The Loss of a Love

by alecsangel



Summary: On the anniversary of a death, Alec reveals his pain to Max.



Disclaimer: Obviously, I own nothing. If I did, I would have bought my own tv station and would broadcast nothing my DA and Jensen Ackles 24/7...Kinda sucks that I don't own them, huh?

So...on with the story...





~~! Terminal City ~ October 21, 2021 !~~



Max ran swiftly through the cold, fall rain on her way to Alec's apartment. No one had seen him today and that was weird. The transgenics were currently engaged in peace talks with the government and Alec was always at the command center, in case he was needed. Hell, the old couch that someone had thrown into the corner of headquarters had become his bed over the past few months.



She darted inside his apartment building and climbed the stairs to the top floor. Approaching his door, she twisted the knob to find it locked. Now she was getting worried. Alec never locked his door. Dropping to her knees, she had the lock picked and the door open in seconds.



She stood in the doorway and adjusted her eyes to the darkness inside. Moonlight streamed through the windows and silhouetted Alec's figure leaning against the far wall. He was staring out the window and he gave no indication that he knew she was in the room.



"Hey, why was the door locked?" Max asked, closing the door behind her and moving toward him.



"I didn't want company." He replied, his voice low, but her sensitive hearing caught the shakiness of it.



"Oh," was all she said as she rounded the couch to take a seat on it. Glass crunched under her feet and she looked down to see the remains of what looked like three Scotch bottles and a tumbler. He must have thrown them at the wall to the right of the couch.



She looked up and tilted her head in concern. "What's wrong, Alec?"



"Do you know what today is?" He asked, still not moving, not so much as turning to look at her.



"October 21."



"Do you know who's tombstone that's written on?" His voice had turned cold, but she wasn't afraid of him. She stepped closer and he held up a hand to keep her away. She reached out for it as she neared him.



He jerked at her touch, but found his body shaking as he tried so hard not to cry as he once again thought of Rachel.



"Tell me about her." Max whispered, taking his reluctant body into her arms and holding him as he sobbed.



He shook his head and sank to the floor, taking Max with him. His choked cries were the only sound in the apartment for several minutes. Max held him, stroking his back, as he let out the pain that he'd kept inside for so long.



When he quieted, she wiped the tears off of his face and met his gaze with love and compassion. They had grown so close since she had told him about Ben and their months in Terminal City had only strengthened their bond. They were now the best of friends, even though they each secretly thought the other was hot.



Alec sighed. He knew, in his heart, that he could trust Max with his memories and his feelings about Rachel. It was just hard for him to talk about things that we so personal to him. But Max had told him about Ben and he knew it had been hard for her to talk about her brother. He saw her lips move as she prepared to speak, but he quickly laid a finger against them to stop her.



"It started out just like any other mission. I was briefed on the target, Robert Berrisford. Manticore thought that he had information that would be destructive to them and I was sent in to see exactly what kind of information he had. I was given the cover of Simon Lehane, a new piano teacher for Berrisford's daughter, Rachel. She was so beautiful when I first laid eyes on her. She had long brown hair and beautiful eyes. She bounced around all the time, so full of energy and life."



He shook his head and rubbed his hand across his face. Tears welled up in his eyes again as he turned to stare out the window again. "I got the information that Manticore wanted off of Berrisford's computer and I took it to them. They decided that they needed to send a message to all their suppliers who may have been thinking of acquiring such information. They ordered me to kill Berrisford and Rachel. They knew that he drove her to school in the morning and I was supposed to do it then.



"But I couldn't. I couldn't kill her. I loved her. I stopped her on her way down the stairs and tried to get her to leave. I told her the truth about why I was there and she ran away from me screaming. There was so much hurt and disgust in her eyes, but I chased after her anyway. When I got to the car, it blew up from the charges I had set under it. I hadn't hit the switch, but as a black SUV pulled down into the driveway, I knew that Manticore had. They had killed her.



"They took me back to the base and put me through Psy Ops. They tried to make me forget and they succeeded for a while until we went to the Berrisfords to deliver that package. The memories came back to me slowly, but soon I remembered everything."



He took a deep, shuddering breath and Max pulled him into a tight embrace. "I'm so sorry, Alec." She said, unsure of what to say, like he had been after she had told him about Ben.



"What hurts the most," He said, pulling back from her, "is that she didn't love Alec or even 494. She loved Simon Lehane and she never knew the difference."



"No, Alec. She did know the difference. You are who you are, no matter what name you use. She knew the real you. Don't ever think that she didn't love you because you went by a different name." Fresh tears made their way down his face and Max could do nothing but hold him.



Emotionally exhausted, Alec fell asleep a while later. Max gently lowered him to the floor and curled up beside him, intent on staying with him until she knew that he was alright. She hoped that she had helped to lessen his burden, like he had done for her. She wrapped her arms around him, laid her head on his muscled chest, and slipped into a deep sleep, content to be with him.



~~! The End !~~



Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who replied! You helped me get motivated enough to write this. And thanks to the nuns in chat, who entertain me every day and offer up plenty of Jensen pics to keep me inspired!



A/N #2: This is the second part of what will probably be a four to six parter. If you review here, but don't go to NWP, please review and let me know this. I'm considering no longer posting here and I would like to know how many of you do not go to NWP. Thanks :)