The Kindred
Chapter III: The Siege
Author's Note: Yay! I'm onto the third chapter. I got some good reviews, so I've decided to continue this. I WAS going to work on Pawn instead, but since that only has ONE review right now, I'm gonna do this! But please check Pawn out, if you like this, you'll like it. Also, be sure to check out the antics of SafetyMunkey and Aloh Dark on FF.Net, they are both very talented writers. Okay, this chapter is rather silly, as I thought the story could use a bit more comedy, but don't worry, plenty of bad-ass fighting in the next one. Um, anyway, if I make this any longer it won't be a note anymore, so PEACE OUT YO! (And please read Pawn.)
A tired sigh echoed down the dark, empty halls of Hyrule Castle. The hollow, metallic sound of steel-reinforced boots on cold stone was the only break in the long silence that followed. Pike was half-asleep, and more then half-bored, so he leaned heavily on his spear as he trudged down the hallway.
Glancing up from his drooping eyelids, he saw something in front of him. It was large, tall, flat, and made out of stone. His brain took roughly twenty seconds to register the fact that it was a wall, and by that time he had walked into it, tipped over, and created a small pool of drool on the ground.
When Pike figured out what he had just accomplished, he leaped to his feet and shook himself. To prevent himself from dozing off, he decided to head to the courtyard, perhaps splash some fountain water on his face. Of course, he didn't need to wake himself up after what happened next.
A fireball rocketed through one of the yawning stone arches to his right, and exploded a mere five feet from where he was standing. The resulting force threw him five more feet back, and then skidded five more feet. That's fifteen feet for you non-math type people. In through the arch where the fireball had hit (fifteen feet from where Pike was now) swooped three large, green, reptilian creatures. Each had in its claws a lizard-man, who was attached to the claws by a rough saddle.
Pike didn't really have much time to wonder why the reptilians weren't ON the drakes as opposed to under them, because one of them loosed an arrow that sunk several inches into the stone floor next to him. The archer lizofos nocked another arrow to its bowstring, and leapt from the drake to the floor. The other two did the same, and drew long sabers that glistened in the fading sunlight. One of them watched the horizon, and the other two of them approached Pike, who was still lying stunned on the ground.
One lizofos grunted something to the archer, who nodded and aimed its arrow at Pike's head. Thinking quickly, the guard performed a backwards somersault. Kind of. He threw his legs over and behind his head, and attempted to pull himself up. Unfortunately, he had worn the steel-reinforced boots today (to impress the ladies), however had forgotten to put them away after showing them off (the ladies weren't impressed). And the thirty pounds that were his boots now had him pinned in a rather unfortunate position. That is, with his rear end pointing at the enemy.
The archer blinked and turned to its companion, who shrugged. The lizofos with the bow turned back to Pike, lowered its bow, and scratched the back of its head. Now, to the casual observer that scratch would have meant that the lizofos saw no point in wasting an arrow on a disabled enemy. But of course, in the lizofos culture, it was an insult of great proportions, roughly equivalent to pointing and laughing at someone for several hours straight.
The reptile man was about to shoot Pike anyway, when the lizofos near the window screamed something incomprehensible (But was probably some sort of swear word that I shall not poison the minds of my readers with) before a feathery shape swooped in the window and knocked it to the ground several hundred feet below. The archer turned and loosed its arrow at the griffon, but a metallic ring sent the barbed projectile rocketing back so fast it clipped the archer's head clean off its shoulders.
Pike yelled something in protest (also a swear word) as the reptile fell to its knees, then forward onto his lap, spraying him with wet, green, blood. Through the thick green mass coating his eyes, Pike watched a figure in full armor drop from the griffon and cut the third lizofos in half, with a sword that was bigger than the reptile. A horizontal spatter of blood hit the wall, and the griffon-rider had already sheathed its sword before the lizofos realized it was missing three vital organs.
The man walked over to Pike, who was spitting out green lifeblood and trying violently to get the horrid taste out of his mouth. When the blood smattered guard finally saw the figure, his eyes widened in realization.
"You. . . you're Razor! The legendary griffon rider! Lizardbane!"
The hero nodded, and raised an eyebrow. "And you are?" He was a deep baritone, clad in black armor with gold trim. A shock of blonde hair fell onto the neck guard around his armor, which was barely big enough for his ridiculous amount of over-exaggerated muscles. The mere appearance of him made many grown men crumble with fright, but those who had never heard of him generally giggled at how goofy he looked. Of course, it usually cost them their lives, but that's what you get for giggling at a man with black armor with gold trim.
"You are?" Razor repeated.
"In a very uncomfortable position, if you wouldn't mind helping?"
The legend extended his hand helpfully, which the guard grasped. Lizardbane hoisted Pike up with one hand, and set him a bit too roughly on his feet. The tired guard wasn't so tired anymore, now that he was drenched in sticky lizofos blood. He smiled idiotically under the film of dried blood, and extended his hand. Razor shook it carefully, and then examined his own hand that was now covered in slimy, green, guts. He spun the guard around and wiped his hand clean on the back of the guard's shirt, then smiled heroically.
"So, what exactly happened here? I saw some drakes with lizofos flying this way, and thought there would be trouble."
"They just flew in and attacked, it was very odd. They've never really been a problem before, since they live in small camps or clans. I've never seen an organized force with squads and such."
"Really? Then you might want to sound the alarm."
"Why?"
"Because there's several thousand on they're way here."
"Oh."
After the action had stopped, Pike's brain had gone back to being bored, and it took him several seconds to process the information. The little men in his head were also tired though, and the general call went up that they needed a second helping of the same thing, were they to react correctly.
"What?"
The legendary Lizardbane grabbed the weary by the shoulders and shook him violently, screaming. "You idiot! An army of lizards is coming to kill you all! Sound the alarm!"
The men inside Pike's head were shouting and trying to orient themselves, while taking measures to stop the shaking. "I told you swivel chairs with wheels were a bad idea!" one shouted, "No, you said! I love swivel chairs, you said! You can SPIN AROUND ON THEM YOU SAID! Well we're spinning now, aren't we!?"
"Shut up! It's not my fault they had wheels on them! I just thought they would swivel, not roll!"
"Well it's too late for that now, isn't it!" The head of engineering yelled over the noise. "Try and bring the arms up to stop the shaking!"
Pike put his arms up and tried to steady himself, while saying in between gasps of breath, "O-kay-I'll-do-it-just-let-go-of-me!"
Razor smiled and nodded, "Good, now I'm off to fight the massive hordes of lizofos coming to destroy your castle. Have a pleasant and productive day."
Inside Pike's head, the little men started piling the swivel chairs with wheels in the trash. The product manager was immediately fired, and the new one started ordering chairs that wouldn't slide around. The day would be a productive one indeed.