return, which is where characters I hate, such as Delia and Tracey, not to mention the Twerps, go to once I erase them, and they are never in another one of my Fan Fics ever again! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)
Butch: Wait, AHH! NO, YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!
(Why not? Give me ONE good reason I shouldn't, Kermit the Frog.)
Butch: Kermit?
(Yeah, Kermit, Frog-voice.)
Butch: Ya' know, I could contact the Bureau of Abused Villains (B.A.V.) about this.
(Quit yapping, you incompetent idiot.)
Butch: But.
(SHUT UP!! Now, where did I put the Eraser of Doom (E.o.D.).?)
Butch: Thank goodness she can't find it.
(Ah, here it is! *grins evilly*)
Butch: No, please have mercy!
(Why?)
Butch: Cause.cause, I'm really Giovanni in disguise! Yeah! I'm you love boat incognito!
(Uh-huh. Right, and I'm Danny Devito. And it's dreamboat, you idiot, not love boat.)
Butch: Whatever.
(Well, that doesn't work 'cause He's a contestant.)
Butch: He is?
(Yeah, now goodbye! *erases Butch*)
Butch: Nooooooooooooooo.
(Okay, James, have at it.)
James: Um.I'm James Morgan, I'm 20, and I'm from.um.I don't wanna talk about it.
(Would it happen to concern a certain female, named Jessibe.)
James: NO! (calms down a bit) DON'T EVER SAY THAT NAME!!
Contestant not revealed yet: Oh, please.you're pathetic. Uggh.
(ANYWAY!.NEXT!)
(next podium lights up.)
Tracey: I'm Tracey Sketchit, I'm.uh.23, and I'm from the Orange Islands!
(Tracey ducks as everyone, except Tracey fans, which are few and far between, throws broken bottles, popcorn buckets, tomatoes.you name it, they throw it!)
TCL (The Crimson Lugia): Even chainsaws?
(Yes, TCL, even chainsaws.)
TCL: That are plugged in and the blade is moving?
(Yep, even those.)
TCL: O_O Ooooo..(Throws it at Tracey, but it misses and tears up the curtain behind Tracey instead.) Awww..
(Don't worry, TCL. *Hands TCL a bottle marked "Poison! X_X Do not drink!" * Put some of this in Tracey's martini after the show, and he'll be dead before you can say, "I-love-Giovanni-and-he-loves-me.We're-married-,have-2- kids-,and-live-in-Viridan-City.")
TCL: O_o why would I want to say that, and why does it rhyme?
('Cause I made it up, and 'cause it does, okay.)
TCL: Okay. (sneaks off to his dressing room.)
(CONTINUE!)
(Next podium light up.)
Giovanni: I'm a Giovanni John Rocket, I'm 22, and I'm from Viridian City!
(Anything else you'd like to add for good measure?)
Giovanni: But of course! TEAM ROCKET SHALL RULE THE WORLD!!! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
(ANYTHING ELSE?)
Giovanni: No, I cannot think of anything else.
(Ahem.our little agreement.)
Giovanni: O_o, I have to say that in public?
(Yes.)
Giovanni: Forget it.
(All right. It seems the E.o.D. is going to get some much needed exercise after all.^_^)
Giovanni: O_O You wouldn't.
(I would.)
Giovanni: You wouldn't!
(Try me, hottie!)
Giovanni: -_-;;;Okay, here goes.(takes deep breath) IlovePrincessstherofHyrulemorethananythingelseintheworld.
(Huh? I don't think they understood you. Try it again.)
Giovanni: -_-;;;;; ILOVEPRINCESSESTHEROFHYRULEMORETHANANYTHINGELSEINTHEWORLD.
(Can't understand you, love? Slower and more fluent.)
Giovanni: -_-;;;;;;;;;;; Oh, gosh. Ok, here goes.I LOVE PRINCESS ESTHER OF HYRULE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD. There, that better, your majesty?
(Yes, much better. Thank you.)
Giovanni: Thank heavens that's over.(sees Esther) O_O Oh..a vision of loveliness!
(Esther giggles)
Esther:.
(Ahem.ESTHER GIGGLES!)
Esther: Oh, I didn't hear you before.(giggles)
(Thank you.)
Esther: You're quite welcome.
Giovanni: Can we just say I won and I get to go out with you automatically?
(No.)
Giovanni: Aw.why not?
Esther: It's not fair for the others.
Giovanni: ;_; Awww, come on, baby, don't break my heart.
(WHERE'D THAT COME FROM????)
Giovanni: Um.(a bit flustered) the stupid, insane author of this darn Fan Fiction...
PEH: Well, I don't consider stupid to be a complement, but insane sure is one! ^_^
Giovanni: O_o.Okay.
Esther: Ooooo..I like him. He's hot AND funny (giggles as she bats her eyes at Giovanni).
Giovanni: ^_^, Oooooo.man, she's hot.
Esther: Thank you.^_^
Alex: Um.guys.
Giovanni and Esther: WHAT?!
Alex: We gotta get on with the chapter.
Giovanni and Esther: -_- awww.
Alex: Ms. Esther, please sit where you were.
Esther: (grumbles as she sits back down)
Alex: Okay, you three know the rules.correct?
(They nod)
Alex: Okay, here are the categories: "It's all Greek to me", "Literature", and "Stock Symbols." Giovanni, you were the one selected randomly, so you get to go first.
Giovanni: Okay, um.Stocks symbols for.100.
Alex: All right; KO
James: (buzzes in) What is.Kroger?
Alex: No.
Tracey: (buzzes in) That was a stupid answer.
James: Hey, you couldn't do any better!
(Tracey and James start arguing.)
Alex: hey, you two, chill!
Tracey and James: grumble, grumble, grumble.
Giovanni: (buzzes in) What is the Coca-Cola Company?
Alex: You are correct.
Giovanni: Symbols for 200.
Alex: ANF
Tracey: (buzzes in) Can I buy a vowel?
James: (buzzes in.) DOH!
Alex: Um.no.(to the author) was that in the script?
(Um.no.oh well. This is an insanity Fic, so we don't need a script. *Tosses script*)
Alex: O_O;;;; Oh boy.(to Tracey) um.no, wrong game show.
Tracey: Oh.
Giovanni: (buzzes in) What is Abercrombie and Fitch?
Alex: Correct.
Giovanni: Stock symbols for 300.
Tracey: (A/N: Okay, instead of 'buzzes in', it's now *beep*. So.*Beep*) BANK!
Alex: Um.wrong show.again.
Tracey: (matter-of-factly) Right, I knew that.
James: Sure, dumb*ss.
Tracey: O_O DID YOU JUST CALL ME A DUMB*SS??
James: Yeah, so what if I did, shrimp?
Tracey: Grr.Now you're going to get it, you SOB (Son of a you-know-what ()! (Lunges at James)
(O_O Oooo.this is getting exciting! *Settles down with some popcorn.*)
Alex: (sweatdrops) -_-;;; Uh.guys?
Tracey and James: (Are now in the process of pulling one another's hair out.) WHAT?!?!
Alex: STOP FIGHTING!
(They don't stop fighting.)
Audience: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
(Jerry Springer walks onstage and pushes Tracey and James away from each other)
Jerry: All right, you two! Break it up; break it up!
Giovanni: O_O Jerry.
Esther: O_O Springer?
Both: What the h*ll is going on here!?
(That's what I'd like to know.)
Esther: O_O But you're the almighty author of this fic.
(That's right, I am.)
Giovanni: Then why don't you know what's going on?!
(Well, I kinda didn't finish the script.()
Giovanni: O_O What do you mean?
(Well, I stopped at your line, 'Stock symbols for 300.' And EVERYBODY knows what happens when an insane author doesn't finish her script and writes the fic anyway.)
Esther: You mean?? *gasps as she realizes what has happened.* Oh, the horror!
Giovanni: What, sweetie?
(Esther whispers something to him, which makes his eyes widen.)
Giovanni: Her whispering makes my eyes widen?
(No. What she's whispering to you makes your eyes widen.)
Giovanni: Oh. Thank you for clarifying.
(You're welcome, hottie. Hee-hee)
Giovanni: -_-;;; I hate it when she calls me that.
(Why, hottie?)
Giovanni: Grr.waitaminute! We're getting off track here! Let's go back to the whispering part.
(Why?)
Esther: 'Cause he said, that's why!
(Sooooo.)
Giovanni: I'll give you a month's supply of baklava.(waves HUGE package of baklava in front of author tantalizingly.)
(All right, you've convinced me! *grabs baklava.* MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
Giovanni: Um.why don't you try a new laugh?
(Why?)
Giovanni: 'cause you're copying my style, that's why.
(Soooo..)
Giovanni: Get a new laugh.
(Like.what?)
Giovanni: Like this: FWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! See?
(Okay, I'll try.)
Giovanni: ^_^ okay, now where were we.???
(We were going back to the whispering part.)
Giovanni: Ok.
(Rewind.okay, stop! Okay, here we go. We're back at my line.)
(Well, I stopped at your line, 'Stock symbols for 300.' And EVERYBODY knows what happens when an insane author doesn't finish her script and writes the fic anyway.)
Esther: You mean?? *gasps as she realizes what has happened.* Oh, the horror!
Giovanni: What, sweetie?
(Esther whispers something to him, which makes his eyes widen.)
Giovanni: OH, NO!!
Esther: Oh yes.
Giovanni: O_O YOU DON'T MEAN.
Esther: Yes. I do.
Giovanni: O_O NO!!!!!!! THE HORROR OF IT ALL!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Esther: Yes, ~_~ (plays funeral march) she has gone insane.
(Well, no duh!)
Esther: Wait-a-minute! Why are we talking about that???
(um.I honestly have no clue.)
Esther: Figures. Anyway, back to the action!
(PEH: Yes, let's get this over with. My fingers are getting numb in the real world!)
(Shut up, Cassandra.)
(PEH: O_O HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME??)
('cause I'm you.)
(PEH: Oh, yeah, right.)
Esther: -_-;;;;; Just get on with it so I can go on the freakin' date! Sheesh.why'd I let my agent talk me into this??
(Okay, okay! I'll go to that part again. rewinding.STOP!)
Jerry: All right, you two! Break it up; break it up!
Alex: Hey, what are you doing on MY show?!?!
Esther: Actually, it's mine, since I'm trying to get a date, and it'd better be with the hottie in the Guard's-red (a red-orange color.) suit.
Giovanni: ^_~
Esther: *sighs*
Alex: Whatever, lovebirds. (turns to Jerry.) You, off my show, now!
Jerry: No.
Alex: I'm warning you.OFF!
Jerry: NO!
Alex: STEVE! (Steve walks onstage)
Steve: Yeah?
Alex: Throw him out!
Steve: O_o okay.(Picks up Jerry, throws him over his shoulder, and carries him offstage)
Jerry: Hey, hands off! I could fire you for this, you know! Lemme go! (for some odd reason, you can still hear his yelling when they're 5 blocks away.)
Jerry: (In distance) Hands off! Put me down!
Alex: AUTHOR!
(Oy Vay (Yiddish: roughly translated, it means, "Oh brother.") What do you want now?)
Alex: Erase them, please!
(Oh, okay. *grabs E.o.D.* MWHAHA-I mean, uh.FWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! *Erases Steve and Jerry* that better?)
Alex: Yes. Let's continue.
(Okay.)
Alex: Umm.you picked "stock symbols" for 300, right?
Giovanni: Yes.
Alex: HDI
Giovanni: *Beep* what is Harley-Davidson, Inc.?
Alex: Correct.
Giovanni: stock for 400.
Alex: HKF
James: *Beep* what is Hardees?
Alex: No.
Giovanni: *Beep* what is Hancock Fabrics Inc.?
Alex: Yes.
Giovanni: stock for 1000
Alex: SLB
Tracey: *beep* what is Scientific Atlanta, Inc.?
Alex: No.
James: *beep* what is the Sprint Corp.?
Alex: Nooo.
Giovanni: *beep* what is.Schlumberger, Inc.?
Alex: (blinks in disbelief.) Yes.
Esther: Oooo.I just love a man who knows his stocks.^_^
Giovanni: (does victory sign) Victory.
(Suddenly, Butch comes back onstage)
Butch: I WANT MY SPOT BACK!
(NO! *Erases him* My, the E.o.D is getting a lot of exercise today. ^_^)
Alex: Ahem... select a category.
Giovanni: Oh, ah.literature, 100.
Alex: Okay in this category, name the author: The Hobbit.
James: *beep* Who is J.K. Rowling?
Alex: No.
Tracey: *beep* Who is C.S. Lewis?
Alex: No.
James: C.S. Lewis?! You're nuts!
Tracey: I am not!
(they start fighting again)
Giovanni: Um.*beep* may I answer?
Alex: Oh, for the love of Pete, yes!
Giovanni: Who is John Ronald Reuel Tolkien?
Alex: Who?
Giovanni: -_- *sighs* who is J.R.R. Tolkien?
Alex: Yes.
Esther: Finally, a man.
Alex: SHUT UP!!
Esther: Fine then, I'll just leave and this show can get all the bad ratings it wants.
Alex: O_O I mean, our contestants need to concentrate, and so they need silence.
Esther: That's better.
Giovanni: Literature, 200
Alex: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
James: *beep* who is J.K. Rowling?
Alex: Finally, yes!
James: literature for 1,000
Alex: The Screwtape letters.
Tracey: *beep* May I ask the audience?
Alex: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Tracey: well, scr*w you.
Alex: Hey, no more cussing!
Tracey: whatever.
James: um.um.
Alex: ANYBODY?!
Giovanni: *beep* Who is Clive Staples Lewis?
Alex: *sighs* You mean C.S. Lewis?
Giovanni: Didn't I just say that?
Alex: Yes. It's correct.
Giovanni: It's all Greek to me for 300
Alex: The 15th letter of the Greek alphabet
James: *beep* What is Beta?
Alex: No.
Giovanni: *beep*
Alex: Yes, oh master of the board for over 30 questions now?
Giovanni: What is.*counts quickly* Omicron?
Alex: Yes. Sheesh, this guy's good.
Giovanni: Greek for 1,000.
Alex: In the myth, Apollo fell in love with this girl and gifted her with prophecy. When she rejected his love, however, he made it where no one would believe her. *silence for 2 seconds, then.*
Giovanni: *beep* Who is.Cassandra?
Alex: Yes. *beeper sounds* Oh, it seems it's the end of the round. Giovanni is WAY in the lead with 4400 points, and James with 200 points, and Tracey with nothing at all. After the break, we'll have our final round with this as the category: "Video games." We'll be right back.
(applause from audience)
Need help with your homework? Do you lack wisdom? If so, call Giovanni's wisdom help line. Ask him a question, and get the right answers! Call now at 1-GET-SMA-RT67. That's 1-800-968-5267. Call now! *coughFreeforoneminute,thenallcallspastoneminuteare50bucksaminutecough*
Alex: Welcome back. Here's our category: "Video Games." And here's the clue: "This Japanese head video game designer created the Donkey Kong games, the Star Fox series, and the Metroid games." 30 seconds, good luck.
Esther: Yeah, go Giovanni! *whistles*
Giovanni: o^_^o (he's blushing.)
(Jeopardy Theme plays)
(all three contestants scribble something down.)
(music ends)
Alex: okay, Tracey, you are in last place, so what'd you put down?
Tracey 's board: J.K. Rowling; 300
Alex: I'm sorry. That's incorrect, and you're now at negative-300. All right, now what did James put down?
James's board: Who is Iwata-san?
Alex: No, he's the creator of the Kirby games. Your wager? 199. That puts you at 1 point. Okay, Giovanni?
Giovanni's board: 0044;?otamyiM uregihS si ohW
Alex: Huh?
Giovanni: What? *checks board* Oops, silly me! *blushes as he turns board right side up.*
Giovanni's Board: Who is Shigeru Miyamato? ; 4400
Alex: Correct, and you have doubled your score, making you the lucky winner!
(crowd cheers loudly)
Giovanni: ^_^ Victory once again.
Esther: *walks over to him and tugs on his arm* Come on, Vanni! Let's go get some dinner, my treat!
Giovanni: No, I'll pay for it!
Esther: You can pay for the next one! Come on! (they walk off-stage)
(backstage, they run into TCL, BookGirl2003, PyroVulpix, and LcCorp2.)
Esther: Hey, ya'll!
TCL: Hey, Esther. So, looks like Gio one, huh?
Giovanni: By a WIDE margin!
LcCorp2: How wide?
Giovanni: 8, 600 points.
TCL: O_O Whoa.
(suddenly, I appear onstage.)
PEH (Princess Esther of Hyrule; me): Did ya', did ya'?
TCL: Yep! ^_^ Once Tracey drinks the Martini, he'll kill over like, like.I don't know, something!
PEH: I bet!! Hee-hee-hee. He didn't get A SINGLE question right!
TCL: Hee-hee! ^_^ (chomps on cookies)
Esther: Hey, um.Vanni? Shouldn't we get going?
Giovanni: Yeah, I guess so. Nice meeting you all! (Esther and Giovanni wave to all the authors as they leave)
Tracey fan entering Tracey's dressing room: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another Tracey fan: What is it?
First Tracey fan: Tracey's dead!!!!!!!!
2nd one: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
TCL: -_-; uh-oh, I think it's time to amscray.
PEH: Yeah.before they find out who it is.(All the authors run out of the building.)
Jerry: And now it's time for our 'Final Thought'. Our final thought for today is: "Whoever has the most points, gets the babe!" Good night, everybody (but Tracey)!
Epilogue: Esther and Giovanni continued dating, fell in love, got married. 3 months after the wedding, Esther found out she was pregnant.
Giovanni quit his position as the Team Rocket boss, and became a writer.
They had identical twins 9 months later; their names were Caligenia ('Daughter of Beauty') and Giovanna. Esther got pregnant again and had a boy 8 months later. His name was Giovanni, Jr.
Jesse and James got married, quit Team Rocket, and had a couple of kids together.
Cassidy was erased in pity that she and Butch couldn't be together. They got married in the Realm of no Return. They had a boy by the name of Ganondorf. (hmmm.could this be the plot for future stories?)
Domino and Mondo got hitched.
Prof. Oak and Delia finally told Ash his father was Prof. Oak and got married.
Ash and Misty got married.
Alex accidentally drank some of Tracey's poison scotch, keeled over, and died.
A.N. McCormick hated Princess Esther of Hyrule for the rest of her life.
Princess Esther of Hyrule (Cassandra) got married to her friend, Matthew Bates.
AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!! Well, except for Tracey and Alex! ^_^
Author: How did you all like it????
Read and Review!!!!!!
NEXT CHAPTER, COMING SOON, TO A SCREEN NEAR YOU!!!